I can't help but wonder why we do the things we do. Why do we stay in jobs that make us miserable? Why do we hold onto relationships that make us do or think bad or negative things? Why do we do the mundane everyday tasks in the name of being responsible?
2014 has begun to be a real eye opener for me. I have chosen to do a project-a-month, whether it little or big, to make my soul happy. Not my heart. My soul.
After the year is over, I may share what I have done. And I may not. I haven't decided how I want to proceed with that yet. I know that on January 1st of this year, I wanted to re-enroll in school and finish my degree. That is no longer a desire for me. At least not at this time. I pushed that "dream" off until the fall but the closer and closer we get to fall, the more I think that what I really want to do...the things that make me heart happy....soul happy...don't come from a college degree.
I am trying to get my ducks in a row. I am doing what I can, with what I have...and slowly getting there. I have a dream. And I will achieve it. Just give me a little time.
The other day I was thinking about some of the jobs that I have had in my lifetime. I have been a babysitter. I have made cones, shakes, food for people. I have worked in retail...several times. I have worked as a switchboard operator. I have worked in factories. Factories where I didn't have a clue what I was doing but just did what I was told. Factories where I liked what I was doing, but didn't want to do it for the rest of my life. I have worked in nursing homes, in private homes. I have cleaned toilets, scrubbed floors, emptied trash cans. I have washed dishes, waited tables. I have taken orders from people that think they "know better" than me. I have held many positions where the general public has told me exactly HOW to do my job; as if they actually knew.
And then I stopped and evaluated my current job.
The work that I do is some rewarding stuff.....sometimes.
The work that I do is stressful.....sometimes.
The work that I do is fun.....sometimes.
The work that I do is important. Always. I don't take it for granted and I don't ever think it's anything less than what it is.
But is it what I want to do forever?
Before working in my current field, I was a home health aide. I have to say that THAT was the ideal job for me. THAT is what made me happy. THAT is what made me complete. I didn't work any weekends and I rarely had to stay past 5:00pm on any given day. Who could ask for anything better, huh?
And the reasons I left that job for my current job is this:
My boss could not be pleased. No matter how hard anybody worked, it wasn't enough for her. If she had to be called on for anything, it was because we "screwed up." To call on her meant that we couldn't do our job without help; that we were right next to useless.
Now...I realize that with any job comes someone in the form of authority that everyone is going to have something to complain about. I'm not one of your normal peeps though. (I know that doesn't surprise you) What really made me want to take full-time hours with this woman was her strictness; her get-it attitude. I like rules. I like being held accountable for my actions. I like honesty and I like someone to tell me that I'm doing a good job when I'm doing a good job. I also like to be taught one way...the right way...and by one person. When it comes to a person's health, you shouldn't be messing around with how thirteen others think this way is best. No, let's get trained by one person and everyone do it the same way.
Reason second reason why I left that job is:
The daily drive went from 100 miles per day to 10 miles per day. Granted, I only drove 30 miles one way to work, we were constantly going from one place to another to another to another. And sometimes we were driving clients to their appointments, which meant more drive time. Sometimes in the client's car, sometimes in the work car, and when it was just me going from place to place, driving in my car. And guess what!!! They paid mileage for traveling in between places. They didn't bother to tell me that though, until the day before my last day so guess what I did??? Yep, I went from the beginning and wrote out EVERY single place I had been and how many miles it was and how long it took me to drive it. I was not a happy camper when I realized that nobody had bothered to tell me this! No wonder I wasn't making any dang money!!! Grrr
The 3rd reason:
Simple. Insurance and benefits. Good insurance. So I could go see my doctor on a regular basis and not have to worry as much about the costs of my blood work, etc. And who doesn't love a paid vacation every year, right? Even if you don't go anywhere, it's nice you can take that time to do some things you want to do and get paid to do it.
So there you have it. I left, basically, my dream job...
to trade one asshole boss for another set of bosses that didn't really care...
a few less miles on my car M-F 8-5 for sometimes one weekend off a month, no set schedule and...
to visit my doctor on a regular basis.
BIG DEAL
I am now at a job where there is no direction, no leadership, no consequences, and where I feel like a group of 3rd graders would have more control and/or power over any situation.
Sounds like I hate my job, huh? Well, I don't. And the reason I don't is because I still have a couple of people there that make me realize just how much I like doing it. Isn't life supposed to be about fun? Isn't that what we always wanted? A job that is fun? A job that we look forward to going to everyday because it puts a smile on our faces?
I wonder where, along the line, I have lost my way. I wonder when it stopped being fun and started just be a burden? I wonder how I am going to get "it" back? How am I going to let loose of the stuff that drives me crazy and just be?
How do I get back to the fun???
Until next time...thanks for reading!
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