Wedding Day

Raise your glass and let's make a toast. The big day is finally here. A lot of talking, planning, shopping, arranging, re-arranging. And it is here. The day we have all been waiting for. 

*brakes screeching* 

Hold the phone.....

The day Dana and Drew have been waiting for. I wont lie, I have been ready to get this over with for a LONG time. 

This gal walked into my life 5 or 6 years ago and I wasnt looking for a friend. I had plenty.  Sometimes she turns life around for me. Sometimes "around" means upside down too. I wouldnt have it any other way though. 

Dana is silly. I get a kick out of hearing about the dog's colors or her children's collaring books. You read it right. That's how she tells it. I love discussing road tripping with her and hope someday to visit this magical place called Minionapolos. Sounds amazing! 

Dana came to work with me at the jail after working at the local community school and I have always said "They hired you after college because they realized they graduated you and forgot to teach you to how to spell!" I have loosened up (a tad bit) on her spelling mistakes though. Learning to pick my battles.

And after all of this ribbing, Dana has been and always will be right there for me. She has such a good heart and a good soul. Even in the worst of situations. Dana and I work very well together. We bounce off of each other. We dont even have to think about things. We just know what the other is going to do and we react to each other. We truly are a great team. And we have a special bond that I pray we never lose because it is hard to find a person you can be your grouchy, scared, pissed off self around and then turn around and see them smiling back at you, telling you not only is it ok to be those things, but that they still love you all the way through it. 

That's what I have with Dana and I hope she knows she has that with me.  This gal, her very soon-to-be husband Drew, their two precious babes, and all their little fur-babies are very close to my heart and I love them all like they are my own. 

As you all know, Im not normally like this. All mushy and squishy and soft. I dont like that. It is too emotional for me. Life is hard so I try to be a little harder around the edges. But today... *sigh* ...today I will be a little kinder, a little softer, and show my friends how much I love and support them. 

So, if you see me standing up there and a tear slides down my cheek, it is because Im excited and very happy for my girl. Happy she is getting the day she wants. 

I had a whole bunch of funny stuff built up to write about today but it just doesnt seem appropriate. Today isnt the day. Or I just need to start day drinking a little early! Then the words will flow!!! It's still early so we will just play that by ear!

Today is dedicated to you my friend. I cant wait to get this party started and get you started down this new journey in life. I love you and will always be here for you.

My 2-3 cents worth

I think we owe it to ourselves and to those around us to think before we speak. I know from experience that doesn't always work. It's hard to do sometimes. And I mean it when I say some days it's nearly impossible. That's why I use this site as my platform and not Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or any other BS site that easily fuels anger. But we all have a breaking point. We are human. Let's keep that in the forefront of our minds. Another thing to remember is that what I type is MY OPINION. Mine and nobody else's. I can not and will not speak for anybody else.

I want to put this out there right now for anybody that may think different. Mainly because I have been accused of one or two of these. I am not privileged because of my race, my status, my bank account, or my name. I, myself, have felt like I have been “wronged” in my life for whatever reasons but clearly, I am not privileged. I work hard at what I do; whatever I do. I like to get good results and if that means I have to give a little sweat and tears, so be it. I am always up to learn and I am not afraid to ask questions to be a better dispatcher or a better person. But, if that is your idea of me, get it out of your mind and if you can't, get out of my life. I refuse to spend my time trying to make you understand. I have a life to live and I just want to be happy. There is a reason for this paragraph and I will get to it soon.

It's hot in here. Do you think it's hot in here? Maybe it's just my blood boiling over so many things. Maybe it's just hot in here. I don't know. What I do know is that an air conditioner is about to go in my bedroom window because this menopausal-pain-in-the-butt-grouchy-ass girl needs to get some sleep. Some nice cold, deep sleep with a ceiling fan, box fan, and 2 blankets. That is with the air conditioner. Yeah, I like to live on the edge like that. Let's go back to the blood boiling thing. It's much more colorful.

By now you have all heard or read about the 4 Minneapolis, MN police officers that were fired over the case with George Floyd. When I turned on the news that day and saw it, I was shocked, appalled, sick and very angry. I sat there and shed tears for the whole situation. I watched the video and could not believe what I was seeing. I was literally yelling at the tv, “He can't breathe! Get the hell off of him!”

I know, I know. If you can talk, you can breathe. But what about when his talking started drifting off and when it stopped? What about when he involuntary urinated himself? At what point did these guys not see what they were causing? Were they having a really bad day? Did they have prior dealings with this guy that made them be more aggressive? Were they on a power trip? Did they care? It is senseless to me. Senseless and stupid and the whole thing could have and should have been avoided, in my opinion. I do not care what the situation is, you take the ability to breathe seriously. For every single person. Maybe that's the 911 dispatcher in me talking, I don't know. I'd like to think that's the ethical part of my being talking.

Every single cop that has went through an Academy has been trained how to properly take down and detain a bad guy. Smashing their face into the ground for several minutes and holding the weight of your body with your knee on their neck, back or front, is not the way to do it. I keep thinking about the people standing around taking videos and watching this happen. But then, how do you make a cop stop doing what he is doing?? Rush them and force them to at least take the knee off the guy? Take a risk of being shot? In the least, take a risk of arrest. Pictures of a crowd of people rushing the cops keeps coming to mind. I'm not saying it wasn't a good thing there is video evidence but what were the reasons for stopping and just watching? 5 minutes of fame? A few bucks to be made by the networks? Whatever the reason, we all saw what happened in the end. I would love to know what happened before anyone started their videos. We haven't heard that part of the story yet. I don't know, the whole thing makes me sick.

I keep asking myself, “What would you have done if you were witnessing this situation?” I don't have a good answer. Maybe I would have blown up 911 and told them to get someone there FAST because they are killing this man; that they are holding his face down in the concrete and he is bleeding and saying he can't breathe; given every detail I could have given. I know there is a record of the call then. Not on my phone, but on theirs. I don't know. In the area we live in, we don't see this kind of BS, thankfully, and I hope we never do. Tell me, in the comments, what you would have done. There's no right or wrong answer.

