#5 of sorting before taking a mental break

Some days I feel like I have been through the worst things a person can go through but I haven't.  I am experiencing life as it is supposed to happen.  I haven't experienced anything less than most others on this planet.  I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get down in the dumps.  This is what life is about and if you don't have bad times, you can't appreciate the good times.  I will forever hold all the bad times in my heart so that I can cherish all the good times I have had and am having again.

I don't know that I have ever, in my life, wanted to keep going on as the same person.  I have always wanted to be better in some way.  Usually that has been inside my heart.  I mean, I have always wanted to have a thinner body and a thicker butt (lol)  but those aren't really the important things, I guess.  I want my heart to be free of hate, sadness and despair.  I feel like in my past, those things have worn me down and I have to make that stop.  So going forward, I refuse to let "bad" in my heart.  It is going to take some practice and some time because there are toxic people out there but I will get there. 

Will I get frustrated and angry with people?  Yes.  I am human.  But I refuse to let that anger and frustration take up residence and let those people live rent-free in my head or my heart.  I have too much to give.  I have too much love to share.  That's what my life is about going forward.  

Healing and love.  Healing and love.  I will keep repeating this until I get it 100% right but mind you, I will get there.  

I plan to be the person I never got to be.  The person I never got to be because of circumstance and because I got in my own way.  Not anymore.  I am going to be happy.  It's time to start living my life on my terms and under my own set of rules.  

Do I have a ways to go?  Yes.  But I'm getting there.  Typing things out like this sometimes hurts me so deep but I know that there is still life out there waiting for me and I'm determined to find it and love it.  I have a few more snippets to share along my journey but for now, I am going to take a little break and let the cracks in my heart mend.  

Thanks for your support and your encouragement.  Life can only get better from here on out.  Things are looking up!  Until next time!