Watch my words

I had three days of refresher jail school this week and for those of you that just so happen to be on my Facebook, you should know by now that I don't always give "real" value to my words when I post a status update.  By that, I mean that just because I say it has been a really crappy day, it doesn't mean there weren't some things that didn't make me smile or laugh.  So, with that being said, I will tell you that I posted a status about being in jail school and would keep my remarks to myself because the instructor was on my Facebook. 

Apparently, more than one person took my status as me complaining about being there.  First of all, I complain anytime I have to go and sit at jail school.  If they want me to get excited about it, try booking Luke Bryan to come in and teach for a day.  Heck, I'd even take an hour!  I think it's just a knee-jerk reaction for me to dread it because school never really tripped my trigger.  I only agreed to go to school at all because it was a chance to hang out with all my friends.  Well, that and my parents forced me to go.  Yeah, there was that part.....

So a friend comments about how stupid it is that we have to go to jail school to learn things that we already know how to do.  This friend went on to say what a waste of tax dollars it was.  And that stung a little bit.  But I'm not blaming this friend at all.  I'm blaming myself because apparently my status was negative.  That isn't what I was really intending.  When I had posted the status, we were on a break from a speaker that I had never heard before and he wasn't really making much of an impact on me.  I knew we had close to an hour left with him and from what I had heard in the first hour, I didn't think I would make it through the second hour without drawing at least one hangman in the margin of my notebook.

Well, truth be told I had spoken too soon.  The second hour was much more informative and I actually enjoyed the speaker and the topic.  I guess I need to keep my fingers to myself until I know how the whole session is going to go.  So there's that.

Something else I'd like to share with you from my recent jail school.....

We all know there are good cops and there are bad cops and I seem to spend a lot of time defending a lot of them when I don't have to.  99.9% of them I don't even know and never will know.  I know a lot of cops but it's a very minute (my-noot?) number in comparison to the number of them I find myself defending.  But on the other hand, I hear a lot of people bad-mouth 99.9% of cops for personal reasons.  It's no surprise that about half of the people I call friends, don't like cops; and some of them go to extremes to point out anything they can to "prove" how cops are bad.  But if their homes get broken into, it's not the local crack head they want to come protect them now is it?

Anyway, I am getting off topic and I could go on that topic all day long.  Just know that if you are one of my cop bashing friends, I won't stop loving you.  But I probably won't go out of my way to spend a lot of time with you either.  I have cop blood in me, what can I say?  No apologies coming out of my mouth.

Back to what I was going to talk about.....

We saw a lot of video presentations about good cops, bad cops, about mistakes that cops make, and about mistakes that the public sometimes make.  Cops are human and they make mistakes.  Sometimes their mistakes are stupid and sometimes their mistakes are even innocent.  They're just like the rest of us!!!  Go figure!  Under no circumstances will any person ever make me believe that there are more bad cops than good cops.

We saw videos where cop cars ran into other cars; into poles; into people.  And the videos made some of us gasp.  Some people even cried.  I thought one gal was going to get sick.  As a dispatcher, I think this is good for us to see.  Not that we could ever fully prepare ourselves for anything emotional but we can kinda see WHY we need to be strong on the radio; why we need to be confident in our abilities; why we need to take a step back sometimes and just breathe.  

When you go to your work, do you have to even consider that one of your co-workers could die doing their job?  And if so, do you think about how you WOULD react compared to how you SHOULD react?  I do it every day.  Seriously.  Every day I get a lump in my throat thinking that my guys are out there "serving and protecting" a lot of people that wouldn't give two shits if they lived or died.  I want my guys going home after their shifts.  Every day and every night.  I want them going home to their wife and kids.

One of our speakers asked us to close our eyes and "just listen" as "Amazing Grace" was belted out on a trumpet.  He kept saying things like "Have you ever been to a cops funeral?" and then "Was the American flag draped over the casket?" and then, "Was there a long procession of law enforcement vehicles?"

What the hell man, I can't stop thinking about my dad's funeral now, thanks.  No, he didn't die in the line of fire.  He wasn't even a cop when he died.  But he loved that life and he was very, very good at it and his funeral was a mighty big one.  There were a lot of Sheriff's, Deputies, Policemen, Troopers, you name it...  And I don't remember much of it.  That's what I was told.  That law enforcement came from all over.  I have shut out most of dad's funeral from my mind.  I have to or I will again never get over it.

So after only a few seconds, my eyes were open.  I still listened but I couldn't close my eyes.  I couldn't have those images flashing around in my head all day.  And if anybody else in that room has been through that, I'm sure they felt the same way.  Amazing Grace makes me cry anyway, just like the National Anthem does.  So I have to make my mind go crazy with other things, just to get through it.  I don't like people to see me cry.  Plain and simple.

So about jail school.  We have to have so many hours every year to keep current on jail policies as well as any new training that we may need in our jobs.  Crime changes all the time and so do the procedures on how we handle the crimes.  We aren't going to school to learn things we already know.  Who does that?  Why is it acceptable for hair dressers and CPA's to have annual continuing education but not the civil servants?  Come on people, think!

The highlight of my week was when the little gal at Pizza Ranch asked one of my co-workers if he wanted the "Senior Discount or just the adult price?"  Thank God the Sheriff was there to hold me up, otherwise I would have been on the floor laughing.  Literally.  Oh the fun we have when we are let loose outside of town!!!