And if the situation isn't bad enough, now there are riots and death threats and who knows what else! These 4 cops have been fired and they WILL go to prison for what they did but remember, before your social media law degree gets rolled out (we all have our own opinions and most of them are probably the same), keep in mind they also get due process. Just like any other criminals. I would about bet those guys are saying goodbye to their loved ones right now. You all know how I feel about law enforcement and I will never apologize for that. But this....this can not be condoned. This is a huge example of “bad cop.”

I know I shouldn't have an opinion until all the facts come in...and I still want to know what led up to this take down...but I'm just as human as you are. I have my thoughts and I have my opinions. But as I watched this story...this video, being talked about on CBS This Morning, I was disgusted by Gayle King and her reaction on National television. She is supposed to be better than that. She is supposed to be held in higher regard because she is supposed to be a fact-giver, a reporter, not an opinion-giver. I have never cared for that woman and if it weren't for Oprah Winfrey and her connections, that woman wouldn't be where she is today. I doubt I ever watch that show again. It's okay for her to go on live tv and say “It's open season on black men in America...” She literally had to excuse herself from a segment and “hand it over” because she was so upset. If she was upset, she should have excused herself from the beginning.

Hey Gayle, instead of fueling the problem, try being part of a solution. You have the best platform there is so start educating people instead of condemning those you don't agree with. She needs to read some statistics on racial crimes. Another senseless and stupid thing we have going for us. I don't care what color this man was; he didn't deserve what he got. But I'm not going to get into that because this country is fueled enough by race. That would be a whole other blog that I'm not willing to get into at this time.

So, because some cops made some clearly bad choices, I am not going to hold that against all the good cops out there. And there are far more good ones than there are bad ones. The same goes for doctors, nurses, educators, and clergy men. There are good ones and there are bad ones. But I am not going to hate all of them for the actions of a few.

Now that I have that off my chest, I will address that second paragraph from the top. Good ole Facebook. You do make me dislike people. Some days I think I need to get off of it for good and then I remember all the people I love that I don't get to see on a day-to-day basis and how it keeps us in touch. So there's that. There was a girl that I went to school with and we were good friends. She was always fun to be around and we may or may not have gotten into our fair share of trouble. Key word there “MAY.” Over the years, we lost contact with each other and went on about our lives. Several times I contacted family to try to get back into contact with her and each time was met with “She doesn't want anything to do with Bedford people.” That hurt.

For years, I wondered what her real friends had ever done to her that was so awful. I LOVED hanging out with this gal! So now, thank you Facebook, we have become reconnected. She has a good job and a great family and loves her God “faithfully.” The reason for the quotation is this. Whenever something comes up in the news about a racial crime, she is the first to throw out words of anger and heat. She wants justice and she wants it now. She doesn't care that there's a due process to go through because she is sickened by anything that makes “her people” look like the bad guy. And they aren't always the bad guy. But sometimes they are. Sometimes “my people,” as she might say, are the bad people too. Anybody can be good and anybody can be bad. The color of your skin doesn't decide that. Actions do. How is that faith working out for you? Don't preach it if you can't live by it.

Needless to say, we are no longer Facebook friends because I just don't want to see that hatred all over the page when I am there to have fun and laugh with my friends. There is so much negativity in our world already. I don't want it shoved down my throat every day. I have already lost one friend from childhood over politics and I'm not willing to risk it again. It's easier to unfriend and love the person than it is to hold my tongue for months and then say something out of rage. And I do still love her and love our memories. I always will. Just like the other gal that doesn't agree with me on politics. But I hope, since this gal is an educator, that she would think twice about what she posts in a very public forum because she too, is held in higher regard by many people.

I have another friend, whom I have known practically his whole life and he is super impressive when it comes to writing so I hope he addresses the issue about this whole mess in Minnesota. I am patiently waiting. You know who you are.

Stop being a butt

Hey, 30 more days of "social distancing," "self-isolation," and "quarantine."  I've about had it and I'm not even stuck at home.  I don't need toilet paper.  I don't need groceries.  What I need is some time with my family and friends.  This is ridiculous.  I need some human interaction!  No offense to my husband and puppers but dang it, with us not being able to go anywhere, they have all found out where my last nerve is (it's in the neck and it really, really, super hurts!) and they all can't wait to poke at it.  They don't even use a stick but then, that would probably hurt worse.

Oh yeah, we have a pregnant dog and a pregnant cat at home too.  So there will be more headaches and hair pulling (on me, by me) soon to come.

As I ponder the whole Coronavirus situation and what we are going to think and say about it 10-20 years down the road, there's a piece of me that cries "I am just a little bit jealous of those people that get to say home and do whatever they want, with no time restrictions or deadlines.  I want to do that!"  And then common sense rolls back around and says "You would go C-R-A-Z-Y if you had to stay in your home 24/7!"  I think the first paragraph told us this already.

While I do enjoy going to work and being able to stay working, it is SO FRUSTRATING to see people out together.  I don't mean families that live together, I mean people that will travel down the road and pull up next to each other, get out and HUG each other.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I see it almost daily at gas stations when I am driving by.  What are we learning from this social distancing experience?  Apparently a number of us are learning NOTHING.  ZERO.  ZILCH.  NADA.  And while they are learning big on that, I get to bathe myself eight times a day and dress up in what little hand sanitizer I already had on hand.  I have plenty.  Thanks for the offer, though.

Inside, I get angry at a lot of people but I do try to keep my head about me and think about the situation.  The reason I get angry is because people can't see that they need to do this; they need to stay home as much as possible.  The longer it takes for people to get their heads out of their asses, the longer this whole thing is going to take.  Just the other day, a convenience store worker said to me "This has all been blown out of proportion."  I didn't know what to say at first and I just walked away with a soft, "Oh yeah Karen, we shut down the world for overkill."  Believe what you will, I guess.

The way we have been handling this is not the way to do it.  Obviously, if it did work, we wouldn't have been handed another 30 day prize now, would we?  Stop going to your sister's house.  Stop going to your parents' house.  Stop going to visit your cousins and best friends.  Stop putting people at risk.  Older people, younger people, all people.

