tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88013073612668143192024-03-05T01:04:08.598-06:00Just What You Didn't Want To KnowB00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.comBlogger304125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-43273763940352292452023-01-09T22:09:00.000-06:002023-01-09T22:09:06.783-06:00Trying to keep busy<p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666;">Hey there! I have survived one whole week of 2023! It's funny because I feel like someone placed 2022 on a sheet of ice and it just skated past us. By the time November came, I had given up and just sat back and watched because I couldn't keep up anymore! But I have now been in 2023 for seven days and it feels like a hundred! I know January always feels like a long month and I suppose it's because we just spent two months shoving in several holidays and gatherings and food and now, we are all stuffed, bloated, exhausted and broke! I sure hope this isn't the year of the turtle, or God forbid, the snail!!!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">I have been trying to reason with a kidney stone since December 15th, 2022, and I finally got some medicine yesterday. I am sure hoping it works it's magic because I'm about shit-full of this! Does it hurt more when the stone is stuck or when it is flapping around in there? I never can remember. I have lowered my intake of caffeine to almost non-existent now and my head is throbbing. It will be interesting to see who wins this battle, my head or my kidneys! HA!</span></p><p><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">The next 7 days should prove to be interesting as to just how much stuff I will get done and how much exercising I will make myself do. I still haven't decided if I want to make another weekly goal of a loss or not but leaning more toward waiting another week. Maintaining weight is so much harder than losing weight.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO3arzOrAaP0ZbMnEP_g49go_FluZaWim9HdfxaeBhvcSTykRtYDj6iU7AVKC-N23f1R6q51VKa51ReAYcsAxKI6WCLV6uBfeJ6I-h2YjHDt4pC7MRPskJom5s1gHHN505i3L23fD2BNMoiRvbhlbveYWYwwHAamdclNOL-sUixjx3JnsJ2y4Nkh_6DA/s1500/scales.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1489" data-original-width="1500" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO3arzOrAaP0ZbMnEP_g49go_FluZaWim9HdfxaeBhvcSTykRtYDj6iU7AVKC-N23f1R6q51VKa51ReAYcsAxKI6WCLV6uBfeJ6I-h2YjHDt4pC7MRPskJom5s1gHHN505i3L23fD2BNMoiRvbhlbveYWYwwHAamdclNOL-sUixjx3JnsJ2y4Nkh_6DA/w200-h199/scales.webp" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large; text-align: left;"><span>Back in May I had purchased a new Fitbit but couldn't get it to sync with my new iPhone, so I got mad and took the Fitbit back. I was done with those things! Never wanted another one again. And fast forward to February 2023, where we are going to be needing a Fitbit to complete a wellness challenge for our insurance. We aren't obligated to do these things, but it gives me a reason to not sit on my ass all the time AND this time they are giving us the Fitbit so................we will try again! Besides, the more county employees that participate, the lower our prices get on our insurance, and we can all use that! So that new challenge starts in February and goes through September. I should be pretty sick of it by then! </span> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrsxmHdXVABlfpkh6H6Xhz2o9bVpifTllC1PG1vlNTX82MyLh-y-pj9k3EnoryudfkuAJB2I04ki1aWa7O6n963qMYCD5YdwC1S-MIefeckRY-VcXwTbhnKxtpRfpCJSJi9cyxVmRcBH_oz3UUjMvCruQSRXZ30TVKSCbKNjRJrCO1_kqeQ57Qnerfhg/s1136/walking.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #666666;"><img border="0" data-original-height="852" data-original-width="1136" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrsxmHdXVABlfpkh6H6Xhz2o9bVpifTllC1PG1vlNTX82MyLh-y-pj9k3EnoryudfkuAJB2I04ki1aWa7O6n963qMYCD5YdwC1S-MIefeckRY-VcXwTbhnKxtpRfpCJSJi9cyxVmRcBH_oz3UUjMvCruQSRXZ30TVKSCbKNjRJrCO1_kqeQ57Qnerfhg/s320/walking.webp" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;">I think to keep my head straight this year I am going to have to have some kind of a challenge every month. I really do love to torture myself!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;">I signed up for a 2 mile per day challenge for St. Jude's Children. I mean, as if I am not already planning on being sick of walking! HA! Oh well, it's for a good cause and I am trying to get my feet better so this is the best way to do it. Plus, it may give me a reason to get a new pair of shoes this spring! I do love me some shoes.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;">Oh! And speaking of the things I do love. Apparently, jeans are back on that list. The most pairs of jeans I have ever owned at one time is 12. I think. 13 tops. Today I was rearranging my clothes and putting laundry away and I own 16 pairs of jeans. SIXTEEN!!! Holy denim days!!! I have a pair of jeans from Walmart that I bought years ago, and they are about to go bye-bye because when the belt doesn't work well anymore, the jeans gotta go! That means a dozen pair of them are Maurices jeans (ummm and one pair of Maurices capris, shhhh). Recently, I ordered a pair of jeans from an advertisement on Facebook. Yes, I took a chance, and it was in my favor. I got a pair of split hem jeans from Flamingo and am in love with them. Now, the problem I have is that I should have counted just how many pairs of jeans I already owned. But I did not do that. So, I ordered two more. . Hehehe. Don't judge. I plan to lose a little more weight so some of those jeans will have to go out the door! My loss, someone else's gain!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;">My friend Samantha got "<b>75 HARD</b>" in my head. I have an interest in it but still don't know what all it entails, and I don't like to be punched in the gut and made to feel like I can't accomplish something after I've committed to it. Ugh! So, if anyone reading this has done it and wants to send me a message, I would appreciate any information you can give me!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;">Today, I went to Des Moines with my girl, Dana. She got her nails done and I got to tan so we were both extremely happy. Lunch at Jason's Deli because ya know..... diets and salads and all! Still one of our favorite places to eat. This picture bothers me because my hives haven't completely gone away under my eyes. Boo!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKKgYOSWW2vQb6ce8hNfVbULbONTQHTwYNXBmAc5HqClz5kqLx224klKxfluOLwjx4lA0_PgJPRIP-xC8XhyMCurXqcoaCikAX0BEla_dXl6u-Ybc8n5MHN_2IOIJGbxl9xCz-Mgdg6C9rGR234q7C_mFEOT_69LMm9N1gD9WcYhadfEa8N-ZjDWdHlQ/s320/girls.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #666666;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="148" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKKgYOSWW2vQb6ce8hNfVbULbONTQHTwYNXBmAc5HqClz5kqLx224klKxfluOLwjx4lA0_PgJPRIP-xC8XhyMCurXqcoaCikAX0BEla_dXl6u-Ybc8n5MHN_2IOIJGbxl9xCz-Mgdg6C9rGR234q7C_mFEOT_69LMm9N1gD9WcYhadfEa8N-ZjDWdHlQ/s1600/girls.png" width="148" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #666666;"><br /><span style="font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;">Got home and started in on washing bedding and finishing up the blankets. As of right now, I am waiting for my sheets to dry and then tomorrow I will work on the spare bedroom sheets aka the dog's bedding. They won't be happy about it but it's getting done.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeC1pOBLVNBHIBuGz0uF2EOegkkKBEvF0BDfHobrJLV0OXCDcDhP5B5XszID_Nn2MVmCAa7Z9oPOq8Wmaqrm2JS84O4fm4DYd0x-vXCokoDMtaC1CBNKYnKOaTgQA9ttOt_kOutW4PeZDRz7VsYf-jHL2aFrUCHpbsWd4PfI4d8vJk4hs5gNPpIQEC8w/s427/trunk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #666666;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="320" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeC1pOBLVNBHIBuGz0uF2EOegkkKBEvF0BDfHobrJLV0OXCDcDhP5B5XszID_Nn2MVmCAa7Z9oPOq8Wmaqrm2JS84O4fm4DYd0x-vXCokoDMtaC1CBNKYnKOaTgQA9ttOt_kOutW4PeZDRz7VsYf-jHL2aFrUCHpbsWd4PfI4d8vJk4hs5gNPpIQEC8w/s320/trunk.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #666666;">This beauty was given to me by a very dear friend, and I am in love with it. Not only is it beautiful but it holds all my hoodies and winter hats/gloves. Yes, I did pack all that crap in there tonight. Why? Because I'm taking a stand against winter right now. All it does is make me depressed. It was so beautiful today though. The sunshine soaking into my skin when I was able to be outside was much needed. Now, if the ground could dry out so I don't have to clean my floors so often, that would be amazing. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #666666;">I know, I know. Don't even count on winter being close to over. I get it. I don't like it but I get it!!!!!!!!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #666666;">Well, until I can think of something better to entertain you with, I will close for now. I hope your week is fan-freaking-tastic!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #f1c232; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span style="color: #f1c232;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: large; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-5220833633973934602023-01-08T19:17:00.000-06:002023-01-08T19:17:10.709-06:00I think it's a mental meltdown<p> <u style="color: #ffa400; font-weight: bold;">January 4th, 2023 </u></p><p><span style="color: #ffa400;">Things are back on track today. Back to work and resuming normal life, or whatever normal is. I didn't stay gung-ho on the supplements but I am still taking them. Got through my regular exercises and overall was an uneventful but no-so-pleasant night! Just one of those things that my volcano isn't happy that I can't deal with and move past it. I'm ready for a settle-down! So, no boring pictures to include on the days I have to be a responsible adult. Went home and played with my babies, gulped down 2 melatonin so my mind would shut the hell up and I went to bed. Picture of my babies just for fun and because they love me unconditionally every day of my life. Even when I make the wrong decisions. <3</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQTy9ZsM5pxo1qknH-Nyr9VowMaqyVB3qTYAAeeJswkuzkToN6DHadD4_IXkgWyzm5U9rxlwR_Dg7mhAYQaKOJLYVTlnPNLL9cqx4J_V75c5MJ6vmSqgdU3tN0ouevA0ANxg91omDae5epIFebwfXXyfJveVY-FoRKOfVLGeX5EdK0zmztt7HD6I2ecQ/s2048/pups.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQTy9ZsM5pxo1qknH-Nyr9VowMaqyVB3qTYAAeeJswkuzkToN6DHadD4_IXkgWyzm5U9rxlwR_Dg7mhAYQaKOJLYVTlnPNLL9cqx4J_V75c5MJ6vmSqgdU3tN0ouevA0ANxg91omDae5epIFebwfXXyfJveVY-FoRKOfVLGeX5EdK0zmztt7HD6I2ecQ/w400-h300/pups.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #ffa400;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b><u>January 5th, 2023</u></b></span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Woke up in the middle of the night and my eyes hurt so bad! Well, around my eyes. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I thought maybe my eye makeup had something to do with it but I had wiped it off. They kept hurting and hurting and stubborn me didn't get up to check or anything. When I woke up for the day, I had hives under my eyes and hives all over the front of my neck. And oh my word were they painful! I immediately thought about the melatonin but I have taken that many times. "Maybe it's outdated?' Nope, 09/2023 is the date on them. They went into the trash anyway! I look like Im carrying two saddle bags around on my face! Ugh! I didn't want to take anything for fear of going back to sleep and missing out on my day with my girl.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Today, my girl Justi took me for a foot detox. Neither of us had ever done that before and it was neat to see all the toxins and crap being pulled out. The top picture is a close up of carbs and sugars that were pulled.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcRrRc8i7p31Fr2maWI3BnA9Sf2IPCd--2H49Q54a74l_yLVVcHO-H3atqGp9kRmdp1_zNBTHX7QwzOSasjUCqS8xFbmnuA4MsA74nLIYOp3B48c9B4aCnc71pdKzi-EuWaVUReTt198BfWw_8jk0GFFy4lIj8XwOdBQQKZD4VFDc4lMV1zw8vPyKRTQ/s320/detox%201.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="240" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcRrRc8i7p31Fr2maWI3BnA9Sf2IPCd--2H49Q54a74l_yLVVcHO-H3atqGp9kRmdp1_zNBTHX7QwzOSasjUCqS8xFbmnuA4MsA74nLIYOp3B48c9B4aCnc71pdKzi-EuWaVUReTt198BfWw_8jk0GFFy4lIj8XwOdBQQKZD4VFDc4lMV1zw8vPyKRTQ/w150-h200/detox%201.jpg" width="150" /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQjAazurYnwZwQwmwO1T7iVXS45_fZEbJgVX9WA4B0CrDi3if2DoMiIIuRlK6P2zGsKWiq1ZNhRywkjI747AJdUKzxWiaWbF8cU5WQw07FTb8dYUbC9gF7AbD73uVkbfhnMxjSGkQfGNa6OiAKHl1vnJs-JKDEZxzLsWSWCKkTiLC_q5AIccwVovE68Q/s320/detox%202.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="240" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQjAazurYnwZwQwmwO1T7iVXS45_fZEbJgVX9WA4B0CrDi3if2DoMiIIuRlK6P2zGsKWiq1ZNhRywkjI747AJdUKzxWiaWbF8cU5WQw07FTb8dYUbC9gF7AbD73uVkbfhnMxjSGkQfGNa6OiAKHl1vnJs-JKDEZxzLsWSWCKkTiLC_q5AIccwVovE68Q/w150-h200/detox%202.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><br /></span></div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br />The bottom picture shows the parasites that were pulled. It was a truly interesting thing to have done and enjoyed it so much, I scheduled a follow-up! Gonna take my friend Tricia with me too! So after our toxins were released, we went to eat and I loaded back up on the carbs. LOL I was starving. I think they stole too many from me! And I couldn't pass up trying a coconut margarita!!! It was fantastic!</span><p></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">The whole rest of the night, I felt guilty about eating nachos and having a margarita. Okay, I will be honest, I was more guilty about the nachos than I was about the margarita. So now I have to step up the exercises a bit just to make sure I don't gain. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I am not weighing for another couple of days. One thing I do not want to do is get back into that annoying habit! I just hope I am maintaining that 4 pound loss that I had. Finger crossed and gut sucked in!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I did end up taking some allergy medicine but maybe a tad early because it knocked me out (you've all heard the Benadryl story!) and then I was awake when it was really time to be asleep. My sleep schedule is so messed up! So I laid in bed for the majority of the night doubting every decision I have ever made in my life. That's always nice.</span></p><p><span style="color: #783f04;"><b><u>January 6, 2023</u></b></span></p><p><span style="color: #783f04;">I chose the color brown for this day because that's how I feel about it. Just a dang shitty day. I have a lot of anger pent up inside me tonight and I can't seem to get rid of it. I mean, I have tried being a complete bitch to everyone that I came in contact with! LOL JUST KIDDING. CALM DOWN!. Although my co-workers might agree with this a bit. I may have vented just a little too much to them!</span></p><p><span style="color: #783f04;">I normally wake up at a decent time of the morning and open the door so the dogs can go in and out at their leisure but since my sleep schedule is all bonkered up, the times are varying. I had a nail appointment this morning in Des Moines so I set my alarm. I am not used to having to get up for an alarm so I was hoping I would be able to start a better pattern. My early hour did not work out for opening the door for the dogs but they just stayed in their bedroom under their blanket with their mattress warmer going, living the life of luxury they are now accustomed to. My alarm went off at 08:00 and I turned it off. I just needed to lay there and gather my thoughts because they were all sorts of confused after the night I had. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim93P_I4ldPz1UlluzGG9FarCCAs2aqtU8OyHq0_DqU2mIUw89x_HE-QvCsNx0y48ZqKi3-eanwPKwz5ZptiGFEwMTJQXrTzGfku_CvN85_htdeyFhXIvO4-yiC6wxhMGho-P59yf1KfVjzo3LExMVB5cPCR4ooqRe9ZyBYRMI9i4UC8BzXH2UM_t6nA/s612/crazy.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="612" data-original-width="612" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim93P_I4ldPz1UlluzGG9FarCCAs2aqtU8OyHq0_DqU2mIUw89x_HE-QvCsNx0y48ZqKi3-eanwPKwz5ZptiGFEwMTJQXrTzGfku_CvN85_htdeyFhXIvO4-yiC6wxhMGho-P59yf1KfVjzo3LExMVB5cPCR4ooqRe9ZyBYRMI9i4UC8BzXH2UM_t6nA/w200-h200/crazy.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #783f04;">The next thing I know, the dogs paw at the door. They were done waiting! I look over at my phone and it's 08:45!!! Shit, shit, shit! I fling the door open and go let them out, ran back into the bedroom and jumped into the same clothes I wore last night, turned the tv on for the dogs, handed out a treat and out the door I went! I absolutely hate being late for anything!!! So as I was pulling out of my garage, it was 08:53. "I got this."</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #783f04;">I am be-bopping down the road, lecturing myself on how I have ALWAYS gotten up when I had to and was always ready to go and "You are not getting into those kinds of bad habits now!" Eight miles later, I'm thinking why didn't I bring a drink? I remembered a protein cookie, how am I going to choke this down?" And for some reason I thought I better call the pharmacy before I forget. No phone. Shit bricks! Nope, radio is not connected. Phone is at home. "Shellie, it would probably do you good to be without it for a few hours." Okay fine. Keep driving. I wing my car over to the side of the road and just let the steam vent out of my ears and nose. I'm surprised a passerby didn't call the fire department in on me. "MY FUCKING WALLET IS AT HOME!" I almost just went home and cancelled the whole damn day. I was done and the fork that was stuck in me had melted.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZocvNkmLcDVOkPQhZso5PuZlEWWLpCbGsLtY_ULAJ3oRN-_ar12kZ-W5YhK9HANcUcDfUIZolqzi_fDAZwif8A5x0sAYzoFIM20uGcftwZEg2VUiQjge7pW3XAsbj7n5BVvXvkjkghXxZ-pzEMCu0ffREU_IZRaHvRwlyyyPCIaKU5bf5-ol9GfzLIg/s750/fork.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="544" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZocvNkmLcDVOkPQhZso5PuZlEWWLpCbGsLtY_ULAJ3oRN-_ar12kZ-W5YhK9HANcUcDfUIZolqzi_fDAZwif8A5x0sAYzoFIM20uGcftwZEg2VUiQjge7pW3XAsbj7n5BVvXvkjkghXxZ-pzEMCu0ffREU_IZRaHvRwlyyyPCIaKU5bf5-ol9GfzLIg/s320/fork.jpg" width="232" /></a></span></div><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Turned around and got the wallet and the phone and figured I would be about 10 minutes late at most. I tried so hard to get into the music and be happy but nothing was doing it for me. My girl text me and told me to "love life." My answer was "fuck that." *sigh* For the record, I was exactly on time for my appointment and the owner says to me, "I was surprised when I got here and you weren't out here waiting. You are always early." Thanks for the reminder that I was late.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, you're not trying hard enough.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now, for those of you that know me, you know how sensitive my feet are and how much I can't stand to get my toes done BUT they must be done! Today they got done and it barely even bothered me. That's one good thing for today. The gal that always does my toes was even impressed. The stupid moon probably has something to do with it. I've heard it's a full moon. I've heard it's a wolf moon. I don't care what kind of moon it is tonight or the rest of the weekend because I can match it step for step. I'm ready, willing and able to take on anything this weekend has to throw out at me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I hate today. Don't tell me not to. I need it just to get through it. Tomorrow is a whole new, and hopefully better, day!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Hope you have a swell weekend..............................</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And as of the close of the first week, I have lost and maintained my 4 pound loss. There's my little sliver of sunshine. Now............when TF is swimsuit season getting here???</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #ffa400;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-69191380640070317362023-01-06T20:28:00.002-06:002023-01-06T20:28:35.758-06:00The things we put ourselves through!<p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">Hey there! Happy 2023 to you! I am hoping it is going wonderful for you. I realize it's only a few days in but I am trying to have high hopes for all of you because I am not sure how to feel about this New Year just yet!</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">I was going to blog weekly about this process but I ramble too much so I had to cut this down to the first 3 days. And trust me, I put myself through the wringer the first three days. I just hope the following days have some kind of excitement in them!</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">I agreed to go on a diet at the beginning of the year. My work bestie wanted to do it and I can stand to lose a little bit of weight so I thought, "Why not? What could it possibly hurt?" <i>Famous last words from Miss Shellie!</i> Well anyway, we did our planning and we both decided we would order some products that she had experience with before and had good results. My thought was that I would blog weekly about what I go through while on this little program so if anyone wanted to follow along and read the good and the bad. Just keep in mind that I added "the bad" onto that!</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">There's no crying in dieting so buck up! (I had to remind myself of this at some point)</span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;"><b><u>JANUARY 1ST, 2023</u></b> (as read from my journal so keep your hands close to your eyes in case it gets messy)</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">I started taking said supplements. There was a chocolate mint mix that you put in water and drink a couple times a day, 1 capsule in the morning, 1 capsule at each meal, and a capsule at bedtime. The one thing I was not looking forward to was that drink mix! I don't care for chocolate and I really can't stand mint so I knew it was going to be one of those "plug the nose and drink it fast" drinks. These supplements IMMEDIATELY curbed my appetite and took away my urge to snack (which is basically how I have been living for the last year). They gave me that full feeling that I needed and raised my energy. And to be honest, the drink tasted like what I think yoohoo would taste like. A watered down chocolate milk. No mint taste to mine so it was good enough I could drink it at leisure.</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">Now, when I say it was immediate, this is what I mean; I started them on the morning of Jan 1st and I didn't snack at work, had a sensible meal and when I got home from work I did the following between 00:15 - 02:00 (because I was full of energy):</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUJkEFAhxrLC-71e__81UIiEKSHWPNd-6P5B95rn2gniF_kCc_Y83g7RxyZGPAhe64ZjcML8ALzspXU2eYwfeWyO8Q_ZehkMr5pI_ULkaIt6-owezRXCQtoExHFRM9zazr6byHMA3dxfvjPpNHiNST06l18cPCoRRbbFSVOj8Xn50p5Bmi6-f2yLblsw/s640/throw%20out%20food.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="514" data-original-width="640" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUJkEFAhxrLC-71e__81UIiEKSHWPNd-6P5B95rn2gniF_kCc_Y83g7RxyZGPAhe64ZjcML8ALzspXU2eYwfeWyO8Q_ZehkMr5pI_ULkaIt6-owezRXCQtoExHFRM9zazr6byHMA3dxfvjPpNHiNST06l18cPCoRRbbFSVOj8Xn50p5Bmi6-f2yLblsw/w200-h161/throw%20out%20food.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- Went through the fridge and got rid of anything questionable in there and starting filling the garbage can. </span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- Removed stuff off of my counters and cleaned them up real good followed by the sink!</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- Emptied a very full drying rack (the rest of the world calls that a dishwasher but I don't like to use it for that).</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjntQU2uEfYa-MHd2KZBznOOUN_jojPPoroqzlQwzSdnw3a0H-b4XRPlh7n7Wia5OzStt9W1SkW_0rIZUoRtHqL0N_7IYP5kj_eM64J3Fy6kmMXrQPOWby2UxmQXh58iT744r8Y1ZXKoe7lkusOg2ZrDa2QvUwrtB36deS4U4gMdru_Pjb1Tf53iH9A6w/s720/vacuum%20floor.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="720" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjntQU2uEfYa-MHd2KZBznOOUN_jojPPoroqzlQwzSdnw3a0H-b4XRPlh7n7Wia5OzStt9W1SkW_0rIZUoRtHqL0N_7IYP5kj_eM64J3Fy6kmMXrQPOWby2UxmQXh58iT744r8Y1ZXKoe7lkusOg2ZrDa2QvUwrtB36deS4U4gMdru_Pjb1Tf53iH9A6w/w200-h100/vacuum%20floor.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- Vacuumed the living room floor and steam mopped the kitchen. Have I mentioned I hate doing floors???