As most of you know, my mother had cancer a few times. Colon cancer first, Uteran cancer second, and bone (in her sacrum) the last time. And as most of you know...by either just knowing me or from my blogs...the last thing I have ever ever EVER wanted to do, is have a colonoscopy.
I think all of my brothers and sisters have had them. Kenny is the only one I don't know for sure about. He probably has though. As you know, I have referred to him in previous blogs as "Hercules." So I'm sure he's not scared to do a darn thing! Trust me when I say I am doing my best to be more that way. I'm trying to "unscare" myself, if you will. And if you won't.....well, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I had to go to the doctor a while back for what I thought to be a sinus infection. What the good doctor told me was that I didn't have a sinus infection, so to speak, but an infection anyway. NO! NOT THERE!! Apparently it was in my chest though. She gives me an antibiotic and as she has her back to me, she says, "So when are you going to have that colonoscopy?" I know she was expecting my usual answer of, "Never" but instead I blurted out, "Well, I brought my work schedule with me today so we can figure that out."
I thought she was going to fall down. She turned around and her eyes got big and she says, "Really???" I felt it was time and if I didn't do it now and see if it really is as bad as everyone says, I will never do it. Time to face one of my biggest fears. Basically a cancer test for me.
I believe this was the end of February, when I went to the doctor, so I just happened to have my schedules up through May, with me. We scheduled it for Monday, May 13th. I had Saturday, Sunday, & Monday off and jail school the following day so I figured this was a great time to have it. Now.....
I don't know what I was thinking, scheduling it so far out. It gave my co-workers, family, and friends about 7 weeks to keep reminding me. The doctor scheduled me an appointment for a week before so I could have my physical and get my instructions. By the 5th week, I didn't care what the stuff tasted like or how much it made me run to the bathroom.....I just wanted it OVER!!!
May 6th finally got here and I went for my physical. After my arm about fell off from the pressure of the cuff, and they nearly sucked me dry of any and all blood, and I peed them a river, I had my chance to ask the one question I had been worried about the whole time. "What happens if I throw up this Go-Lightly crap?"
The little nurse that looked about twelve.....but she was great, don't get me wrong...says to me with a big smile, "Do you like Gatorade?" Well of course I like Gatorade. I mean, I don't go out of my way to drink it but it's not the worst thing in the world.
Here's the kicker though. Two hours before I had to drink the Gatorade/Miralax solution, I had to take 4 Ducolax pills. This had me freaked out because I was thinking THIS is what is going to start the poop fest! Trust me, this ISN'T what starts the poop fest. What THIS does, is make your poop soft so if, and when, you have to get rid of a bunch of crap...using that term literally...it won't hurt the pooper.
I wish someone had told me ALL of this stuff before, instead of telling me the Go-Lightly is a MUST and it's awful...yada yada yada.
Now...let me rewind a bit here. Not only did I rule out eating very much the day before and sticking around the house on Sunday, leaving for NO possible reason...I also took a Facebook hiatus. I wasn't sure that was the greatest time to not have Facebook to distract me but I had typed it so I wasn't going back on my word. On Saturday, I drank lots and lots of water and ate two servings of potato salad. That was it. I even went and visited Kathy on Saturday. I had to deliver a king sized potato salad for a graduation reception the next day. I asked Q if he wanted to go with me and he said yes, which I thought was weird. He never wants to go with me. I said he was welcome to go but we aren't doing anything but sitting around her house and talking, and that we weren't planning on going anywhere. He says, "Oh, I don't want to go then. You and her usually do fun things when you're together. That's why I wanted to go." Sorry :( No fun this weekend.
Sunday came and I slept in as much as possible. I knew I was going to have to be checking my blood sugars like a mad man from the instant I got out of bed, until I got to the hospital for the procedure...where they again, were planning on taking it. Got my work clothes on finally and headed outside. I misread the directions for the day. I thought it said I couldn't eat anything. So I didn't. And I rarely even went into the kitchen because I didn't want any temptations. Turns out...I read on Monday morning (right before leaving for the hospital), that I could have had clear jello, broth...anything clear. Seriously. I completely starved myself for nothing. *sigh*
So on Sunday, the yard got mowed, the fence got painted and rocks got put up against the fence and dog kennel. The 3:00 doze of stool softener got taken and I kept right on working. The box is right (as I said above). I didn't poopy in my pants.
At 4:30, I went in and got my first half of the drink out of the fridge. Mmmmm Gatorade and Miralax. Who wouldn't want some of that??? Actually it tasted just like Gatorade. No taste from the Miralax and no change in texture. It took me 20 minutes to drink a whole bottle. I was leary but had Q bring one of my ficus trees from the house, outside, so I could re-pot it. I was about halfway through that project when it hit me. That feeling.
