Look who I found

Hello again!  I made it back and in one piece.  Phew!  I bet you were just as worried as I was!

In my last blog, I talked a lot about Khloe Kardashian and her book and some of the things I have learned from it.  Now, I know I mentioned it but I want to reiterate that first and foremost, I was in search of me, myself and I.  But in order to find me, I first had to muster up some energy to do it and that my friends, has been quite a journey for me.  I have never experienced anything like it.  I don't know if I was in a dark place or if a dark place was following me around because every time I felt like I had finally gotten ahead just a teensy weensy bit...I was back in the mud; couldn't move and didn't care if I ever moved again.  

And then one day, I was handed this stuff.  "Just put it in your coffee and see what happens.  Maybe it will make you feel better."  So that night, when I started work at midnight, I made me a cup of coffee and put this stuff in it.  I was not expecting anything magical to happen.  I was not expecting miracles.  What I was expecting was to tell my person that this was a complete waste of their money.  

By the end of that shift though, I noticed that I was thinking more clearly and I wasn't anywhere near as tired as usual.  I was able to go home after an overnight shift and do some things that I had been putting off because I was just too tired to deal with it.  That made me very happy.  THEN, I remembered a friend posting about this "magic" coffee of hers that was changing her life.  So I did a little research on the stuff and I talked with a couple of friends and next thing I knew, I was ordering this product.

Of course, my order would be late getting to me and I was more than anxious to get started on this stuff.  I was mad at the company, I was mad at the post office, and I was mad at myself for "giving in" to the hoopla.  Clearly this was a sign that I wasn't supposed to do this.  But this gal wasn't going to give up on me.  She gave me samples to get me through until my order got here and I started the program on Wednesday, May 2nd. 

So this is what I do every morning:
*Drink a bottle of water and take 1 capsule (the capsules work with the stuff for weight loss but you don't have to take it).  I'm not good at swallowing capsules so this probably works a few calories off just getting it down.  I can deal with it.
*Make coffee.  I was lucky enough to get one of those nice single coffee makers for Christmas and this is perfect for me because one cup per 8 hours is about all my ulcer will stand and I really do not like to drink coffee alone.  I can handle one cup alone though.  As long as my dog talks with me while I drink it.  ANYWAY...one packet of the stuff goes into my coffee, stir and drink.  Voila, done.  That's it, and I go on about my day. 

Like I said, I was on the search for energy and even though I had ordered and started the weight loss pill, I have not done one single thing to aid in the weight loss side of things.  I have went out to eat in restaurants several times.  I have had a drink or two.  I have not been exercising much, outside of when my Fitbit tells me to get off my ass and walk.  But I had a reason to not do these things.  I wanted to make sure that this was going to give me the energy I needed.  I think I was really wanting to test this product against my worst days.  So, like I said I started it on May 2nd and today is May 11th and I decided to only weigh on Wednesdays but for S's and G's I did it today in hopes I would be able to blog.  Nine days of doing nothing but drinking my magic coffee and taking a pill for no other reason than to have energy.

*In the past nine days, I have push mowed my yard...something I haven't done in a year, and I can't wait to mow again.  Soon, I hope!  My husband's rider needs worked on so I hope that takes a few months to fix.  
*In the past nine days, I have cleaned out my cupboards and purged quite a few things. This is usually something I do about every two months but hadn't done for almost a year.
*In the past nine days, I have started deep cleaning my house and loving it.  Something that has almost always been a norm for me but hasn't been for over a year now.
*In the past nine days, I have not needed a nap before work and I'm not just downright exhausted when I get off work.
*In the past nine days, I have noticed that not only do I remember things a lot better but I feel like my head is finally clear of the "gunk" that got me down.

I mean, other than that, this stuff hasn't helped me at all.  ;-)  So anyway, when I weighed this morning, I realized I was finally back in the 2teens!  It has been more than a struggle for me to get out of those damn 2twenties and I don't ever want to go back.  Nine days, 6 lbs.  Doing nothing but swallowing a pill and drinking a cup of coffee.  I'm perfectly fine and content with that until I get all my stuff done around the house and start back at my workouts.  I keep telling myself "Imagine what will happen when you start working out regularly again!" and I get really, really excited about it.  It has been A LONG TIME since I have been excited about much of anything.