</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- Started laundry.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3-bJxncxkqwenzCN0zqJILRr-1zYOa8x0PQlDJYGD1n4RR_XeC7zUGIP60P-rObPez9gzI-a2hUnq7gGYhXNqOTnI24x0IjNs133q66oilswC8XEWv8h4w030J04hMwzDWXV9S6jn0VrUm2Tb3wddh3VVSKwF1gulO_0qi0NHCdNgxuoy2eJWJWn_eA/s848/scrub%20floor.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="565" data-original-width="848" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3-bJxncxkqwenzCN0zqJILRr-1zYOa8x0PQlDJYGD1n4RR_XeC7zUGIP60P-rObPez9gzI-a2hUnq7gGYhXNqOTnI24x0IjNs133q66oilswC8XEWv8h4w030J04hMwzDWXV9S6jn0VrUm2Tb3wddh3VVSKwF1gulO_0qi0NHCdNgxuoy2eJWJWn_eA/w200-h133/scrub%20floor.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- Hand scrubbed and dried my bathroom floor (don't get too excited, it's a tiny room) but it's the chore I hate to do. Floors UGH!!! Yep, I strapped on my knee pads and scrubbed down all the cracks and crevices and pulled out the floor vent and cleaned that out. After cleaning the toilet, even the toilet brush got a good cleaning! <u> </u></span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;"><u>I must ask this: It is 2023, why haven't we found a way to keep the toilet from attracting hair and dust? Why??? For the love of all that is good and Holy!</u></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgirU-rj01alyJKCRMlBR0hnDOA78UDRo3JsQH2IiC1dF8936zYJ-qJ5t8DGKypUJ0hb3s7-7ExTJs-LepHY1jP72XGPJGI-IJJhCKnrDvFqhx59_4YekziyUKuXRYiel__6P9EltMVzBY1kzGojRFcttyHYiFsRDO7NBs38nQL7BC0MUAnwIcCAl-vMw/s1195/shower%20curtain.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1195" data-original-width="1195" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgirU-rj01alyJKCRMlBR0hnDOA78UDRo3JsQH2IiC1dF8936zYJ-qJ5t8DGKypUJ0hb3s7-7ExTJs-LepHY1jP72XGPJGI-IJJhCKnrDvFqhx59_4YekziyUKuXRYiel__6P9EltMVzBY1kzGojRFcttyHYiFsRDO7NBs38nQL7BC0MUAnwIcCAl-vMw/s320/shower%20curtain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">- I took down my winter shower curtain and valance and put up my regular, stand by shower curtain and hooks. Found a new curtain I had never used that matched in color so threw that up there (I literally done this twice deciding which one I wanted to use). I even found the rugs that matched them all. </span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">I was starting to get the urge to move to my closets and purge, purge, purge! But I held off! I figured if I do all of this now, what will I have to do the rest of the days between now and the end of February?? Am I right??</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1EL5GtPxRfJn0D4rQHIRUrFzVWTtjYUEzsGhpqX4gWj-hU2fBWJ5pPC-6AycAegrqqpoiNpL43T1ZaOSFQoQX_gYyTq04K53qgJ46MDdtJY7_1ng2Jibvctn41u6Tjv0ZMszEH7z9HwMQEdczKqlKpbv1g0kTYKccy6zxwmzlqyG-PUeZaujk2L39Ww/s1600/dust.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="1600" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1EL5GtPxRfJn0D4rQHIRUrFzVWTtjYUEzsGhpqX4gWj-hU2fBWJ5pPC-6AycAegrqqpoiNpL43T1ZaOSFQoQX_gYyTq04K53qgJ46MDdtJY7_1ng2Jibvctn41u6Tjv0ZMszEH7z9HwMQEdczKqlKpbv1g0kTYKccy6zxwmzlqyG-PUeZaujk2L39Ww/w640-h280/dust.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">Then I asked myself this,</span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;"> "Did Dana talk me into taking some form of meth?" Because now my mind is going rampant and I need to start a list. A long, long, long list of everything that needs to get done around here! Is this meth? Nope, it's Heaven! At least for now! I am loving this stuff!</span></p><p><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: medium;">So yeah, the list got made.</span> <i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span>Purge clothes, washing bedding, wash blankets on the sofa, shampoo the furniture, vacuum basement steps, organize & purge holiday totes, bring upstairs trash totes down and get rid of, clean kitchen ceiling fan, get Valentine's Day decorations ready to be put out, etc., etc., etc.! </i></span></p><p><span style="color: #990000; font-size: medium;">There will be more to add to my list as soon as the weather starts getting better. I hate winter now. I want to wear a swimsuit and be warm. Is that too much to ask??? So yeah, by the end of the night, I went to sleep hoping that I would wake up at a decent time and not feel groggy.</span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;"><u><b>JANUARY 2, 2023</b></u></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">I slept pretty darn good!!! Just like I suppose a rock would sleep! I woke up at 05:30 and let the dogs go potty and went right back to sleep until 10:00!!! That. Was. Exceptional!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">So here I was again, going at it like it all had to get done now. Now I have never been a breakfast eater and at 53 years young, I am not about to start now so I was a little light headed upon entering the world of awake. I got through it though. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">Got the Winter comforter washed up and put away and dug out a couple of extra blankets to keep me warm for the rest of this miserable weather. Started in on washing the blankets on the couch and the dog beds. As of this writing, I have 2 more blankets to go. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGkzCITSrMyX-Ypr0qMU4D9bwNTFxM92b9lO0GSQ_nuCke8qUr7aj6AWQTrVeFO4TsPCXkKFtTqx5WEEB5xrSapD6H7xE4Gkw0Fp5K97gOWQRneIySc4gykpq6Mp01bhKSiN6KFsOKtCXFZKhQYy5bhinQdvhUpmHANFRsSFRatZtXfj319fbWwFBRFA/s4680/exercise.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3120" data-original-width="4680" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGkzCITSrMyX-Ypr0qMU4D9bwNTFxM92b9lO0GSQ_nuCke8qUr7aj6AWQTrVeFO4TsPCXkKFtTqx5WEEB5xrSapD6H7xE4Gkw0Fp5K97gOWQRneIySc4gykpq6Mp01bhKSiN6KFsOKtCXFZKhQYy5bhinQdvhUpmHANFRsSFRatZtXfj319fbWwFBRFA/s320/exercise.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>I was a good girl and got my exercises in. I couldn't find a picture of 3 dogs in a gal's face while she is doing crunches but that's how my predicament went! </span><p></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;">I grabbed the curtains out of the bedrooms and got them washed and put back up. Livingroom, dining room and kitchen are on the list to do! I mean, why not???</span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;">I pre-made some meals (that I have yet to actually eat because I keep forgetting) to take to work so that makes life easier. Mmmmm turkey roll-ups!</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj9jNYWTYz7RaLS_onRig4HFD5Mnar-AOivNVvWkIwbGsW23rCQVjqlXWiOR_bj9zu6WE3kM6u26J8gs2ZtqqP0phH2NjJMRTkY6Ik8ZgqIDJPrZn4PxuZz-ddyBCaukT5VsdtpmKk95uMGRBL5X1Dr-ZHXL3firQ2q_5e3-2A0y_F1NjJKUB-Sqm9Ng/s470/woman-going-through-closet-fab-living_uynkp8.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="470" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj9jNYWTYz7RaLS_onRig4HFD5Mnar-AOivNVvWkIwbGsW23rCQVjqlXWiOR_bj9zu6WE3kM6u26J8gs2ZtqqP0phH2NjJMRTkY6Ik8ZgqIDJPrZn4PxuZz-ddyBCaukT5VsdtpmKk95uMGRBL5X1Dr-ZHXL3firQ2q_5e3-2A0y_F1NjJKUB-Sqm9Ng/s320/woman-going-through-closet-fab-living_uynkp8.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>And it happened.</b> I got through both of my bedroom closets! I actually purged more clothes than I thought I would and it felt amazing! I can't wait to drop them off the next time I go south so I don't have to look at them again. </div><br /><span style="background-color: white;">So, again I asked myself (out loud this time), "Did Dana introduce me to meth???" Wait till you hear what she did to me though! She talked me into doing this "diet" with her and then puts not one, BUT TWO boxes of chocolate covered cherries in my cupboard at work. WTF Dana???!!! Why would you want to sabotage me? You should have done the money challenge AND THEN sabotaged me! Duh!</span></span><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">I was hoping to see some kind of fluctuation in weight by the second day but that may be asking a bit too much, too soon. I'm not a patient person but I think most people that know me, know that already. Anyway, I did not see any difference on the scale. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">Goal weight loss for week #1 (by Jan. 8th) is three pounds. Cross your fingers and I will suck in my gut. -_- </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">January 3, 2023</u></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">Remember, there is no crying in dieting. I said it myself. Well, here's where I got to remind myself of just that! In the very early morning hours, all hell broke loose. The bowels (pun may have been intended) of hell reached out, grabbed my soul and took it for the spin of it's life. A long, agonizing, almost-spiritual spin, had Satan not been the one driving that bus to hell and back!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw5bEk4VEKH6MX_veIFxRaU_ZaVbK7XQlnSbI5YCHiXMaxQr-GOGY0WVyZEAuuiYhCdYAWaDyQIN6h_B0q7pKVIBNrvgTZfbqNHSFLXE4tn-g8e0XtIe1udX3zq2n3ut-1C13vYmuQbSbKHM3DU87XvaosEWiwx3tfLLE-RxsUkSkJbHNlxJZvRb3t0A/s3599/satan.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3599" data-original-width="3599" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw5bEk4VEKH6MX_veIFxRaU_ZaVbK7XQlnSbI5YCHiXMaxQr-GOGY0WVyZEAuuiYhCdYAWaDyQIN6h_B0q7pKVIBNrvgTZfbqNHSFLXE4tn-g8e0XtIe1udX3zq2n3ut-1C13vYmuQbSbKHM3DU87XvaosEWiwx3tfLLE-RxsUkSkJbHNlxJZvRb3t0A/w200-h200/satan.webp" width="200" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_hmADYR3Htfo3kFG6UkngHVsCRTvQpkAhhDMHdEhDv0lVQp8qeSQbUSIToNJEzYR0v5s_KIdiuj-7Gv70gsGrYl_4paFG9dX6I2PPdkHolPEMIo7-3d-_EOxdzG7l9y_2q9w8IW76Bq8O06sbQwa8vQz8NIj5NC_BJTo6dw0MeABFrDKy-39sxYeTMA/s382/fuzzy%20numbers.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="269" data-original-width="382" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_hmADYR3Htfo3kFG6UkngHVsCRTvQpkAhhDMHdEhDv0lVQp8qeSQbUSIToNJEzYR0v5s_KIdiuj-7Gv70gsGrYl_4paFG9dX6I2PPdkHolPEMIo7-3d-_EOxdzG7l9y_2q9w8IW76Bq8O06sbQwa8vQz8NIj5NC_BJTo6dw0MeABFrDKy-39sxYeTMA/w200-h141/fuzzy%20numbers.png" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOIdDW5nbVc9s3f9k6fYu9wBPc9JHcyH9gwHFVYqvjJPFr2hH6jPqXvhHiFgdYmDI0RiRcNvrkgn1tywS-aJGpydxr6URGFvLSzYPphpmYtMNYdOeHngs0QMYNYNdCQv0oR8AcryoWTEY1g8F8jfqXtlSIKjN94B1ZoZtZ4yVpUapQwnO_6K6498gaNQ/s1800/green.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1800" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOIdDW5nbVc9s3f9k6fYu9wBPc9JHcyH9gwHFVYqvjJPFr2hH6jPqXvhHiFgdYmDI0RiRcNvrkgn1tywS-aJGpydxr6URGFvLSzYPphpmYtMNYdOeHngs0QMYNYNdCQv0oR8AcryoWTEY1g8F8jfqXtlSIKjN94B1ZoZtZ4yVpUapQwnO_6K6498gaNQ/w200-h133/green.png" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioupNxAbbYqtgZVhQMQ2xgkfAkMSMHQjbac3Ndk8PknFDaozIh-3kWFTRwtHbCHv7ZfuaHz7iDuqYo-0kWY46yIcDgHDb87Q-rgMI6U8mb4sVPz-JGBIdQW0fgACkS7xcM6f11PRjT9yIAsjC80IZ_UciflnZFQRLfBhR5xIEjh3qbA67-w_-16xX5eQ/s1200/yellow.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioupNxAbbYqtgZVhQMQ2xgkfAkMSMHQjbac3Ndk8PknFDaozIh-3kWFTRwtHbCHv7ZfuaHz7iDuqYo-0kWY46yIcDgHDb87Q-rgMI6U8mb4sVPz-JGBIdQW0fgACkS7xcM6f11PRjT9yIAsjC80IZ_UciflnZFQRLfBhR5xIEjh3qbA67-w_-16xX5eQ/w200-h200/yellow.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">Folks, when I say it was bad, I mean it was bad. I have done sweatin' to the oldies and I would rather do that any day compared to this! I felt numbers and heard the voices of both yellow and green! And I don't mean the M&M's!!! All I could see was a mystical glaze take over me as I begged for <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYyGJakY2qaMkm1kbGZjMSfcRcNvenpIxHeoaTqVhcnps2TQPsZW5mFOkW90Vzb3slMmRwC9Y8-4VEKWyjWa2-YGFG7wUN-JwOZhc_mDgwY_SlWcp01X1CthcYijdWDBi32180XPKVnuU3xXSzyN0HNZ40IGJdzbkN6BE-OEIaCldukZanRGlIARgVfQ/s1600/death.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYyGJakY2qaMkm1kbGZjMSfcRcNvenpIxHeoaTqVhcnps2TQPsZW5mFOkW90Vzb3slMmRwC9Y8-4VEKWyjWa2-YGFG7wUN-JwOZhc_mDgwY_SlWcp01X1CthcYijdWDBi32180XPKVnuU3xXSzyN0HNZ40IGJdzbkN6BE-OEIaCldukZanRGlIARgVfQ/w200-h133/death.webp" width="200" /></a></div><br /></span></div><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">to come take me away because it sure sounded like a less painful thing than what I was currently experiencing. I mean, I am laughing about it now because... I like to laugh at myself. It makes the pain feel like it has less of a hold on me. </span><p></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">My weekly weight loss goal for myself was set at three pounds. In a matter of 12 hours, not only did I meet that goal but I exceeded it by a pound. I don't recommend that to anyone BUT I now have four days to maintain before starting on week #2. And to be perfectly honest, I don't even care about having a goal for week #2. I may just concentrate on maintaining a week or two. Who knows. </span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">Now, before you get any ideas that I was putting something in my body that I probably shouldn't have, you first need to know this. The stomach ulcer that I lovingly refer to as my volcano, reared it's ugly head. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZv7SebC75V_nvOFEGfMYbV_6r905QENloQLWwdeDfgrSw119IDeXAIAjfSWatIbP4ot-Ci-WXX-Rqit9cmcnJz_rsvwMNi-N7RFuAymwDGOt6aGbPvwmtLMadiEtSe3CrmNVoOQU9LGgxALDDIuAIywXZM6H9M6_3R75uFEg8NfDBuj22gC06OudfA/s2000/volcano.webp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="2000" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZv7SebC75V_nvOFEGfMYbV_6r905QENloQLWwdeDfgrSw119IDeXAIAjfSWatIbP4ot-Ci-WXX-Rqit9cmcnJz_rsvwMNi-N7RFuAymwDGOt6aGbPvwmtLMadiEtSe3CrmNVoOQU9LGgxALDDIuAIywXZM6H9M6_3R75uFEg8NfDBuj22gC06OudfA/w200-h150/volcano.webp" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;"><br />There could be a multitude of reasons for that. It could have been the supplements. It could be diet-related. It could be stress-related. Heck, it could have just been that my volcano needed a good eruption. Boy, did it ever have a good one! I have been under a little stress at work and I am diligently trying to get it worked out. It may take some time and it may not work out in my favor. Time and the strength of my will is going to determine this. </span><p></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">So I took that day to do absolutely nothing more than I had to. Mainly because I couldn't mentally or physically do anything. But I did get some meds down and the fire put out. </span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">I will break here and work on the next three days. I promise they won't all be long and boring and show all my bad decisions!</span></p><p><br /></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-65967543387791806802022-05-17T19:06:00.002-05:002022-05-17T19:08:58.777-05:00I need to vent<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: medium;">So.............I'm probably going to sound really bitchy in this one but I don't see a way around it. I will make it short and to the point. If you get offended, I'm not sorry.</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: medium;">In case you don't remember...I am well aware that the anniversary of Quintin's death is near. In fact, is is coming up on Monday, May 23rd. It will be the year of "firsts" over and done with. I was telling one of my girlfriends today that the "firsts" didn't really bother me. Quintin wasn't a holiday person. He didn't care about celebrating any of them. So that in itself made those a bit easier for me to get through.</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: medium;">It was more often the days between the "firsts" that were harder to deal with. Watching a television show and something would remind me of something he said or something he did and it would get to me. A song on the radio that he liked (and usually I didn't particularly like it) and it would tug at my heart strings, whereas before I would ask him what on God's green earth made him like this ridiculous song!</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: medium;">So yeah. The first year is almost over and done with. I would love to get to regular programming if possible. And to do that, I am going to ask that going forward, starting now, you don't send me a "thinking of you" message or a "heart" or a call, text, snapchat, TikTok....nothing. Let's pretend I am the only one in the world that knows what this week is leading up to because my ends are frayed and my system is down. I don't know how I will get through this because we can't foresee how we are going to react to anything and I want to do it my own way. I have made plans for how my day will be spent. </span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: medium;">Please give me that. </span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-36845695626209284482022-05-10T18:18:00.002-05:002022-05-10T19:58:26.691-05:00Throwing in the towel<p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Hey there again! It's me!! Hope you all are doing amazing and tolerating this crazy weather. I know Iowa is a little bipolar this year. We went from freezing to sweating in a matter of minutes. At least the majority did. I'm thoroughly enjoying this "hotness." </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">As some of you know, last week I started a challenge with 3 others at work. No energy drinks. None. That first day I thought I was going to lose my sanity but each day got a little better. If that wasn't enough, I had cut all bad carbs out of my life for the week. Yeah, life was getting testy for me. Then my new iPhone came. I have been an Android user my whole life so this was going to take some getting used to!! Guess what??!! The phone was the easiest of the three. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">I did hit a wall though. I bought a Fitbit and it was not pairing with my new phone so instead of taking the time to figure it out, I took that thing back to the store and said "Not today, Satan." I'm better off without that thing anyway. So, I am currently 9 days without any carbonated energy drinks. I was drinking iced tea and coffee but now am on my 4th day with no caffeine and nobody has yet to die from it! I got through my week of no bad carbs (maybe on Cinco de Mayo, I may have had five chips dipped in queso because I had too much to drink and no supervision and a bad, bad friend influencing me)!! I feel fantastic and no cravings for any of that crap right now. And just 9 days in.....I am already the last one standing. My other three comrades have caved to their desires. I am going to keep it up for the rest of the month and see how it goes.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Getting to the point of my blog.....</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">So, a while back on Facebook (I mean, it was Feb 22, 2022 but feels like yesterday), I shared the article that is posted below. It is about how women perceive their bodies and how we learned the behavior. I even added a little tidbit about the life I led when I wanted to achieve that "perfect" look. FYI, I never found that perfect look. At least that's what I thought. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Here's what I posted: "I think there are A LOT of women out there that go through this. When I lived in KC, I did a lot of binging and purging in hopes to get to my goal faster. I won't lie, I did get there fast but it messed me up in so many ways. The way I see myself, for starters. Although I don't do this anymore, my head will never be accepting of my body and I will always, always sabotage myself. This is the stuff us women need to be discussing amongst ourselves and helping each other get through."</span></p><p><br /></p><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto"><div style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="cwj9ozl2 qbxu24ho bxzzcbxg lxuwth05 h2mp5456 ue3kfks5 pw54ja7n uo3d90p7 l82x9zwi goun2846 ccm00jje s44p3ltw mk2mc5f4 frvqaej8 ed0hlay0 afxsp9o4 jcgfde61 tvfksri0 ozuftl9m" style="background-color: var(--card-background); border-bottom-color: var(--divider); border-left-color: var(--divider); border-radius: 8px; border-right-color: var(--divider); border-style: solid; border-top-color: var(--divider); border-width: 1px; font-family: inherit; margin-left: 12px; margin-right: 12px;"><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="hqeojc4l" style="font-family: inherit; margin-top: -1px;"><div class="dati1w0a hv4rvrfc osnr6wyh" style="font-family: inherit; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 16px; padding-right: 16px;"><div class="btwxx1t3 j83agx80 cwj9ozl2" style="background-color: var(--card-background); display: flex; flex-direction: row; font-family: inherit;"><div class="j83agx80 cbu4d94t ew0dbk1b irj2b8pg" style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: -5px; margin-top: -5px;"><div class="qzhwtbm6 knvmm38d" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m" color="var(--primary-text)" dir="auto" style="display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; line-height: 1.3333; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><h3 class="gmql0nx0 l94mrbxd p1ri9a11 lzcic4wl aahdfvyu hzawbc8m" style="color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 4px 0px 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px;"><span class="nc684nl6" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl gpro0wi8 oo9gr5id lrazzd5p" href="https://www.facebook.com/lovelyinthedarkblog?__cft__[0]=AZXq8c-FlhgnxyYshQfjntqnSni_gVuAf09a1gfypO8jCIGWHxXS4oa3n0uH0a9PFA-uNbRpK7k-rQDDMB0EJv-E9CZVc-UlV0YyGYYZ-YdKxMSyVJEVDGvVRH3fZz23hpxTLt3OTnAusWyVls3XFhlzpp0WBTo_rrHgOgbp0whgSQ&__tn__=-UC%2CP-y-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-weight: 600; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lovely in the Dark</span></a></span></h3></span></div><div class="qzhwtbm6 knvmm38d" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d9wwppkn mdeji52x e9vueds3 j5wam9gi b1v8xokw m9osqain hzawbc8m" color="var(--secondary-text)" dir="auto" style="display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.8125rem; line-height: 1.2308; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0 cebpdrjk qowsmv63 owwhemhu dp1hu0rb dhp61c6y iyyx5f41" style="align-items: inherit; align-self: inherit; display: inherit; flex-direction: inherit; flex: inherit; font-family: inherit; height: inherit; max-height: inherit; max-width: inherit; min-height: inherit; min-width: inherit; place-content: inherit; width: inherit;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl gmql0nx0 gpro0wi8 b1v8xokw" href="https://www.facebook.com/lovelyinthedarkblog/posts/486951299472810?