Stop thinking about yourself and start putting others first.  This shouldn't be a pandemic lesson either.  That right there is a life lesson.  Always put the love of others before yourself and be kind.  Buying up all those rolls of toilet paper isn't being kind either ya'll.  Maybe if people could keep their heads on straight and tight, there would be enough to go around.  Don't worry about us though.  We have all sorts of things we can wipe our butts with.  Leaves, husbands socks, cleaning rags, husbands shirts.  I can come up with many, many ideas.

BUTT....see what I did there???  How about those people that can't get around very well?  How about those people that are already sick and have other health issues that can't just go out to ole Wally World any time they get the notion?  If you went out and hoarded a bunch of toilet paper and hand sanitizer and medical supplies and bleach and bread and milk and eggs and.....I could go on all day with this list.....whatever else people will need, you will never be able to convince me that it was right.  These are the times we need to be considerate of others.  Be kind.  Get only what you need for right now and go home.  You can go back next week or next month and get some more. 

The way the people of this country have acted since this pandemic started has saddened my heart and it makes me sick.  I still relate what my dad used to say, "You don't have to respect the President but you need to respect the office of President."  I have always, always, always done that.  No matter how vile the President was at the time.  So now I say to you, "You don't have to respect yourself.  (You should but you don't have to)  but you need to respect others."  This is the time in our lives that we need to get only what we NEED, do only what we HAVE to, and put those wants on the back burner.

Call people.  Write letters to people.  Send cards to people.  Color pictures and hang in your window.  Get the sidewalk chalk out and dress up the sidewalk or the driveway.  Facetime or video chat with your family and friends for now.  I will tell you this much, it will sure make you appreciate them more.  I hate it when people tell me I can't do something but this time, someone could die if I don't listen and I am not having that on my conscience.  Could you have it on your conscience?

I know there is more that I could scream about but I'm not going to.  Typing is a whole lot funner to do than crying and crying seems to be what everyone wants to do right now.  AloneTogether.  Think about that and remember, we are all in this together.  We can do this. Please help me have hope in the American people and keep your butts at home and keep to yourself if you can't seem to get along with whoever is in that house with you.  Compromise and sacrifice.  We all have it in us.

Don't we?

Sometimes I wear my work shirt to bed

I am going to apologize in advance for whatever may happen here today.  This blog has been forming in my mind for a little while so I thought it was about time to get it all out.  I would also like to say up front that this blog is not about getting sympathy, thanks, attention and it is not about preaching to anyone.  Well, maybe at the end...if you make it there.  I don't like to talk about things that bother me but this is one way I can do it without feeling like I am burdening anyone.  We all need someone to talk to, right?  Well here I am.  Talking to you now.

Sometimes it is really hard to come to work.  Most days I look forward to it though.  I can't wait to see what will happen on my shift.  I can't wait to see if I can handle whatever is thrown at me.  I anticipate the challenges that could and just might come my way.  One ring of the phone and we're off to the races!  That is most days.  It is those "sometimes" that seem to trip me up.  It is those "sometimes" that all I can think about are those things that have happened in years past; months past; days past; and not just from working in dispatch but all of life's tragedies.

Sometimes when I talk to people...and I will interject here that it is NEVER small town people.  Never people that I know or have known for years.  I'm talking about when I go to a bigger city.  When I talk to strangers...and I tell them that I am a dispatcher.  I usually get the same old thing and I'm telling you...it's old!  "Oh you answer phones all day!" or "So, you're a secretary for cops?"  I used to just shake my head and walk away because it was just easier than pointing out the facts that some people don't or can't understand.

I was going to start listing everything we do when the proverbial shit hits the fan but I'm not going to do that. We could be here for days if I do that.  But I will say that we have two stations and on those two stations, we have multiple radios that we are learning to use new technology on all the time, we have 911 phones as well as admin phones with multiple lines, we have (just in our office currently) 8 monitors that we have to keep an eye on mostly all the time, and several programs on those screens that need our attention at any given time. 

We have multiple fire departments and ambulances to page out and keep track of what they are doing; all while we are doing the other things that have to be done.  And then we get to tack on the weather because that is something we always have an abundance of, right?  Downpours, fog, ice, snow, tornadoes, floods.  And if we're lucky, we get to do jail duties through it all, when a jailer is not scheduled.  So the list just keeps going.  Sounds fun, huh?

But, that isn't what this blog is about.  What this is about is that we are human beings behind that phone, behind that screen and we work our tails off.  We come back every day because we care to.  It's what is within us.  And while that seems to be noble on the outside, think about what we carry with us on the inside.  The things that stay with us for days, months, years, the rest of our lives.  The things we hear and sometimes can never stop hearing.

Sometimes when we pick up the phone, we get to hear hate and venom spew out of people's mouths.  And usually it is directed right at us simply because we answered the phone.  I realize the majority of the time it isn't meant to be directed at us but when a situation gets heated, it's hard to control your emotions no matter who you are talking to. 

Sometimes when we pick up the phone, we get blamed because we can't get help to someone fast enough.  We need to get information so we can pass it along to the people that need to come help you.  We don't just ask you questions because we're bored.  We have ways to deal with boredom right here without your help.  The more details a dispatcher can get about a call, the better the call will be.  You never know what teeny tiny detail you give a dispatcher can be an "Aha!" moment for the people working the call.  People can be very full of rage for many different reasons and they can get quite vulgar toward the person they are talking to on the phone and again, I realize it is usually misplaced anger.  But still.....we feel that.

I can't tell you how many times I have wished to be able to pass through the phone line to get to my caller; some to hug, others to punch.

Sometimes when we pick up the phone and we hear someone completely beside themselves, barely able to talk to us, because they have just found their spouse, significant other, parent or child unresponsive.  Those calls are hard ones because immediately your heart is going out to that caller and your first instinct is to get them help and get someone to them to help them get through this ordeal.  I promise you, we are working as fast as we can to get help to you and your loved one.

Not long ago, our neighboring county had multiple officers shot and it happened within our county.   Never in my life will I ever forget the sound of that dispatcher saying they have officers down.  As quickly as I could get my foot on the mic pedal to get my people, and many others headed that way, a lot of emotions were already starting to surface.  I was immediately pissed off and scared for those guys.  My hands and my voice were shaking and I remember my jailer asking if I needed him to take over.  "This is what we train for" is all I could hear myself say. 

