It has been about six weeks since I joined the local fitness center and man, have I learned and seen a lot of stuff!!! For example:
-I have noticed that people (mostly men) join the gym to look in the mirror. It makes me giggle when someone takes their dumbbells over in front of the mirror so they can watch themselves lift them up and down. One and two and three and four...stop...*flexes in the mirror*.....One and two and three and four...rinse and repeat.
-There are people (mostly men, which shocks me) that have apparently joined the gym to take selfies in front of the mirror. Don't they have bathrooms where they live??? I understand if you listen to music on your phone, to keep it in your pocket with your earbuds attached but why the hell do you want to lug that thing around if you're not? Is it so hard to leave your phone in your locker, or your car, or at home?? Oh well...good entertainment for me!
-People (mostly men) are the friendliest at the gym. Us women...we smile at each other. You know "the smile." The one that says "I don't really want to talk to you so this is what you're getting. Be happy you're getting that much." I have said it before and I will say it again, the women in Greenfield, Iowa are the hardest to be friends with. If you aren't from here, you aren't one of them. I'm glad I don't work out at the grocery store. I'd really have some aggression to take out there!
-Making eye contact. Although at first I thought it best to avoid eye contact with people that I don't know, I have come to realize that maybe that isn't the proper way to respond at the gym. You see, there is this person that used to be at the gym almost every day that I was there. No matter if I went early or late, that person was always there. Like I said, I didn't make eye contact BUT I could tell from my peripheral vision that this person was just waiting for me to look their way. Nope, not going to happen. I was adamant about it. Then one day, I forgot. Yep! I came around the bend and looked over at the weights area and this person was looking right at me. And they WAVED! Not a little hand gesture like "hey." It was a big wave across the chest like "hey look at me!" C-R-A-P!!! So for the next several days, I got "the chest wave." At this time, I didn't know a soul at the gym so I couldn't ask anyone who this person was. I tried to see what they were driving so I could have one of my guys at work find out who it was but the only time I saw what they were driving, the license plate was snow covered. Okay, okay, let me get this stupid story over with. The last day I saw this person, I was the only one walking and this person and one other were lifting weights. My music was turned down and I heard this person ask the other who I was. I have no idea if the other person knew my name but I did hear him say "She works at the Sheriff's Office." I thought SURELY that would scare them off. But alas, this person goes over and perches themselves on the half-wall and literally watches me walk around the gym. *sigh* Great, I thought to myself, how am I going to get this person to stop. It is a very uncomfortable feeling. Like I said, that was the last time I ever saw that person so learning where I work...well, it worked! Phew!!!
-There are older people that come to the gym to walk and they apparently can't hear themselves passing gas. Lucky for them; not so lucky for me. Now you see why I pass everyone!
-Just because one of your "people" come into the gym, doesn't mean they won't chew your ass in front of everyone there. Okay he wasn't chewing my ass, and it ended up he was wrong with his facts, but he really gave me a hard time. Haha how embarrassing!
-It's a fun workout when you are beside a co-worker and you discuss fart stories while those around you are pretending not to listen, but they giggle at the funny parts. As if there aren't funny parts to fart stories. Just saying. *Yeah, I see those earbuds in your ears but I also see that sneaky little smile when I say fart.*
-Even if I WANT to walk a slow mile, I don't think I have it in me. I try everyday to make my last mile a slow mile. It never happens. Blisters or no blisters. Alas, after six weeks, I did a "slow" mile. I still passed a couple of people BUT I didn't pass them as many times! ;-) Sometimes it's the little things, ya know.
-Nylon socks under cotton socks. And vaseline smothered all over and between your toes. That's the way to keep blisters from forming on your "ballerina toes." Ha, don't even ask about those ballerina toes! Oh yeah...and you get to reapply the vaseline about halfway through a 5 mile walk. Okay, at least I do. Did. I mean, I did. But in all honesty, don't you just love that feeling when you're walking and a blister squishes under foot??? Yeah, me too! Thank Heavens my feet are finally getting conditioned to this crap.
-Although most of the "older" walkers at the gym tell me that I am "on fire" out there, they do a pretty good job holding their own! I started out walking the shorter laps while most of them walk the longer laps. In the end, I had to do 3 1/2 more laps to match their mile but that's okay with me. Made me feel like I was accomplishing something; even if it was older people I was passing. Now I am doing the longer laps right along with them but passing them is different now because these people have become a part of my life.
-When you forget your music and/or earbuds, it's OKAY to talk to those you pass or those that pass you. Wait...that doesn't happen very often! But it DOES happen!
-It's okay to ask other walkers about their shoes. After all, shoes are important, right???
-The more clothes you pile on, the harder it is to work my noodle muscles. Noodles = arms (for those not in the know) So if you are my fitness center and you think I'm going to start stripping down, don't worry your pretty little head; I will only take off so much. The last thing I want to see is vomit dripping from every mouth in the place. My noodles have to get into some kind of shape other than well.....noodles!
-The things I think about when I walk: A) If there is a fire at work, what exactly I would do (I actually go over this one more often than you would think) and what should I do. B) If a prisoner would get out of his/her cell while I am the only person working, what would I do and what should I do. The correct answer is probably to start writing my resume but that would be my last resort. C) When I get home, I am going to scrub the floors. And then I'm going to clean the toilets. And then I'm going to rearrange the closet. It never happens but I always think it. D) Mmmmm coffee sounds amazing right now. E) I need a new job.....oh shut up! You love this stuff and you know it. YOu would think the last thing I would even want to think about would be work but NOOOOO! I am a glutton for punishment. Keep walking!
-I try to take a cup of coffee or a cold water to the gym with me BUT I never let myself have a drink until I have walked/ran at least 2 miles. It gives me something to work for and trust me when I say, it works every time. My coffee break is amazing at the gym.
-When I say "I run," I am using that term loosely. I am more of a wanna-be runner. I jog. And that is even piss-poor compared to any jogger/runner I know. I can usually "run" anywhere from a quarter of a mile to a half mile at a time. By that time, I am mentally poking myself with a hot prod asking what the hell I was thinking ever wanting to be a "runner." Fat girls should not run but I have to say that after I have walked.....and walked.....and walked.....the "run" is what makes my legs feel so good. I don't know if there are different muscles being used while running or what but it's almost a comfort to my legs to pick up the pace.
-A lot of people at that place know me and I don't know them. If that doesn't make for uncomfortable-ness (wait, is that even a word???), I don't know what does! For example: "Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your uncle George. He was a fine man!" And I just smile and say "Thank you. Yes he was!" *Keep walking, Shellie. Just keep walking.* Now...what I should say is "Thank you and what is your name?" But I don't. I just keep walking and then when I leave or they leave, I go ask someone who they are. If it looks like a chicken, acts like a chicken...well, bok bok.
I am loving my adventure at the fitness center. There is something different everyday to think about and witness. There are people that make me smile. I mean genuinely smile. There are people that make me laugh. Those deep belly laughs. This right here...well, this is where I'm supposed to be. And I couldn't be happier about it! Not as much weight has been lost, like I want but the inches that I have lost is nothing short of amazing! And this fitbit is the best thing I could have ever done to get my year started. I love it. It holds me accountable and tells me when I need to get up and get going!
I hope you enjoyed my first fitness blog. Don't get used to them though. The last thing I want to be is that person that over does it on the fitness talk. I know I always wanted to slap them and well...I don't want to be slapped. Until next time.....thanks for reading!!!
