Have you ever had a dream that you are scared to think too much about? Like one of those dreams that you feel like you shouldn't even talk about? All the while knowing that this dream meant bad, bad things? Yet you can't explain it? You haven't? Me either!! Ha, I wish. I have debated whether or not to even type this up because for starters, it probably isn't going to make any sense to anyone but me. but here I am because I can't get it out of my head. It's like one of those songs that you can't get out of your head.
Even though I sit here with it all ready to come out in print, I will not "publish" until all my guys are safely back to their homes. As much as I know "visually" that this dream showed immediate family, the guys I work with are just like brothers to me. Hell, I'm closer to them than my own flesh and blood brothers.
So there I was. In dreamland. Or in some kind of catatonic state, I'm not sure which right now. You see, I have been fighting respiratory and sinus issues all week. This crap started out with that tight chest feeling that makes you want to cough until you piss yourself and it worked it's way to my head; giving me nothing but long-lasting sinus headaches that make me want to cut my forehead open and pull whatever that creature is, out of there.
Needless to say, in order to get some good, deep sleep I turned to my best friend Mr. NyQuil. I don't normally like to take any sort of medicine but I know it's getting pretty bad when I'm popping sinus meds to get through my shift and dropping into bed immediately after work holding a bottle of NyQuil. It's not that I have trouble sleeping. The NyQuil is just that promise that no matter how much my little Budha wants to wake me up to play, it won't work. It also promises that no matter how many times my phone vibrates, it will not bother me. I will not be waking up until my body and my mind are ready to wake up.
Today I was so ready to wake up. This dream. Oh, man it was so haunting!! Quintin and I pulled up to this fantastically old and dilapidated house. The roof needed fixed. The front porch was about to fall off; old ripped and torn screens across the front and the sides didn't even have any screens. The siding on this home was dated, to say the least and it looked like nobody cared about this house. I was one of those people.
In my dream, I was standing in front of this house wondering what we were doing here. Quintin was standing by the drivers side of the car with a big smile on his face. I start asking him if this is one of those jobs he took on; to work on the house for someone. I told him he didn't have enough time in the world to work on this house and he just beams at me and says "It's ours." Oh boy.
Suddenly my dream has fast-forwarded a little while or else I can't remember what went on next but I said to Quintin "You know, we have lived here all these weeks and I have ONLY seen the bedroom and the living room." This makes me wonder just exactly where we have been eating and peeing all this time. Or was I being held here against my will?We will never know. Quintin proceeds to tell me that I should go look around because he thinks I am going to be pleasantly surprised.
As I go into all the rooms of this home, I realize that it is magnificent. White in most places, spotless, and bright! I notice that there are a lot of built-in cupboards in the walls. And as I open them, I realize that they are meant to be open, not closed. One by one I open these doors to the most wonderful pictures of me and my family when we were children. Donnie, Lonnie, Cindy, Kathy, Kenny, Marla and myself are in every one of them. The strange thing about these pictures are that I have no recollection of when or where they were taken.
Even now, almost 12 hours later, I can see those pictures so clearly. I can almost tell you what we were wearing in them, it was that vivid for me. I remember being amazed at how each set of pictures went along with the next set. Almost as if it were telling a story. A picture book is the best I can describe it. And then I noticed that the more cupboards I opened, and the more pictures I exposed, the darker the house got.
It wasn't bright anymore. It had a scary presence. And I got scared. I asked Quintin where he got these pictures at and he said they all were here when he purchased the home. Everything that was in the home, was there when he bought it. I tried shutting the cupboards but they wouldn't budge. It seemed that once I opened them, there was no going back.
And that's when I willed myself to wake up. I kept telling myself that this was nothing but a dream and that I needed to wake up. I needed to see daylight. The feeling that had consumed me when I woke up was awful. I was scared. I was sad. I was lost. I felt like I needed to warn someone. But warn them of what??
I have only had one other time where I "dreamed" about being somewhere else and seeing bright, vivid pictures, never before seen, of someone I love. That experience left me happy in my heart and very content. This dream did not leave me that way. Quite the opposite.
My first husband was so good about dreams. He knew what to expect from life by what he dreamed. That was the Mayan way, he would tell me. I wonder if the Mayans drank as much as he did? Ha, that's a whole other story right there!
So here I am, half a day later, still trying to shake this dream, this feeling, and this memory. I don't even want to remember those pictures but can't seem to get away from them. I'm not saying that this dream, or whatever it was, means impending doom but I am glad my people are all home and in bed. At least I hope they are. It's out there now anyway, huh?
For the rest of the day, I think I will just find something productive to do besides sleep. It's safer that way -_- Until next time, I hope your day is perfect and I hope you know that you are loved. Thank you for reading!
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