So I am here singing the praises of this wonderful stuff.   Not going to mention a product name yet. Not going to tell you anything more than I have found something that works for me.  I'm sure most of you have enough people shoving weight loss products down your throats.  That's one reason I haven't mentioned this on my Facebook.  I have to hide about 20 posts a day between products and politics because I don't need anybody's opinions but my own.  Nobody is going to change my mind but me.  

Until next time, keep smiling and keep living.  Thanks for reading!

On a journey to find and keep myself

"I feel like the world sees me as fat and lazy" - Mike from Mike & Molly

Boy, have I been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and yoga pants!  I spent many, many years feeling like I was never good enough.  Never good enough for my own siblings at most times of my life.  Never good enough for classmates at any stage of my life.  Never good enough of a friend to most that I have tried to "best" with.

I am just going to warn you right now about this blog. It's about some things that most people are sick of hearing about; two things in particular: Weight loss and Kardashian!!  So, if you are going to be one of those people that roll their eyes at the sight of the above mentioned words, please take your mouse and put your pointer on that pretty red X in the right hand corner.  I don't need that kind of negativity.  And I don't need sympathy either.  I just need to put it out there so I have it on record and can read this over and over and over again, if I feel the need to or just simply choose to.

I feel like I am missing something in my life and I can not pinpoint it to save my soul.  Great job, great marriage, great home life, great family. great job.  So there's the great stuff.  But why do I feel "blah?"Why do I feel like something just isn't right.  Something is definitely amiss and the more I try to figure out what it is, the more exhausted...both mentally and physically...I get!  I have asked for lots of prayers for peace and answers on this one and I'm sure they both will come eventually.  Until then though, I must muster through, whether it kills me or not!

So much has changed in my head and my heart in the past several months.  I have no desire.  I have no motivation to do the things I know in my heart I love to do.  I have literally told myself that I needed to "revisit" the old Shellie and remember what she felt like and why she changed her life and her choices.  So, I have been trying to do that.  Trying to dig deep and find the old me again and see what she can tell me.  It's not easy.  She's all about carbs, pop, and cigarettes and that's so old to me right now that it's new to me.

I was once told that if you "immerse" yourself among healthy people and healthy groups, it will make it easier for you to stick with what is working for you and what is right.  Well, I'm here to tell you that this couldn't be further from the truth.  That stuff has to be in your head.  You can't do things like "diet, lifestyle change and/or exercise" for anybody but yourself!  You have to want it to succeed and I keep telling myself that everyday...sometimes I hear it so much in my head, I get tired of telling myself!  True story!

While I am trying to figure out how to get myself back on track and finding my desire (again), two things that I have "immersed" myself in is a book that I have now read four times: Strong Looks Better Naked by Khloe Kardashian, as well as her new show "Revenge Body."  Her book is so right on when she talks about how this is all about mind, body, and soul.  You have to love yourself; believe in yourself; trust yourself; be yourself.  And that isn't always an easy thing to do.  Especially that last thing.  Being ourselves.  Because we are all so brain-washed into thinking we need to be what our friends, our neighbors, our parents, our lovers, and even our enemies, are.  We need to stop living for everyone else and live for ourselves.  We need to be kind to ourselves.  We need to trust in our own hearts and do what is right BY US, FOR US.

As I said, I have read Khloe's book four times now.  I got it for Christmas a couple of years ago from a former co-worker.  I love reading it and I can always hear her voice speaking to me page after page.
"Slow and steady wins the race,"
"The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday,"
"Nobody likes to be around a Negative Nancy."
Oh, I'm listening Khloe, I'm just a little thick-headed and stubborn at times but keep talking and it will eventually make it's way back through my lead skull.  This book is really good.  She talks about her spiritual journey as well as her emotional and physical journey.  It makes me laugh when she says she was always known as the fat, funny sister because I have never thought she was fat ever.  Yes, I am one of those people that watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians and yes, I will defend them up to a certain point.  While I do not agree with all of their causes or beliefs, I do agree that they are allowed their own.  If you haven't read this book, I recommend it.