__cft__[0]=AZXq8c-FlhgnxyYshQfjntqnSni_gVuAf09a1gfypO8jCIGWHxXS4oa3n0uH0a9PFA-uNbRpK7k-rQDDMB0EJv-E9CZVc-UlV0YyGYYZ-YdKxMSyVJEVDGvVRH3fZz23hpxTLt3OTnAusWyVls3XFhlzpp0WBTo_rrHgOgbp0whgSQ&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-y-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span aria-labelledby="jsc_c_679" class="j1lvzwm4 stjgntxs ni8dbmo4 q9uorilb gpro0wi8" style="display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: top;"><span class="t5a262vz nc684nl6 ihxqhq3m l94mrbxd aenfhxwr l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; display: flex; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 0; position: relative;"><span class="myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; order: 24; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em;">o</span><span class="myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; order: 34; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em;">o</span><span class="ihxqhq3m myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; order: 41; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em;">d</span><span class="t5a262vz nc684nl6 ihxqhq3m l94mrbxd aenfhxwr l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="cursor: inherit; display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 10; position: absolute; top: 3em;">p</span><span class="b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; order: 30; position: absolute; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">n</span><span class="nc684nl6 l94mrbxd l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 32; position: absolute; top: 3em;">s</span><span class="l94mrbxd aenfhxwr myohyog2 b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 40; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">e</span><span class="t5a262vz aenfhxwr b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 16; position: absolute; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">i</span><span class="l94mrbxd aenfhxwr myohyog2 b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 37; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">m</span><span class="l94mrbxd aenfhxwr myohyog2 b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 17; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit; vertical-align: inherit;">u</span><span class="b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; order: 14; position: absolute; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">f</span><span class="t5a262vz aenfhxwr b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 20; position: relative; vertical-align: inherit;">a</span><span class="t5a262vz nc684nl6 ihxqhq3m l94mrbxd aenfhxwr l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="cursor: inherit; display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 22; position: absolute; top: 3em;">8</span><span class="nc684nl6 l94mrbxd l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 21; position: absolute; top: 3em;">3</span><span class="t5a262vz l94mrbxd myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 13; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit;">r</span><span class="t5a262vz aenfhxwr b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 25; position: relative; vertical-align: inherit;">y</span><span class="l94mrbxd aenfhxwr myohyog2 b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 18; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">m</span><span class="t5a262vz aenfhxwr b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 11; position: absolute; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">1</span><span class="t5a262vz l94mrbxd myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 23; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit;">r</span><span class="nc684nl6 l94mrbxd l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 8; position: absolute; top: 3em;">c</span><span class="t5a262vz aenfhxwr b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 4; position: absolute; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">1</span><span class="t5a262vz l94mrbxd myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 9; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit;">b</span><span class="t5a262vz aenfhxwr b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 36; position: relative; vertical-align: inherit;">1</span><span class="t5a262vz l94mrbxd myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; order: 33; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit;">2</span><span class="t5a262vz nc684nl6 ihxqhq3m l94mrbxd aenfhxwr l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="cursor: inherit; display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 38; position: absolute; top: 3em;">8</span><span class="myohyog2 l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; order: 42; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em;">g</span><span class="l94mrbxd aenfhxwr myohyog2 b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4 lrhKlDjp bdHD" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 5; position: absolute; text-decoration: inherit; top: 3em; vertical-align: inherit;">m</span><span class="t5a262vz nc684nl6 ihxqhq3m l94mrbxd aenfhxwr l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="cursor: inherit; display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 26; position: relative;"> </span><span class="b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="font-family: inherit; order: 2; position: relative; vertical-align: inherit;">F</span><span class="l94mrbxd aenfhxwr myohyog2 b6zbclly l9j0dhe7 sdhka5h4" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; order: 3; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit; vertical-align: inherit;">e</span></span></span></span></a></span></span><span class="jpp8pzdo" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="rfua0xdk pmk7jnqg stjgntxs ni8dbmo4 ay7djpcl q45zohi1" style="clip: rect(0px, 0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: inherit; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; width: 1px;"> </span><span aria-hidden="true" style="font-family: inherit;"> · </span></span></span><span class="g0qnabr5" style="font-family: inherit; white-space: nowrap;"><span class="tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0 cebpdrjk qowsmv63 owwhemhu dp1hu0rb dhp61c6y iyyx5f41" style="align-items: inherit; align-self: inherit; display: inherit; flex-direction: inherit; flex: inherit; font-family: inherit; height: inherit; max-height: inherit; max-width: inherit; min-height: inherit; min-width: inherit; place-content: inherit; width: inherit;"><span class="q9uorilb l9j0dhe7 bk00n993" style="display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; position: relative; top: 2px;"><svg class="a8c37x1j ms05siws l3qrxjdp b7h9ocf4 py1f6qlh cyypbtt7 fwizqjfa" fill="currentColor" height="1em" title="Shared with Public" viewbox="0 0 16 16" width="1em"><g fill-rule="evenodd" transform="translate(-448 -544)"><g><path d="M109.5 408.5c0 3.23-2.04 5.983-4.903 7.036l.07-.036c1.167-1 1.814-2.967 2-3.834.214-1 .303-1.3-.5-1.96-.31-.253-.677-.196-1.04-.476-.246-.19-.356-.59-.606-.73-.594-.337-1.107.11-1.954.223a2.666 2.666 0 0 1-1.15-.123c-.007 0-.007 0-.013-.004l-.083-.03c-.164-.082-.077-.206.006-.36h-.006c.086-.17.086-.376-.05-.529-.19-.214-.54-.214-.804-.224-.106-.003-.21 0-.313.004l-.003-.004c-.04 0-.084.004-.124.004h-.037c-.323.007-.666-.034-.893-.314-.263-.353-.29-.733.097-1.09.28-.26.863-.8 1.807-.22.603.37 1.166.667 1.666.5.33-.11.48-.303.094-.87a1.128 1.128 0 0 1-.214-.73c.067-.776.687-.84 1.164-1.2.466-.356.68-.943.546-1.457-.106-.413-.51-.873-1.28-1.01a7.49 7.49 0 0 1 6.524 7.434" transform="translate(354 143.5)"></path><path d="M104.107 415.696A7.498 7.498 0 0 1 94.5 408.5a7.48 7.48 0 0 1 3.407-6.283 5.474 5.474 0 0 0-1.653 2.334c-.753 2.217-.217 4.075 2.29 4.075.833 0 1.4.561 1.333 2.375-.013.403.52 1.78 2.45 1.89.7.04 1.184 1.053 1.33 1.74.06.29.127.65.257.97a.174.174 0 0 0 .193.096" transform="translate(354 143.5)"></path><path d="M110 408.5a8 8 0 1 1-16 0 8 8 0 0 1 16 0zm-1 0a7 7 0 1 0-14 0 7 7 0 0 0 14 0z" fill-rule="nonzero" transform="translate(354 143.5)"></path></g></g></svg></span></span></span></span></span></div></div></div></div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="ecm0bbzt hv4rvrfc ihqw7lf3 dati1w0a" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" style="font-family: inherit; padding: 4px 16px 16px;"><div class="j83agx80 cbu4d94t ew0dbk1b irj2b8pg" style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: -5px; margin-top: -5px;"><div class="qzhwtbm6 knvmm38d" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m" color="var(--primary-text)" dir="auto" style="display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; line-height: 1.3333; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I became a teenager in the 90s. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Where the models were stick thin.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Curves were disgusting.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Boobs were shameful. </div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">And anything over a size 2 a disgrace. </div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Then the 2000s brought tall glamorous thin Victoria's Secret models that told me tan, tall, and cup D was desired. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Now at 38, I see how toxic my relationship with my body is. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I see young women today embracing their bodies. All the shapes and sizes. I am baffled how they can be so comfortable in their skin. Then I see companies using models that look like me. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">But the damage has been done. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I hate my body right now.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">And have in the past. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I have tried to throw it up, starve it, and exercise it all away. To be like them. The women in the magazines I read in my teens. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I look at my body now with the extra weight packed on by meds and age. Three new scars reminding me how sick my body was. The stretch marks from carrying my sons. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">My clothes don't fit. I try to shop for replacements but it ends in tears and dispare. I can't see beauty and femininity. I only see the stick thin image burned into my brain of what beauty looks like. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I am told I am beautiful. Sexy. Hot. Desired. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I struggle to see it. And believe it. </div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">And I want too. I really do. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Ridding myself of the lies I have heard for 30 years isn't easy. Especially when I still compare myself to others who are thinner than me. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I am sharing this now because it is heavy. It's exhausting. It's all consuming at times. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Me aching to love myself wholeheartedly and at the same time hating the way my body looks. Tears are forming as I write this. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Sure losing weight will make me feel better. It won't solve the problem or heal the issue. </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I don't know how to work on loving my body. </div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">But I know sharing this is the first step.</div></div></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div><div class="stjgntxs ni8dbmo4 l82x9zwi uo3d90p7 h905i5nu monazrh9" data-visualcompletion="ignore-dynamic" style="border-radius: 0px 0px 8px 8px; overflow: hidden;"><div><div><div><div class="tvfksri0 ozuftl9m" style="margin-left: 12px; margin-right: 12px;"><div class="rq0escxv l9j0dhe7 du4w35lb j83agx80 pfnyh3mw i1fnvgqd gs1a9yip owycx6da btwxx1t3 ph5uu5jm b3onmgus e5nlhep0 ecm0bbzt nkwizq5d roh60bw9 mysgfdmx hddg9phg" style="align-items: stretch; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-flow: row nowrap; flex-shrink: 0; justify-content: space-between; margin: -6px -2px; padding: 4px; position: relative; z-index: 0;"><div class="rq0escxv l9j0dhe7 du4w35lb j83agx80 cbu4d94t d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz rj1gh0hx buofh1pr g5gj957u n8tt0mok hyh9befq iuny7tx3 ipjc6fyt" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex: 1 1 0px; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; padding: 6px 2px; position: relative; text-align: left; z-index: 0;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Since the day I poste</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">d that, I have literally went back to those days. Not in the binging and purging kind of way but in the way of concentrating on numbers that, in the end, don't need to be concentrated upon. I couldn't do enough to get my weight down and it was starting to consume me. It was starting to become a focal point of my life. I have been buying baby snacks to eat in the car when I go on long trips and it took a friend that knew me almost 20 years ago to say to me "I remember when you used to eat baby food." That hit home with me and it bothered me. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">It bothered me because I knew what I had done back in those days did nothing but hurt my body and hinder my thought process so why did I go back to it? Because I drilled it into my head for so many years that it made it easy to fall back on. I listened to the wrong people for so many years; some of them (past) doctors that wanted me to live by numbers. I can't do that anymore. I'm tired of it and I should be able to be free to live my life for once. The only numbers I care about now is my A1C and next month, the goal is to be able to start slowing off the meds finally. I mean, I've only been diabetic for 15 years. Next goal is to be able to say "I used to be a diabetic." I will get there.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Yesterday, I put the scales away. Out of sight, out of mind. I will know if I need to adjust my eating/activities by the way my body starts to respond. I do not care what my weight is anymore. I know I look good and I feel fantastic! The doctors office can tell me what my weight is when I go there. I'm over it and I can't even tell you how freeing that is! Now, let's not throw an ice cream party just yet. I still plan to eat better and take good care of myself. I have a lot of plans for my future and a lot of fun still to be had so I need to be in good shape for it! So please don't intentionally sabotage my progress and I hope you will continue to encourage me to stay on the right track. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Please, if you are letting those numbers on the scales get to you, stop now. Do it. Go cold turkey. Listen to your body talk to you and respond accordingly. Take care of yourself. For you and any person that loves you. It's hard, I'm not going to lie. And I'm pretty sure about 20 years ago someone told me the older you get, the harder it is to maintain and boy, they were not joking! </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">I don't have any magic words to get you started. I don't have a magic potion that "this worked for me so it will work for you," but I'm here if you need to talk about it. I can hold your hand through it but you have to do the real work. If you want it bad enough, you can achieve it. Just take that first step. I'm not going to say if I can do it, anyone can because like I said earlier, IT IS HARD. </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Now get out there and live life. </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">And be kind. </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">Above all else, be kind.</span></p></div></div></div></div></div><div class="cwj9ozl2 tvmbv18p" style="background-color: var(--card-background); color: #1c1e21; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 4px; white-space: normal;"></div></div></div></div></div></div>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-8373656874795433422022-05-01T18:31:00.002-05:002022-05-01T18:36:16.609-05:00May 2022 will be one for the books<p> <span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: medium;">Hello again! I'm not sure why I'm back but I found myself here so I guess I will just run with it and see where it goes.</span></p><p><span style="color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">For many years, I have had everyone's opinion of energy drinks shoved down my throat and for a while I didn't really care. Then one day I got sick of it and decided if you don't like it, stay away. I don't push my opinions down your throats so why was I letting the opinions of everyone else bring me down? If you don't like it, you don't have to drink it. Simple as that. They work for me.</span></p><p><span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: medium;">For years, I have been a diabetic and since Quintin passed, I knew I had to take care of myself and those drinks came in really handy. They give me the energy to get the things done I need to get done. I only drink the sugar free ones and honestly, they have helped me get the healthiest I have been in 15 years. My goal has always been "used-to-be-diabetic" and I'll be darned if I'm not almost there. My numbers are down so low and my appointments are about to be spread further apart; meds are going to be cut down on the next visit (or sooner if I have my way) and I am at a decent weight. At least a weight I can live with if that's where I decide to stay. </span></p><p><span style="color: #741b47; font-size: medium;">As of tomorrow, May 2, 2022 I have agreed to join a 30-day no energy drink challenge. It should be interesting since this stuff is my blood line. I can still have caffeine, just not in the form of an energy drink. I feel sorry for anybody that has to be around me after about day 3!!! Like my co-workers haha. They think I can be bitchy now...just you wait!!! I will either be blogging or locked up in my own padded cell. If you don't hear from me, you might want to check! I went to the store today and stocked up on coffee and tea so.................. it will get interesting. And we're just doing it to say we did it and we survived. I may be getting the cart before the horse but I'm committed (or need committed).</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #ff00fe; font-size: medium;">This week I am also cutting way back on my carb intake. I feel like I have been going overboard and need to stick to above goal (that little diabetes thing) so I can achieve that long-term goal. I am tired of living on things that work against me. Time for me to shine. AND WHO KNEW TAKING YOUR MEDS EVERY DAY WOULD HELP???!!!??? Crazy!!!</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-size: medium;">Along with this craziness, daily exercises are a must. Thirty minutes of vigorous activity every stinking day, whether I like it or not. It's a good thing I love my infinity hoop because that makes exercising fun! I don't know why I ever let myself get out of the habit of exercising anyway. Oh wait, neck injury, moved to another home, husband got sick and died... yep, that's what it was! </span><span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: medium;">It's time to stop sabotaging myself in the name of every little thing. But I'm back and that's all that matters. Starting up is the hardest part of exercising! Let's do this!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">I won't bore you with all the exercise stuff on my Facebook page! Don't worry. Just please cheer me on here-and-there. I need your support and encouragement! Thanks in advance!</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJCi3nTdKjj4LbCvE4UFY-H8OV1X1WExxZxdOv1yM46cP2xKVaJ2XDVvHhW99FwfxofYZY9DNQA7q-A6GufPSG8gHd0TpqURrN4o6LhCwa67AGhQQZQtSSd8g9KWKnCMVCKLjKkx5B64cHsHvkFNW_3O9aJLNnEmFU-lYmA0v2144l8Xia_EzpAprO3Q/s1200/Happy-New-Month-To-Me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJCi3nTdKjj4LbCvE4UFY-H8OV1X1WExxZxdOv1yM46cP2xKVaJ2XDVvHhW99FwfxofYZY9DNQA7q-A6GufPSG8gHd0TpqURrN4o6LhCwa67AGhQQZQtSSd8g9KWKnCMVCKLjKkx5B64cHsHvkFNW_3O9aJLNnEmFU-lYmA0v2144l8Xia_EzpAprO3Q/s320/Happy-New-Month-To-Me.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-45898820398425887862022-04-08T21:09:00.004-05:002022-04-08T21:09:50.738-05:00#5 of sorting before taking a mental break<p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Some days I feel like I have been through the worst things a person can go through but I haven't. I am experiencing life as it is supposed to happen. I haven't experienced anything less than most others on this planet. I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get down in the dumps. This is what life is about and if you don't have bad times, you can't appreciate the good times. I will forever hold all the bad times in my heart so that I can cherish all the good times I have had and am having again.</span></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJvz7HKG6_wzsJ31CG0Q8j-sHGHawKl-3eOttbQKYBvxIUja2LSSJfyXUGAcf2O2fPKnYFkc26637ABYpt8T-wsQb3KEYf4KcgLZHfFRjfWkrloYRZPUc1DKaIMjQncB2l7Ce6ksFyB-wPnA4g3V5hNr2Bvirr7ONEnSiuinSXOaP_l6Iy3TvLO1jx1Q/s1080/%235.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1078" data-original-width="1080" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJvz7HKG6_wzsJ31CG0Q8j-sHGHawKl-3eOttbQKYBvxIUja2LSSJfyXUGAcf2O2fPKnYFkc26637ABYpt8T-wsQb3KEYf4KcgLZHfFRjfWkrloYRZPUc1DKaIMjQncB2l7Ce6ksFyB-wPnA4g3V5hNr2Bvirr7ONEnSiuinSXOaP_l6Iy3TvLO1jx1Q/s320/%235.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I don't know that I have ever, in my life, wanted to keep going on as the same person. I have always wanted to be better in some way. Usually that has been inside my heart. I mean, I have always wanted to have a thinner body and a thicker butt (lol) but those aren't really the important things, I guess. I want my heart to be free of hate, sadness and despair. I feel like in my past, those things have worn me down and I have to make that stop. So going forward, I refuse to let "bad" in my heart. It is going to take some practice and some time because there are toxic people out there but I will get there. </span></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Will I get frustrated and angry with people? Yes. I am human. But I refuse to let that anger and frustration take up residence and let those people live rent-free in my head or my heart. I have too much to give. I have too much love to share. That's what my life is about going forward. </span></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Healing and love. Healing and love. I will keep repeating this until I get it 100% right but mind you, I will get there. </span></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I plan to be the person I never got to be. The person I never got to be because of circumstance and because I got in my own way. Not anymore. I am going to be happy. It's time to start living my life on my terms and under my own set of rules. </span></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Do I have a ways to go? Yes. But I'm getting there. Typing things out like this sometimes hurts me so deep but I know that there is still life out there waiting for me and I'm determined to find it and love it. I have a few more snippets to share along my journey but for now, I am going to take a little break and let the cracks in my heart mend. </span></p><p><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Thanks for your support and your encouragement. Life can only get better from here on out. Things are looking up! Until next time!</span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-23269699840209622472022-04-06T13:16:00.000-05:002022-04-06T13:16:37.065-05:00#4 When you can't do it anymore, you will<p> <span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">So..... we all have bad days. We all have really bad days. But the one thing we have in common is that we have a 100% track record of making it through those bad days. That's hard to see when you're in the middle of a mental breakdown or a trauma. Some of those days, I didn't even want to make it out to the other side. I convinced myself it would be easier on myself and everyone around me if I had just given in and given up and let the bad consume me. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN4rulVyGzqd8L7eV5IZJzC8ouioQRBz-4_QKqKmgJu8Szpfny0Q5DjSv19wz8D5FicPkzxqqNJU1XjO2msKkBi3CXtgl_5lXNdZJega79N5uTzXqqqyaJAqEZMOqWXgUBPExamIcvKAP4uaEVkz2xrsI-fCKSfr72Lw2myaLHZG8EQ5h6hE2XUOCNVg/s1080/%234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="555" data-original-width="1080" height="164" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN4rulVyGzqd8L7eV5IZJzC8ouioQRBz-4_QKqKmgJu8Szpfny0Q5DjSv19wz8D5FicPkzxqqNJU1XjO2msKkBi3CXtgl_5lXNdZJega79N5uTzXqqqyaJAqEZMOqWXgUBPExamIcvKAP4uaEVkz2xrsI-fCKSfr72Lw2myaLHZG8EQ5h6hE2XUOCNVg/s320/%234.jpg" width="320"></a></div><br><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><br></span><p></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">Then I think about my dogs. There is no way on earth I would willingly leave them to this world. They have been through enough. They have loved and lost just as much as I have and I will never be unfair to them. </span></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">These dogs save my life more often than they will ever know, obviously but even more than I realize. They are my unconditional love, support and companionship at any given time of the day or night. Sure, they turn their heads sometimes when I'm having a deep and meaningful conversation with them and give me a look like "Did your cheese slide off your cracker?" </span></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">They don't get frustrated with me (I think?). They don't talk back to me (unless it's 06:30 and Wall-e decides it's time for me to get up). Now they do get mad at me. I mean that little one. She-devil. She will get mad at me and look me straight in the eye and pee right in front of me. She has no fear. She's like my spirit animal. Fear nothing. Can't fault her for that now can I?</span></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">If you're not an animal lover, you won't get it. If you are, you will certainly get it.</span></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">I kind of got off topic here. My point being "You got this. I got this. We all got this." </span></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">Be kind to yourself.</span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-9662622420603134472022-04-05T11:36:00.001-05:002022-04-05T11:36:20.531-05:00Still sorting it out #3<p> <span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">This first picture was meant to go on yesterdays post and I failed to add it. It doesn't make it less important though. This is truly a "don't judge a book by it's cover" statement.