"Why didn't you have kids, Shellie?"
I could give you all sorts of excuses but I won't. The answer is "Because I didn't want to." Years ago, I was pregnant and miscarried twins. I didn't even really want kids then. My first husband and I went as far as to see a specialist about why I wasn't getting pregnant but I only did that for him. My heart was never, ever really in it. The miscarriage and the "luck" were true blessings to me.
I have to say that I have witnessed some pretty scary things by a lot of mothers that makes me glad I chose not to reproduce. And you should be glad too. -_- I joke a lot about there not being enough duct tape for me to have children but the more I think about it and the more I witness some of "today's" mothers, I'm almost convinced I could have been mother-of-the-year. More. Than. Once.
**MY DISCLAIMER** Now, before I start stating MY opinion, don't anyone get their panties in a wad. I have no single person picked out for this blog. But if the shoe fits.....oh look, you stepped in shit. I was asked to write a blog on this topic a while back and it has taken me some time to approach the subject but that doesn't mean I am pointing fingers at anyone in particular. And it doesn't mean I'm not. I am going to pick on the mothers tonight because well.....it's my blog and I will do what I want.
Anyway..... let's talk about some of the ways I could have been mother-of-the-year.
Tough love: My child would have fallen down a lot of times and I would have been there to help pick them up. That is, until they started falling down intentionally for the attention...the sympathy...the laziness of it all. Then I would have turned my back. Now, you might think "You can say that because you aren't a parent" but I happen to disagree. I am pretty good about not pulling any punches with most everyone I know so why would my own flesh and blood be any different? Yes, I realize it would be hard to watch your child struggle.....and I don't wish that on any parent....BUT if my child intentionally sabotaged their own luck...their own future...their own life...well then they're on their own. Yep, I'm a hard ass. Every child in America that is reading this is thanking God above that they didn't get stuck with me as a mommy.
Strength: A lot of you are going to disagree with me on this one. Okay every one of you are going to disagree with me on this one. It's a known fact that I believe crying shows weakness and I would raise my child to never, ever let any person see them cry. Not for one second. No matter how pissed off they get (because that's when I lose it) or how emotional they feel. If I hate anything, it is sadness and I do not like to make time for it in my life. I can just hear it now....."your child would be so fucked up, it wouldn't know up from down." Maybe so. But at least they would look strong. Now, on the other side of the coin, I do not mind one bit if my nephews and/or nieces cry to me. Matter of fact, I welcome it. I will always be there for any one of them if they need me to be.
Morals: The principles or rules of "right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical." This definition comes from dictionary.com. As a mother, my child would have known...at the appropriate age to learn...about all of my mistakes as a child, a teenager, and as a young woman. I would have shared the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I will be the first to admit...there has been a lot of ugly. I think in doing this, my child would understand that there are going to be mistakes made but that there is always a lesson to be learned. Also, my child would need to know that they are not invincible and just because I lived through something, doesn't mean they will.
Values: According to dictionary.com: relative worth, merit, or importance. There is a reason that I put the definition of these two on here. A lot of people get these two words confused, morals and values. My child would know...without a doubt...that they are loved; that they are beautiful, inside and out; that they are strong no matter how weak they feel; that they are the most important person in my life; that I am proud of everything they work hard for; and that they always have someone to talk to. Unless they are doing that whole sabotaging thing. Then they need to talk to their own people. I aint got time for that!
Commitment: I can't imagine that there would be anything more pressing in life, than your children's lifetime events. I realize also, that work can get in the way of a lot of stuff and sometimes shit happens. But the important stuff? No way! There just isn't a job on this earth that would make me miss my child's birthday party, church program, baptism, yada yada yada. You get my point. I read things all the time on Facebook where a parent has missed a child's birthday party because of work, because of a sporting event, or even because of a planned trip. And I just cannot imagine that. I can not, for the life of me, imagine NOT being at my child's special event! I do not care if the other parent is there or not. BE THERE! Be present in your child's life because if you're not present when they are growing up and "taking it all in," you aren't going to be there when they are able to make their own decisions and no longer want you around.
Role Model: I would do whatever it took to be the best role model my child had ever seen. In my fantasy world of motherhood, I would be with the father of my child. We would be married. We would be adults around our child/children. We would also be fun-loving "older kids" around our child/children. I think we can all agree there is a time and a place to be goofy with and around our children. There is also a time to be an adult. As a good role model, I would not step out on my spouse for any reason. If, for some reason, I felt life was just miserable with this person...I would pack my child/children up and leave. Simple as that. I would never take my child away out of their father's life unless he had done something that harmed them. In that case, it's a whole other ballgame. And because I have come to this realization without being a parent, I know for a fact that the whole "night life" would have come to an end about the time I knew that seed was planted. I'm not saying I wouldn't go out and have fun with my spouse and/or friends. But I would sure be a lot smarter about the people I was hanging out with and where I was hanging out with them at.
Respect: My child would know from a very young age, that respect has to be given in order to be received. He or she would know that you treat people the way you want to be treated. That you don't expect anything handed to you. That even something as small as a compliment is to be worked for as well as knowing that it is right to be generous in giving compliments out. My child would also know from a very young age, that you do not talk back to "elders." My child would NOT go to a friend's home and be rude or obnoxious to those parents. They just would not. That would be my job. And I am going to stick this one in here: I don't care WHO the President of the United States is, or if you do or do not agree with his or her policies but you WILL respect the office of the President. There's a fine line there and they need to learn it.....as early as they can understand it.
Authority: I am the boss. My law is most important, right after God's law. After God's and my law, you follow the law (even if my past mistakes didn't always do that) of the land. You, my child, will not always like it and you may be rebel against it at some point, but as long as you are under my roof, you will live it. Ha! How you like that???
Discipline: I would spank my child. A lot. And I say a lot because I know how often I got spanked as a child...everyone of them deserved....and well, with my spitfire inside of them, they are bound to push the limits. Just sayin'. I'm a realist. Call the cops. I don't care. If my parents would have put ME in time out...oh boy the fun I would have had with THAT!!!
Now that that is over, aren't you glad you aren't mine? Aren't you glad I don't make the decisions that affect your life? Aren't you glad I don't have control over you?
I once had someone tell me that I have no opinion about children because I'm not a parent. What a jack ass. I have an opinion about everything!
Just a few words from me to...........anyone who is willing to read this far. Whether you're from the US, UK, Netherlands, Poland, China, France, Russia, Sweden, Malaysia, Ukraine, Canada, Ireland, Germany.....wherever...until next time....thanks for reading and have a beautiful week!!!
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