Keep your hands to yourself

Well, as most of you know...Shellie hurt her thumb. 

I didn't cut it.  I didn't slam it in a door.  I didn't hit it with a hammer.  I sliced it.  I was in the kitchen, getting things ready for our Saturday night barbecue and the last thing I was going to do that night was slice up some potatoes and get them grill-ready.  I have one of those mandolin slicers from Pampered Chef.  They have a nice safety guard thing that goes on top; you put the product you want sliced, on the mandolin...inside the safety guard thingy-ma-jigger and go happily about your business. 

No, I did not do that.  Q was in the kitchen talking to me...getting ready to take his plate of food to the livingroom, as I made him help me work around the yard and the house.  I was holding the potato in my hand (yes, it happened on the first potato) and slicing away when Q says to me, "You know, that thing comes with a safety guard."  I turned my head...as I continued slicing...to tell him that I am a little bit smarter than that and will be careful...when I felt it; SLICE!  It was fast but it was not painless! 

I immediately grabbed my finger and applied pressure as I ran to the kitchen sink saying, "Oooohhhhh crap!"  It's unbelievable that I didn't swear but I didn't.  Of course I got, "I knew this was going to happen" from the peanut gallery...I mean my loving, concerned husband.  We got it cleaned up and Q got a band-aid put on it.  I think that hurt worse; the taking care of it part.  Now we gotta find that piece of finger because I just HAD to see it!!

It's funny how much your flesh blends in with a potato.  And there was no blood anywhere on the mandolin or the potato!  Or even on the piece of flesh that was left over!  We finally found it after digging through the potato slices.  It was stuck to a potato.  Very cool looking fingerprint I took off there.  Said picture is on Facebook, floating around.  Maybe you could do a search for "pieces of flesh that my friends have sliced off in 2013."  I hear they have refined their searches. 

So.....that was that for the night.  The fork was stuck in me. I was done!  Oh and did I mention that we had not one, but TWO babies staying with us that night???  Luckily they were already asleep for the night.  Getting up and filling bottles in the middle of the night proved to be a little challenge but I suffered through. 

As I did texting on my phone.  Who knew the challenges of a simple text message with the loss of one thumb.  Well, not loss of...but loss of use, temporarily...but who knew your thumbs made such an impact on so much of the stuff that we do???  I have a touchscreen phone so when my bandaged up thumb couldn't press the spacebar or any bottom row letters, it slowed me down B-I-G T-I-M-E!  It seems the electricity or whatever it is, in the body, doesn't go through a band aid.  Hmmm

I figured typing would be a huge issue but seems to be fine.  Obviously I don't use my thumb.  At least not my left.  And that's another issue!!!  This hurt thumb is on my left hand!!!  For the love of french fries, I am left-handed!  Go figure!!!

I tried to use scissors this weekend.  That's a no-go.  It might have had a little bit to do with the awkward thumb cast I had on it.  The pharmacist helped me pick it out.  She also told me I shouldn't be doing dishes for a while.  Love that woman!  Q has been on dish duty for 2 1/2 days now and it's going well.  And I stand right over his shoulder to make sure he keeps on doing such a good job.  I might have to milk this one a little longer...for medicinal reasons of course!

Here's probably the worst thing I can think of that I struggled with.  Wiping after going to the bathroom!  It is nearly impossible for me to effectively clean myself with my right hand.  I know I use WAY too much TP but at least I know I'm clean.  I swear, I feel like I need to be double-jointed to do this one task that shouldn't be as hard as I'm making it!!!  And no, I did not ask my husband to help with this chore.  We did speak of installing a bidet though.  I might have him convinced, who knows!  How do you right-handers do this???

Here's one that I bet you don't realize how much your thumbs are involved in!  Bras!  It was nearly impossible to unhook my bra because it hurt so bad to apply any pressure to it.  What my husband doesn't understand is that there are a lot of nerve endings in the fingers so when that area is open, it hurts.  Bad.  BAD.  B-A-D!!  I have a high tolerance for pain so you know this had to hurt.  I am not a weeny by any means. 

When I took my shower, I had to wrap my big ole awkward thumb in plastic, and tape it closed. It still got a little damp.  Apparently I didn't do it right but I didn't have anyone else around to help me.  I think I need a servant.  One of those stuffy older gents in a tuxedo, carrying around a silver platter with whatever I should need at the moment.  At this particular moment, I needed him to wash my hair because it's just weird to wash your hair with an oversized thumb! 

So after my shower, putting my bra back on was a real chore.  And I thought taking it off was awful!!!  I had it wrapped around me and the hooks in front and I was trying to get it hooked when all of a sudden, one hook dug down inside my band aid and right into that abyss...that hole...that I so carefully sliced out of there.  That hurt like a ..................well, let's just say it hurt.  A lot!  But I prevailed.  I got the bra on and life went on.  *sigh*

Using silverware and writing utensils have proven to be an issue.  It's hard to cut anything with my fork.  It's hard to write.  Ugh!  Do me a favor and if you see me out in public and I'm eating...or trying to eat...don't laugh when I miss my mouth.  I really am not coordinated with my right hand and so I am trying to teach it to be the dominant one for a while.  It's not working out.  My right hand is ready to leave me.  How do you right-handers do this?????

Today my thumb is out of the cast we made for it.  It wasn't getting any air to it and my poor thumb looked like a long wrinkled raisin.  And it felt uncomfortable.  I wish I had it though because I feel better when it is protected.  I am so afraid of hitting it.  Just changing the band aids every day makes my butt pucker up!  

So don't take your thumbs...or any of your digits...for granted.  Those babies come in pretty darn handy when you least expect them to!!!

Until next time...keep your hands to yourself...and thanks for reading!