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYyXccj1crH_J8GVTl0AkOya_bc7FHT8ODKNgcZt3reZAcZGfcRT6axll4axbsX_mTuV6-Z7CDQeeRVv0-LauspkgpJtLlaLobycvcUzD2NZWtz8XJtkTDnXBk6Y3qq4Gx8laIEPG5bHq-NP87yJ6U5ene8dVlKdJPWbudmoJbWbPB3cPIaUOjF_jPEg/s1087/%232a.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1087" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYyXccj1crH_J8GVTl0AkOya_bc7FHT8ODKNgcZt3reZAcZGfcRT6axll4axbsX_mTuV6-Z7CDQeeRVv0-LauspkgpJtLlaLobycvcUzD2NZWtz8XJtkTDnXBk6Y3qq4Gx8laIEPG5bHq-NP87yJ6U5ene8dVlKdJPWbudmoJbWbPB3cPIaUOjF_jPEg/s320/%232a.jpg" width="318" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Going back to the subject of being strong, just remember that it isn't easy. Not any day of the week when you feel like you are about to crumble inside. Be the helper. Be the side kick. Be the post to let her/him lean on when life gets to be too much. It's more valuable than any gift or money you could ever give them.</span></div><p></p></blockquote><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Moving on to the cleansing of my soul.....</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Do you have a favorite place? I always used to think I did. For many years now I have always thought my favorite place was the Lake of the Ozarks. I feel like I am in my element there. I have always thought that. Nothing else compared to it for me. Until now. </span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">After a good, hard look at myself and at life, I have come to the realization that I don't really have a favorite place. I have favorite people. And it is those people that make the places absolutely incredible for me. As long as I'm with someone who is my "favorite," we could watch the paint dry on the side of a barn and be perfectly content. </span> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4CuuqHxY9N_hy7lvZDoRUeV28al6_X5SfEpUN0Bowl573MO4kO6zsvdsTUVtdPUfN7K6CCgkH7FZnGD0EgUVZoUO7x3ca9ohRQxujCWuNRqSz84muS9IxJ9Rz9AkwyyelbDIylpjqVAbvuE2dDWTwEpQLMu3netHumAqU0WC1-unkTaw2a_sD0hltiQ/s1083/%233.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1083" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4CuuqHxY9N_hy7lvZDoRUeV28al6_X5SfEpUN0Bowl573MO4kO6zsvdsTUVtdPUfN7K6CCgkH7FZnGD0EgUVZoUO7x3ca9ohRQxujCWuNRqSz84muS9IxJ9Rz9AkwyyelbDIylpjqVAbvuE2dDWTwEpQLMu3netHumAqU0WC1-unkTaw2a_sD0hltiQ/s320/%233.jpg" width="319" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This could not be worded any better, in my opinion. In the past two years, not only have my priorities changed but so have the people around me and the roles they have taken in my life. You will know when I'm in favorite place because I will be with my favorite person. And I will thrive like I haven't in years. <br /><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span><p></p><div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">That's all for today I guess. My heart is heavy.</span></span></div>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-24686563015135213192022-04-04T20:55:00.004-05:002022-04-04T20:56:07.406-05:00Sorting it out #2<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;">Hey there! What a coincidence we meet here!!! AGAIN!!! I don't know if I'm ready for part 2 but I will give it the good ole college try. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;">Today I am going to start with the word resilient. The definition of resilient is "able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions." </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;">I would have never thought that there would be a time in my life when I wasn't thrilled to be resilient but I will admit, after losing Quintin, I was too exhausted to be just that. People kept telling me that I was (and still am) strong and resilient and all I wanted for myself was to not be that strong, resilient person. I wanted to be weak and hide but it was expected of me to be strong and show the world that I succeeded. And anyway.... who was going to take care of me if I couldn't take care of myself, right?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;">When people tell you things, over and over, you tell yourself you have to be just that. I know it was all with good intentions and unless you have been through it, you will never understand. It is exhausting being strong for everyone else. And anyone can say all day long "you don't have to be strong for me," but the minute you let your guard down.... the minute you show the tiniest bit of weakness... that's when you get that "sad look" and people think you are depressed and can't handle life and possibly need a therapist or medicine to get you through. See why trying to be resilient is easier??</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;">Here's what I want. No, here's what I need. Finally deciding to put this out there for the world to try to understand. I am damn sick and tired of being strong. I am over it. I want softness and ease yet I do not want to let anyone down. Am I going to? Yes. Yes I am because I have to put me first finally. I have never done this and I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't need a guide. Please let me figure this out on my own. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #ff00fe;">I am tired of being built up. I know that probably sounds stupid but it's how I feel. I don't need to be built up. The only thing I need is help holding myself up when I need it the most. If I don't reach out as much as I used to, please don't take it personally. This girl needs to learn to relax and just breathe for a change. I have no idea what this life is about because it's just me so it is going to take a long time for me to figure out what I want and what I don't want, going forward. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikgDIPBtYttLuig84XU5nmnqyertIOc7JWQfcquqzfBZYlRAfr-2PtTu-M3Z0_E1q9-xktPBUfn0nBSQtlDSsejHx1aq4zG0UHz544taXe8U6nl8TQQkJbskUPrMVKQeH0AorOAWWGY4CRBdu65ITSQNQd6fs6YozPE_OKIs4U448Y3hZbMLM5gK_vgg/s1080/%232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="938" data-original-width="1080" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikgDIPBtYttLuig84XU5nmnqyertIOc7JWQfcquqzfBZYlRAfr-2PtTu-M3Z0_E1q9-xktPBUfn0nBSQtlDSsejHx1aq4zG0UHz544taXe8U6nl8TQQkJbskUPrMVKQeH0AorOAWWGY4CRBdu65ITSQNQd6fs6YozPE_OKIs4U448Y3hZbMLM5gK_vgg/s320/%232.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p> <span style="color: #ff00fe;"><span style="background-color: white;">So, there's that word vomit all over the page. If I could add just one more piece of advice to every person on the earth. When someone is openly grieving..... and I say openly because we grieve forever but in the first shocking moments it is an open grieve.... no matter how long they grieve... because every person takes a different amount of time. Anyway, back to what I was saying; please, please, please never, ever tell someone "I didn't want to say/do/come around because I thought you had enough on your plate." Nobody gets to tell another person when they have enough on their plate. They will tell you when their breaking point is near. Just be considerate. </span></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #ff00fe;"><span style="background-color: white;">Thanks for reading. My heart broke writing this.</span></span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-69722520023469075362022-04-03T22:19:00.018-05:002022-04-03T22:59:27.502-05:00The start of sorting it out #1<p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Hello again! I have been doing a whole lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out not only what I want from life going forward but sorting out exactly where I've been. I'm having a good time cleaning out my heart and my soul. There will be a whole "series" of blogs coming up and some of them may be short and some of them may be shorter. Ha! I hope these blogs help you understand where I'm coming from and where I'm going but in the end, I am trying to self-preserve. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I will do my best not to send messages out through this blog that make it sound like I have all the answers or that I can help you with your problems because I probably can't! This is just self awareness for me and to clear my heart and soul.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW9nXcjXE6hJCP6g2GX4A-wvmoDx_3G7bjq3PVGac3GbMH39UUx5M4zhJUM-G13rreTU57dtll6EgCs_sAuSdw_zUQL4ojkI8bJnBwRJVtFHzsdLroCcqL1V1cBV_Jv2tB30UATwJxAnG3IhGVGt4dvYfRRylbQwFGswn1ApzCQm-yjTv9cQYfYmbmhg/s940/%231.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW9nXcjXE6hJCP6g2GX4A-wvmoDx_3G7bjq3PVGac3GbMH39UUx5M4zhJUM-G13rreTU57dtll6EgCs_sAuSdw_zUQL4ojkI8bJnBwRJVtFHzsdLroCcqL1V1cBV_Jv2tB30UATwJxAnG3IhGVGt4dvYfRRylbQwFGswn1ApzCQm-yjTv9cQYfYmbmhg/s320/%231.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Keeping balance in your life is important and not always easy but you have to prioritize yourself in the mix of life and all those things that you think are more important than yourself. Until recently, I have never put myself first or even close to first. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I think I have always felt like I have had to look out for myself. I have a hard time trusting the majority of people. That goes for family, friends and even someone I have maybe never met. I'm not going to explain that last sentence because I can only work it out in my head. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">There have been people in my life that have "had my back" and have told me I can fully trust them but those people either let their true colors shine through or they have left his earth. That's ok though. I got this. I have a very intimate group of people that I know, when the chips are down, they won't step back in fear and they won't leave my side. It's a tiny group but it's there. And that's what matters. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeLYR3Yb2Caez8_RFZ-Tt9T0-rLRK1fkr0qwewprlZ310IqHs5jLq4d7_aMcs-w7308ELYldOS76EG1kPjRx6ZQUI_5tPwtXhBa4Fc1A-bt-OD_JbKr4Nz0eeOr0A37dXfAfwGfwRszGN4oabvsvHiPrqtvUX5x-S4ZcoDFj_vPyipP9rgKRUaGcqIFg/s2220/I'm%20strong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2220" data-original-width="1080" height="414" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeLYR3Yb2Caez8_RFZ-Tt9T0-rLRK1fkr0qwewprlZ310IqHs5jLq4d7_aMcs-w7308ELYldOS76EG1kPjRx6ZQUI_5tPwtXhBa4Fc1A-bt-OD_JbKr4Nz0eeOr0A37dXfAfwGfwRszGN4oabvsvHiPrqtvUX5x-S4ZcoDFj_vPyipP9rgKRUaGcqIFg/w312-h414/I'm%20strong.jpg" width="312" /></a></div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Number 1 of my "series" done! Simple as that!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-14171012173816007982022-02-07T14:01:00.000-06:002022-02-07T14:01:03.840-06:00Monday is not looking so good<p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">It's Monday. Monday. It is an off day for me. Those of you that know me, know that Monday is my day. Monday is my wingman. Monday is what I look forward to. My soulmate, so to speak. Monday is not going so well for me this morning and I have nothing to attribute that to. A bad dream? Possibly. I did have one. I woke up at 0530 this morning shook and told myself I wasn't going to let that ruin my day. LET IT GO. That's my new adaptation toward those things I cannot control. Just let it go, Shellie. Relax, let it go and smile in the end.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">Funny thing is that I was just thinking last night how I rarely have dreams now that I take the melatonin. Well, at least I don't remember the dreams if I have them. Until last night. -_-</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">I finally did go back to sleep and when I woke up went and picked up my groceries for baking this week and headed home, with a pounding headache and that dark cloud lurking over me. If I had a dollar for every time I told myself, out loud mind you, to LET IT GO, I could call in dead for a week. I am finding it is hard to let go of something that you don't know you are holding. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">Got dinner put together for my crew tonight and it will go in the oven soon. Bed made, laundry taken to the basement, dishes done and kitchen cleaned, dogs played with both inside and outside and this headache was about to rupture through my skull. I thought if I could just relax it would go away so I tried that. It lasted about 15 minutes and I started to get sleepy. Back to bed. That lasted 59 minutes. Exactly. It's not every day you get to make your bed twice!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">Fine. Take a couple of Ibuprofen. You win. I took the hottest bath I could sit in and made myself just relax. I did not take my phone and I actually shut it down for the duration. No music. No dogs (because they have squirrels treed in the back yard and I am loving every minute of this quietness today) and nothing to worry about except how to make the day better for me. First I had to find out what was making it bad. I'm still working on that. That dark cloud is still there. Not as dark as this morning so I must be gaining. And the headache is almost gone but I can feel it lurking.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">Don't get confused on the dark cloud being a black cloud. I don't plan on being one of those at work tonight. No siree!! Last night I just wanted an easy going night and what did I do? Opened up a can of worms. Poor Tricia in the next county... I think I spilled some on her too! But we got through it and nobody was physically harmed in the process. I'm pretty sure that if someone were to be harmed, it would be this girl right here! Let's not hurt Shellie please.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">I was able to make myself a cheese sandwich for lunch and not one dog sat there to judge me and guilt me into giving them their piece. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">I'm pretty sure I had more material to go with this blog and suddenly it's gone. Apparently I have too much going on in my head.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">DO NOT LET WORTHLESS PEOPLE RENT SPACE IN YOUR HEAD!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">LET IT GO!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">DO YOUR JOB AND GO HOME!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">AND REPEAT UNTIL IT'S ETCHED IN YOUR BRAIN!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">I have to work with Dana tonight. I almost said Poor Dana but she did send me a snapchat where she was drinking a Bang and that my friends, is usually a recipe for disaster. Now that I am drinking less and less energy drinks we could be dangerous. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: courier;">How do I get out of this funk?</span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-49043771698396566942022-02-01T19:27:00.000-06:002022-02-01T19:27:04.375-06:00Just take a break<p> Hello there! Been a little bit since we chatted, huh? Sit. Have a drink. Cookie anyone? Let's talk.</p><p>Lately I have been doing more and more of this. The talking thing. It's going well. Maybe not so well last Friday when I chose to be an irresponsible adult for the evening but for the most part, I'm ok at the chatting thing. It is amazing though how your mouth can not keep up with your brain after WAY too many drinks! I tried; Lord I tried! I still seem to have that whole problem with being openly honest and apparently my filter was removed a while back so that can be an issue with some people. I'm trying to be..... kinder? More compassionate? Nicer? Something. I know I need to change some things about myself and it's all starting to come together. I just don't think I'm going to know where I want to be until I'm there. </p><p>THAT'S NOT SCARY AT ALL!!!</p><p>I took a few days away from Facebook. With the exception of going on a couple of times to see a certain memory that I knew would pop up or a certain someone telling me I HAD to go on and see what he tagged me in. Not mentioning any names. **cough cough Denny** But it was worth it because he had me crying laughing so I will let it slide this time. I only took 8 days off of Facebook. I really needed that emotional break and I now realize how important it is to force myself away from it occasionally. I have smiled more, laughed more, cooked more and cleaned more (wasn't sure it was possible) with my time. </p><p>My work shifts had me meeting myself coming and going and with the help of some melatonin, I now sleep like a newborn baby. Not like the ones that wake up to be fed but the ones that sleep all night. It is quite lovely. Who knew it was possible to just SLEEP all night? Honestly, it has been years since I have had this experience. I recommend it!!! </p><p>I seem to have found myself in my own little happy place and I have the right people around me that make sure it stays that way. My little cocoon is all well and good. I drove to Creston earlier this evening and I couldn't believe I found myself smiling just driving down the road. Who knew life could be incredible again and that light would re-surface in my world. I'm not so sure I thought it would ever happen but again, but those closest to me have made sure it happens and stays that way. </p><p>Through the darkest days of my life, I have made a friend I hope will always be in my life. Last Friday night made me realize that if you start looking around to see who is there, you won't need to look far for contentment. And while we are on the subject of last Friday night hugs all around for those who took such good care of me. Even if I did have to walk in front of my window practically naked. Yes...I remember that! My friends were the best angels that night but I'm not doing that again for a LONG time!!! Well, I just found that gallon jug of Captain today so maybe sooner than I think but.................... I will snap ya and let ya know in advance!!! Just kidding.... this gal is done!</p><p>So back to the break from Facebook. I don't know what it is about Facebook exactly but I had just had enough one day! Maybe it was a combination of everything going on in my life. Schedules, the back door incident, couple of work situations that make me want to throw my hands in the air and ask WTF I am doing there, Matilda is being quite a shit these days, no sleeping..... who knows. But my head is back on straight and I feel like a million dollars. </p><p>On the downside of not being on Facebook, I feel like I have missed out on a lot of family and friends things. Totally out of the loop but it's all good. I will just wait until the loop comes back around and jump back in. But I will be taking more and more breaks from this venue, that's for sure. </p><p>With all this free time I have had, I have went through some totes in my basement and sorted holiday items. That was something I have been putting off for about 2 months. Who wants to be in the basement talking to themselves? I mean, it's one thing to be talking to yourself while baking/cooking but in the basement? Away from the world? As if I need one more thing to make me look like a lunatic! But a lot of it is done. </p><p>Have you ever heard me talk about my floors? I clean my floors. A LOT. I clean my floors a lot. For those in the back, my name is Shellie and I am a floor-cleaner-a-holic! I'm pretty sure I had my vacuum out twice today. I have three dogs. The last thing I want is for our home to smell like it. I have always worried about that. I have also cleaned out all my lower cabinets and 2 bedroom closets. This would be the second time I have done closets since living here only 4 months. LOL I must be terribly bored. </p><p>I keep the tv on but I haven't watch a program at home for over a week. It's my noise maker and the dogs like it. Especially Matilda. She loves dog movies.</p><p>I was on TikTok one night and came across this little snipet of Sawyer Crandall. It was just a little tease of one of his songs and I was hooked. Shoot, next thing I know I was purchasing his digital album. This girl is not a country music lovin' girl so not sure what is going on. Mind you, with that being said, I am going to see Reba in concert this Thursday but Reba is an all-star. She would be amazing to watch even if you downright hated country music. I don't hate it. I just don't really like it. Unless I do haha. </p><p>That is my life for the past 8 days. What have you been doing with yourself? Your turn to talk. Spill it friend! :)</p><p><br /></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-57819802053594817302021-12-15T21:39:00.001-06:002021-12-15T21:39:44.867-06:00The day the wind blew<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Hello again! I don't know about you but today has been a day!!!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I woke early this morning and hurried around so I could get to Des Moines and back before the wind got too bad to drive. All the way up there, I was just thinking about the weather so my mind was pretty distracted. Well, between the weather and the rock concerts going on in my car! Belting out some tunes while keeping away from any semi's that may or may not decide to blow over on top of me. I noticed a lot of troopers out today. That's something I'm not used to but then again, it's a day thing! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Got up to the John Stoddard Cancer Center and hoped and prayed I could remember the code to get around to the radiation department. Success! It was as clear as the nose on my face. So glad they didn't change that on me! I got the totes of gifts unloaded and into the main hallway and called Jenny... the happiest woman on earth. I have always called her that. For what she does... and she is called a navigator for oncology so she does A LOT... she has the happiest disposition of any person I have ever met. As I was taking totes and boxes loaded with gifts into the hallway, I kept meeting people coming and going. I smiled and then realized I had a mask on so they had no idea. Then terror hit me. "How am I supposed to greet these people?" I couldn't, for the life of me, remember how we were "looked at" when we were the ones coming and going on a daily basis. Then I started saying hello to everyone and telling them to have a nice day. (Don't tell me what to do I always thought, with a laugh)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I did not go into the waiting room for radiation nor chemo because I wasn't sure how it would hit me and the last thing I want to do is break down in front of people that are already dealing with more than they want to handle. Jenny and I loaded up the cart and she took them away after a couple of hugs. That felt good to give back to the caregivers. I know they are going to enjoy their little gift bags of smiles.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I forgot to add that when I cleared the entrance gate, I said outloud, "Quintin I got in! Phew!" So then when I left and had to go through yet another gate where there was always a big pothole, I said outloud again, "No pothole Quintin! They fixed it!" And just as I passed through that gate, BANG, right down in a dang pothole! Ha! I guess he showed me! I headed home and got down to the interstate when I realized I was taking the exact same route home today that he and I took all those days he went for treatment. The same route every single time. I don't know why I didn't ever change it up. It felt comfortable to me so I stuck with it. If it aint broke, don't fix it!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I got about 10 miles west of Des Moines and the tears just started rolling. I couldn't even tell you what I was thinking about. I just couldn't stop crying. I know he would be so happy that I did that project and he is smiling at those that had a hand in helping me. I really do have the best friends! I cried all the way to Stuart and then had to get out of my car so the wind dried that up real fast!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The rest of the day I didn't have anything to do and for me that's a long, sad day. Made the bed (because the dogs weren't ready to get out of it when I did this morning), cleaned the car out, and then just sat here. I found little odds and ends things to do but nothing major. And let me tell you, it was one boring day! Well, as the wind picked up, these three dogs of mine got anxious and they kept wanting to go out, come back in, go out, come back in, etc.. This is why I have a doggy door but geez that was annoying! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We were laying on the couch watching the final episode of 2 Broke Girls when the tornado whistle went off. They looked at me and I said "let's go!" I had so many things in place in case the weather went off the rails it wasn't funny. Those little odds and ends that I was doing earlier? Yeah, bottled water and a dish downstairs for them. An energy drink for me (yes, I did). 