Khloe's show Revenge Body started out as a huge joke for me because I thought "Well, she has money, so she can hire a trainer and a chef and voila, her "lifestyle changes" came easy for her.  But I have watched her on Snapchat.  I have watcher her on TV for many years.  And now seeing her on this new show, I have come to realize the most obvious thing on earth.  All that money doesn't mean squat.  Having a trainer doesn't mean squat.  Having a chef doesn't mean squat.  Nobody has put in the WORK that she has, to get the body that she wanted.  For hours and hours, days and days, she put in the effort, the sweat, the tears, and the commitment to get where she needed to be.  And the funny thing about her workouts is that she didn't start working out because she wanted to lose weight or tone up.  She started working out because she lived in a city where she didn't know anybody and went to the gym because she was bored.  She started working through her boredom and then through her frustrations until it became second nature to her.  Even today, pregnant and all, she says she still feels weird if she doesn't get a workout in.

What I love about her show is the compassion she has for others and is willing to help them achieve their goals.  People have all kinds of reasons to be on her show.  Whether it be to get that revenge body for an old or new boy/girl friend, family members, co-workers, themselves!  After the 12 week challenge, most of them have a new perspective on their own health and their own goals to where they are glad they did it for THEM because no matter what you do, there is always going to be a chance that it isn't going to matter to that other person.  Your journey and your goals are not always sufficient and pleasing to others but that shouldn't matter so much to us.  Sadly, it does.

I'd be lying if I said I would rather go on a date night than sit at home and re-read this book or watch another episode because right now, it feels right.  It feels safe.  But even I know that at some point, this has to go somewhere.  It has to get me off my ass and back on my feet.  After all, these news shoes aren't going to exercise by themselves now, are they???

One night I was feeling sorry for myself and thought "I will just send her an email.  Maybe she can give me the words to make it all get better."  By morning, I had come to my senses.  After all the words I have read in her book and all the words she says on her show, what else could she possibly say???  So, to humor myself I googled her show and boom! there pops up the link for the application to her show.  I'm pretty sure my mouth fell to the floor when I read everything they ask you to tell them.  Holy buckets!  I mean, it says on her page that the application is very intimate and takes a long time but ZONKERS, SCOOBY!!!

Take a peek here

I'm going to stop this here.  There is a second part to this blog but I am not ready to reveal that yet.  My brain is in serious overload here about life, health, and my pursuit of happiness on both levels!  If you are still interested, stay tuned!!!

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day, a beautiful week, and a fantastic life!

Ruff day

I am trying to decide what my mood is today; what this feeling is that has gotten me turned in so many directions.  I can't figure out if people are just on my nerves today or if I'm just at the end of my rope or if those two things are the same or not.  Today is one of those days that would be awful to be stuck in my head.  

One thing I definitely can nail down is I'm not tired.  Quintin took care of the dogs yesterday so I could sleep and it was MARVELOUS.  Rarely do I get a day when I'm not the major caretaker of these sweet poopie butts of ours.  Not that they are that much to worry about but they need their fair share of attention too.  And when they gotta go...well, they gotta go.  Doesn't matter if I'm in a deep sleep or not; when the urge hits, mommy gets woke up!!  So by the time they have peed and then walked around the dog pen enough to get their bowels to moving, I'm awake.  Sometimes, they let me have a 45 minute nap before they decide to go; sometimes I get 4 hours in.  It's hit and miss but I wouldn't trade it, even on my worst days.  So now that we are all awake, we have to go inside and wrestle (them, not me) and then kisses for mommy from both girls and then I get to throw the ball for Miss Evie for at least half an hour while Annie watches and I'm sure thanking God she doesn't have to play this stupid game.  She rolls her eyes at Eva a lot.  Couple hours later, they are ready to take a nap and mommy is wide awake.  See, you don't have to give birth to get this treatment!  You just have to love.  

I wish people were more like dogs.  When they get on our nerves we could just shut them outside for a while until either they realize they need to straighten up or we decide we can stand them again.  That may be the only reference I have when it comes to wishing people were more like dogs.  I am thankful...and I'm pretty sure you are too, even if you've never thought about it...that we, as humans, don't sniff each other's butts to see if we know or like each other.  The whole licking thing...yeah I'm glad we don't do that...yick.  

I was telling my husband this stuff a few weeks ago after I had been to school for a refresher for my job.  "Can you just imagine if we went potty like dogs?  There I would be in the middle of my school and have to go to the back corner and sniff around to find a suitable place to squat and pee...or worse, poop!  And how would we clean our butts???  I refuse to slide my butt across the carpet!!!  I mean, every building would have giant sand boxes or pee pads or whatever...and imagine the malls!!!  THINK about how many people potty a day at one mall alone!"  

