Recently I lost my Uncle Dale. He was 92 years old and one of the kindest men I have ever met in my life. Right up to his last breaths, he was nothing but soft, gentle and kind. I can't even do that for half a day. *sigh* Uncle Dale is my dad's brother.
For as far back as I can remember, Uncle Dale has always had a special kind of love for his nieces and nephews. Always a big hug and a kiss to go with it. A smile that shone right through you and kept you warm. I am sincerely going to miss this man.
His death, of course, brought up a lot of memories of losing my parents...and then that went right to Ashley memories...and then my grandparents...and then Kathryn...and it continued on forever. Well...it continued on for days. Mourning my Uncle Dale has made me miss those around me that I have felt so much love for, that it came right back around to me. It made me think about my death, my funeral, and thoughts of what my life has left on this earth.
One day recently, I was driving to Creston and as I crossed the intersection in Greenfield to go south, out of town. As I start to pick up speed, I hear something on top of my car go "clunk!" I look into my rear view mirror just in time to see something slide down my back window and catch between the glass and the trunk lid. I pull into the True Value parking lot and go check it out. It was my phone. Seriously. I put my cell phone on top of the car with my water glass and forgot to pick the phone up. Wow. Okay so I was a little distracted.
Back in the car and continue toward Creston. I get south of Orient and about half a mile ahead of me, a car just runs a stop sign, coming off the gravel to get on the highway. It made me wonder, if I hadn't had to stop for my phone, would that car have T-boned me? Would I have died? Of course I then start trying to calculate distance and speed in my head and it went poorly so I went with my old standby answer: "if it was my time to die, I would have."
It's no secret I lie in my bed at night sometimes wondering how I would react if someone burst through the door and tried to kill us. I actually envision that stuff happening in my head. I don't know if I'm wishing stupid things on myself or if I'm just trying to be prepared for the worst. Either way, I either get killed or I kill. That's how it always ends.
I have ridden on many airplanes plotting how and where my body would or would not be found. Active imagination? Overactive? Bored? Probably just watch too many movies. But one thing is the same after each of these "death thoughts," as I call them. The funeral.
At my mom's funeral, we blew bubbles because she loved the Tiny Bubbles song. At Uncle Dale's funeral, we sang Anchor's Away because he was a Navy man and loved serving his country. Now, this next part is also not a secret. I love baking. How am I going to incorporate my love for baking, into my funeral plans? Well it took me a little bit but I have figured it out!
Do you want to know how? Because I really have found a way. Too bad. You are going to have to wait until I die because I don't want anyone else stealing my idea. HA!
I have changed my choice of clothing several times. From jeans & a t-shirt, to a dress, to a swimsuit, to sweats. For obvious reasons too. Comfort issues, class issues, childhood issues, and then back to comfort. Again, you will have to wait until my death to see what I have chosen to let you send me off in. And don't worry...I will try to keep the circus activity at a minimum.
WARNING: IF YOU SHOW UP AT MY FUNERAL WITH A CLOWN AND/OR A MIDGET, I WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU UNTIL YOU HAVE WENT SO INSANE, YOU DON'T KNOW UP FROM DOWN. THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU.
And now, possibly the hardest part to put into words. What I will have wanted to have left behind; my contribution to this cold, cruel world. What do you want people to think about when they talk of your death...of your life?
I want people to remember such things about me that makes them smile. Not necessarily smile because they like what I did but smile, all the same. I want people to remember that first and foremost, God was the number one love in my life. After that... my love of baking; my love for my husband (the last one, the last one); my love for my pets; my love for the children in my life; my love for my family (whether they agree or not); my love for anyone I have ever called my friend; my love of reading; my love of popcorn and milk.
I have a plan, that I am going to set into motion. So that you...yes you...never forgot how I did things; why I did them; and how it was to affect the world.
Before closing, I must add that there's one thing about death that I can't wait to experience. Okay well there's more than one thing. I can't wait to see if I can "feel" entering Heaven; I can't wait to see my long-awaited family, friends and family pets in Heaven; but the one thing, in comparison to my life here on earth, that I can't wait to experience after death is no Government. Nobody to tell us who we can or can't love. Because God wants us to love everybody. And we will. There will be no rules; no boundaries; no taxes.
Ahhh yes.....death sure has a nice ring to it. (It's called a halo)
Thanks for reading -_-
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