2 blankets and a pillow down there just in case we had to REALLY take cover and a phone charger. I was going to have juice in my phone for as long as the electricity would let me! I meant to grab some hot dogs but forgot. Even I'm laughing but dang it, if we would get stuck down there, at least we wouldn't starve, right!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">So it ended up being less of a storm than predicted and that's ok. The wind though? Yeah it has been right on. I made sure I had all my outside stuff in the garage before we tucked ourselves in for the day. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And then just a little while ago, I went out to the garage. Went in through the side door and left it open so the dogs could come in after they pottied. Because it wouldn't be fair if I did something they didn't know about! I was out there looking through something and sat down and all three dogs were in there with me. All of a sudden the dogs go C-R-A-Z-Y. I couldn't see what was going on. Next thing I know a stupid bat is flying around above me and it can't seem to find it's way out. Oh Lord!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">You all know how I feel about animals that fly! You have never seen a big girl move like I can move when I need to. I screamed "Get out!" and they all headed out the side door probably wondering if this squirrel had just lost it's last nut. My head all the way down to my knees, running around the car and waving my hand above my head to make sure that stupid thing didn't come near me. The dogs were looking at me like I had lost my mind! I opened the outside garage door and I hope it went out. I closed it and nothing moved so we shall see! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">If I show up to work tomorrow with pissy pants, they will know that stupid bat was still in my garage! I'll run for it and jump in. Heck, I may get in the passenger side and climb over! That's it. Done with the garage for the night!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We came back inside and the dogs are all crashed out and I finished up my Christmas baking for the season. Just have to frost some cookies this week and I am D-O-N-E! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">If you made it this far without falling asleep or pissing yourself, I hope your day was safe. I know I was texting my people to make sure they were safe. Oh yeah... that smoke smell... that's all the way from a Kansas Wildfire. Can you imagine? I can't believe there isn't a trail of fire all the way across the midwest the way the wind has carried the smoke. Unbelievable! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">If I don't get back here before then, I hope you have a Merry and Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year. </span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-56923381186153765962021-11-30T17:04:00.000-06:002021-11-30T17:05:36.582-06:00Christmas Helper<p>Hello again. I'm back sooner than I thought I would be. I recently made a decision for myself that I wasn't sure I would want to do but I thought it over for a few days and decided this year I am going to get back into my baking and work out my frustrations with some cookie dough! It has been a long time since I have really just let myself dive into it and do what makes me happy so that's it! I can't wait!</p><p>I need some ideas from you friends. Last year when Q was taking radiation treatments at the John Stoddard Cancer Center, I always sat in the waiting room (with the exception of a couple of times someone else took him) and watched The Price is Right with the other family members waiting for their loved one to come out. One day shortly before Christmas, the receptionist came out and sat beside me. She handed me a little basket that came from Thirty One and it was filled with gum, mints, word search puzzles, joke books and just many little items that make a person smile. She told me that a gal had donated a dozen of them to hand out, at their choosing, to give to someone waiting for their loved one because this gal had sat and waited for her Grandma many times. </p><p>I was so honored to receive such a sweet little gift from a complete stranger; from a group of people that didn't even know me, but felt I was deserving. It was so sweet and I will never forget it. Now I want to return that favor. While I don't want to break the bank on this project, I would like ideas on what to do for some of those people that sit and wait for their loved ones getting their treatments. After all, they suffer too and they need smiles put on their faces when they least expect it. If I can come up with something really special, I may do both radiation and chemo departments. </p><p>The John Stoddard Cancer Center showed Q and I such honest and loving care. We never encountered staff that acted like they didn't want to be there. They all had heart and we were always very comfortable there (as comfortable as one can be).</p><p>I'm keeping this one short so any ideas are appreciated! Comment here or on my Facebook or private message me. All ideas considered!</p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-61385843400809153212021-11-25T20:21:00.001-06:002021-11-25T20:21:11.310-06:00Lost on Thanksgiving<p>Happy Thanksgiving 2021 to all! I hope you had a Blessed day with family or friends and if you didn't, I hope you found some joy in your day. I spent the day in my hometown with most of my family and we had a great time. A lot of laughs and a lot of food but when it's Thanksgiving, the food part is considered a norm. </p><p>Honestly, I have been dreading this day for a while. The thought of being around a large group of people gives me anxiety. Ever since Q left my world, large groups just aren't for me. Even Walmart is uncomfortable. Especially on weekends. Anyway, I made Texas Roadhouse rolls and they were good but they sure didn't cut well. They looked like someone took a hacksaw to them. I think I cut them too soon. And that Texas Roadhouse butter... you can't beat it. I made it for the first time and it was GOOD! I also made a roaster of chicken and noodles and they were good too. But, they looked like a couple of kindergartners threw them in a pot, but hey...we can't win them all. I feel like I can't cook or bake anything with any confidence anymore. As long as I don't poison anyone, I will take it as a win in my book. For now. I hope to get back to the level of cooking and baking that I used to do. I thank God for the people around me that helped my food along. </p><p>While I had such a great time being around those that I love so much, I left with a heavy heart and I felt quite numb. I feel like people feel like they need to be careful around me. I don't want people to feel that way. If someone wants to ask questions about him, I will be glad to talk about him. Let's just not talk about the ring ceremony thing, ok? That's my huge struggle. I hope someday to be able to talk about that without getting upset. Someday. Q and I didn't always spend our holidays together. I'm telling you that if there was any hunting that could be done, I was on my own. And he was never into sports so watching football was never fun for him but he did love to go see all the kids and play with them. So the part of him not being by my side wasn't so bad. It was the part where I didn't receive a call and hearing "Hey babe..." I can still hear his voice saying it. No text telling me some excited news from his adventures. He sure made me smile. He still makes me smile. God I miss that man in my life. I know he is in such a great place but I'm still lost at finding my place in this world.</p><p>I made a stop at the Lake of Three Fires and watched the geese for a little bit and just talked to Q and cried for a little bit. It was refreshing and the wind had died down just enough to be able to be outside and enjoy it. With his help from above, we came to a decision on what to do with our wedding rings when the times comes and that made my heart so happy. Then on to my girl's house to meet her grandsons and just take a breather from life. </p><p>It was a good day. But I'm glad it only comes around once a year. Now to prepare myself for the Christmas holidays. I can breathe a little sigh of relief that I will be at work over Christmas so that will be a good distraction. I love Christmas though so it should be bittersweet. I keep telling these dogs to be good because Santa is watching. Of course, I didn't say that until they destroyed some items that I can't replace but what can you do, right? Well, since I threatened Santa, they have been angels. I hope they can keep that up. After that, I don't know what I will hold over their heads to behave. Cupid? That little Irish man? I don't know, I will think of something.</p><p>Changing the subject now...</p><p>Do you have something in your home that your friends think you get a little over the top about? Currently, my thing is shower curtains. Sounds hilarious, doesn't it? Well, I like shower curtains and I like to change them out for every season. This just started when I knew I was going to be moving to town. I have a regular shower curtain; a fall shower curtain; a Christmas shower curtain; an Easter shower curtain; 4th of July shower curtain. I'm on the hunt for a Valentine's day shower curtain. Weird, huh? And with every shower curtain, calls for matching hooks because what fun would it be to have the same hooks year round? I don't know why the sudden urge for these things but I do love them. Maybe I just need some new scenery when I'm doing my business. I should get a shower curtain with a picture of these three little monsters of mine. I wonder what they would think of that! The thought makes me giggle.</p><p>And I'm not going to lie, with every shower curtain, there is a matching valance and a matching rug. I'm impossible but it makes me feel good. Anyway, who says my friends aren't just boring and I'm just that fun, right?? What is your weird?</p><p>I don't even know what to talk about here but I am going to keep plugging away until you have been bored out of your minds.</p><p>I binge watched 3 seasons of Yellowstone in 2 1/2 days last week. That was something I said I wasn't going to do. No interest. I don't like cowboys. I'm terrified of horses. Sounds bland. I have never liked westerns. But I felt like every day someone was asking "Do you watch Yellowstone?" or "What do you think is going to happen next on Yellowstone?" Oh the horror! But I remembered when my boss told me to watch The Walking Dead and I loved it. At least for the first several seasons. After a while, it was just the same thing every episode so that fizzled out. I don't even care for that anymore. I couldn't even tell you if it was still on! HA! </p><p>Anyway, so I couldn't stop watching this show after I forced myself to watch the first 2 episodes. I am not a Beth Dutton fan but I sure do like Rip. So I guess I like cowboys after all!! I still don't like those horses though. I need to expand my horizons on the shows though. I don't have Netflix. I don't have Hulu. But I do have a stupid Roku TV and I do have Paramount+ and Peacock. Now I just don't know what to watch! I can tell you that I am sick and tired of "Minute to Win It" and whatever that poker show is where you have to answer questions to get to 21 in cards. </p><p>Last month, I started watching Bar Rescue from the beginning. I got through 6 seasons and I feel like I know exactly the correct way to clean a bar and kitchen. Not that I thought cleaning would ever be a problem but if I owned a bar, I would be terrified to have Jon Taffer come into my world. Absolutely terrified. I noticed after I started watching Bar Rescue, I started cooking more. And then I started watching Hoarders from the beginning and then the house cleaning ensued and before you knew it, all my totes and boxes were emptied and put away. I think I need to binge watch something about eating healthy now because I eat like crap. </p><p>What is/was your favorite binge worthy show?</p><p>I guess I will close for now until some other subject pops up that I have an opinion about or that is quirky. I am getting there. I'm just lost a little bit.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-7140420482030586322021-11-17T23:27:00.001-06:002021-11-17T23:27:08.661-06:00I'm okay. We're okay.<p> <span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">Well, I find myself back here. I'm not sure what to do or what to blog about but I have been told by several to just do it. Jump in and just start typing.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">As many of you know, I lost my husband in May of this year. Quintin was diagnosed a year ago, November 12th, 2020, with esophageal cancer. He was 38 at the time. He had a tumor in his esophagus that was full of cancer and it was just long enough that they could not go in and remove it. The lymph nodes in his esophagus were full of cancer, as well as the top of his abdomen and into his liver. He had what was called "cancer fluid" on the outside of his right lung but never penetrated, thankfully. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">He went through 5 weeks of radiation and in time the tumor shrunk. He also did a round and a half of chemo. First round was 4 treatments and they were rough. He was so sick and had no life outside of our bed. He couldn't eat of course so they had to put in a feeding tube and he hated that but he did it because he had to have nutrition. It was so rough watching him go through this. After his first round of chemo, they did a scan to see if it looked like it was helping. And it did look like it was helping! He had decided he wasn't going to do another treatment because of how sick he was. He couldn't go anywhere. He couldn't visit anyone. He couldn't even go outside and do much because he would be so sick and he told me that wasn't how he wanted to go out. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">So, 2 more treatments and he physically could not handle it anymore. He told them he was done for the time being. After all, it was hunting season and he wasn't going to miss getting a turkey for the last time. Priorities, right?? So off he went to find his Tom Turkey. I can't remember if it was the first day or the second day but on one of those days I got a phone call from him. "I'm on my way to the hospital. Can you meet me there?" It's not like it was the first time he had been there. Heck, when he got his scan results telling him his liver was ate up, he was in the hospital and thanks to COVID, I wasn't even allowed to be with him to grieve with him. We had to do that on video chat. So unfair. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">So on that day when he was hunting, I found out that he had went to take a pee and noticed his urine was abnormally dark that day. It was something we kept an eye on but it was dark enough he knew something was wrong. He asked his buddy that he was with if he looked ok and his friend said he was REALLY yellow and he thought they should take him to the hospital. So I met them there and they did some more tests and conferred with his medical team at Methodist and the worst news, although we knew it was coming, that he was in liver failure. When that doctor told us, I thought I was going to faint. I looked at Q and he just sighed a big sigh and said "Well, now what?" The doctor said "Go hunting! Go live."</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I don't know how far down the line that was but we knew the clock was ticking. He pretty much got what he wanted and got to do whatever he wanted from that point on. "You can't" was no longer in my vocabulary because he was already getting the short end of the stick of life. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">Six months and 11 days was all we had to prepare ourselves to never see each other again; to never say "Hey babe" again; to never tell each other "I love you" again; to never get to kiss each other good night. What I wouldn't give to have it all back with him happy and healthy but that just wasn't in the cards. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">There was a lot that went on in between this stuff but it's hard to remember timelines without digging out a bunch of notebooks that I have conveniently put out of mind for this very reason. I can't live each day remembering every detail or I am going to drive myself insane. And I don't know why I am here telling all this. The majority of the people that will read this is on my Facebook and they read it as we went through it. I guess this is just where my mind wanted to start.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I have been going through "firsts" and they suck! The hardest first I have had was coming home from work and not hearing "Hey babe" when I walked in the door. I had heard it every time I came in for the past 12 years. That was a hard pill to swallow. There were days on end that I would sit in my recliner, holding all three dogs on my lap, and just watch the door. Waiting for this poorly executed joke to come to an end so I could have my life back. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I know we all say "I can't live without you," but sometimes we have to. We don't have a choice. Life doesn't stop because a person stopped breathing. The world doesn't stop moving because you are one less. And it's a whole different life. All the hopes and dreams and goals that Quintin and I had were now just my hopes and dreams and goals. I didn't have ...don't have someone by my side to make that magic happen anymore. So the hopes change and the dreams change and the goals as well and it's a sad, sad existence some days.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I talk to Quintin a lot. When I'm frustrated because I'm failing at something I call out and ask him to help me and he does. It's strange to say but he really does. In little time a solution presents itself and that makes me smile. I know he is here with me and encouraging me just like he always has been. I can't see him but he is here and he is smiling because he knows I am doing it. I am living and taking care of these three little monsters of ours and we are going to be okay.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">Over the course of the past five and a half months, I have seen completely new sides to people that I thought I knew. Both good sides and bad sides. I have lashed out at people for the right reasons and for the wrong reasons and I have learned once again, that there are people who claim to love you but aren't willing to accept apologies. But you know what? All that does is make me stronger and it takes so much drama out of my life! </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I have learned that not everything is worth saving. Whether it is some kind of relationship or some kind of trinket. Not everything has to mean something. I am learning that I have to watch both my front and my back because I don't have anyone here with me to do what Quintin did. If I needed something, he was right there or he had a solution. Now it's my turn to do that and make him smile down from the Heavens! </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I learned that I am not a country girl. No thank you. That was Quintin's dream and as long as he was there, I was proud to be by his side doing whatever needed but without him, that is no longer a dream for me. I like living in town and the dogs have adapted pretty well. But let me tell you something... for the short few years we lived away from town, I got pretty accustomed to the quietness of the country (except that wind that some days seemed like it was going to blow the house down) so when we moved to town, I said to the dogs, several times a day, "It sure is noisy in town." How easily I had forgotten that! </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">Some days I my personal fuse is tremendously short and that frustrates me. Little things irritate me. I was driving through Orient the other day and it was really windy and I was headed out of town, there were 2 trash cans that had blown out into the road. Cars and trucks going both ways, slowing down to go around them and that irritated me. I slammed my car in park right in the middle of that highway, turned on my flashers and got out and moved both trash cans back to the nearest yard. A guy sat in his truck and when I walked back to my car he rolled his window down and said "You need help?" Are you freaking kidding me dude??? "I figured nobody else was going to get out and do anything so this seems like the obvious thing to do!" Got back in my car and drove off with my middle finger in the air. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">Some days my emotions get the best of me. I cry watching Bar Rescue if you believe that so I quit watching it. You can only cry so many times about a bar getting cleaned up before you know this isn't for you. Songs on the radio make me cry a lot. I have learned to just let the tears roll and keep singing. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I have a group that I has helped me and I have learned a lot from my "widowed sisters." I have learned that it is okay to cry. It's okay to be emotional about anything. It's okay to stay in when the world wants you to be out. Nobody can tell you how you feel at any time and when you are grieving, nobody can help you through it if they haven't been through it themselves. I believe that with every being of my soul. Death is hard and the relationship you have with the deceased is different. Whether it be your spouse, your child, your parent, your sibling... it is going to be a different grief. And I'm experiencing mine. The first person that tells me I need to get over it and move on will probably get punched in the face. I will never get over this loss but I am moving on and I will be okay. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I just need to learn to live without Quintin's physical presence. I'm okay. We're okay. I am lost a lot of days. I find I still have what they call Widow Brain. It's a thing. Look it up. Someday I won't have it and that will be great but I will keep taking my punches as they come.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">We are living our best life right now and that will just have to be enough. The holidays are coming up and what I would love to do is hide from the world but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to celebrate it with the people I love and the people who love me. And I will smile and I will cry, but I will get through it and be okay.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I'm lost but I am finding my new self slowly. I am not the same person I was once. I have no desire to road trip or vacation or even take overnight trips. I just want to be me in my new world and there are a few less people now to explain that too and it's amazing. </span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;">I think I got it all off my chest. Hopefully I will get back to this blogging business sooner rather than later because I really do enjoy it. I will get some lighter material to slide in next time (I hope). Until next time friends. Thanks for reading.</span></p><p><span style="color: #800180; font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-37991691385186765282021-10-08T00:40:00.000-05:002021-10-08T00:40:13.710-05:00<p><span style="color: red; font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">This is a short snippet of a blog that was started back in April 2021. Life was getting very rough so I imagine that is how I didn't get back to it. And the fact that my heart was ripping from my very chest on a daily basis until it went to an hourly basis, I forgot about a lot of stuff along the way. So feel free to read and don't anyone take too much personally. It was hard to navigate life and death and the same time.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">It's been a while since I've been here and it's the first time I've been here since hubby got diagnosed. I usually do my updates on Facebook but I thought I would change it up a little since every time I think about stuff it leads to other topics.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">So the last time I updated about Q, I said that the lesions on his liver were about 1/2 the size from when he first got diagnosed after just three chemo treatments. He had already decided, before that appointment and before that scan, that he was done with chemo. Days on end being sick and exhausted and having no life. He wasn't going to go out like that. Well, when we got those results back he decided he needed to try some more. So he signed up for four more treatments. Three of those treatments are done and in the books but the last one is going to have to wait until after turkey hunting season. He isn't going to miss the funnest part of hunting season for nothing. I am not going to stand in his way of that and I won't let anyone else either.