My heart keeps breaking for Budha

The day you left me was hard enough

but what comes after is almost unbearable

for me and for my heart;

I swore I would never go through this again but

looking back, I wouldn't trade one single day of it;

I find it hard to sleep at night

without you curled behind my knees

I find myself reaching for you;

WE find ourselves reaching for you

only to find each others hands and console each other;

I wake up a lot

and you're the first thing on my mind

I need to let you outside to potty

but you're not there;

you're not at the door waiting for me;

And even when I needed to potty

you were always there so I wouldn't be alone;

paws on my thighs while I rubbed your neck

I'd say I love you and you'd lick my chin

then you'd lay down on the rug and wait;

When I come home from work

you are no longer waiting for me at the window;

you aren't there to greet me at the door

doing your circus-dog dance

ready to give kisses and give hugs;

I had to choose another blanket

to curl up with in my chair;

Yours is wrapped around your little body

and I miss it; I miss the feel

I miss the smell; I miss the baby that always laid on top of it;

I look for you when I'm in the shower

to lick water underneath the curtain;

It breaks my heart to think

that I am never going to see you do that again

and I want a new routine;

While filling my glass with ice today

a cube or two hit the floor

but I knew you would come running

to eat them right up like you do;

you loved the ice as much as any other treat;

Something as simple as making a meal

or making a snack has become heart breaking for me;

I look for you to be doing your dance

with that twinkle in your eye just begging me

to drop a piece of food;

I miss your bark

that incredibly horrendous wail;

It was so hard to put up with it

but I would give anything to have it back

to have you back;

When I got ready to come back home

after a few days away;

I couldn't wait to see you and hug you

and then it hit me that I never will be able to again

and it leaves a cold, black hole in my heart.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to dispose of your things;

your toys, your leash, your food and water dishes, even your meds;

If they're here, you are here with me and

I don't ever want to lose that feeling;

Ever;

Annie still searches the house for you

her best friend and brother;

She gets agitated and frustrated

but she knows

she knows that you no longer hurt;

Little Budha you brought me more love

than you will ever know;

Daddy, Annie and I will always keep you

in our hearts, in our minds, and in our prayers;

Until me meet again..on that rainbow bridge, my love.