I think it's a mental meltdown

 January 4th, 2023 

Things are back on track today.  Back to work and resuming normal life, or whatever normal is.  I didn't stay gung-ho on the supplements but I am still taking them.  Got through my regular exercises and overall was an uneventful but no-so-pleasant night!  Just one of those things that my volcano isn't happy that I can't deal with and move past it.  I'm ready for a settle-down!  So, no boring pictures to include on the days I have to be a responsible adult.  Went home and played with my babies, gulped down 2 melatonin so my mind would shut the hell up and I went to bed.  Picture of my babies just for fun and because they love me unconditionally every day of my life.  Even when I make the wrong decisions.    <3

January 5th, 2023

Woke up in the middle of the night and my eyes hurt so bad!  Well, around my eyes.  I couldn't figure out what was going on.  I thought maybe my eye makeup had something to do with it but I had wiped it off.  They kept hurting and hurting and stubborn me didn't get up to check or anything.  When I woke up for the day, I had hives under my eyes and hives all over the front of my neck.  And oh my word were they painful!  I immediately thought about the melatonin but I have taken that many times.  "Maybe it's outdated?'  Nope, 09/2023 is the date on them.  They went into the trash anyway!  I look like Im carrying two saddle bags around on my face!  Ugh!  I didn't want to take anything for fear of going back to sleep and missing out on my day with my girl.

Today, my girl Justi took me for a foot detox.  Neither of us had ever done that before and it was neat to see all the toxins and crap being pulled out. The top picture is a close up of carbs and sugars that were pulled.

The bottom picture shows the parasites that were pulled.  It was a truly interesting thing to have done and enjoyed it so much, I scheduled a follow-up!  Gonna take my friend Tricia with me too!  So after our toxins were released, we went to eat and I loaded back up on the carbs.  LOL  I was starving.  I think they stole too many from me!  And I couldn't pass up trying a coconut margarita!!!  It was fantastic!

The whole rest of the night, I felt guilty about eating nachos and having a margarita.  Okay, I will be honest,  I was more guilty about the nachos than I was about the margarita.  So now I have to step up the exercises a bit just to make sure I don't gain.  I am not weighing for another couple of days.  One thing I do not want to do is get back into that annoying habit!  I just hope I am maintaining that 4 pound loss that I had.  Finger crossed and gut sucked in!

I did end up taking some allergy medicine but maybe a tad early because it knocked me out (you've all heard the Benadryl story!) and then I was awake when it was really time to be asleep.  My sleep schedule is so messed up!  So I laid in bed for the majority of the night doubting every decision I have ever made in my life.  That's always nice.

January 6, 2023

I chose the color brown for this day because that's how I feel about it.  Just a dang shitty day.  I have a lot of anger pent up inside me tonight and I can't seem to get rid of it.  I mean, I have tried being a complete bitch to everyone that I came in contact with!  LOL JUST KIDDING.  CALM DOWN!. Although my co-workers might agree with this a bit.  I may have vented just a little too much to them!

I normally wake up at a decent time of the morning and open the door so the dogs can go in and out at their leisure but since my sleep schedule is all bonkered up, the times are varying.  I had a nail appointment this morning in Des Moines so I set my alarm.  I am not used to having to get up for an alarm so I was hoping I would be able to start a better pattern.  My early hour did not work out for opening the door for the dogs but they just stayed in their bedroom under their blanket with their mattress warmer going, living the life of luxury they are now accustomed to.  My alarm went off at 08:00 and I turned it off.  I just needed to lay there and gather my thoughts because they were all sorts of confused after the night I had.  

The next thing I know, the dogs paw at the door.  They were done waiting!  I look over at my phone and it's 08:45!!!  Shit, shit, shit!  I fling the door open and go let them out, ran back into the bedroom and jumped into the same clothes I wore last night, turned the tv on for the dogs, handed out a treat and out the door I went!  I absolutely hate being late for anything!!!  So as I was pulling out of my garage, it was 08:53.  "I got this."

I am be-bopping down the road, lecturing myself on how I have ALWAYS gotten up when I had to and was always ready to go and "You are not getting into those kinds of bad habits now!"  Eight miles later, I'm thinking why didn't I bring a drink? I remembered a protein cookie, how am I going to choke this down?"  And for some reason I thought I better call the pharmacy before I forget.  No phone.  Shit bricks!  Nope, radio is not connected.  Phone is at home.  "Shellie, it would probably do you good to be without it for a few hours."  Okay fine.  Keep driving.  I wing my car over to the side of the road and just let the steam vent out of my ears and nose.  I'm surprised a passerby didn't call the fire department in on me.  "MY FUCKING WALLET IS AT HOME!"  I almost just went home and cancelled the whole damn day.  I was done and the fork that was stuck in me had melted.

Turned around and got the wallet and the phone and figured I would be about 10 minutes late at most.  I tried so hard to get into the music and be happy but nothing was doing it for me.  My girl text me and told me to "love life."  My answer was "fuck that."  *sigh*  For the record, I was exactly on time for my appointment and the owner says to me, "I was surprised when I got here and you weren't out here waiting.  You are always early."  Thanks for the reminder that I was late.

If you're early, you're on time.  If you're on time, you're late.  If you're late, you're not trying hard enough.

Now, for those of you that know me, you know how sensitive my feet are and how much I can't stand to get my toes done BUT they must be done!  Today they got done and it barely even bothered me.  That's one good thing for today.  The gal that always does my toes was even impressed.  The stupid moon probably has something to do with it.  I've heard it's a full moon.  I've heard it's a wolf moon.  I don't care what kind of moon it is tonight or the rest of the weekend because I can match it step for step.  I'm ready, willing and able to take on anything this weekend has to throw out at me.   

I hate today.  Don't tell me not to.  I need it just to get through it.  Tomorrow is a whole new, and hopefully better, day!

Hope you have a swell weekend..............................

And as of the close of the first week, I have lost and maintained my 4 pound loss.  There's my little sliver of sunshine.  Now............when TF is swimsuit season getting here???