The
day you left me was hard enough
but
what comes after is almost unbearable
for
me and for my heart;
I
swore I would never go through this again but
looking
back, I wouldn't trade one single day of it;
I
find it hard to sleep at night
without
you curled behind my knees
I
find myself reaching for you;
WE
find ourselves reaching for you
only
to find each others hands and console each other;
I
wake up a lot
and
you're the first thing on my mind
I
need to let you outside to potty
but
you're not there;
you're
not at the door waiting for me;
And
even when I needed to potty
you
were always there so I wouldn't be alone;
paws
on my thighs while I rubbed your neck
I'd
say I love you and you'd lick my chin
then
you'd lay down on the rug and wait;
When
I come home from work
you
are no longer waiting for me at the window;
you
aren't there to greet me at the door
doing
your circus-dog dance
ready
to give kisses and give hugs;
I
had to choose another blanket
to
curl up with in my chair;
Yours
is wrapped around your little body
and
I miss it; I miss the feel
I
miss the smell; I miss the baby that always laid on top of it;
I
look for you when I'm in the shower
to
lick water underneath the curtain;
It
breaks my heart to think
that
I am never going to see you do that again
and
I want a new routine;
While
filling my glass with ice today
a
cube or two hit the floor
but
I knew you would come running
to
eat them right up like you do;
you
loved the ice as much as any other treat;
Something
as simple as making a meal
or
making a snack has become heart breaking for me;
I
look for you to be doing your dance
with
that twinkle in your eye just begging me
to
drop a piece of food;
I
miss your bark
that
incredibly horrendous wail;
It
was so hard to put up with it
but
I would give anything to have it back
to
have you back;
When I got ready to come back home
after a few days away;
I couldn't wait to see you and hug you
and then it hit me that I never will be able to again
and it leaves a cold, black hole in my heart.
I'm
not sure I will ever be able to dispose of your things;
your
toys, your leash, your food and water dishes, even your meds;
If
they're here, you are here with me and
I
don't ever want to lose that feeling;
Ever;
Annie
still searches the house for you
her
best friend and brother;
She
gets agitated and frustrated
but
she knows
she
knows that you no longer hurt;
Little
Budha you brought me more love
than
you will ever know;
Daddy,
Annie and I will always keep you
in
our hearts, in our minds, and in our prayers;
Until
me meet again..on that rainbow bridge, my love.