And then, when everyone is on scene and doing all they need to do, we get to sit and wait.  We wait for any bit of news.  Any information on who is hurt, how badly they are hurt, what is going on?  Radio silence is by far the worst sound in the world for me, and I'm sure many others.  Sometimes, the not knowing hurts more than anything.  See those guys that were involved, they weren't my local people but they are my people.  Their lives are just as important to me as my own local guy's lives.  And no matter how mad I get at them (and I do get mad at them), I will always care and I will always be here for them. 

I have heard a lot of dispatchers...usually from bigger departments...say that the hardest part of this job is the not knowing, after a call is done.  I am blessed to work with the guys that I do because they share what they can, knowing I need that closure as much as anybody else.  Nobody wants to spend a week reading a great book, only to get to the last chapter and it wasn't ever written.  We work hard for these calls and we deserve to know what happens after we hang up.

It is nothing for a dispatcher to experience many, if not all, emotions during one shift and I'll tell you how I handle that.  Not anybody else, just me.  If I leave work and I'm angry and full of rage, I will hold that in until I get to my safe place...my husband...and that poor guy gets unloaded on.  It took him a while but he understand now that none of it is directed at him; I just need him to listen and understand where I'm coming from AND to tell me if I'm angry for the wrong reasons.  I tell ya, he doesn't get paid near enough for putting up with me some days. 

When I leave work happy, I turn up the radio and either open the sun roof or put the windows down.  I sing as loud and as proud as I can.  It doesn't matter if it's 20 below, that sun roof will be open on my way home if need be.  The nights when it's been emotional turmoil, I cry all the way home.  I used to live five minutes from work so I got a good little cry in but now I live 35 minutes away and sometimes am lucky to get two cries in before getting home.  By then I'm exhausted and ready to wind down. 

Then there are those rare, "sometimes" nights that send me home anxious and physically sick to my stomach.  Like I said, these are rare.  At least for me they are.  It takes a lot to really "get" to me but recently it did.  Sometimes you just have to stop on the side of the road and leave your feelings right there.  These are the nights I need to sleep in my work shirt.  I can not get comfort any other way when sleep finally comes.  And sometimes that takes days.
 
The percentage of days that I cry going to or coming home from work is much greater than the days I get to sing to the stars.  Sometimes I will hear a song on the radio and it will trigger a memory of something that has happened at work.  This is why I usually don't like to listen to country music.  That stuff is tragic for bad news and heart break!!  Sometimes it's the overload of days past that catches up with me.  I try to outrun those moments but it's not always easy.  You know the saying "You can run but you can't hide."  It's true.

I can drive down a country road, the interstate, or even a highway in my area and see exactly where I had been on scene with a deputy and remember any horrific detail from that call.  I will remember the anxiety I felt when we were going there, the mad rush to do anything that can be of help, and what the scene looked like.  Sometimes I can remember distinct smells from a call.  Gasoline, oil, grass, fire, and sometimes even death.  That's why I like to do ride-alongs.  For the rush of the business. 

You are probably thinking that I shouldn't be riding along to calls if it is going to affect me but I live for it.  I love all the feelings that go with this job; even the bad feelings.  If I didn't know what bad felt like, how would I appreciate all the good?

All dispatchers have calls that infuriate us.  9-1-1 hang ups from a phone that can ONLY call 9-1-1 or an unattended child playing with a phone.  While I am on the phone trying to ask your 1 year old child to give the phone to mommy or daddy, someone else is needing to call me on that 9-1-1 line.  For the love of bacon, if your old phone has a battery in it, it can call 9-1-1.  It does not have to be hooked up to any service.  Read this, let this soak in, understand it and be proactive about it.  I could go on all day about the different types of calls we get but I'm not going to do that either.  Aint nobody got time for that!

I am pretty good about handling stuff, I think.  I have a few calls that have bothered me over the years.  I had a guy call 9-1-1 because he was having a hard time breathing.  I could barely get his address from him and the more time passed, the worse he was getting.  I stayed on the line with him and he tried to talk between gasps and gulps.  I kept telling him not to talk but to concentrate on breathing until an ambulance got to him.  It took a couple of minutes but he said his wife and children were upstairs asleep and he didn't want them to know what was going on.  Seriously!  Sympathy and heart break for this man and then I was pissed off.  See how those emotions turn at a moments notice???  While I did let EMS know this information, I could not keep a promise to this man that his family wasn't going to be woken up. 

Once, I was on the phone with a guy that had fallen asleep driving down the interstate.  He hit a cable barrier and had called 9-1-1.  He was trying to get his bearings to tell me where he was at when he was hit by another car.  Another sound I will never, ever forget.  I have never wanted to be transported to a different place more than I did that night.  Luckily for him, things turned out to be okay.  It probably took longer for me to recover than it did for him.

Another time, we had a terrible snow storm and I was working the overnight shift.  It was the worst snowstorm since I started working here actually.  A lady that did not speak much English kept calling 9-1-1 because she and her baby were stuck in a truck on a county road that wasn't in our county but close to it.  I can't even remember how many times I paged and re-paged services to try to get to her.  No law enforcement or fire department could get through the drifts. 

It is a terrible feeling to not be able to get help to someone.  It took several hours and it felt like days, but the neighboring county was able to get somebody to her and her child and get them to warmth and safety.  I'm not sure if it was on my blog or on my Facebook where I posted about the show 9-1-1 on Fox and there was an earthquake and they were having to tell people they could not get help to them.  It brought me to tears.  I was sobbing. 

I will do just about anything to get help to anybody that I can in an emergency situation.  In the past twelve months, I have had way too many calls where I can not find enough emergency services to cover what I need.  It's not that we didn't have enough services; it is that so much was going on, there wasn't enough to go around.  And that terrifies me for those that need it.

I know I'm rambling.  I need to wrap this up.  For those of you that are friends with a dispatcher, keep in mind that we don't usually want to talk about work when we are out with you or are on the phone with you (and if we answer the phone, consider yourself lucky because we get sick of that thing).  We like to keep those conversations close with our work families.  If you want your dispatcher friend to flourish and be mentally healthy, talk to them about anything but work and IF they want to talk about something that happened there, let them come to you and just listen.  Don't ask them! 