Not the feeling of, "If I move, I am going to have to poop in that plant," but that feeling of "Oh, I think this stuff is starting to work." So I won't go into any details about that. You can thank me in cash. Let's just leave it at this: I never had to run to the bathroom. We even had a bonfire in the corner of the backyard and I only had to go to the house once. There was never any urgency and that was FANTASTIC in my book!!!
Maybe I found my monthly cleanse!!! Hahahahaha NO!
Q thinks it very funny whenever I had to go to potty. He would laugh and say, "You have fun with that." Then he makes the mistake of betting me fifty dollars CASH, that I would crap the bed that night. I took that bet immediately because I knew I had this one beat. Now...had I eaten a whole bunch the day before, it might have been an issue...but I didn't. This was a no-brainer.
On Monday morning, the rules were that I had to wake up at 4:30am and drink the second half of the stuff, which was another big Gatorade with the second half of the bottle of Miralax. Now...remember when I said that it took me only 20 minutes to drink that first mixture? Well, let me tell you this! When you are woke up from a deep sleep just to drink something, you don't really feel like drinking anything. But I did. I walked my happy ass down the stairs, weighed myself...and saw that I had GAINED a pound...what the...I thought this was supposed to help me LOSE weight???...and then I grabbed my jug and drank...and drank...and drank. It took me 30 minutes this time. And that is because I FORCED myself to drink fast. At this point, I couldn't believe there would be anything left in me but then again, that's what they want.
By 5:30am I am ready to go to the hospital. The only problem was, I didn't have to be checked in until 9:30am. *sigh* There is nothing good on tv at 4:30am, 5:30am, 6:30am. I have never channel surfed so much in my life. And I was really really really wanting to get to my Facebook at this point. Yes...I am a junkie...well I was. The weekend was over but I didn't want to get all involved in that and then be stuck to my phone the whole time I was waiting to go in for the procedure. So, I waited.
I guess I DO have some willpower in me.
Before leaving for the hospital, I weighed again. Same weight. Lies. Lies. That's all I was told!!! We got there, got checked in and they got me in the room. They asked me a whole bunch of questions that they asked me on the phone three days previous. She got the IV started...in my hand without asking me...I was in Heaven (yes, I like that)! Then she says that they have a video showing the procedure and asked if I would like to watch it.
Quintin: NO
Me: Oh yes!
Of course I win because I'm having the procedure. So we watch the video and it wasn't so bad. There was a couple of parts that my jaw dropped...and it was a good thing I was laying down already...because the thought of it.....ughhhh. Moving on...the video is done and I start flipping through channels on the tv.
Oh look! Marley and Me is on!!! One of my faves!!! It's right at the end where Marley isn't doing so well and within minutes, I am crying...I am sobbing...I am so sad...and the doctor walks in. I can only imagine what he was thinking because he never once looked up at that tv. "Wow, it's a scope, not a heart transplant. What is she crying about?? Big baby!"
He was nice, quick and to-the-point. His sense of humor was rough though. I could never be locked in a room with him. I wouldn't have anywhere to hide the body.
Here comes the anesthesiologist, who is an awesome man, loading up my IV full of the good stuff and wheels me out of the room. The last thing I hear is, "This is the waiting room sir," to my husband. Then I hear, "Shellie wake up. You're all done." And I was WIDE awake. Felt like I had slept 8 solid hours but also felt like I had just fell asleep. Does that make any sense??
I told him we can't be done, I just got to sleep and he says that I was out 25 minutes and they are finished with me and to feel free to let the air out as needed. Ha, like I have a problem with that. SBD's (silent but deadly) for the next 10 minutes and I could finally have some toast and coffee. Jamaican Me Crazy coffee. That was dreamy stuff!!!
So that was my first colonoscopy. Aren't you glad you got to hear all about it? If you haven't had one and need to have it done, just tell them you may throw that go-lightly stuff up and they may give you that Gatorade stuff. I don't know. I do know that I would throw it up. I have seen it, felt it and smelled it and know I would barf it.
Got my results and they came back cancer free so I don't have to go back for 5 years. A big pile of relief off my shoulders.
And before I close this...here's something that's completely unrelated that I am going to do at the end of June and I would love it if others would do it as well. Let me know if you are interested. I think people are very important. All people. For several reasons. Here's what I want you to do:
Make a list of ALL the people that you would like to have a one-on-one conversation with in a year's time. It can be your spouse, your kids, your parents, siblings...whoever, BUT really put your mind into this. Add people that you see nearly everyday and MEAN to stop and chat with but never have the time to; add people that you don't get to see very often and make it a point to do it. When you visit with each person, check them off, highlight their name, or even cross them off the list. It doesn't have to be an hour long visit...but it could be. It doesn't have to be over a meal...but it could be. And it doesn't have to happen at any certain time.
The point is: Make time for others.
The guy that I heard this story from, said the man he knew, that did this, had over 300 people on that list and he intended to talk to every single one of them in a years time. AND that he did this every year! Can you imagine???
I'm in. How about you? Thanks for reading!!!
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