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Many of you have talked to Q or seen him out and about and many of you have told me how good he looks. We appreciate that. He doesn't go out and about if he isn't feeling good and although we have been through this once, we are going through it again. I have tried to mentally prepare myself for this very thing but I don't know that a person can prepare for it. He is deteriorating; which I guess we all knew it was going to happen eventually. I am just totally unprepared for it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I have spent day-after-day, night-after-night wondering if I would be able to recognize certain signs when it came to his health. Questioning every move I make to help him. His good days were so good that I was almost able to forget the bad parts for a little bit. Now that he is back on the chemo, life is back to sadness, sickness and sleeping. Not just for him but for me too. It is so much easier to keep it in the shadows so we literally sleep anytime we can. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">We should be working on our house but we aren't. Of course, right now he can't do much without paying for it over the next five days. I have been struggling with finding a place to cry. I refuse to let loose in front of him. He worries enough the way it is. He worries about what is going to happen to me and the dogs when he is gone. Quintin is my home. No matter where he is at, he is my home. I tell him everyday. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I tried crying in the shower. It upset Wall-E and Matilda and they went and got Q's attention, so I told him the dogs were crazy. Lord knows I can't cry on the drive home. There are way too many deer for that! So I'm still searching for that place. When I find it, I will know. I just hope I can unload when that happens. </span><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I don't want sympathy. I just want to type it all out. I don't need any assurances that what I am doing or how I am feeling is normal because that doesn't matter to me. I will go through whatever my heart and soul take me through. But I am going to do it with strength.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Going through this has shown us a lot of things about those we love. It doesn't matter the relationship, whether it is family or close friend, Q and I have both experienced the "pull away" in more than one way. We both have had people in our lives that currently only talk to us if we reach out and call them. They just don't call us. We have had friends that decide for us that we have enough on our plates so they stop telling us about their lives. I have already threatened one friend that she might have to wait a week until after something happens in our lives to even know about it. Nothing infuriates me more than someone telling me that I have enough on my plate. GFY with that stuff! I don't decide for you and you will not decide for me. </span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-38485741722122890642020-10-27T23:50:00.000-05:002020-10-27T23:51:55.179-05:00The COVID experienceYesterday morning, my husband went in for a scope on his stomach. He hasnt been feeling good for quite a while so after ruling everything else out, they believe he has an ulcer. Welcome to my world dear husband. <div><br></div><div>We got up and going before the butt-crack of dawn after I got off at midnight the night before and had to "sleep" on the couch because my youngest pup had babies a few days ago and I wont make her spend a whole night alone. Since I had to get up at 5am, it just made sense. And it didnt help that a small snowstorm had blown through so the roads sucked a little bit. Both going home from work and a few hours later going to the hospital.</div><div><br></div><div>Hubby gets checked in, gets labs taken, rapid COVID swab and we are escorted to a room where he gets changed out and ready to find some answers. We chat about the nice socks, sexy gown and cool cap he gets to wear. Of course Im jealous! I havent had my share of those things in the past year and a half! Yeah, right!!</div><div><br></div><div>*Knock knock* the nurse opens the door a crack and looks at my husband, "Guess what?" He looks at her and kinda laughs and says "You're fucking with me." At this point I was oblivious to just what was going on. I felt like I was watching a tennis match. Back and forth until SOMEONE makes the point. </div><div><br></div><div>He is COVID positive. </div><div>No, no, no, no, no. </div><div>He feels fine. </div><div>He didnt even have a fever when we came in. </div><div>No cough; not one symptom. </div><div>He is pissed about having to miss work.</div><div>Oh God, he has to tell his boss.</div><div>This is going to go over like a lead balloon.</div><div><br></div><div>While he is getting dressed and testing out every cuss word he has ever heard, my mind was going a million miles a minute. </div><div><br></div><div>I cant have this.</div><div>I dont want to find out I took this to work.</div><div>I cant miss work.</div><div>Oh Lord. I. Can. NOT. Miss. Work. </div><div>No.</div><div>My boss is going to have a breakdown.</div><div><br></div><div>I bet my eyes were as wide as they could be. "I need a test. I work at the Sheriffs Office. Lets not get me in trouble with the Sheriff." She tells us where to go so I can get a test done and off we go.</div><div><br></div><div>I get the test and we head home to wait for the news. I started cleaning the kitchen to keep my mind busy while barking orders at my husband that just because he has COVID, he isnt sick so this isnt going to be a vacation. He kept saying that he felt fine. I kept saying I felt terrible. He had results. I didnt. I was mentally preparing for the worst.</div><div><br></div><div>After a while, I hadnt heard anything so I called the hospital who transferred me to public health. "You are negative but you need to wear a mask everywhere outside your house for 2 weeks. You can not go into any public buildings for 2 weeks so find someone to grocery shop for you." Not one mention of work. Hello??? "Follow your employers protocol." Here's the funny part. Our freaking protocol is to go by public health advice. I felt like I had just got sucked into a vacuum. </div><div><br></div><div>The boss would figure it out. Told me to plan on having the day off (yep, I was scheduled to work that day) and he would get back to me. When he did, he told me to plan for 2 weeks off. My heart sank. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm that girl that struggles with more than 2 days off in a row unless I am out of town. I love my job and I do not like to miss. I hate using sick time. I know; that's what it's for BUT the way my life changed at year 49, I need all that sick time. </div><div>Just. In. Case. </div><div>Be prepared for anything.</div><div><br></div><div>Oh, did I mention that hubby's supervisor tested positive as well?? I told the hubs that it is pretty sad he is more intimate with his supervisor than he is with me. He didnt like that but I sure got a good laugh out of it. </div><div><br></div><div>Working opposite shifts has probably helped me but I have thought from the beginning of this stupid mess that I already had it. Me and a few others at the office. </div><div><br></div><div>So now, we have had two days together, stuck in this house. TWO. He has eight to go. I have twelve. Remember when this pandemic first started and people were forced to stay home? I was envious for about a minute but thought there would be no way we would make it through.</div><div><br></div><div>Well, here we are!!! One of hubs co-workers told me not to kill him in the next 2 weeks. I said fine but after that, all bets are off.</div><div><br></div><div>Please dont send cards or messages hoping he (or we) get to feeling better. We both feel great but our sleep schedules are really going to suck when life goes back to normal. We are good on everyday groceries and toilet paper and yeast and peanut butter. Thanks to my bestie for getting us some drinks from the c-store today. God Bless You. That is probably tge only thing we will ever need someone to get for us, luckily.</div><div><br></div><div>If we get to feeling bad, I will update everyone. I know lots of people are entrigued about how people feel as they gothrough this. I feel trapped. Does that help? Our report should be pretty boring as long as we dont develop any symptoms.</div><div><br></div><div>We were able to go into town today and vote from our car. I felt like a lepper but those gals in the Guthrie County Courthouse are and always have been amazing to work with. So that's done.</div><div><br></div><div>For those of you that say "At least you have puppies to play with while you are stuck at home," their eyes arent even open yet so they arent that much fun. And momma is pretty proud of them and very much all about them NOT being around the sperm donor or that old bitch that growls at night. Not me, but Eva. So if we want to hold them now, we have to go sit in her 4x4 welping box and that is not comfortable!! </div><div><br></div><div>Well, it took a quarantine, but I finally got hubs to sit down and work on this crazy ass puzzle. We are making pretty good progress on it. Who knows, we may finish it tomorrow. We better pace ourselves. I dont want to run out of stuff to do. Sure cant bake anything because I couldnt share it with anyone in good conscious. </div><div><br></div><div>Stay tuned. We will see how this goes.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-57122627914218110372020-10-25T18:34:00.001-05:002020-10-25T18:34:05.889-05:00Have love in your heart<p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Well, hello there! Fancy meeting you here. It's been a little while so thought I would pop in and tell you a story. The purpose of the story is at the end. I mean the main purpose of the story. Sometimes I surprise myself at what comes out of my own mouth. It's usually bad...or embarrassing...or dumb....usually sarcastic. Sometimes though, it is so right on, it makes me think someone is speaking for me!</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Recently, on my way home from work around midnight forty, I came across a car that had obviously hit a deer. Well, let's be fair; I saw the deer blood all over the road and then some car parts on the left side of the interstate and then the car itself was on the shoulder on the right side with both back hazard lights clearly turned on for the world to see. California plates so they aren't local by any means. It didn't take much to deduce what had happened. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I pulled over to the right, in front of the damaged car, turned on my flashers and got out after making sure no vehicles were coming up behind us. I walked to the car and approached the driver's door and asked if they were ok. The female in the drivers seat tried to open the door but it was too heavily damaged but she could crack it just enough to say they were ok but getting cold. I told her that I am a 911 dispatcher and where I worked and I would gladly give them a ride into the next town so they could get a motel room. She thanked me and I could see that three young ladies were in the car with her. I told her not to try to open the door and everybody needs to exit the car from the passenger side due to traffic not getting over.</span></p><p><span style="color: red;">DUE TO TRAFFIC NOT GETTING OVER. FOR TWO CARS WITH HAZARD LIGHTS ON. UN-FREAKING-BELIEVABLE! IF YOU DON'T GET OVER FOR ANY VEHICLE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, AT THE VERY LEAST SLOW DOWN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN OR SURRENDER YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THAT WAS SOMEONE YOU LOVED AND YOUR CARELESSNESS GOT THEM HURT OR KILLED?</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">So the woman and her three daughters (this info was confirmed) started grabbing things around them. The youngest of the group, possibly around 8 years old, got out and took her blankets and pillow and put them in the back of my car. She looked at me and said "What do you want me to do with these?" I looked down and she had either a small tablet or a large cell phone. "You keep hold of that." She started to cry and I asked her if she was ok. She shook her head yes and I asked if she was scared. She said yes and then started crying. "Keep that in your coat pocket and get in the car and get warm. Your tears are going to freeze to your face. I am here to help and I have the heater going for you." I opened up the back door and she crawled in. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I went back and helped them get their belongings and put them in my car. We took everything they could fit in there. Backpacks of clothes, shoes, blankets, pillows, sacks of snacks and food. I think they only thing we left in that car was their trash and a notebook. They thanked me about a hundred times if they thanked me once. I turned on my flashlight at one point to look at the extensive damage to her car and of course, blood and hair everywhere. They may have gasped a couple of times and I said it's just part of the animal so it's ok. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">We got the car loaded and the driver asked if she could go back and take pictures of her car. Of course you can! </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">While she was taking pictures, the middle (in age, maybe 12) gal said to me, "So you are a 911 dispatcher?" I turned to her and said "Yep!" She smiled at me and was very curious and I think if we would have had much of a car ride, there would have been a whole conversation about my job and she said "How did you become a 911 dispatcher? Do you need to go to school for it?" I explained to her that there is training involved with the job but there isn't a college course that can prepare anyone for the things a dispatcher does or hears and a lot of it is about multi-tasking. She took in every single word I spoke and then said "I want to be a 911 dispatcher so I can help people like you do." If that just doesn't melt your heart and make you feel proud of yourself, what would? I looked her right in the eye and said these words to her.....</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">"That is great but remember, you don't have to be a 911 dispatcher to help people. You just have to have love in your heart." Her mom then got in the car and we went to town. The whole way I wondered where that came from. I got them safely to a motel and helped them unload their belongings into the room. I wrote down all the location information of her accident (for her insurance and the tow truck) and wrote down the number to the sheriff's office if she needed us for anything else and I was on my way home.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I slept so good knowing they were off the road, warm and safe. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">I did not write this for any accolades. I wrote this because that little girl made me believe in myself again; not only as a dispatcher but as a human being who cares about others. We need to reach out more and give people a hand up and if they need a hand out, give that to them too. There will always be someone out there worse off than you. Always. If you need my help, let me know. I will try my best. I hope you will too.</span></p>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-39120890072601876742020-08-08T11:34:00.000-05:002020-08-08T11:34:49.920-05:00Wedding DayRaise your glass and let's make a toast. The big day is finally here. A lot of talking, planning, shopping, arranging, re-arranging. And it is here. The day we have all been waiting for. <div><br></div><div>*brakes screeching* </div><div><br></div><div>Hold the phone.....</div><div><br></div><div>The day Dana and Drew have been waiting for. I wont lie, I have been ready to get this over with for a LONG time. </div><div><br></div><div>This gal walked into my life 5 or 6 years ago and I wasnt looking for a friend. I had plenty. Sometimes she turns life around for me. Sometimes "around" means upside down too. I wouldnt have it any other way though. </div><div><br></div><div>Dana is silly. I get a kick out of hearing about the dog's colors or her children's collaring books. You read it right. That's how she tells it. I love discussing road tripping with her and hope someday to visit this magical place called Minionapolos. Sounds amazing! </div><div><br></div><div>Dana came to work with me at the jail after working at the local community school and I have always said "They hired you after college because they realized they graduated you and forgot to teach you to how to spell!" I have loosened up (a tad bit) on her spelling mistakes though. Learning to pick my battles.</div><div><br></div><div>And after all of this ribbing, Dana has been and always will be right there for me. She has such a good heart and a good soul. Even in the worst of situations. Dana and I work very well together. We bounce off of each other. We dont even have to think about things. We just know what the other is going to do and we react to each other. We truly are a great team. And we have a special bond that I pray we never lose because it is hard to find a person you can be your grouchy, scared, pissed off self around and then turn around and see them smiling back at you, telling you not only is it ok to be those things, but that they still love you all the way through it. </div><div><br></div><div>That's what I have with Dana and I hope she knows she has that with me. This gal, her very soon-to-be husband Drew, their two precious babes, and all their little fur-babies are very close to my heart and I love them all like they are my own. </div><div><br></div><div>As you all know, Im not normally like this. All mushy and squishy and soft. I dont like that. It is too emotional for me. Life is hard so I try to be a little harder around the edges. But today... *sigh* ...today I will be a little kinder, a little softer, and show my friends how much I love and support them. </div><div><br></div><div>So, if you see me standing up there and a tear slides down my cheek, it is because Im excited and very happy for my girl. Happy she is getting the day she wants. </div><div><br></div><div>I had a whole bunch of funny stuff built up to write about today but it just doesnt seem appropriate. Today isnt the day. Or I just need to start day drinking a little early! Then the words will flow!!! It's still early so we will just play that by ear!</div><div><br></div><div>Today is dedicated to you my friend. I cant wait to get this party started and get you started down this new journey in life. I love you and will always be here for you.</div>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-40799703627213402242020-05-27T22:48:00.000-05:002020-05-27T22:48:00.477-05:00My 2-3 cents worth<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think we owe it to ourselves and to
those around us to think before we speak. I know from experience that
doesn't always work. It's hard to do sometimes. And I mean it when
I say some days it's nearly impossible. That's why I use this site
as my platform and not Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or any other BS
site that easily fuels anger. But we all have a breaking point. We
are human. Let's keep that in the forefront of our minds. Another
thing to remember is that what I type is MY OPINION. Mine and nobody
else's. I can not and will not speak for anybody else.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want to put this out there right now
for anybody that may think different. Mainly because I have been
accused of one or two of these. I am not privileged because of my
race, my status, my bank account, or my name. I, myself, have felt
like I have been “wronged” in my life for whatever reasons but
clearly, I am not privileged. I work hard at what I do; whatever I
do. I like to get good results and if that means I have to give a
little sweat and tears, so be it. I am always up to learn and I am
not afraid to ask questions to be a better dispatcher or a better
person. But, if that is your idea of me, get it out of your mind and
if you can't, get out of my life. I refuse to spend my time trying
to make you understand. I have a life to live and I just want to be
happy. There is a reason for this paragraph and I will get to it
soon.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's hot in here. Do you think it's
hot in here? Maybe it's just my blood boiling over so many things.
Maybe it's just hot in here. I don't know. What I do know is that
an air conditioner is about to go in my bedroom window because this
menopausal-pain-in-the-butt-grouchy-ass girl needs to get some sleep.
Some nice cold, deep sleep with a ceiling fan, box fan, and 2
blankets. That is with the air conditioner. Yeah, I like to live on
the edge like that. Let's go back to the blood boiling thing. It's
much more colorful.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">By now you have all heard or read about
the 4 Minneapolis, MN police officers that were fired over the case
with George Floyd. When I turned on the news that day and saw it, I
was shocked, appalled, sick and very angry. I sat there and shed
tears for the whole situation. I watched the video and could not
believe what I was seeing. I was literally yelling at the tv, “He
can't breathe! Get the hell off of him!”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know, I know. If you can talk, you
can breathe. But what about when his talking started drifting off
and when it stopped? What about when he involuntary urinated himself?
At what point did these guys not see what they were causing? Were
they having a really bad day? Did they have prior dealings with this
guy that made them be more aggressive? Were they on a power trip?
Did they care? It is senseless to me. Senseless and stupid and the
whole thing could have and should have been avoided, in my opinion.
I do not care what the situation is, you take the ability to breathe
seriously. For every single person. Maybe that's the 911 dispatcher
in me talking, I don't know. I'd like to think that's the ethical
part of my being talking.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Every single cop that has went through
an Academy has been trained how to properly take down and detain a
bad guy. Smashing their face into the ground for several minutes and
holding the weight of your body with your knee on their neck, back or
front, is not the way to do it. I keep thinking about the people
standing around taking videos and watching this happen. But then,
how do you make a cop stop doing what he is doing?? Rush them and
force them to at least take the knee off the guy? Take a risk of
being shot? In the least, take a risk of arrest. Pictures of a
crowd of people rushing the cops keeps coming to mind. I'm not
saying it wasn't a good thing there is video evidence but what were
the reasons for stopping and just watching? 5 minutes of fame? A
few bucks to be made by the networks? Whatever the reason, we all saw
what happened in the end. I would love to know what happened before
anyone started their videos. We haven't heard that part of the story
yet. I don't know, the whole thing makes me sick.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I keep asking myself, “What would you
have done if you were witnessing this situation?” I don't have a
good answer. Maybe I would have blown up 911 and told them to get
someone there FAST because they are killing this man; that they are
holding his face down in the concrete and he is bleeding and saying
he can't breathe; given every detail I could have given. I know
there is a record of the call then. Not on my phone, but on theirs.
I don't know. In the area we live in, we don't see this kind of BS,
thankfully, and I hope we never do. Tell me, in the comments, what
you would have done. There's no right or wrong answer.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And if the situation isn't bad enough,
now there are riots and death threats and who knows what else! These
4 cops have been fired and they WILL go to prison for what they did
but remember, before your social media law degree gets rolled out (we
all have our own opinions and most of them are probably the same),
keep in mind they also get due process. Just like any other
criminals. I would about bet those guys are saying goodbye to their
loved ones right now. You all know how I feel about law enforcement
and I will never apologize for that. But this....this can not be
condoned. This is a huge example of “bad cop.”