And don't...I repeat DO NOT use your dispatcher friends to your own advantage.  It will bite you in the ass.  It is not our jobs to keep our friends out of jail.  We like to think we are friends with people smarter than that.

And just in case you don't know this, when something awful happens at work, we have a chance to go to something called a debriefing, where we can talk about our feelings connected with the call; talk about things that we can't just talk to anyone and everyone about.  We just don't all choose to do it this way because for some of us...okay for this dispatcher...it makes it all that much worse.

And there is just one more thing I want to add to this post.  This is going to sound preachy.  If you don't like it, leave.  Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya cause it's getting real here at the end. 

You are not invincible and if you die behind the wheel, for any reason, you are leaving a lot of people hurting in this world.  Parents, children, spouses, family, friends and so much more.  Distracted driving is killing us.  Literally.  Put your phones away and concentrate on the road.  Your kids are cute but that Snapchat you are taking while driving down the road isn't worth yours or their life. 

AND, I can not stress this enough...if you feel you must drink beyond your limit, do the right thing and get a ride home with a sober driver.  It is not fair to risk the lives of other people because of your ego.  I think we all know how we would feel if our loved one got hurt, or worse, from a drunk driver so the next time you are out drinking, think about it and do the right thing.

I'm off my soapbox and my fingerprints have been worn off the ends of my fingers.  Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

In the words of Luke Bryan, "I believe most people are good."

Thanks for listening <3

What happens in Vegas, didn't stay in Vegas

Well, we did it. We took a girls trip to Vegas and we came back unscathed.  Here is our pre-flight pic at Olive Garden.  We tried to get our server to go with us...and he thought about it....but thought he better keep his job. His loss.  

So we get to the airport with a crazy driver named Zach who I am sure was trying to kill us.  There wasn't a corner he couldn't (or wouldn't) turn on 2 wheels.  Poor me, I was sliding all over the place.  No butt to keep me on my seat! 

So we get all checked in and settled in the loading area.  We had quite a bit of time to spare so we spent it Facebooking, talking, walking around and people watching.  Well, as time as approaching to load, a gal sat down next to Justi.  I didn't think too much of it.  She was face timing with someone as was multiple others in the place.  The next thing I know, Justi is laughing. One of those "I don't want anyone to hear me laugh" kinda laughs.  I look over to her (I'm beside her) and that just makes her laugh even more.  Trying not to raise suspicion, I mouth the words "What?" and she tries to tell me..... "Loo...(laughter) look at...(laughter)."  I can't figure out what she is talking about.  She is trying to avert her eyes to this gals legs without her knowing and I'm still not getting it.  She finally says "toenails" between gasps for air. 

People, this next picture doesn't even BEGIN to show the nastiness that we saw!  I mean, it took some real creativity to even get a picture since there was someone between us and I didn't want her to see what I was doing!  Poor Justi has tears streaming down her face and I am about to throw up.  Acrylic nails on her toes....which is something I have NEVER heard of and if that wasn't weird enough, this gal has let them grow out so far it looks like she has a literal glue factory between the nail and the cuticle!!  I mean we could have parked a Prius between the two!!!  I don't know what it was but it reminded me of rubber cement.  YUCK!!!  I don't know how she will ever get that scraped off.  I hope she got it taken care of. 

There you go.  You're welcome.  But like I said, this picture does it NO JUSTICE for how literally gross and disgusting it was!  Moving on..........

Let me tell you something. I never thought, in my entire life, that I would get my sister Kathy on an airplane. She's terrified of bridges, let alone go up in the air!!  We purchased these tickets six months ago so she was kinda locked in. For six months she gave herself anxiety about the whole thing. Luckily, she and I got to sit next to each other and mother-and-daughter team sat in front of us so we all got to chat and take turns peeling Kathy's fingers from Justi's seat at every movement on the part of the airplane! How dare that thing move!!! She did great, folks. She was scared, I won't say she wasn't; but she got through it with grace and I couldn't be more proud of her. On the way out, we had to go up through some weather and get on top of it so there was a little turbulence. I looked over at her one time and she was staring a hole right into the back of Justi's seat; white-knuckled hands about to pull the magazine holder right off that thing. I asked “Are you okay?” She didn't answer me at first and I thought maybe she had just suffered the worst right there without anyone knowing but she finally said “yeah,” so then I could start breathing again. I love to fly so it's hard for me to understand the fear but then again, she doesn't get my whole clown thing either so there ya go.

She doesn't even look scared there, does she???  I think this was taken in the air but I could be wrong.

Two hours and 40 minutes later, WE HAVE ARRIVED!!!  Look out Vegas!!  We have plans to tear this town up like you will never believe! 

I will tell you right here and now, in front of God and everyone, that we are a wild group and you really need to watch it when you go places with us. Especially Vegas. With the exception of the first night, we were in our hotel rooms by probably 10-10:30. I'm talking PM. Yeah, we are THAT crazy!!! The only reason we got in late the first night is because we arrived in Vegas in the late evening and our gracious host shuttled us around to see some sights. 

Heck, one night I thought I would live life on the edge and stay up until 1:30 am!!!! Of course, they all had crashed out around midnight so I cleaned our hotel room so the maid would know EXACTLY what we needed. It didn't do any good though. We still had to track her down the next day for extra towels, toilet paper and Kleenex!!   

Enough about the maid!!!  Let's roll back a little bit and talk about our wonderful host/tour guide/all around wonderful guy!  If you've ever been to Vegas, you might know him.  Heck, if you've ever been to Branson, you might know him.  Let's get real here folks, if you've ever been to Fontanelle, Iowa, you might know him!  Sadly, I never got the chance to meet him when he was visiting Fontanelle so it was quite a shock to me when we were heading down the escalator to the baggage claim and I see him sitting there just smiling at us because the only two on this trip that know him, didn't even see him.  Then there's me...who has only seen his pic on Facebook a few times but have heard about him at least a hundred times, and I spot him right away.  "THERE HE IS!!!"  Justi's head swings right to the baggage claim because she thinks I mean our bag because she was almost convinced ours was either still at Omaha or had gone on to Cincinnati.  Not sure why the thought of our bag entered her mind.  

