Monday is not looking so good

It's Monday.  Monday.  It is an off day for me.  Those of you that know me, know that Monday is my day.  Monday is my wingman.  Monday is what I look forward to.  My soulmate, so to speak.  Monday is not going so well for me this morning and I have nothing to attribute that to.  A bad dream?  Possibly.  I did have one.  I woke up at 0530 this morning shook and told myself I wasn't going to let that ruin my day.  LET IT GO.  That's my new adaptation toward those things I cannot control.  Just let it go, Shellie.  Relax, let it go and smile in the end.

Funny thing is that I was just thinking last night how I rarely have dreams now that I take the melatonin.  Well, at least I don't remember the dreams if I have them.  Until last night. -_-

I finally did go back to sleep and when I woke up went and picked up my groceries for baking this week and headed home, with a pounding headache and that dark cloud lurking over me.  If I had a dollar for every time I told myself, out loud mind you, to LET IT GO, I could call in dead for a week. I am finding it is hard to let go of something that you don't know you are holding.  

Got dinner put together for my crew tonight and it will go in the oven soon.  Bed made, laundry taken to the basement, dishes done and kitchen cleaned, dogs played with both inside and outside and this headache was about to rupture through my skull.  I thought if I could just relax it would go away so I tried that.  It lasted about 15 minutes and I started to get sleepy.  Back to bed.  That lasted 59 minutes.  Exactly.  It's not every day you get to make your bed twice!

Fine.  Take a couple of Ibuprofen.  You win.  I took the hottest bath I could sit in and made myself just relax.  I did not take my phone and I actually shut it down for the duration.  No music.  No dogs (because they have squirrels treed in the back yard and I am loving every minute of this quietness today) and nothing to worry about except how to make the day better for me.  First I had to find out what was making it bad.  I'm still working on that.  That dark cloud is still there.  Not as dark as this morning so I must be gaining. And the headache is almost gone but I can feel it lurking.

Don't get confused on the dark cloud being a black cloud.  I don't plan on being one of those at work tonight.  No siree!!  Last night I just wanted an easy going night and what did I do?  Opened up a can of worms.  Poor Tricia in the next county... I think I spilled some on her too!  But we got through it and nobody was physically harmed in the process.  I'm pretty sure that if someone were to be harmed, it would be this girl right here!  Let's not hurt Shellie please.

I was able to make myself a cheese sandwich for lunch and not one dog sat there to judge me and guilt me into giving them their piece.  

I'm pretty sure I had more material to go with this blog and suddenly it's gone.  Apparently I have too much going on in my head.

DO NOT LET WORTHLESS PEOPLE RENT SPACE IN YOUR HEAD!

LET IT GO!

DO YOUR JOB AND GO HOME!

AND REPEAT UNTIL IT'S ETCHED IN YOUR BRAIN!

I have to work with Dana tonight.  I almost said Poor Dana but she did send me a snapchat where she was drinking a Bang and that my friends, is usually a recipe for disaster.  Now that I am drinking less and less energy drinks we could be dangerous.  

How do I get out of this funk?

Just take a break

 Hello there!  Been a little bit since we chatted, huh?  Sit.   Have a drink.  Cookie anyone?  Let's talk.

Lately I have been doing more and more of this.   The talking thing.  It's going well.  Maybe not so well last Friday when I chose to be an irresponsible adult for the evening but for the most part, I'm ok at the chatting thing.  It is amazing though how your mouth can not keep up with your brain after WAY too many drinks!  I tried; Lord I tried!  I still seem to have that whole problem with being openly honest and apparently my filter was removed a while back so that can be an issue with some people.  I'm trying to be..... kinder? More compassionate? Nicer?  Something.  I know I need to change some things about myself and it's all starting to come together.  I just don't think I'm going to know where I want to be until I'm there.  

THAT'S NOT SCARY AT ALL!!!

I took a few days away from Facebook.  With the exception of going on a couple of times to see a certain memory that I knew would pop up or a certain someone telling me I HAD to go on and see what he tagged me in.  Not mentioning any names.  **cough cough Denny** But it was worth it because he had me crying laughing so I will let it slide this time.  I only took 8 days off of Facebook.  I really needed that emotional break and I now realize how important it is to force myself away from it occasionally.  I have smiled more, laughed more, cooked more and cleaned more (wasn't sure it was possible) with my time. 

My work shifts had me meeting myself coming and going and with the help of some melatonin, I now sleep like a newborn baby.  Not like the ones that wake up to be fed but the ones that sleep all night.  It is quite lovely.  Who knew it was possible to just SLEEP all night?  Honestly, it has been years since I have had this experience.  I recommend it!!!  

I seem to have found myself in my own little happy place and I have the right people around me that make sure it stays that way.  My little cocoon is all well and good.  I drove to Creston earlier this evening and I couldn't believe I found myself smiling just driving down the road.  Who knew life could be incredible again and that light would re-surface in my world.  I'm not so sure I thought it would ever happen but again, but those closest to me have made sure it happens and stays that way.  

Through the darkest days of my life, I have made a friend I hope will always be in my life.  Last Friday night made me realize that if you start looking around to see who is there, you won't need to look far for contentment.  And while we are on the subject of last Friday night hugs all around for those who took such good care of me.  Even if I did have to walk in front of my window practically naked.  Yes...I remember that!  My friends were the best angels that night but I'm not doing that again for a LONG time!!!  Well, I just found that gallon jug of Captain today so maybe sooner than I think but.................... I will snap ya and let ya know in advance!!!  Just kidding.... this gal is done!

So back to the break from Facebook.  I don't know what it is about Facebook exactly but I had just had enough one day!  Maybe it was a combination of everything going on in my life.  Schedules, the back door incident, couple of work situations that make me want to throw my hands in the air and ask WTF I am doing there, Matilda is being quite a shit these days, no sleeping..... who knows.  But my head is back on straight and I feel like a million dollars.  

On the downside of not being on Facebook, I feel like I have missed out on a lot of family and friends things.  Totally out of the loop but it's all good.  I will just wait until the loop comes back around and jump back in.  But I will be taking more and more breaks from this venue, that's for sure.  

With all this free time I have had, I have went through some totes in my basement and sorted holiday items.  That was something I have been putting off for about 2 months.  Who wants to be in the basement talking to themselves?  I mean, it's one thing to be talking to yourself while baking/cooking but in the basement?  Away from the world?  As if I need one more thing to make me look like a lunatic!  But a lot of it is done.  

Have you ever heard me talk about my floors?  I clean my floors.  A LOT.  I clean my floors a lot.  For those in the back, my name is Shellie and I am a floor-cleaner-a-holic!  I'm pretty sure I had my vacuum out twice today.  I have three dogs. The last thing I want is for our home to smell like it.  I have always worried about that.  I have also cleaned out all my lower cabinets and 2 bedroom closets.  This would be the second time I have done closets since living here only 4 months.  LOL I must be terribly bored.  

I keep the tv on but I haven't watch a program at home for over a week.  It's my noise maker and the dogs like it.  Especially Matilda.  She loves dog movies.

I was on TikTok one night and came across this little snipet of Sawyer Crandall.  It was just a little tease of one of his songs and I was hooked.  Shoot, next thing I know I was purchasing his digital album.  This girl is not a country music lovin' girl so not sure what is going on.  Mind you, with that being said, I am going to see Reba in concert this Thursday but Reba is an all-star.  She would be amazing to watch even if you downright hated country music.  I don't hate it.  I just don't really like it.  Unless I do haha.  

That is my life for the past 8 days.  What have you been doing with yourself?  Your turn to talk.  Spill it friend!  :)