"I feel like the world sees me as fat and lazy" - Mike from Mike & Molly
Boy, have I been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and yoga pants! I spent many, many years feeling like I was never good enough. Never good enough for my own siblings at most times of my life. Never good enough for classmates at any stage of my life. Never good enough of a friend to most that I have tried to "best" with.
I am just going to warn you right now about this blog. It's about some things that most people are sick of hearing about; two things in particular: Weight loss and Kardashian!! So, if you are going to be one of those people that roll their eyes at the sight of the above mentioned words, please take your mouse and put your pointer on that pretty red X in the right hand corner. I don't need that kind of negativity. And I don't need sympathy either. I just need to put it out there so I have it on record and can read this over and over and over again, if I feel the need to or just simply choose to.
I feel like I am missing something in my life and I can not pinpoint it to save my soul. Great job, great marriage, great home life, great family. great job. So there's the great stuff. But why do I feel "blah?"Why do I feel like something just isn't right. Something is definitely amiss and the more I try to figure out what it is, the more exhausted...both mentally and physically...I get! I have asked for lots of prayers for peace and answers on this one and I'm sure they both will come eventually. Until then though, I must muster through, whether it kills me or not!
So much has changed in my head and my heart in the past several months. I have no desire. I have no motivation to do the things I know in my heart I love to do. I have literally told myself that I needed to "revisit" the old Shellie and remember what she felt like and why she changed her life and her choices. So, I have been trying to do that. Trying to dig deep and find the old me again and see what she can tell me. It's not easy. She's all about carbs, pop, and cigarettes and that's so old to me right now that it's new to me.
I was once told that if you "immerse" yourself among healthy people and healthy groups, it will make it easier for you to stick with what is working for you and what is right. Well, I'm here to tell you that this couldn't be further from the truth. That stuff has to be in your head. You can't do things like "diet, lifestyle change and/or exercise" for anybody but yourself! You have to want it to succeed and I keep telling myself that everyday...sometimes I hear it so much in my head, I get tired of telling myself! True story!
While I am trying to figure out how to get myself back on track and finding my desire (again), two things that I have "immersed" myself in is a book that I have now read four times: Strong Looks Better Naked by Khloe Kardashian, as well as her new show "Revenge Body." Her book is so right on when she talks about how this is all about mind, body, and soul. You have to love yourself; believe in yourself; trust yourself; be yourself. And that isn't always an easy thing to do. Especially that last thing. Being ourselves. Because we are all so brain-washed into thinking we need to be what our friends, our neighbors, our parents, our lovers, and even our enemies, are. We need to stop living for everyone else and live for ourselves. We need to be kind to ourselves. We need to trust in our own hearts and do what is right BY US, FOR US.
As I said, I have read Khloe's book four times now. I got it for Christmas a couple of years ago from a former co-worker. I love reading it and I can always hear her voice speaking to me page after page.
"Slow and steady wins the race,"
"The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday,"
"Nobody likes to be around a Negative Nancy."
Oh, I'm listening Khloe, I'm just a little thick-headed and stubborn at times but keep talking and it will eventually make it's way back through my lead skull. This book is really good. She talks about her spiritual journey as well as her emotional and physical journey. It makes me laugh when she says she was always known as the fat, funny sister because I have never thought she was fat ever. Yes, I am one of those people that watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians and yes, I will defend them up to a certain point. While I do not agree with all of their causes or beliefs, I do agree that they are allowed their own. If you haven't read this book, I recommend it.
Khloe's show Revenge Body started out as a huge joke for me because I thought "Well, she has money, so she can hire a trainer and a chef and voila, her "lifestyle changes" came easy for her. But I have watched her on Snapchat. I have watcher her on TV for many years. And now seeing her on this new show, I have come to realize the most obvious thing on earth. All that money doesn't mean squat. Having a trainer doesn't mean squat. Having a chef doesn't mean squat. Nobody has put in the WORK that she has, to get the body that she wanted. For hours and hours, days and days, she put in the effort, the sweat, the tears, and the commitment to get where she needed to be. And the funny thing about her workouts is that she didn't start working out because she wanted to lose weight or tone up. She started working out because she lived in a city where she didn't know anybody and went to the gym because she was bored. She started working through her boredom and then through her frustrations until it became second nature to her. Even today, pregnant and all, she says she still feels weird if she doesn't get a workout in.
What I love about her show is the compassion she has for others and is willing to help them achieve their goals. People have all kinds of reasons to be on her show. Whether it be to get that revenge body for an old or new boy/girl friend, family members, co-workers, themselves! After the 12 week challenge, most of them have a new perspective on their own health and their own goals to where they are glad they did it for THEM because no matter what you do, there is always going to be a chance that it isn't going to matter to that other person. Your journey and your goals are not always sufficient and pleasing to others but that shouldn't matter so much to us. Sadly, it does.
I'd be lying if I said I would rather go on a date night than sit at home and re-read this book or watch another episode because right now, it feels right. It feels safe. But even I know that at some point, this has to go somewhere. It has to get me off my ass and back on my feet. After all, these news shoes aren't going to exercise by themselves now, are they???
One night I was feeling sorry for myself and thought "I will just send her an email. Maybe she can give me the words to make it all get better." By morning, I had come to my senses. After all the words I have read in her book and all the words she says on her show, what else could she possibly say??? So, to humor myself I googled her show and boom! there pops up the link for the application to her show. I'm pretty sure my mouth fell to the floor when I read everything they ask you to tell them. Holy buckets! I mean, it says on her page that the application is very intimate and takes a long time but ZONKERS, SCOOBY!!!
Take a peek here
I'm going to stop this here. There is a second part to this blog but I am not ready to reveal that yet. My brain is in serious overload here about life, health, and my pursuit of happiness on both levels! If you are still interested, stay tuned!!!
Thanks for reading and have a blessed day, a beautiful week, and a fantastic life!
No comments:
Post a Comment