Oh wait, yes I remember!  She saw them take a bag from our airplane back to the airport.  It didn't matter that it was a red suitcase and ours was green.  She was convinced!!!  Anyway.....the one and only Jeffrey Micheals, sitting there waiting for little ole US!!  It was so nice to meet him after all these years.  I hope next time we get to watch him perform! This guy is seriously one of the nicest men you could ever meet in your life.  I'm not exaggerating one bit! 

Justi and her two BFF's.  She has more but we were the only ones willing to go 

out in public with her!  HA!

I got to see (from a distance) the Trump Hotel & Casino.  I hope to stay there someday!  

Now, let's talk about the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel!  It was nice.  We all enjoyed our stay there, even if ya'll did snore!  Haha yeah they all snored.  Not me though.  One night they made me sleep on the floor.  It was crazy.  If you have been to the HRH, none of the pics will entertain you but if you haven't been there, it's pretty awesome.  Lots of little restaurants in there and things to do.  

This was the door handles to their event center.  Pretty cool, huh?! And all the hotel room doors had different pictures and sayings on them.  The Elvis one is the coolest one!  

We didn't have a balcony, so to speak, from our room.  We had double doors that opened up to the city and in the morning, the view of the mountains were spectacular!  There were five bars going across the front of the doors so we couldn't walk out if we wanted.  Now...we could have climbed and jumped if we wanted to but nobody wanted to.  I was able to lean forward enough to get a shot of the big guitar at the front of the hotel because ya know, getting a picture from the actual front of the building would have been WAY TOO EASY!!!  

There were a couple of restaurants inside the building that I would have like to tried but we either didn't have the time, the energy, or the money!  Man this place is expensive!  Make sure you save about 6 paychecks for spending money on the strip and for those sly thieves called your hotel!  A bottle of water is $5 at Dunkin Donuts inside our hotel.  Next trip, I am going to drive out and go to Fremont St and get 3 cases of water!  Everything is cheap there, including the entertainment; but we will get to that soon enough! 

There was the FU Asian Kitchen and the Pink Taco and we didn't get to them, sadly.  They had a shirt in PT restaurant that I wanted to get but they didn't have the right size.  The front said "If you don't eat the Pink Taco" and then on the back it said "Your best friend will!"  I about died laughing. 

So, on our first full day in Las Vegas, we did what we thought was a really, really great idea.  We walked almost the whole strip.  We took a shuttle to the Forever 21 Fashion Show and then hoofed it right over to the strip.  Don't get me wrong, it was fun and it was amazing but what it wasn't was easy on the feet.  Holy Moley!!  I wanted to go to the Excalibur to get a shirt for my husband and little did I know that it was CLEAR DOWN THERE!!!  The restaurant I was looking for was "Dick's Last Resort."  I knew I would find something for the husband there because I was told that they were really vulgar and rude in this place.  Like "Hey what happened to your face?  Did you get hit by a dick..." vulgar.  I just wanted a chance to talk back.  

When we finally got there...and I mean finally because I"m pretty sure my friends weren't my friends at this point.  Walking all that way for some dick.  What was I thinking??  We arrived at this restaurant inside the casino and this guy (worker) was chasing this small child across the room, screaming at him to "Get the hell back over there or I"m going to kick your ass.  Sit down and stay there!"  I looked around for a chair because I thought I was in trouble too.  Scared the begeezus out of me.  All these kids...and there were just as many kids as adults in the place...everyone was just laughing their fool heads off.  I can not imagine why any person would take a child to a place like this but if you have, please don't tell me.  It will ruin my image of you forever.  That place was made for me, not for a child.  I don't need to tell you that we did not eat there.  I ate at Panda Express and fought that son-of-a-buck the rest of the night.  He put up a good fight but I won.  I'm never going back there again.  I don't care what town it's in.

Anyway, there are some really cool and exciting things to see on the strip and I can't tell you what they all are because aint nobody got time for that.  If you haven't been, just go.  I'll go with ya.  Here are just a few examples of the neat stuff you see.  More pics will be posted on my Facebook soon but samples are given here first.

I can't believe I didn't go in here. Just to say I did!!!  Dumb, dumb, dumb!

 I tried to get a video of this because it was hilarious.  He would come out and talk about his restaurant and then he would walk off screen.  Then he would come back and say "Can someone get me out of this box?"  Too funny!

Treasure Island is a cool place to see also!  Arrgh matey!

So, the first full day we spent walking up and down the strip.  So thankful that Jeffrey came and joined us on the last part and showed up a shortcut back to our hotel.  Even though it didn't feel very short, I'm sure it was a lot shorter than we would have made it on our own!  We got to a bus stop at one point and we could see our hotel, so we took a break at the bus stop and I decided we could just make it the rest of the way on foot.  What a stupid, stupid thing to say!  Damn tourists anyway!!!  This isn't Iowa.  Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can touch it.  Justi and I earned those blsters on our feet!!!  Maybe now you see why we were tuckered out so early in the evening!!!

For a couple of bucks we could have grabbed a bus but instead I gave my money to a homeless dude and his dog.  I can't not give to the dog dangit!

I got to hear the song of my people so many times while out there.  You know the ones.....sirens.  They got my attention every time.  We even saw a guy get arrested on his bicycle.  It was cool.  He must have been peddling ass.

When you're in a place like Las Vegas, it's easy to lose track of time.  Obviously they don't have clocks out there so you don't know how long you do anything and they sure aren't going to tell you!  I remember as we were going up an escalator to a cross bridge and Jenna says "We haven't even been here 24 hours yet."  I literally could not wrap my mind around that.  I couldn't believe it but it was true.  We had already done and seen so much but because we arrived in LV in the evening..... crazy!

I realize Jenna is a grown ass adult and lives on her own and has her own business and all that but taking her to the strip was quite scary for me.  I kept telling her "Don't get ahead of us!  Someone will steal you!"  She was either sick of hearing that or out of her mind high from all the pot that was in the air that she started saying it back to me!  Seriously, they can't pick me up and carry me off like they can her!  There was a little scare and I ran up and made eye contact with the filthy creep I thought was headed her way.  I was ready to tangle.  

And yeah.....the pot smoking is so out of control in that place.  It makes me sick to smell it.  I know a lot of you out there feel differently about it but my mind will never change on the subject.  I hate it.

Moving on.....