It was then my husband looked at me lovingly, shook his head and thought about having me put down.  He was afraid I was rabid.  "Where the F*** do you come up with this stuff?"  What else do I have to do when I'm outside with the dogs?  I mean, it's just thinking out loud kinda stuff.  I have questioned him about the church roof and he didn't think there was anything wrong with what I had to say about that.  I told him that every morning I come out with the dogs, I count the little flags in the neighbor's yard.  Eight yellow and eight orange.  That I can easily see from the comfort of my folding chair.  He's used to my counting frenzies that I go on so that's probably why he doesn't think too much about that.  So why think I'm so darn strange because I think of life as a dog.  Men!

I just told a co-worker today that probably the real reason I never had children is because I would have gotten a boy and eventually he would turn into a man and well, today being a man apparently isn't a good thing in my book.  They are just on my nerves.  Not my hubby though.  He's safe for today.  I will say this for men:  I'm glad I'm not you.  Crap, every man should be terrified to look at, speak to, or even have any kind of human interaction with a woman he isn't connected to in some way.  Women coming out of the woodwork to accuse any man that they can find, for anything they can turn into a sexual abuse case.  

Don't get me wrong, if a woman is sexually abused, she needs to be heard and protected.  But she needs to step up and call this situation out because this whole mess of "He sexually abused me 12 years ago" crap just isn't working.  And it's making us women out to look like a bunch of weak, greedy, venomous people.  My mother was none of those and I sure as heck am not one of those.  If someone is going to do something so terrible to me, I am going to stand up and face it now, not years later.  We have become a nation of entitlement.  

Well...this went downhill fast.  I thought I was talking about dogs?  Well...there's no going back now, is there?  I can't even believe I tied those two subjects together once; I know I can't do it twice to get out of it so I'm not even going to try it.  I could always delete it but why would I do that?  These are just my ramblings; my thoughts; my feelings.  Those that don't like it can go fly a kite in Greenland.

I think I'm going to wrap this up.  Have a beautiful day, a marvelous week, and a fantastic year.

Out of hibernation

Well, it's been three and a half months and I thought I should visit again.  Okay, maybe Steph planted that little seed!  And all I had to do was fill out one of those silly little Facebook thingys that reveal little pieces of yourself, your spouse, your life.  Ya know, in case anybody has a fancy notebook that they are writing down every bit of information I share on Facebook.  I thought I would just go back through that list and add insult to injury.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?  - Cell phone bill

Why?  Not because I believe it's too much money (It is.  Don't get me wrong) but because Verizon...where I want to say they screwed me over...I can't because I wasn't paying attention.  It is more my fault than theirs.  I had a line removed off of our plan a few months ago because I thought it was out of contract.  When I was talking to the rep about removing it, he kept saying "Would you be interested in just keeping it as a prepaid line?"  Why would I do that???  Why???  What he should have said was "Do you realize you have another full year to pay on this device before it's out of contract?"  So as much as I would LOVE to blame Verizon, it is my own fault for not paying attention.  Apparently, it's been a long year!!!  Heck, I thought two had passed!

2. When was the last time you had a romantic dinner? - Well...we went to Taco John's together the other day. Does that count? I mean, he did use a napkin this time!

For those of you that know my husband, you also know that there isn't a romantic hair on his head.  He wouldn't know how to be romantic if he had to so it's a darn good thing he doesn't have to.  God Bless him though.  He tries once in a while.  It's just that his idea of romantic and my idea of romantic are absolutely the opposite things.  I remember one night, sitting in the living room, watching TV and he is engrossed in his phone (funny how that is a normal thing for me now).  I asked him what he was doing and he said he Googled "how to be romantic."  For the love of all things holy and right, UNCLE GOOGLE IS NOT WHERE YOU NEED TO BE LEARNING THIS STUFF!!!  I sound like a mother there, don't I?  "You'll shoot yer eye out!"  But hey, on the bright side, at least he made the effort to "learn," right?

3. What do you really want to be doing?  - Cuddling with my poopie butts (Annie & Eva).

No lie here, folks.  This is one of my favorite pastimes in life.  Cuddling with the dogs.  I lay on the couch and Annie lays behind my legs with her head on my feet.  She knows I have cold feet all the time so she does her best.  Little Eva Diva lays her 9.5 lb. body on my side with her head facing the window so she can see ANYBODY or ANYTHING that comes near our house so she can scare them away...or eat them.  Going back to Annie...if I get up off the couch for any reason, she takes my spot on the pillow.  Little brat.

