It's a trap

For my husband's sake, I will make this short and sweet.  Although, it is going to take me forever to get it done because just thinking about it sends me into fits of laughter.

We have been trying to train our coon hound to do what she is supposed to do.  The problem is that she wants to be a house dog and then when we finally take her out to the farm to run and stuff, she can go for miles...and hours...and stay close enough by...but won't let us catch her.  At least until she's worn completely out.  She's such a brat. 

I don't usually go with the man when he takes her with because well...she's a window hog; and a seat hog; and she's too darned big to sit on my lap.  And I'm just sure she would jump out the window while we were rolling down the road, because I like to have my window down to listen for the coon. 

I'm like the coon whisperer.

So we are out checking our pond sets last night.  Annie is cramping my style big time.  I didn't take my phone with me.  Forgot it and left it sitting on the charger at home.  Q forgot his as well.  Sitting next to his chair.  Fully charged.  Great.  I have a dog that wants to sit on top of me.  A bag of bones dog that...no matter what she does...makes me feel like she's jabbing me with her leg bones. 

So anyway, here we are out in this field and we are driving around this pond.  On the far side, to get out, we have to either drive "sideways" or stay exactly on the top of the ridge.  When I'm with him, he stays on the ridge.  I take no pleasure in riding on my husband's lap as he is driving.  And I may as well add that there isn't room to do that.  At least not in the way that sideways driving would entail.  Okay............. moving on now!!

Driving, driving, driving...rough terrain...and all of a sudden, I feel us start to go down the hill...sideways.  *insert loud voice here*  "Oh my God!  Oh my God!  We are going to roll down this hill!  And I have my window down and am hanging on to the outside to save my life.  We are going to roll down the hill and I am going to either get ejected or my arm and head will be snapped off!  And neither of us brought a phone to call someone and tell them we died in a roll over!  We will lay down there for weeks.  Maybe months!"

Wouldn't one think to get herself IN the damned vehicle and roll the window up???  Nope!

As I am screaming for my life, Q gets it straightened up again.  And it's a wonder he could.  What, with all the laughing he was doing.  And the not-breathing thing...because he was laughing so hard.  Really dude?  YOU scare the crap out of ME and then LAUGH about it??  Unbelievable.  I will get you back mister!!

So I have told him that unless he pulls out of that field (because he hasn't caught anything in there anyway), I will wait at the road from now on.  With my gun.  And flashlight.  And my phone.  I don't care.  I can at least call someone if I see the truck tumble.  IF I see the truck tumble.  I guess if it doesn't come back in an hour, there may be a problem.

We get down the road to one of Grandpa's field and we are back away from all the roads and Q is driving across this rough terrain like it's a cake walk.  "What is that noise?  Is that your pickup?"  To which he replies that it is.  All I could think at this point was, "He has done it.  I always knew there would come a time when he would snap this sucker in two!" 

Deep down though, I knew what I was hearing.  "Listen!  Stop the damn truck!  Guess what that is!"  SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!  Yep, 2 coons down in the creek, fighting.  And they were MAD!!! 

Q and his trusty dog...who is afraid of hard-wood floors...jump out of the truck and go running.  You should have heard her barking.  It was like something out of a horror flick.  Almost a dark sound.  It made me want to giggle.  Loudly.  But I held it in.  I wanted to see just what would happen.  Q is hot on her trail and the next thing I know, he has basically walked right over an old brush pile that in my opinion, probably houses enough coon for me to retire this trapping year. 

And they didn't get one of them.  Once I started laughing, I couldn't stop.  I had tears running down my cheeks and my poor husband had no clue what was even going on.  He is for sure, the man for me.  He can make me laugh at something so stupid.  Something so minute. 

Now he's yelling for me to bring him some traps.  Down in the creek.  Where I can barely see him.  Oh and did I mention that first I had to crawl...in the dark...through all the crap that he hoards in the back of his pickup...to get to the traps he wanted???  Just being his wife should earn me a new gun a year, right?  Good thing because I'm getting one for my birthday!!!

So we trapped the place up.  Good.  I hope we catch all those little jerks.  I have learned the first step to skinning so I like when we bring them home and I can get to work on them.  Until they release their last gas.  That's the most unpleasant part.  But on my list of things to get done by the end of 2013 is to learn to skin a coon and by golly, I'm almost completely there.  The only thing I have left to learn is how to get it on the puller and how to gain enough muscles to do it.  I will get there, I promise.

Knowing I had to get up to go to work in the morning, I knew it was going to take forever to get the dog back in the truck.  After all, she loves grandma's and grandpa's farm and she knows where she's at.  And she rarely wants to leave.  *sigh*  Why can't I remember to bring a bunny with us so I can get her back to the truck?  Something!  That dog drives me nuts sometimes!!! 

We ended up getting her back in the truck eventually and I couldn't wait to get her back home.  Dumb dog.  And Buddy hates it when he doesn't get to go with her.  But he hates to ride.  And can you imagine me holding one crying dog while the other wants to sit on top of us?  Yeah...it's not happening!!

Until next time...thanks for reading!!!