Saturday night we were all sore from walking and so there we were, laying on our beds in the hotel room just talking.  It's not like we get to do that at home!!!  Like I said, we earned our blisters!!! I got to reading those auto-correct fails to the girls and Kathy, Jenna and I got to laughing.  Can not believe Justi slept through that commotion!  Jenna was sure we had inhaled too much "mota."  Those auto-correct fails get me every time.  I don't care who you are.  If those don't make you laugh, you need to pull the stick out of your ass.  

On Sunday, one of my most favorite people in the world, who also just happens to be my cousin Brian, came and took us to the Hoover Dam.  He showed up with his granddaughter Kiki and that made my day!  Brian drove us to the Dam and Kiki entertained us with Ghost and Ghoul riddles.  We didn't know any of the answers unfortunately.  I blame it on jet lag!  I had been to the Hoover Dam once before but it is nothing like it used to be.  Wow was it something to see!  Even if you don't want to go to Las Vegas, go to the Dam.  You won't be disappointed!!  

Here's a pic of the beautiful water as we were approaching the parking area to the Dam.  SO BLUE!!!

I went clear into Arizona to get a picture of this sign!  We were just beginning our trek on the Pat Tillman Bridge!  Scary and exciting all at the same time!!!

AND THEN WE WENT DOWN THERE!!!  DOWN TO THE ONLY PLACE I KNEW HOOVER DAM EXISTED!!!  SO EXCITING!!!

See that bridge behind us???  Yeah we were just on that thing!!!  Trust me, when a semi crossed over, you felt it!!! 

I'm so happy I had such a great group of gals to help me celebrate my upcoming 5-0!!!  Only a month and three quarters to go so keep celebrating!!

After we had seen the Dam, we trekked it back through Boulder, which none of us had ever been to.  Jenna and I are suckers for souvenir shops so that town could have been bad for us.  Oh boy if we would have had a car, we would have filled it there and sent for another car to come get us!  We get back into Vegas and eat lunch at the In and Out Burger.  This is the restaurant that I want around here.  Only a few things on the menu so they can get people "in and out" quickly.  The burger was amazing.  The fries were amazing.  The shake was amazing.  But the most amazing thing I saw there...and I may have said the words "I want to quit my job and be a french fry girl," was when they put the potato in the holder, pulled the switch down and voila!  FRENCH FRIES!  They filled up a sink of them, let them soak, then drain and in the fryer they go.  I was so intent on watching it, I about didn't hear my number.  I mean I was stopping all the girls and making them watch the french fry guy.  BEST MEAL EVER!!!  I can't even tell you what that guy looked like!!!  If we ever get one of these restaurants around here, you know where to find me!

 

Oh!  Look who showed up to see us!!!  

Mani and Wendy Sue!!!  So happy to see them!  I have to grab quick ones of Wendy because she always says "I don't look good."  She always looks good. 

When we got back to our hotel from the Dam trip, Justi and Jenna proceeded to head to the pool and Kathy and I hit the casino for about 15 minutes.  I lost $8 and she lost $15.  We are a couple of wild and crazy big spenders!!!  Back to the room we went where I proceeded to take a nap.  Yes, I took a nap in Vegas.  I'm not sure what Kathy did because I was so busy checking for light leaks.

Sunday night and it's time for Fremont Street.  This is probably the majority of the reason I like Vegas.  Canopy light show, freaks, good eats, zip line.  You name it, if it's weird it was there.  They named this first one just for us gals, I'm sure!

So before I wind this up... let's talk about a couple of things.  These girls stand almost naked in the street and dance.  They want people to come dance with them so they can hang all over someone and get money from them.  Looking at these girls, I just don't get it.  I just don't.  I never will.  The only thing I can come up with is that their self-esteem has to be under the sewer system.  Just no.  If they see you take a picture of them, they will point you out, in front of God and everyone's dog, to come dance with them. Trust me.  Heard it from a friend who...heard it from a friend..... 

Now, this story will end our Sunday night and our Fremont Street experience.  Let me set the scene.  Jenna and I had rode the zip line earlier in the evening and Justi held onto Jenna's wallet for her.  Well, she forgot to give it back and Jenna was still in a souvenir shop and Jeffrey had waited with her while Kathy, Justi and I headed up the street.  We just wanted to pee and leave.  Our blisters were telling us they had had enough!  We were about 2 blocks away and Justi and I were just going into the bathroom when she gets a text message to bring the wallet back.  So we use the restroom and then leave the casino through another door.  Of course, we had left Kathy at another entrance.  I told Justi to go on and I would wait there and have Kathy come down to where I was at.  So Justi takes off and I text Kathy to "come down the street."  While I am waiting, I look straight across the street to see Chucky and his Bride.  Now this movie never bothered me.  It wasn't one of my favorites but it didn't bother me.  Of course, me being me, I whip out my phone and zoom in to take a shot.  Got it!

Now...seeing life sized Chucky was weird enough but when his Bride made eye contact after I took that picture, I about shit my pants.  She pointed, smiled, and tried to lure me over there.  My eyes had to have been the size of silver dollars and my index finger went up as I mouth the word  "NO."  She kept motioning me to come over and smiling that creepy smile of hers.  I waved my index finger at her and said out loud "NAAAA!" I wasn't giving two shits as to who was listening.  I just took off up the street.  Finally find Kathy and knew I was safe.  We ventured back down and met up with the others and I was telling them about the creepy Bride and as we started back up the street, I look over and she's freaking waving at me!!!!  I just got the hell out of there.  I didn't care how my blisters felt at the time.  WE OUT!

I forgot the part abut zip lining.  It was amazing.  Everyone should try it.  They have one where you can zip line 3,200 ft over the rim of the Grand Canyon.  That would be amazing!!!!  Anyway, I don't have a video at this time.  Maybe someone will share one with me one of these days.

Monday, on the plane ride back to Omaha.........................  I'm not going to mention any names because I don't want anyone judging my people but............................... this conversation may have happened.............

"Shellie is there a speed limit in the air?"  to which I replied "Yes, they have air cops that hook onto the side of the airplane and the cop comes inside the cockpit and writes them a speeding ticket.  Keep watching!"  You can't make this shit up!