4. How many colleges did you attend? - Uno...that was enough.

No, I didn't take Spanish.  I thought about going back to college a couple of years ago.  I'm glad I didn't do that.  I'm not sure how finishing a degree in Business Administration would help my life now.  Another student loan to pay off and scrambling to meet schedules of a full-time job and school.  No thanks.  I have never really enjoyed school that much.

5. Why did you choose the shirt you have on now?  - Because my work requires us to wear them...and it's green...and it matches my pants.

I may just leave this one alone.  I'm assuming unless you're a wrestler or a lifeguard, your boss doesn't care if you show up without a shirt.  My boss...he would care very much and let's be honest here... NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT!!!  Let's just move on.  The visuals have started coming.

6. Thoughts on gas prices now?  - None. I'm gonna have to have it no matter what.

Pretty true statement there too.  When gas was outrageously high, we still bought it, didn't we?  We may not have went far on our family vacations through that, but we still bought gasoline.  I could always switch to an electric car but no...I don't want to do that.  I love my SUV.  I, like so many others, remember exactly what I was doing when the twin towers were hit in New York. on 911.  I was working at Godfather's Pizza/Bedford Country Store and I will never forget how long the lines were to get gasoline after that happened.  I can still hear Kristi in disbelief saying "Is one tank of gas going to make that much difference?"  And she was right.  Why do people do that?  It's not like, upon attack, we are going to hoard our gasoline!  Heck, we're going to be fighting for our lives! Anyway...

7. First thought when the alarm goes off in the morning?  - I don't use alarm clocks. That's the beauty of working at night.

This is a funny one.  I did actually set my alarm last night because I was having a terrible time falling asleep and I was afraid I was going to oversleep.  So I set the alarm for 22:45 (that's 10:45 pm for those of you not in the know), and just like it was supposed to do, it went off.  I got up and slipped on some sweat pants and grabbed a shirt and headed downstairs.  The dogs thought they needed to potty so I took them outside and talked to them while they piddled.  I happen to look down and my Fitbit flashed the time.  "Did that say 23:51?"  I tapped it and again read 23:51.  If I would have had time, I would have crapped my pants, but I didn't!!!  And my heart started beating in double time.  You know how it feels when you are running late for something important and when you finally arrive, you are still in hyper mode and it takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R to get back to normal!  I ran in the house, luckily no injuries to either dog as they ran in with me, and said "Quintin it's 10 till midnight and I'm going to be late! GO TO BED!  Yeah, he was asleep in his chair.  I didn't even wait for an answer because I was running up the stairs to get some jeans on an make sure my newly permed hair wasn't too much out of whack!  "Screw it, I'm wearing the sweatpants.  They will just have to deal!"  As I started down the stairs in my mad fury, I happened to look at my phone that was about to go into my pocket.  22:53....check the Fitbit...22:53...of course I read it wrong.  Who am I to think I need to be completely awake before making such a decision in my life!  And, as I said before, it took me forever to really wind down and get out of that "I'm late" frenzy!  I just realized how much I have to mother this husband of mine.  What a baby.

8. Last thought you have before you go to bed? - OK so this may be a little weird but literally, the last thing I do before going to sleep is ask God to keep my deputies safe that night.

My prayers are mostly always with these other guys I seem to mother too much.  Dang deputies always taking up all my time!  I can't even go to sleep without thinking about them...and their safety!  But seriously, not just the guys I work directly with, all of "my" guys are included in my prayers.  Too many bad things out in our scary world these days.  Nobody is truly safe.

9. Do you miss being a child?  - Sometimes but only because I miss my parents.

I don't have a problem being an adult.  I have a problem not being able to talk to my dad and mom.  Sometimes I think how easy life would seem if I could just go sit on their couch with them while they watched TV.  I can still hear dad's boisterous laughter and mom shaking her head.  It's the simple things.

