Well as I said before.....I survived. Barely. Let me tell you, I am not near as young as I used to be. When the heck did that happen??? This getting older thing pisses me off in about seventeen colors. Why don't we get a vote in how fast we age?? Anyway.....
When I got off work on Friday, I immediately had a text message that Bertha was just getting off work as well and she would be leaving within the hour. I still had to go to the grocery store. My least favorite place on this big ole ball of yard and wax. Oh wait...that's another planet. I meant grass and water. But this particular day, it didn't matter. It didn't bother me one bit.
As I'm walking in, a high school classmate of mine phones and asks if he can stop by as well. Of course you can!! The more the merrier. That was a nice surprise. We talked on the phone as I did my shopping so that helped kill the stabbing in the back I usually feel while doing this chore. Ice. Can't forget the ice. I forgot the grocery list all together so I was hoping I didn't forget the ice. I remembered all the way around the store...patting myself on the back for remember everything that was on my list and when I got up front to get ice, I remembered that Matilda was supposed to bring the ice!!!
Leave the grocery and head to the propane place so we have enough gas to barbecue. Gee is there with me and of course he finds a dog harness that we HAVE to have. This very minute. Because if we don't, our dog will implode. Or something like that. We got the damn harness. AND when I got outside, I noticed they charged us a dollar extra. Those bastards!!! Come to find out, we got a buck sixty two back in change. I bet they voted for..... oh shut it Amelia!! Let's not get into THAT!
Headed for home now. Hoping that nobody got there before me. That would be embarrassing. When we were about half a mile from town, Gee driving in front of me, I realized that I still have my work shirt on and I need to get some adult beverage at the local beer place. We were told from the get-go that we should not be buying those while wearing our shirts. And I hold to that. So while driving, I am trying to get my husband's attention.
I flash my lights at him. I honk my horn. I wave like a wild woman out the sunroof. Many times. Many many times. All for nil. He doesn't notice. Any of it. Because he's jamming out to some hard rock CD that I happen to give him. That wasn't one of my smarter moves this week.
He turns toward home and I drive on to the beer place. I call him up and he doesn't answer. Now there's something new. NOT! I swear this man doesn't need a phone. He doesn't even realize what it's for. Other than to use the stoopid internet when he is watching tv. That's his idea of multi-tasking. Watching swamp monsters on the tube and googling noodling or some stoopid thing like it. How DO I keep getting off track here???
He finally shows up at the beer place to carry my treasure out the door for me and we head home. The excitement building inside me. We get home, get the car unloaded and I am running around, tucking and poking; hiding and crimping; until finally someone gets here. Matilda! Yay!!! It's nice that she showed up since it's as much HER stay-cation as mine! We get her stuff put away and someone else shows up. My classmate.
The adult beverages start and the visiting and catching up began. About an hour later, Bertha decided to bless us with her company. We opened up some more adult goodies and sat around the kitchen table, talking amongst ourselves. I think my mind was swimming at this point.
Gee gets the grill started and puts on hamburgers and hot dogs, all the while talking on the phone. Hmph. Go figure. He loves talking to his buddies. Just not his wife. Apparently. *sigh* Back to the story.
As the food was nearing completion, our good friend Mick shows up. Very good to see him. He came all the way from Minnesota for this party so I hoped it was going to hold a lot of laughs and some good memories for him. Again, he gets caught up with everyone...or tries to...and we sit down to eat. Good thing we did because if I had drank even ONE more adult beverage, I would have had to have sat on the floor and ate my dinner!! WOW!! You can tell I'M not a drinker!!
After dinner, the classmate decided he needed to head home...so he did. And Willey showed up for a while then so we got out the game of "What the F***!" And let me tell you...my version is the "skanky" version (of course it is)! We played that and were having some good laughs when we started playing "Never have I ever." Now...if you have never played this game, it's kinda fun. And can be brutal. Let me just say that you start with ten fingers up and the first one to have no fingers up, is the loser. So.....the loser had to "bob" for a surprise in the pool outside. And the winner got to pick someone to "bob" for their own surprise.
I will be as bold to say that I was the loser. Bertha was picked by Willey to "bob" and she wasn't happy about it. Ha! Before bobbing (and these games could be out of order.....remember, I was under the influence of mind altering drinks that night), we played one more game. The jelly bean game. It has all different kinds of jelly beans in it and you had to spin the spinner to see what you had to eat. And we had all kinds of interesting jelly beans to eat, let me tell you.
Coconut OR baby wipes (my personal worst)
Black Licorice OR Skunk Spray (I believe Bertha & Matilda love it)
Top Banana OR Pencil Shavings (How bad can that be, right?)
Buttered Popcorn OR Rotten Egg (Mmmmm)
Berry Blue OR Toothpaste (Both of these are a plus)
Chocolate Pudding OR Canned Dog Food (You KNOW the difference)
Peach OR Barf (Again I say Mmmmm)
Juicy Pear OR Booger (I got Booger stuck in my teeth for three rounds!)
Caramel Corn OR Moldy Cheese (Cheese IS mold, am I right?)
Strawberry Jam OR Centipede (Without the hundred legs)
So after a few rounds, you get to realize just what you DON'T want to eat anymore of. And that's when you could "pass" by picking a piece of paper out of the bowl for something to "bob." I think every one of us chose to "bob" at least once...except for Mick. He could eat those jelly beans with a straight face no matter what the flavor was. I have never seen anything like it!! What a guy!
So the game is done and we head outside to the little pool. There is quite an assortment of things to "bob" for but we all have a little piece of paper...or six...so we know what treasures we are to get. Being the generous hostess, I decided that I would go first...and show them how it's done.
Dammit this is deeper than I thought it was! And that water is cold! And it's going up my nose!!! Just get the damn mouse and be done with it!! Yes, a mouse. A rubber one. Bertha had to do the same thing. And what I didn't know when I chose to do this little game was that poor Bertha has a fear of water. Too bad I tried to push her head down in there. No wonder she almost cried!!!
Soooo.......Mick decided that I needed to be pushed IN the pool. The whole of me. Well the whole of me minus the legs. Sure glad I wore that light pink t-shirt!! Mick also thought Matilda needed face planted in there after me. I don't know who was wetter, me or her!!! That was fun. Even IF Bertha absolutely hated it!!! And she had to bob for a rubber mouse which I thought was PERFECTO!!!!! Oh sometimes I am just too evil for my own good!!! Next year I will have toads in the water, just for her!!!
We winded down the night with more drinks and a bonfire. Yes...I finally got a bonfire. It was snug and it was warm and it was great. I want to do that every night! Bertha talked about sleeping by the fire but was afraid of being eaten by wolves. Seriously. Wolves. What a city girl!!
We played a "finish the sentence" game but I think I will wait until part 2 to go there. After all, there a lot of stay-cation to come! Keep tuned in. You never know when I will add to this!! Until then.....be safe, be pleasant, but most importantly.....be yourself!
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