Another day at the office

Tonight was a night that didn't have to happen for some. As a e911 dispatcher, in order for us to have a good busy day, someone has to have a bad day. And as bad as it sounds, in order for us to have a truly busy “good” day, someone usually has to die. We'd all rather not have those “good” days, trust me. Not that I look forward to the nights when it's so boring, I have to make my own entertainment because I honestly don't. But I don't want someone to be in pain for me to keep busy either. Stupid yes, dead no.

A call comes in and you hear someone tell you that they just witnessed a horrific wreck...but yet they didn't witness it at all. Those are the ones that make your heart beat a little bit faster and wonder “what the hell??” all at the same time. When someone tells you that they just saw a car traveling easily 100+ mph and they not only went off the road, but went through a median, crossed another lane of oncoming traffic...luckily not hitting anybody else... and then kept going into another ditch, through brush and in a field where the “witness” couldn't see from the road exactly where that car went, those are the calls that make you wish you could conference call a dozen people at a time.

Luckily, I didn't have that call but it did come into my center. My co-worker tonight answered that first call and we immediately went into dead-serious mode. Pardon the expression but that's what we do. We can go from uncontrollable laughter to somber and quiet in a second flat. As she is getting information from her caller, I am at my desk taking information that I hear her getting so that I can be taking my own notes to pass along.

I remember in telecommunication school they told us that we would learn to listen to multiple conversations at the same time. I find myself doing it at restaurants a lot. And I try to figure out stories of people. So as I am listening to the traffic on the radio, taking my own 911 calls, I am writing down information that I am overhearing her say, as well as writing down everything my caller is telling me, to pass along to my Deputy.

Get law enforcement on the way. Get the proper counties contacted. Get an ambulance started. And the whole time you are doing this, you don't think about any of the what-if's, the what-happened's, the what-the-hell-were-they-thinking's. No, there's no time for that. Get as many helpers there that you can and get them there as fast as you can.

And you pray. And you ask God to be there with whoever is involved. Anyone from the injured to the responding officers to the EMS crew to the fire departments that are responding, as well as the traffic that is rubber-necking to see what they can see. You pray for anybody that is going to have any affect from this whatsoever.

And then you get some information where a child is involved. Maybe more than one child. And your heart sinks and your head goes dark. And I don't know about any other dispatchers but I get pissed off about this time. With this particular wreck, I kept thinking “How selfish of that person to take the lives of children,” and “If he/she wanted to kill him/herself, that's their business but you don't take others with you. You just don't!”

And then you pray again. You pray for the mothers and the fathers, the grandmas and grandpas, the sisters and brothers, you think about the aunts, the uncles, the cousins. You immediately think about the “what if that was my...” and you keep praying, trying to keep your emotions in check the whole time. You can't let go because when you do, that's when the phone rings, or an officer wants to talk to you on the radio, or another county needs your assistance, or even another 911 call.

As I mentioned above, I was not working alone and there was no way I was going to show any emotion while I was at work. No way I was going to crumble and in any way drop the ball. My sidekick though, she had a rough time. She was so strong through the whole thing and when it was over, was able to let her emotions loose. I was so proud of her. She did an amazing job tonight. She was the reason I couldn't crumble. She has kids and a grandson and I know what was going through her mind. Her kids, her grandson, out on the roads tonight when she didn't want them to be out.

And I prayed. I prayed that God watch over my friend beside me that was struggling at the moment. I prayed for her children, her grandson. I asked that God watch over them because this was enough of a shake-up for her for tonight. And as soon as she let it out, she was good. She did her emotional venting and was back to herself.

I could easily go back to Ashley's car accident every time we have an accident but I don't. I can't. I would never get past the first phone call. Maybe it has something to do with being around this type of stuff all my life. I don't really know. Maybe it has to do with me being afraid once my switch turns on, I won't ever be able to turn it off. And the last thing I want to do is go through those emotions again and bring up all those horrible memories of her accident...her passing. It's easier to be at peace with those moments and memories.

I heard things on the phone tonight that I never wanted to hear. I heard details that I didn't want to think about someone going through. But...and this is going to sound awful again...when I found out no children were involved, I felt relieved. The anger seemed to subside. When I found out that everybody involved was old enough to make the choice to get inside that car, the anger lessened. A little bit. But it still sits in the back of my mind that the passengers in this vehicle tonight had no control over the driver and how fast he was going.

Did they think it was fun to go that fast? Were they drunk? Were they high? Did someone have a heart attack or a seizure behind the wheel? Were they carrying out a suicide pact? What were they thinking as they were crossing those roads? Just what were they thinking???

So many unanswered questions. Questions that I will never have the answers to. Many people have asked me how I can do a job that I never know how things turn out. Sometimes I do know how things turn out, usually I don't though. My job isn't to know that. My job is to get people the help they need, whether it be the cops, an ambulance, a fireman, or even a medical examiner. In this case, I know how it turned out. BAD. But still so many questions. Questions that will never be answered.

So I pray and move on. I have thanked God for the lives that the deceased had before their time expired here on earth. I mean, they had to have made someone happy at some point, right? Yes, I truly believe the answer is yes. They were someone's child. They may have been someone's parent. Someone's spouse, grandchild, sibling, cousin, uncle, nephew, friend. No matter who they were or what they did, I am safe in the thought that they were loved by someone, somewhere.

A lot of people think all dispatchers do is sit around and look at the internet all day, occasionally picking up the phone and checking in with our cops. Well that's not all we do. We answer a lot of phone calls. We answer a lot of calls ranging from “how are the roads?” to “what time does the parade start?” to “help me, I'm stranded on the side of the road with a broken down car,” to “please help me, I can't breathe.” And the calls get worse some days. And they are better some days.

We do our best to get you the emergency services that you NEED. Whatever that may be. We have feelings. We aren't robots on the end of that phone. We have a heart and we have empathy and can sympathize with most people that we talk to. We are human. Just like you. We have good days and we have bad days. I try to keep the bad out of my workplace because it's so easy to have enough of that at the drop of the hat.

So hug your kids. Hug your grandkids. Hug your spouse. Hug your siblings. Tell your loved ones you love them because we never know when it will be the last time. I know that is said over and over but it really is true. Don't take anybody for granted.

Until next time....I love you.....and thanks for reading.