10. What errand/chore do you despise the most? - Grocery Shopping for the win!

I've made this pretty well known.  I hate going to the grocery store.  Always have.  Always will.  And if my hatred for the grocery store isn't enough, our local Fareway extended their aisles and it sucks!  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for walking the extra mile for just about anything in life but when they took out the middle aisles (if you're not familiar, Fareway used to have half-aisles and you could cut through at the halfway mark instead of going to the complete end of the aisle...I'm shutting up on this now), they also moved everything in the store.  The bread has moved.  The candy has moved.  The veggies have moved.  AND NONE OF THEM GAVE A FORWARDING ADDRESS!  I just can not stand it when a grocery store revamps their stuff.  Makes me want to stop shopping there!

11. Up early or sleep in? - Look...if I get 4 hours at a time, I don't care what time of day it is, it's a good day!

Yes, this.  Except it was supposed to say 4 uninterrupted hours of sleep.  That's perfect.

I'd be lying if I told you I'm not exhausted right now.  Wow, lazy Shellie.

12. Found love yet? - I guess so.......at least that's what he tells me

Oh Quintin!  For all the grief you give me...dirty socks stuck in the back of the couch, toilet seat left up, demolitions, additions, doggy chores...for all of that, I wouldn't trade you for the world.  How did you get so lucky???

13. Favorite lunch meat?  - Bologna or hot dogs (that's lunchmeat kinda, right???)

I know there are so many people out there that will tell me not to eat that cheap stuff but I would just have to agree to disagree.  I don't care if it's made of snips, and snails, and puppy dog tails.  If it takes that good, I'm in.  Come to think of it, Eva does have a short little tail.....................

14. What do you get at Walmart every time?  - Bread...the bread you eat.

That explanation was for my readers with a dirtier mind than I have.  I just knew if I didn't specify, someone was going to ask me if I got bred by the people of Walmart.  For the record, the answer is: not every time! HA!  My husband eats so much bread it's almost disgusting.  I love bread as well but I can't eat it everyday.  I just can't!

15. Beach or lake?  - Neither?

Is it terrible that I don't care for either of these?  I like them both but I can't leave them as easily as take them.  Just give me an indoor pool where I can swim laps and not worry about that sun blazing down on me.

16. Is marriage overrated?  - No! I love being married! That's why I keep doing it again and again and again!

I have been married three times.  I love to be by myself but I also love to spend time with my husband.  Whether he likes it or not!  Marriage is a beautiful thing when you find that person that wants to give as much as you do.

17. Ever crashed a vehicle?  - Oh yes!

While I can say I have never (yet) head-on crashed into anybody, and I hope I never do, I can say that I have been the driver on one occasion, the passenger on one occasion, and it wasn't very fun either time.  Just say no to crashes!!!  No bueno!

18. Strangest place you've brushed your teeth?  - In my car.

I've done many strange things in my car so I'm thankful brushing my teeth was the question!  I have disposable toothbrushes and flossers in my car at any given moment.  You never know when you're going to need some oral hygeine!

19. Somewhere you've never been but want go?  - Arkansas, to see family

Okay, maybe I want to go to London too but Arkansas is on my short list.  I have wanted to go see my cousin Josh, and his beautiful family for years.  I will make this happen!

20. At this point in your life would you want to start a new career?  - No. Just no.

I love where I'm at in my career.  I love the people I work with.  I love helping people and making a difference.  I think I'm pretty good at my job most days and it has been a fit for me since day one.  I wonder why.....

21. How old are You?  - Almost the big 5-0!

I may be 48 but I feel like I'm 28 in all honesty.  Except for those times that I feel 78 and those other times I wake up and look in the mirror and see 58.  Yep, I'm a hot mess all over the board but you wouldn't want me any other way!

22. Do you have a go to person? - Yes. Two of them. Lucky me.

I actually do realize how lucky I am and do not take for granted the two people that I get to call when things aren't going so well, when I am so stressed out I don't know what to do, when things are going so awesome in life that I just can't contain myself!  These two guys are always there when I need them to be.  They take me at my best and they take me at my worst and I couldn't be more blessed than that!

23. Are you where you want to be in life?  - Yes. Finally!

Is it just me or are we typing in circles now?  I mean, we covered love, career, and our go-to people, so what else is life?

24. Growing up what were your favorite cartoons?  - Tom and Jerry.

It's funny that it took me forever to think of what my favorite cartoon was.  This is what I came up with.  I would sit and watch Tom and Jerry for hours.  And I don't remember it being "funny" to me.  It was mindless watching at it's finest, I guess.  Same goes for Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote.  I never laughed at that but I always kept watching.

25. What do you think has changed about you since you were a teenager?  - I learned that I need to please me instead of anybody else.