There was SO MUCH MORE to our story but I just don't have the time or strength to get into it tonight.  This will have to do until more details come out.  Thanks for reading!  See you next time!

Everydays

There is a day that sits in my mind and stews.  A day I should have told my mom about many, many years ago and didn't.  While I'm sure I was just being a teenager and wasn't really into all that mushy stuff and sure didn't want my siblings or friends to find out, I don't know why I never told her this as I grew up.  Didn't think about it maybe?  Didn't know what she would think?  For whatever reason, this day has been in my head for YEARS.  

I don't know the exact circumstances but I remember leaving the Sheriff's Office (where our home used to be before life got complicated).  I was walking to school.  Acid washed blue jeans and a white sweater with white tennis shoes.  How funny that I remember that little tidbit, huh???  I had walked through the courtyard and was walking past the east door of the courthouse when I heard a noise.  It was an all too familiar noise.  One I had heard hundreds of times and would hear it hundreds more over the course of the next several years.  It was the bell that hung on the front door to the Sheriff's Office.  

I turned to see if I could see someone coming or going and I did.  I saw a woman leaving the office.  I could only see the back of her and she looked just like my mom.  I called out to her "MOM!"  I didn't know how I didn't see her at the office before I left and I also didn't know why she wouldn't tell me she would be there.   What I did know though, and I can still feel the very feeling in my heart, was how much I needed her at that moment. I remember it being a heart-squeezing, soul-pulling yearn for my mom.  

To this day, I can feel that memory, if that makes any sense.  Just like that day, today it makes me tear up and I feel a dark, heavy feeling deep inside. The only way I can even come close to describing it is how Harry Potter feels when the death eaters come for his soul.  If you haven't read/seen the Harry Potter books/movies, you won't know what I'm talking about.  But for those of you smart friends out there that have.......you get it.

I don't know why I needed her at that moment but I did.  I could have been having teenage drama; maybe I was mad at one of my siblings; maybe I just didn't want to go to school that day.  I don't know but I know that I will never forgot how I felt inside that morning.  Isn't that funny how we can remember a feeling yet the purpose doesn't stay with us?  

I didn't live with mom and dad at this point so it had to have been my junior or senior year.  I lived here and there between my brothers and sisters; showing them what it was like to have a jerk live with them; someone who was miserable inside and shared it with everyone else.  Mom and dad had moved an hour away to take care of my grandparents so I didn't see them very much.  

Turns out it wasn't even my mom.  It was a lady I had known for years.  I remember thinking to myself "Oh man that's not mom.  I hope she didn't hear me."  She didn't.  Not sure how I would have handled that one.  Possibly just turned and kept walking like it didn't happen.  Give me a break, I was a teenager!

I don't know why I finally chose to share this short story with you but there it is.  In all it's tiny little glory.  I wish I had told mom about that day.  I wish now, that way back then, I had told her how much she was needed and would always be needed; how much she was loved and would always be loved greatly; how much she truly meant to me and will always mean to me; long after she left this world.  

Well mom, if you're up there looking for some light reading while you rock in your rocking chair, here you go.  My heart is squeezing and my soul is pulling.  And I will never forget the day that I thought I needed you the most.  Turns out those days are called everyday's.  <3   

Too much tv, not enough work.

Forgive me.
Im typing on my phone.
Just taking some notes.

My husband fell asleep on the chair at 9pm.
I said "Why dont you just go to bed?"
Twice. I said it twice.
"Oh, its way too early! I would wake up too early for work."
Literally 6 seconds later, he is snoring.
And there I sat, wondering just where I could buy a bottle of FUKITOL so I can shut my mind off and not give a crap for a change.
I have been off work too long.
Sleep patterns are messed up even more than normal thanks to that rock and this stent.
For two more hours I wondered how he does that.
I think our furbaby Eva even wondered about it herself.
Finally about 1115 I shut the tv and light off. He wakes up and says "Are we going to bed now?"
"I sure hope you dont wake up too early in the morning." Sour dripping from my tongue.
"No, I should be fine."
**You're kidding me, right?**
I put food away.
I washed a couple of dishes.
I took dirty laundry upstairs and started a load.
Husband already off in dream land.
I assume this part is more normal than I wish? Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?
After a good solid hour of trying to go to sleep, this is what happened:
Im out in a country junk yard.
A guy starts breaking glass.
He is literally taking huge tubes of glass and launching them across the junk yard. Shattering into millions of pieces.
I dont want any part of it and start walking to town.
I am angry with that guy so I am walking unusually fast to keep away from him.
There's another girl with us.
She is also walking to town but way back behind me.
Its extremely dark.
And windy.
Car comes by and doesnt stop for either of us. Then the car slams on the brakes and turns around cuz theres a car in ditch on opposite side of road.
I run to the car in ditch.
Small, light blue, like an electric car.
Looks like its gonna roll over any minute.
3 people inside.
2 male in front 1female in back.
All screaming for help.
Then they start laughing and say its a joke. They are still stuck on this embankment so that wasnt a joke.
I recognize the driver and look back, hoping the other girl isnt still following cuz it is her ex and somehow I knew that would be a really bad scene.
I walk away and say Im calling the cops (so I had a phone and didnt call for a ride to begin with??).
My phone then rings and it comes up "OLIVE" like a scary movie trailer, as Mike the Cop is running after me saying "No they are looking for us!" and the guy on the phone says "Hi. Do you know who this is?"
Sounds suspiciously a lot like Officer Daniels. Hang up.
I dialed a number and got an Adams County cop.
Said "Send Adair County out south of town..." Mike TC reaches for my phone and I try to break free, continuing on saying "Mike TC and Miller are in the ditch."
For the record, I dont even know who Miller is.
I woke up.
It was dark - go figure. It was 145am.
It was windy - I have a fan going right beside me.
I was reaching for my phone thinking if he got it he was getting charged for destruction of private property, interference for trying to stop me from making a call for help, probably some OWI charges for ole AJ.
I now realize where Im at.
And Eva is looking at me like I have interrupted her night - alot of disgust and attitude in her stare.
What about my night?
Im never going back to sleep.
At least Im in my bed, with no whack jobs chasing me down.
I can do this all night.
Listening to the sounds of snoring...
I wonder what happened to all those other people???