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know I shouldn't have an opinion
until all the facts come in...and I still want to know what led up to
this take down...but I'm just as human as you are. I have my
thoughts and I have my opinions. But as I watched this story...this
video, being talked about on CBS This Morning, I was disgusted by
Gayle King and her reaction on National television. She is supposed
to be better than that. She is supposed to be held in higher regard
because she is supposed to be a fact-giver, a reporter, not an
opinion-giver. I have never cared for that woman and if it weren't
for Oprah Winfrey and her connections, that woman wouldn't be where
she is today. I doubt I ever watch that show again. It's okay for
her to go on live tv and say “It's open season on black men in
America...” She literally had to excuse herself from a segment and
“hand it over” because she was so upset. If she was upset, she
should have excused herself from the beginning.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hey Gayle, instead of fueling the
problem, try being part of a solution. You have the best platform
there is so start educating people instead of condemning those you
don't agree with. She needs to read some statistics on racial
crimes. Another senseless and stupid thing we have going for us. I
don't care what color this man was; he didn't deserve what he got.
But I'm not going to get into that because this country is fueled
enough by race. That would be a whole other blog that I'm not
willing to get into at this time.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, because some cops made some clearly
bad choices, I am not going to hold that against all the good cops
out there. And there are far more good ones than there are bad ones.
The same goes for doctors, nurses, educators, and clergy men. There
are good ones and there are bad ones. But I am not going to hate all
of them for the actions of a few.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now that I have that off my chest, I
will address that second paragraph from the top. Good ole Facebook.
You do make me dislike people. Some days I think I need to get off
of it for good and then I remember all the people I love that I don't
get to see on a day-to-day basis and how it keeps us in touch. So
there's that. There was a girl that I went to school with and we
were good friends. She was always fun to be around and we may or may
not have gotten into our fair share of trouble. Key word there
“MAY.” Over the years, we lost contact with each other and went
on about our lives. Several times I contacted family to try to get
back into contact with her and each time was met with “She doesn't
want anything to do with Bedford people.” That hurt.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For years, I wondered what her real
friends had ever done to her that was so awful. I LOVED hanging out
with this gal! So now, thank you Facebook, we have become
reconnected. She has a good job and a great family and loves her God
“faithfully.” The reason for the quotation is this. Whenever
something comes up in the news about a racial crime, she is the first
to throw out words of anger and heat. She wants justice and she
wants it now. She doesn't care that there's a due process to go
through because she is sickened by anything that makes “her people”
look like the bad guy. And they aren't always the bad guy. But
sometimes they are. Sometimes “my people,” as she might say, are
the bad people too. Anybody can be good and anybody can be bad. The
color of your skin doesn't decide that. Actions do. How is that
faith working out for you? Don't preach it if you can't live by it.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Needless to say, we are no longer
Facebook friends because I just don't want to see that hatred all
over the page when I am there to have fun and laugh with my friends.
There is so much negativity in our world already. I don't want it
shoved down my throat every day. I have already lost one friend from
childhood over politics and I'm not willing to risk it again. It's
easier to unfriend and love the person than it is to hold my tongue
for months and then say something out of rage. And I do still love
her and love our memories. I always will. Just like the other gal
that doesn't agree with me on politics. But I hope, since this gal
is an educator, that she would think twice about what she posts in a
very public forum because she too, is held in higher regard by many
people.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have another friend, whom I have
known practically his whole life and he is super impressive when it
comes to writing so I hope he addresses the issue about this whole
mess in Minnesota. I am patiently waiting. You know who you are.
</span></div>
<br />B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-33196619201373381042020-03-29T21:42:00.001-05:002020-03-29T23:13:19.429-05:00Stop being a butt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hey, 30 more days of "social distancing," "self-isolation," and "quarantine." I've about had it and I'm not even stuck at home. I don't need toilet paper. I don't need groceries. What I need is some time with my family and friends. This is ridiculous. I need some human interaction! No offense to my husband and puppers but dang it, with us not being able to go anywhere, they have all found out where my last nerve is (it's in the neck and it really, really, super hurts!) and they all can't wait to poke at it. They don't even use a stick but then, that would probably hurt worse.<br>
<br>
Oh yeah, we have a pregnant dog and a pregnant cat at home too. So there will be more headaches and hair pulling (on me, by me) soon to come.<br>
<br>
As I ponder the whole Coronavirus situation and what we are going to think and say about it 10-20 years down the road, there's a piece of me that cries <b>"I am just a little bit jealous of those people that get to say home and do whatever they want, with no time restrictions or deadlines. I want to do that!" </b>And then common sense rolls back around and says <b>"You would go C-R-A-Z-Y if you had to stay in your home 24/7!" </b>I think the first paragraph told us this already.<br>
<br>
While I do enjoy going to work and being able to stay working, it is SO FRUSTRATING to see people out together. I don't mean families that live together, I mean people that will travel down the road and pull up next to each other, get out and HUG each other. Are you freaking kidding me? I see it almost daily at gas stations when I am driving by. What are we learning from this social distancing experience? Apparently a number of us are learning NOTHING. ZERO. ZILCH. NADA. And while they are learning big on that, I get to bathe myself eight times a day and dress up in what little hand sanitizer I already had on hand. I have plenty. Thanks for the offer, though.<br>
<br>
Inside, I get angry at a lot of people but I do try to keep my head about me and think about the situation. The reason I get angry is because people can't see that they need to do this; <u>they need to stay home as much as possible.</u> The longer it takes for people to get their heads out of their asses, the longer this whole thing is going to take. Just the other day, a convenience store worker said to me "This has all been blown out of proportion." I didn't know what to say at first and I just walked away with a soft, "Oh yeah Karen, we shut down the world for overkill." Believe what you will, I guess.<br>
<br>
The way we have been handling this is not the way to do it. Obviously, if it did work, we wouldn't have been handed another 30 day prize now, would we? Stop going to your sister's house. Stop going to your parents' house. Stop going to visit your cousins and best friends. Stop putting people at risk. Older people, younger people, all people.<br>
<br>
Stop thinking about yourself and start putting others first. This shouldn't be a pandemic lesson either. That right there is a life lesson. Always put the love of others before yourself and be kind. Buying up all those rolls of toilet paper isn't being kind either ya'll. Maybe if people could keep their heads on straight and tight, there would be enough to go around. Don't worry about us though. We have all sorts of things we can wipe our butts with. Leaves, husbands socks, cleaning rags, husbands shirts. I can come up with many, many ideas.<br>
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BUTT....see what I did there??? How about those people that can't get around very well? How about those people that are already sick and have other health issues that can't just go out to ole Wally World any time they get the notion? If you went out and hoarded a bunch of toilet paper and hand sanitizer and medical supplies and bleach and bread and milk and eggs and.....I could go on all day with this list.....whatever else people will need, you will never be able to convince me that it was right. These are the times we need to be considerate of others. Be kind. Get only what you need for right now and go home. You can go back next week or next month and get some more. <br>
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The way the people of this country have acted since this pandemic started has saddened my heart and it makes me sick. I still relate what my dad used to say, "You don't have to respect the President but you need to respect the office of President." I have always, always, always done that. No matter how vile the President was at the time. So now I say to you, "You don't have to respect yourself. (You should but you don't have to) but you need to respect others." This is the time in our lives that we need to get only what we NEED, do only what we HAVE to, and put those wants on the back burner.<br>
<br>
Call people. Write letters to people. Send cards to people. Color pictures and hang in your window. Get the sidewalk chalk out and dress up the sidewalk or the driveway. Facetime or video chat with your family and friends for now. I will tell you this much, it will sure make you appreciate them more. I hate it when people tell me I can't do something but this time, someone could die if I don't listen and I am not having that on my conscience. Could you have it on your conscience?<br>
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I know there is more that I could scream about but I'm not going to. Typing is a whole lot funner to do than crying and crying seems to be what everyone wants to do right now. AloneTogether. Think about that and remember, we are all in this together. We can do this. Please help me have hope in the American people and keep your butts at home and keep to yourself if you can't seem to get along with whoever is in that house with you. Compromise and sacrifice. We all have it in us.<br>
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Don't we?B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-33224356298868246182020-03-08T23:42:00.001-05:002020-03-29T21:44:31.373-05:00Sometimes I wear my work shirt to bed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am going to apologize in advance for whatever may happen here today. This blog has been forming in my mind for a little while so I thought it was about time to get it all out. I would also like to say up front that this blog is not about getting sympathy, thanks, attention and it is not about preaching to anyone. Well, maybe at the end...if you make it there. I don't like to talk about things that bother me but this is one way I can do it without feeling like I am burdening anyone. We all need someone to talk to, right? Well here I am. Talking to you now.<br>
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Sometimes it is really hard to come to work. Most days I look forward to it though. I can't wait to see what will happen on my shift. I can't wait to see if I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I anticipate the challenges that could and just might come my way. One ring of the phone and we're off to the races! That is most days. It is those "sometimes" that seem to trip me up. It is those "sometimes" that all I can think about are those things that have happened in years past; months past; days past; and not just from working in dispatch but all of life's tragedies.<br>
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Sometimes when I talk to people...and I will interject here that it is NEVER small town people. Never people that I know or have known for years. I'm talking about when I go to a bigger city. When I talk to strangers...and I tell them that I am a dispatcher. I usually get the same old thing and I'm telling you...it's old! "Oh you answer phones all day!" or "So, you're a secretary for cops?" I used to just shake my head and walk away because it was just easier than pointing out the facts that some people don't or can't understand.<br>
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I was going to start listing everything we do when the proverbial shit hits the fan but I'm not going to do that. We could be here for days if I do that. But I will say that we have two stations and on those two stations, we have multiple radios that we are learning to use new technology on all the time, we have 911 phones as well as admin phones with multiple lines, we have (just in our office currently) 8 monitors that we have to keep an eye on mostly all the time, and several programs on those screens that need our attention at any given time. <br>
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We have multiple fire departments and ambulances to page out and keep track of what they are doing; all while we are doing the other things that have to be done. And then we get to tack on the weather because that is something we always have an abundance of, right? Downpours, fog, ice, snow, tornadoes, floods. And if we're lucky, we get to do jail duties through it all, when a jailer is not scheduled. So the list just keeps going. Sounds fun, huh?<br>
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But, that isn't what this blog is about. What this is about is that we are human beings behind that phone, behind that screen and we work our tails off. We come back every day because we care to. It's what is within us. And while that seems to be noble on the outside, think about what we carry with us on the inside. The things that stay with us for days, months, years, the rest of our lives. The things we hear and sometimes can never stop hearing.<br>
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Sometimes when we pick up the phone, we get to hear hate and venom spew out of people's mouths. And usually it is directed right at us simply because we answered the phone. I realize the majority of the time it isn't meant to be directed at us but when a situation gets heated, it's hard to control your emotions no matter who you are talking to. <br>
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Sometimes when we pick up the phone, we get blamed because we can't get help to someone fast enough. We need to get information so we can pass it along to the people that need to come help you. We don't just ask you questions because we're bored. We have ways to deal with boredom right here without your help. The more details a dispatcher can get about a call, the better the call will be. You never know what teeny tiny detail you give a dispatcher can be an "Aha!" moment for the people working the call. People can be very full of rage for many different reasons and they can get quite vulgar toward the person they are talking to on the phone and again, I realize it is usually misplaced anger. But still.....we feel that.<br>
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I can't tell you how many times I have wished to be able to pass through the phone line to get to my caller; some to hug, others to punch.<br>
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Sometimes when we pick up the phone and we hear someone completely beside themselves, barely able to talk to us, because they have just found their spouse, significant other, parent or child unresponsive. Those calls are hard ones because immediately your heart is going out to that caller and your first instinct is to get them help and get someone to them to help them get through this ordeal. I promise you, we are working as fast as we can to get help to you and your loved one.<br>
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Not long ago, our neighboring county had multiple officers shot and it happened within our county. Never in my life will I ever forget the sound of that dispatcher saying they have officers down. As quickly as I could get my foot on the mic pedal to get my people, and many others headed that way, a lot of emotions were already starting to surface. I was immediately pissed off and scared for those guys. My hands and my voice were shaking and I remember my jailer asking if I needed him to take over. <b>"This is what we train for"</b> is all I could hear myself say. <br>
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And then, when everyone is on scene and doing all they need to do, we get to sit and wait. We wait for any bit of news. Any information on who is hurt, how badly they are hurt, what is going on? Radio silence is by far the worst sound in the world for me, and I'm sure many others. Sometimes, the not knowing hurts more than anything. See those guys that were involved, they weren't my local people but they are my people. Their lives are just as important to me as my own local guy's lives. And no matter how mad I get at them (and I do get mad at them), I will always care and I will always be here for them. <br>
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I have heard a lot of dispatchers...usually from bigger departments...say that the hardest part of this job is the not knowing, after a call is done. I am blessed to work with the guys that I do because they share what they can, knowing I need that closure as much as anybody else. Nobody wants to spend a week reading a great book, only to get to the last chapter and it wasn't ever written. We work hard for these calls and we deserve to know what happens after we hang up.<br>
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It is nothing for a dispatcher to experience many, if not all, emotions during one shift and I'll tell you how I handle that. Not anybody else, just me. If I leave work and I'm angry and full of rage, I will hold that in until I get to my safe place...my husband...and that poor guy gets unloaded on. It took him a while but he understand now that none of it is directed at him; I just need him to listen and understand where I'm coming from AND to tell me if I'm angry for the wrong reasons. I tell ya, he doesn't get paid near enough for putting up with me some days. <br>
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When I leave work happy, I turn up the radio and either open the sun roof or put the windows down. I sing as loud and as proud as I can. It doesn't matter if it's 20 below, that sun roof will be open on my way home if need be. The nights when it's been emotional turmoil, I cry all the way home. I used to live five minutes from work so I got a good little cry in but now I live 35 minutes away and sometimes am lucky to get two cries in before getting home. By then I'm exhausted and ready to wind down. <br>
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Then there are those rare, "sometimes" nights that send me home anxious and physically sick to my stomach. Like I said, these are rare. At least for me they are. It takes a lot to really "get" to me but recently it did. Sometimes you just have to stop on the side of the road and leave your feelings right there. These are the nights I need to sleep in my work shirt. I can not get comfort any other way when sleep finally comes. And sometimes that takes days.<br>
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The percentage of days that I cry going to or coming home from work is much greater than the days I get to sing to the stars. Sometimes I will hear a song on the radio and it will trigger a memory of something that has happened at work. This is why I usually don't like to listen to country music. That stuff is tragic for bad news and heart break!! Sometimes it's the overload of days past that catches up with me. I try to outrun those moments but it's not always easy. You know the saying "You can run but you can't hide." It's true.<br>
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I can drive down a country road, the interstate, or even a highway in my area and see exactly where I had been on scene with a deputy and remember any horrific detail from that call. I will remember the anxiety I felt when we were going there, the mad rush to do anything that can be of help, and what the scene looked like. Sometimes I can remember distinct smells from a call. Gasoline, oil, grass, fire, and sometimes even death. That's why I like to do ride-alongs. For the rush of the business. <br>
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You are probably thinking that I shouldn't be riding along to calls if it is going to affect me but I live for it. I love all the feelings that go with this job; even the bad feelings. If I didn't know what bad felt like, how would I appreciate all the good?<br>
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All dispatchers have calls that infuriate us. 9-1-1 hang ups from a phone that can ONLY call 9-1-1 or an unattended child playing with a phone. While I am on the phone trying to ask your 1 year old child to give the phone to mommy or daddy, someone else is needing to call me on that 9-1-1 line. For the love of bacon, if your old phone has a battery in it, it can call 9-1-1. It does not have to be hooked up to any service. Read this, let this soak in, understand it and be proactive about it. I could go on all day about the different types of calls we get but I'm not going to do that either. Aint nobody got time for that!<br>
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I am pretty good about handling stuff, I think. I have a few calls that have bothered me over the years. I had a guy call 9-1-1 because he was having a hard time breathing. I could barely get his address from him and the more time passed, the worse he was getting. I stayed on the line with him and he tried to talk between gasps and gulps. I kept telling him not to talk but to concentrate on breathing until an ambulance got to him. It took a couple of minutes but he said his wife and children were upstairs asleep and he didn't want them to know what was going on. Seriously! Sympathy and heart break for this man and then I was pissed off. See how those emotions turn at a moments notice??? While I did let EMS know this information, I could not keep a promise to this man that his family wasn't going to be woken up. <br>
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Once, I was on the phone with a guy that had fallen asleep driving down the interstate. He hit a cable barrier and had called 9-1-1. He was trying to get his bearings to tell me where he was at when he was hit by another car. Another sound I will never, ever forget. I have never wanted to be transported to a different place more than I did that night. Luckily for him, things turned out to be okay. It probably took longer for me to recover than it did for him.<br>
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Another time, we had a terrible snow storm and I was working the overnight shift. It was the worst snowstorm since I started working here actually. A lady that did not speak much English kept calling 9-1-1 because she and her baby were stuck in a truck on a county road that wasn't in our county but close to it. I can't even remember how many times I paged and re-paged services to try to get to her. No law enforcement or fire department could get through the drifts. <br>
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It is a terrible feeling to not be able to get help to someone. It took several hours and it felt like days, but the neighboring county was able to get somebody to her and her child and get them to warmth and safety. I'm not sure if it was on my blog or on my Facebook where I posted about the show 9-1-1 on Fox and there was an earthquake and they were having to tell people they could not get help to them. It brought me to tears. I was sobbing. <br>
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I will do just about anything to get help to anybody that I can in an emergency situation. In the past twelve months, I have had way too many calls where I can not find enough emergency services to cover what I need. It's not that we didn't have enough services; it is that so much was going on, there wasn't enough to go around. And that terrifies me for those that need it.<br>
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I know I'm rambling. I need to wrap this up. For those of you that are friends with a dispatcher, keep in mind that we don't usually want to talk about work when we are out with you or are on the phone with you (and if we answer the phone, consider yourself lucky because we get sick of that thing). We like to keep those conversations close with our work families. If you want your dispatcher friend to flourish and be mentally healthy, talk to them about anything but work and IF they want to talk about something that happened there, let them come to you and just listen. Don't ask them! <br>
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And don't...I repeat DO NOT use your dispatcher friends to your own advantage. It will bite you in the ass. It is not our jobs to keep our friends out of jail. We like to think we are friends with people smarter than that.<br>
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And just in case you don't know this, when something awful happens at work, we have a chance to go to something called a debriefing, where we can talk about our feelings connected with the call; talk about things that we can't just talk to anyone and everyone about. We just don't all choose to do it this way because for some of us...okay for this dispatcher...it makes it all that much worse.<br>
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And there is just one more thing I want to add to this post. This is going to sound preachy. If you don't like it, leave. Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya cause it's getting real here at the end. <br>
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<b>You are not invincible and if you die behind the wheel, for any reason, you are leaving a lot of people hurting in this world.</b> Parents, children, spouses, family, friends and so much more. Distracted driving is killing us. Literally. Put your phones away and concentrate on the road. Your kids are cute but that Snapchat you are taking while driving down the road isn't worth yours or their life. <br>
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AND, I can not stress this enough...if you feel you must drink beyond your limit, do the right thing and get a ride home with a sober driver. It is not fair to risk the lives of other people because of your ego. I think we all know how we would feel if our loved one got hurt, or worse, from a drunk driver so the next time you are out drinking, think about it and do the right thing.<br>
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I'm off my soapbox and my fingerprints have been worn off the ends of my fingers. Stick a fork in me, I'm done!<br>
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In the words of Luke Bryan, "I believe most people are good."</div>
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Thanks for listening <3</div>
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<br>B00http://www.blogger.com/profile/01017381975327758589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8801307361266814319.post-48404166696156228252019-10-09T01:51:00.001-05:002019-10-09T01:51:33.864-05:00What happens in Vegas, didn't stay in Vegas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well, we did it. We took a girls trip
to Vegas and we came back unscathed. Here is our pre-flight pic at Olive Garden. We tried to get our server to go with us...and he thought about it....but thought he better keep his job. His loss. </div>
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So we get to the airport with a crazy driver named Zach who I am sure was trying to kill us. There wasn't a corner he couldn't (or wouldn't) turn on 2 wheels. Poor me, I was sliding all over the place. No butt to keep me on my seat! <br />
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So we get all checked in and settled in the loading area. We had quite a bit of time to spare so we spent it Facebooking, talking, walking around and people watching. Well, as time as approaching to load, a gal sat down next to Justi. I didn't think too much of it. She was face timing with someone as was multiple others in the place. The next thing I know, Justi is laughing. One of those "I don't want anyone to hear me laugh" kinda laughs. I look over to her (I'm beside her) and that just makes her laugh even more. Trying not to raise suspicion, I mouth the words "What?" and she tries to tell me..... "Loo...(laughter) look at...(laughter)." I can't figure out what she is talking about. She is trying to avert her eyes to this gals legs without her knowing and I'm still not getting it. She finally says "toenails" between gasps for air. <br />
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People, this next picture doesn't even BEGIN to show the nastiness that we saw! I mean, it took some real creativity to even get a picture since there was someone between us and I didn't want her to see what I was doing! Poor Justi has tears streaming down her face and I am about to throw up. Acrylic nails on her toes....which is something I have NEVER heard of and if that wasn't weird enough, this gal has let them grow out so far it looks like she has a literal glue factory between the nail and the cuticle!! I mean we could have parked a Prius between the two!!! I don't know what it was but it reminded me of rubber cement. YUCK!!! I don't know how she will ever get that scraped off. I hope she got it taken care of. <br />
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There you go. You're welcome. But like I said, this picture does it NO JUSTICE for how literally gross and disgusting it was! Moving on..........<br />
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Let me tell you something. I never thought, in my entire life, that I would get my sister Kathy on an airplane. She's terrified of bridges, let alone go up in the air!! We purchased these tickets six months ago so she was kinda locked in. For six months she gave herself anxiety about the whole thing. Luckily, she and I got to sit next to each other and mother-and-daughter team sat in front of us so we all got to chat and take turns peeling Kathy's fingers from Justi's seat at every movement on the part of the airplane! How dare that thing move!!! She did great, folks. She was scared, I won't say she wasn't; but she got through it with grace and I couldn't be more proud of her. On the way out, we had to go up through some weather and get on top of it so there was a little turbulence. I looked over at her one time and she was staring a hole right into the back of Justi's seat; white-knuckled hands about to pull the magazine holder right off that thing. I asked “Are you okay?” She didn't answer me at first and I thought maybe she had just suffered the worst right there without anyone knowing but she finally said “yeah,” so then I could start breathing again. I love to fly so it's hard for me to understand the fear but then again, she doesn't get my whole clown thing either so there ya go.<br />
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Two hours and 40 minutes later, WE HAVE ARRIVED!!! Look out Vegas!! We have plans to tear this town up like you will never believe! </div>
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I will tell you right here and now, in
front of God and everyone, that we are a wild group and you really
need to watch it when you go places with us. Especially Vegas. With
the exception of the first night, we were in our hotel rooms by
probably 10-10:30. I'm talking PM. Yeah, we are THAT crazy!!!