Thanks for reading...for what it's worth.  I just felt like "getting it out there."  Until next time.....my wish for you is that your basements are dry and your potty's are not overflowing with rain water.  Ick!  -_-

#supportmira <3 <3 <3

#supportmira

Well here I am.  It has taken me a while but I feel like I need to vent; to get things off my chest; to talk.  Sit down, have a cuppa coffee and listen, won't you?

The other day, I had spent the day in Omaha with Kathy, Jackie & Linda.  Jackie had a doctor's appointment and then we spent the day in the Old Market, browsing some shops, testing cupcakes, buying candy (and other things).  We laughed so much and had a memorable time.  When I got back to Linda's house, before heading home, I glanced at my mobile Facebook.  I saw a post from one of my friends that made me worry. 

Wanda:  "There are no words to describe the sick feeling in my stomach that I need to ask for prayers for a wonderful little 5 year old whose family is special to mine. Please pray for her and for her family. I can't begin to imagine how they are feeling right now. — feeling sad." 

 And I keep scrolling to find this...that instantaneously ripped my heart out.  I could literally feel pain in my gut as I read it.

Michelle:  "My heart is breaking as I wait for my Mira to come back to me....and it overflows with all of the love and prayers being sent our way!!! Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart!!"

Oh my God, something is terribly wrong.  What happened to that sweet, beautiful little girl?  Of course, at a time like that you start to think of anything and everything.  "Did I miss a post about her being sick?  I hope there wasn't an accident."  I think people tend to think the worst in any situation.  Well, I do anyway.  And judging by how I felt at this news...that I didn't really even know what it was yet...I couldn't imagine how her poor mommy and daddy were feeling.  

I couldn't get to my car fast enough.  I got right on the phone to Kathy and was almost in tears telling her what I had read.  I begged her to ask anyone she could find.  Find out what was going on and call me back.  And that's when the car ride got longer and longer.

Then, for some silly reason, I felt guilty for being out having fun while this was going on.  Of course, it was going on all over the world but not with someone I knew!  I think that's human nature though, don't you?  The guilty thing?

I will admit right now that I do not know this little girl, Mira Beth.  I do happen to know her parents and her grandparents though.  I happen to know several family members of hers.  I have seen dozens upon dozens of pictures of little Mira...and her big sister Mikayla...as they have grown up over the past several years, via Facebook.  I am not very good with names and faces but I am about 99% sure I would know that sweet face if I met up with it.  She's one of a kind but at the same time, looks just like her mother.

Something was wrong with Mira and it was tugging at my heartstrings as if she was one of my own.  Something big was going on with this little princess and I was instantly praying.  Praying for her health; her recovery; her parents; her sister; her grandparents; her doctors.  If there was something to pray about, I was doing it.

I had a hard time sleeping that night.  My body isn't real sure when it's supposed to sleep anymore, thanks to some dolt that can't work a schedule.  So again, I did a lot of reading on Facebook; I did a lot of praying; and I shed several tears.  I can not explain this sense of urgency in my heart for this family.  They are quite an amazing family too.  

Mommy and daddy that look just like they did in high school (lucky).  Their sense of humor is over the top funny on any day that ends in "y."  Mitch will poke fun at Michelle on Facebook and she comes right back at him fast and fierce.  They could be a sitcom!  They live for their kids and it shows in everything they do.  I do have to say that when I think of that "perfect" or "ideal" family, they are right there in the lead.  

So it seems Mira had a mass at the base of her skull that was pressing on her spinal cord.  That is what I was told.  And that's pretty much all I know outside of the fact that she was life-flighted to the University of Iowa Hospital for emergency surgery that took several hours.  I also know that she wiggled her toes afterward.  HUGE plus right there.  This happened on Tuesday and here it is Saturday and she still isn't awake. Although I'm pretty sure that's how they need it to be. 

She is hooked up to an IV and a ventilator and although I know in my heart that she is going to be okay, it is very startling to see her just laying there like that.  Again, I can't imagine what her family is going through.  I really am not trying to make this about me.  I am just an outsider looking in.  Looking in and observing.  Observing and praying.  Constantly praying.

A picture was posted of little Mira with an Iowa Hawkeyes blanket over her which I thought was absolutely adorable considering this family is die-hard Nebraska fans.  Hey, not everyone is perfect, right???  Hahaha juuuuust kidding (or am I?).

So that is that.  That is all I know.  I went out and got some things for the family.  Nothing huge.  Nothing worth a million dollars.  Nothing that is going to change anything.  But with each item that I sent to them, I also packed a million prayers with it.  I can't get this little girl out of my head.  Can't get the whole family out of my head.  And it is killing me that I can't do something more.  

It's just one of those situations where nothing is more important than your prayer.

You don't have to know someone to like them.
You don't have to know someone to care about them.
You don't have to know someone to love them.
And you don't have to know someone to pray for them.

Please take a moment right now and say a little prayer for Mira and her family; and her doctors and nurses.  That's all it takes is a moment and a little prayer.

Until next time...thanks for reading.  And praying.  Definitely thanks for praying!  I will be over here.  On my side of the "coffee" table, reading updates and saying my prayers.