Drowning in my tears

Here I am once again drowning in my tears

yet, enjoying the solitude of being alone

and I just can't keep from wondering

where this world is headed;

I think about the kind of madness we have chosen

for ourselves, for our children, and for our future.

So many have wrapped themselves up

in the word entitlement; like they own it.

It's out of control and it needs to stop

before this great nation ends up in a place

we can't get out of.

A place we never should have been.

I find myself watching mindless television

just so I don't have to see the terror in the news;

We are killing each other; killing America;

simply because we think we are owed.

We have all the answers before we know all the facts;

We have the solution before the problem has even surfaced;

We have played the scenarios in our heads to be prepared for confrontation;

Yet...nobody is part of the problem, therefore nobody has to fix it.

It's so hard to open social media of any kind today;

It makes me anxious, angry and scared all at the same time.

Everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame

and they'll get it at any price.

When I was growing up, we were taught respect;

Respect for our parents, our elders, teachers,

police officers, and religious leaders.

The list was endless! Where did that go?

I remember at a very young age, being told that if I ever got lost,

to find a policeman and he will get me back to those that love me.

What happened to that?
When the hell did the good guys become the bad?

Since when do we trap and kill those that we expect to protect us?

Will this madness ever freaking stop? EVER?

This war on our police has got to end.

Enough is enough.

As a dispatcher, I have never worried about “my guys” like I do now;

not because they aren't competent in what they do but because

I do not and can not trust you, Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public

Feel free to take that personally.

I have never prayed so much and so hard like I do now.

I pray, not only for “my guys,” but for their wives and their kids.

I can't even put into words the feeling I get when I think about

what “could” happen.

All my life I have been taught to be proud of law enforcement

and that will never change. 'Til my dying breath, I will “bleed blue.”

I have always been the one to give anyone a second chance or a third chance

or however many chances it takes. But I feel like I can't do that anymore.

I can no longer go out in this world and look at any one person the same

because so many have went out of their way to make “my family” the bad guy.

I look around and wonder what stupid thing is going to happen next

and I am exhausted that I have to prepare myself in so many ways for what “may come.”

Why the hell should I have to live like that?

Why should I have to constantly look over my shoulder?

Why do I have to have my guard up at all times?

It's because I care. I care about my life and the lives of “my guys.”

No matter how tired I get, I will always, always stand tall;

I will always be proud of my family blue and blood.

They are not the bad guys; they are not wrecking our world.

We need to wake up before it's too late.

I am so angry at so many things today;

the mindless decisions to kill for stupid and selfish reasons.

Revenge on people for people we don't even know and never will.

Stupid, stupid in-the-heat-of-the-moment knee-jerk responses.