The only reason we got in late the first night is because we arrived
in Vegas in the late evening and our gracious host shuttled us around to see some sights. </div>
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Heck, one night I thought I would
live life on the edge and stay up until 1:30 am!!!! Of course,
they all had crashed out around midnight so I cleaned our hotel room
so the maid would know EXACTLY what we needed. It didn't do any good
though. We still had to track her down the next day for extra
towels, toilet paper and Kleenex!! </div>
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Enough about the maid!!! Let's roll back a little bit and talk about our wonderful host/tour guide/all around wonderful guy! If you've ever been to Vegas, you might know him. Heck, if you've ever been to Branson, you might know him. Let's get real here folks, if you've ever been to Fontanelle, Iowa, you might know him! Sadly, I never got the chance to meet him when he was visiting Fontanelle so it was quite a shock to me when we were heading down the escalator to the baggage claim and I see him sitting there just smiling at us because the only two on this trip that know him, didn't even see him. Then there's me...who has only seen his pic on Facebook a few times but have heard about him at least a hundred times, and I spot him right away. "THERE HE IS!!!" Justi's head swings right to the baggage claim because she thinks I mean our bag because she was almost convinced ours was either still at Omaha or had gone on to Cincinnati. Not sure why the thought of our bag entered her mind. </div>
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Oh wait, yes I remember! She saw them take a bag from our airplane back to the airport. It didn't matter that it was a red suitcase and ours was green. She was convinced!!! Anyway.....the one and only Jeffrey Micheals, sitting there waiting for little ole US!! It was so nice to meet him after all these years. I hope next time we get to watch him perform! This guy is seriously one of the nicest men you could ever meet in your life. I'm not exaggerating one bit! </div>
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Justi and her two BFF's. She has more but we were the only ones willing to go </div>
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out in public with her! HA!</div>
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Now, let's talk about the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel! It was nice. We all enjoyed our stay there, even if ya'll did snore! Haha yeah they all snored. Not me though. One night they made me sleep on the floor. It was crazy. If you have been to the HRH, none of the pics will entertain you but if you haven't been there, it's pretty awesome. Lots of little restaurants in there and things to do. </div>
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This was the door handles to their event center. Pretty cool, huh?! And all the hotel room doors had different pictures and sayings on them. The Elvis one is the coolest one! </div>
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We didn't have a balcony, so to speak, from our room. We had double doors that opened up to the city and in the morning, the view of the mountains were spectacular! There were five bars going across the front of the doors so we couldn't walk out if we wanted. Now...we could have climbed and jumped if we wanted to but nobody wanted to. I was able to lean forward enough to get a shot of the big guitar at the front of the hotel because ya know, getting a picture from the actual front of the building would have been WAY TOO EASY!!! </div>
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There were a couple of restaurants inside the building that I would have like to tried but we either didn't have the time, the energy, or the money! Man this place is expensive! Make sure you save about 6 paychecks for spending money on the strip and for those sly thieves called your hotel! A bottle of water is $5 at Dunkin Donuts inside our hotel. Next trip, I am going to drive out and go to Fremont St and get 3 cases of water! Everything is cheap there, including the entertainment; but we will get to that soon enough! </div>
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There was the FU Asian Kitchen and the Pink Taco and we didn't get to them, sadly. They had a shirt in PT restaurant that I wanted to get but they didn't have the right size. The front said "If you don't eat the Pink Taco" and then on the back it said "Your best friend will!" I about died laughing. </div>
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So, on our first full day in Las Vegas, we did what we thought was a really, really great idea. We walked almost the whole strip. We took a shuttle to the Forever 21 Fashion Show and then hoofed it right over to the strip. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and it was amazing but what it wasn't was easy on the feet. Holy Moley!! I wanted to go to the Excalibur to get a shirt for my husband and little did I know that it was CLEAR DOWN THERE!!! The restaurant I was looking for was "Dick's Last Resort." I knew I would find something for the husband there because I was told that they were really vulgar and rude in this place. Like "Hey what happened to your face? Did you get hit by a dick..." vulgar. I just wanted a chance to talk back. <div>
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When we finally got there...and I mean finally because I"m pretty sure my friends weren't my friends at this point. Walking all that way for some dick. What was I thinking?? We arrived at this restaurant inside the casino and this guy (worker) was chasing this small child across the room, screaming at him to "Get the hell back over there or I"m going to kick your ass. Sit down and stay there!" I looked around for a chair because I thought I was in trouble too. Scared the begeezus out of me. All these kids...and there were just as many kids as adults in the place...everyone was just laughing their fool heads off. I can not imagine why any person would take a child to a place like this but if you have, please don't tell me. It will ruin my image of you forever. That place was made for me, not for a child. I don't need to tell you that we did not eat there. I ate at Panda Express and fought that son-of-a-buck the rest of the night. He put up a good fight but I won. I'm never going back there again. I don't care what town it's in.<div>
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Anyway, there are some really cool and exciting things to see on the strip and I can't tell you what they all are because aint nobody got time for that. If you haven't been, just go. I'll go with ya. Here are just a few examples of the neat stuff you see. More pics will be posted on my Facebook soon but samples are given here first.</div>
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I can't believe I didn't go in here. Just to say I did!!! Dumb, dumb, dumb!</div>
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I tried to get a video of this because it was hilarious. He would come out and talk about his restaurant and then he would walk off screen. Then he would come back and say "Can someone get me out of this box?" Too funny!</div>
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Treasure Island is a cool place to see also! Arrgh matey!<br />
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So, the first full day we spent walking up and down the strip. So thankful that Jeffrey came and joined us on the last part and showed up a shortcut back to our hotel. Even though it didn't feel very short, I'm sure it was a lot shorter than we would have made it on our own! We got to a bus stop at one point and we could see our hotel, so we took a break at the bus stop and I decided we could just make it the rest of the way on foot. What a stupid, stupid thing to say! Damn tourists anyway!!! This isn't Iowa. Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can touch it. Justi and I earned those blsters on our feet!!! Maybe now you see why we were tuckered out so early in the evening!!!</div>
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For a couple of bucks we could have grabbed a bus but instead I gave my money to a homeless dude and his dog. I can't not give to the dog dangit!</div>
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I got to hear the song of my people so many times while out there. You know the ones.....sirens. They got my attention every time. We even saw a guy get arrested on his bicycle. It was cool. He must have been peddling ass.</div>
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When you're in a place like Las Vegas, it's easy to lose track of time. Obviously they don't have clocks out there so you don't know how long you do anything and they sure aren't going to tell you! I remember as we were going up an escalator to a cross bridge and Jenna says "We haven't even been here 24 hours yet." I literally could not wrap my mind around that. I couldn't believe it but it was true. We had already done and seen so much but because we arrived in LV in the evening..... crazy!</div>
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I realize Jenna is a grown ass adult and lives on her own and has her own business and all that but taking her to the strip was quite scary for me. I kept telling her "Don't get ahead of us! Someone will steal you!" She was either sick of hearing that or out of her mind high from all the pot that was in the air that she started saying it back to me! Seriously, they can't pick me up and carry me off like they can her! There was a little scare and I ran up and made eye contact with the filthy creep I thought was headed her way. I was ready to tangle. </div>
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And yeah.....the pot smoking is so out of control in that place. It makes me sick to smell it. I know a lot of you out there feel differently about it but my mind will never change on the subject. I hate it.</div>
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Moving on.....</div>
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Saturday night we were all sore from walking and so there we were, laying on our beds in the hotel room just talking. It's not like we get to do that at home!!! Like I said, we earned our blisters!!! I got to reading those auto-correct fails to the girls and Kathy, Jenna and I got to laughing. Can not believe Justi slept through that commotion! Jenna was sure we had inhaled too much "mota." Those auto-correct fails get me every time. I don't care who you are. If those don't make you laugh, you need to pull the stick out of your ass. </div>
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On Sunday, one of my most favorite people in the world, who also just happens to be my cousin Brian, came and took us to the Hoover Dam. He showed up with his granddaughter Kiki and that made my day! Brian drove us to the Dam and Kiki entertained us with Ghost and Ghoul riddles. We didn't know any of the answers unfortunately. I blame it on jet lag! I had been to the Hoover Dam once before but it is nothing like it used to be. Wow was it something to see! Even if you don't want to go to Las Vegas, go to the Dam. You won't be disappointed!! </div>
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Here's a pic of the beautiful water as we were approaching the parking area to the Dam. SO BLUE!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3_7HUhFS3GBtWlNH0TZHi5qx7bIKqsIm6CjWryiOAd2qV8-Zp5VqELz7ch8dRCifV7xDOBepDM-w5ovn9f0sQr36oMOTMYn9M12yDzU78GP2SclwHzojab-rgduuq5XL9lWLLFsjRCDFT/s1600/at+the+dam+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3_7HUhFS3GBtWlNH0TZHi5qx7bIKqsIm6CjWryiOAd2qV8-Zp5VqELz7ch8dRCifV7xDOBepDM-w5ovn9f0sQr36oMOTMYn9M12yDzU78GP2SclwHzojab-rgduuq5XL9lWLLFsjRCDFT/s200/at+the+dam+2.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyMKoTMGQ1Vtz6SMIMrZxZD3Nly-2mKNSbuNmMR8XS58Iy7UdultLwiEMmVFZFXZ6P43eKgAkLmGE-ZZnajlkX_l8diF_Cvw7z6sXDXoZuYqoUWzOjhOjvbmBlVbeSwoJjus2qb6dy2r-K/s1600/at+the+dam+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyMKoTMGQ1Vtz6SMIMrZxZD3Nly-2mKNSbuNmMR8XS58Iy7UdultLwiEMmVFZFXZ6P43eKgAkLmGE-ZZnajlkX_l8diF_Cvw7z6sXDXoZuYqoUWzOjhOjvbmBlVbeSwoJjus2qb6dy2r-K/s200/at+the+dam+6.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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I went clear into Arizona to get a picture of this sign! We were just beginning our trek on the Pat Tillman Bridge! Scary and exciting all at the same time!!!</div>
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AND THEN WE WENT DOWN THERE!!! DOWN TO THE ONLY PLACE I KNEW HOOVER DAM EXISTED!!! SO EXCITING!!!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWTTbksO0EadZaNl14_V915UtNd6ZJcAdM55bexc-JiVpuHup9kzsD_-jIYq4t_CcfsoAh13XwlfjEBkisthSjhoYr4TuAasOrn0XwN1GIp9H2XxxwFf3u_sFzFrgGqF8c3bk9e8wITbR/s1600/at+the+dam+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWTTbksO0EadZaNl14_V915UtNd6ZJcAdM55bexc-JiVpuHup9kzsD_-jIYq4t_CcfsoAh13XwlfjEBkisthSjhoYr4TuAasOrn0XwN1GIp9H2XxxwFf3u_sFzFrgGqF8c3bk9e8wITbR/s320/at+the+dam+7.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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See that bridge behind us??? Yeah we were just on that thing!!! Trust me, when a semi crossed over, you felt it!!! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1GmZS_Eh72AUPnHm0thM0NvngPtJV7-sltRdrg6Z2xQnWejz6u5L0mEY8IN_dIYv1rUH_FGHXDTxR2kXPwmCzjADgjOQ_OYGZH7aDDJH7Vfs3e62ayctOWPjY83NmFvHkNNEv0ylFrZb/s1600/at+the+dam+4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1GmZS_Eh72AUPnHm0thM0NvngPtJV7-sltRdrg6Z2xQnWejz6u5L0mEY8IN_dIYv1rUH_FGHXDTxR2kXPwmCzjADgjOQ_OYGZH7aDDJH7Vfs3e62ayctOWPjY83NmFvHkNNEv0ylFrZb/s320/at+the+dam+4.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I'm so happy I had such a great group of gals to help me celebrate my upcoming 5-0!!! Only a month and three quarters to go so keep celebrating!!</b></span></i></div>
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After we had seen the Dam, we trekked it back through Boulder, which none of us had ever been to. Jenna and I are suckers for souvenir shops so that town could have been bad for us. Oh boy if we would have had a car, we would have filled it there and sent for another car to come get us! We get back into Vegas and eat lunch at the In and Out Burger. This is the restaurant that I want around here. Only a few things on the menu so they can get people "in and out" quickly. The burger was amazing. The fries were amazing. The shake was amazing. But the most amazing thing I saw there...and I may have said the words "I want to quit my job and be a french fry girl," was when they put the potato in the holder, pulled the switch down and voila! FRENCH FRIES! They filled up a sink of them, let them soak, then drain and in the fryer they go. I was so intent on watching it, I about didn't hear my number. I mean I was stopping all the girls and making them watch the french fry guy. BEST MEAL EVER!!! I can't even tell you what that guy looked like!!! If we ever get one of these restaurants around here, you know where to find me!</div>
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Oh! Look who showed up to see us!!! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Mani and Wendy Sue!!! So happy to see them! I have to grab quick ones of Wendy because she always says "I don't look good." She always looks good. <br />
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When we got back to our hotel from the Dam trip, Justi and Jenna proceeded to head to the pool and Kathy and I hit the casino for about 15 minutes. I lost $8 and she lost $15. We are a couple of wild and crazy big spenders!!! Back to the room we went where I proceeded to take a nap. Yes, I took a nap in Vegas. I'm not sure what Kathy did because I was so busy checking for light leaks.</div>
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Sunday night and it's time for Fremont Street. This is probably the majority of the reason I like Vegas. Canopy light show, freaks, good eats, zip line. You name it, if it's weird it was there. They named this first one just for us gals, I'm sure!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEKNVO0ChEf2Ek9RTCFkB7dxSb7R305CLOd5DLIC2fQ9mOWFilPbAi0XX3QFir18yYCm9hFwwt4qkQSX7VLWAAZ33fjOe9nlEt1yNwiLMNe80BZlOqiEAFTxcI5y6abxUWIx07HLE26Rq/s1600/Fremont+St+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEKNVO0ChEf2Ek9RTCFkB7dxSb7R305CLOd5DLIC2fQ9mOWFilPbAi0XX3QFir18yYCm9hFwwt4qkQSX7VLWAAZ33fjOe9nlEt1yNwiLMNe80BZlOqiEAFTxcI5y6abxUWIx07HLE26Rq/s320/Fremont+St+3.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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So before I wind this up... let's talk about a couple of things. These girls stand almost naked in the street and dance. They want people to come dance with them so they can hang all over someone and get money from them. Looking at these girls, I just don't get it. I just don't. I never will. The only thing I can come up with is that their self-esteem has to be under the sewer system. Just no. If they see you take a picture of them, they will point you out, in front of God and everyone's dog, to come dance with them. Trust me. Heard it from a friend who...heard it from a friend..... </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Q6uKbQRUXu5hNKStIrbXZfmOHEf8cieNyceUvFSvS4cdlGH9OMOMh5iEX1qIq0MSH_W4vWBNOHvc33Qt8l-wSHT-0zlx3IYh7j-QAPSCnUYXcCL-nuZEJcfH-o2z7rWaExhk0g1c7_iZ/s1600/put+your+clothes+on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Q6uKbQRUXu5hNKStIrbXZfmOHEf8cieNyceUvFSvS4cdlGH9OMOMh5iEX1qIq0MSH_W4vWBNOHvc33Qt8l-wSHT-0zlx3IYh7j-QAPSCnUYXcCL-nuZEJcfH-o2z7rWaExhk0g1c7_iZ/s320/put+your+clothes+on.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Now, this story will end our Sunday night and our Fremont Street experience. Let me set the scene. Jenna and I had rode the zip line earlier in the evening and Justi held onto Jenna's wallet for her. Well, she forgot to give it back and Jenna was still in a souvenir shop and Jeffrey had waited with her while Kathy, Justi and I headed up the street. We just wanted to pee and leave. Our blisters were telling us they had had enough! We were about 2 blocks away and Justi and I were just going into the bathroom when she gets a text message to bring the wallet back. So we use the restroom and then leave the casino through another door. Of course, we had left Kathy at another entrance. I told Justi to go on and I would wait there and have Kathy come down to where I was at. So Justi takes off and I text Kathy to "come down the street." While I am waiting, I look straight across the street to see Chucky and his Bride. Now this movie never bothered me. It wasn't one of my favorites but it didn't bother me. Of course, me being me, I whip out my phone and zoom in to take a shot. Got it!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyVB-Un-4OOh-Bl3LjQgP0VqfXUda0KECNpUSU8J1WO_RZrEIgAupJej-e-uY-oclFCVYndeU_oHEY30obfoAqs27Rfeny9vIrhzQF4wYWubJD9mp77ja6bW7EY8ieUZotURrYWS7kiDub/s1600/Fremont+St+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyVB-Un-4OOh-Bl3LjQgP0VqfXUda0KECNpUSU8J1WO_RZrEIgAupJej-e-uY-oclFCVYndeU_oHEY30obfoAqs27Rfeny9vIrhzQF4wYWubJD9mp77ja6bW7EY8ieUZotURrYWS7kiDub/s320/Fremont+St+5.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Now...seeing life sized Chucky was weird enough but when his Bride made eye contact after I took that picture, I about shit my pants. She pointed, smiled, and tried to lure me over there. My eyes had to have been the size of silver dollars and my index finger went up as I mouth the word "NO." She kept motioning me to come over and smiling that creepy smile of hers. I waved my index finger at her and said out loud "NAAAA!" I wasn't giving two shits as to who was listening. I just took off up the street. Finally find Kathy and knew I was safe. We ventured back down and met up with the others and I was telling them about the creepy Bride and as we started back up the street, I look over and she's freaking waving at me!!!! I just got the hell out of there. I didn't care how my blisters felt at the time. WE OUT!</div>
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I forgot the part abut zip lining. It was amazing. Everyone should try it. They have one where you can zip line 3,200 ft over the rim of the Grand Canyon. That would be amazing!!!! Anyway, I don't have a video at this time. Maybe someone will share one with me one of these days.</div>
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Monday, on the plane ride back to Omaha......................... I'm not going to mention any names because I don't want anyone judging my people but............................... this conversation may have happened.............</div>
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"Shellie is there a speed limit in the air?" to which I replied "Yes, they have air cops that hook onto the side of the airplane and the cop comes inside the cockpit and writes them a speeding ticket. Keep watching!" You can't make this shit up!</div>
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There was SO MUCH MORE to our story but I just don't have the time or strength to get into it tonight. This will have to do until more details come out. Thanks for reading! See you next time!</div>
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