This is the important one of all I believe.  It has taken me forever to get here so I'm not going to waste a minute.  I feel my answer came across as I need to please myself instead of everyone else when it should come across as "I need to learn to put myself first sometimes just like I do others" because I try to do a lot of things for a lot of people.  The homeless people especially.  It has really become a cause for me and I don't ever want to stop.  I probably never will.  It is so second nature for me to come across something I haven't worn or used in over a year and think "This needs to go to someone who can use/love it because I am not using it." And I try to keep stock of the toiletry items because I can always go out and buy my own, they can not.

Speaking of, if you have made it this far and are interested, I am taking some stuff to the mission in March.  I would love to have some donations of toilet paper, shampoo, and/or soaps, as well as gently used clothing and plastic bags.

Well, congratulations.  We all made it.  We survived the great (LONG) blog of 1/2018.  I'm exhausted.  I'd love to go to bed but I don't see that happening for a long time now.  Have a beautiful day, a blessed week, and a plentiful year.....because I have no idea when I'll find my way back here!

Blogging about blogs

A while back, I stumbled across some blogs with the name Marc & Angel Hack Life.  If the name didn't pull me in, their blogs do.  While I may have wait a long time to get to these blogs, I have kept them safe and sound in my email, just waiting for a day like today.  I need to go through these and then see what they have done currently.  Plus, I need to get a little background/backstory on these folks.  They seem like they have their feet on the ground and their heads on their shoulders.....well, compared to me, anyway!

20 Things that Belong On Everyone’s TO-DON’T List

This particular blog starts out with a really awesome guy on a motorcycle and it is their story so click here if you want to read it.  It doesn't take long.  I'm not going to provide you with all the insight and flair that they give either.  That is their glitz and glamour.  I have my own thing to do here.  Let's just get to it.  I will try to be quick but come on, it IS 20 things!!!

#1 - DON'T BE LAZY -  Good advice here.  I need someone to write that on every wall in my house.  In blood, preferably.  I mean, it's going to take something pretty "out there" to get my attention; especially when I'm laying on the couch watching my soaps!

#2 - DON'T COWER FROM LIFE'S NECESSARY CHALLENGES -  In other words, keep turning the pages of your book of life because...all that bad stuff that you have been challenged with...ends up making the most beautiful story ever.  Of your life.

#3 - DON'T JUST TAKE THE DEFAULT PATH - It's okay to be different!

#4 - DON'T WAIT FOR THE PERFECT TIME - If you keep waiting, you will wait forever.  There is nothing perfect in the world...not even time.  

#5 - DON'T PUT ON A MASK - I will sum this up in their words because I can't make it any plainer than they have.  "You can’t let the judgment of others stop you from being YOU. "

#6 - DON'T HIDE YOUR HUMANNESS - It's okay to show your "softer" side (sometimes).  A lot of times in life, we have to deal with a lot of really hard stuff.  And a lot of times in life, we feel like we might crumble.  It's okay to crumble sometimes.  

#7 - DON'T MAKE EVERYTHING FEEL LIKE A CHORE - Again, I'm going to need someone to come splatter my walls AND remind me how lucky I am to "get" to do the laundry, dishes, floors, windows, etc..

#8 - DON'T TRY TO CONQUER EVERYTHING IN A SINGLE LEAP - If I have said this once (to my husband), I have said it a thousand times.  It may not feel like you have much right now but down the road, when you look back, you are going to smile at what you had and at what you still want/need.  There's no timeline.  It's okay to take a while to "get there."

#9 - DON'T FOCUS ON PAST PROBLEMS - Remember that book of life we spoke about earlier??  Yeah, well this kinda hits there a little bit for me.  Everything that you have done in your life to this point, it has a chapter.  Leave it there.  No matter what it is.  It has it's place and that's where it should remain.

#10 - DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN - Again, I will use what they say in their blog simply because I can't say it better...or in more words.  "Chances are if it should have been, it would have been.  So say it out loud:  “There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.”"

#11 - DON'T LET STUPID LITTLE THINGS GET TO YOU - I truly think this is easier said than done!  Although I'm much, much better at this today than I was five years ago, it's still hard.  Sometimes, a lot of little stuff just makes you wanna kick the cat.  I try to remind myself that being upset at even the smallest stuff, just takes more effort and remember, I like lazy (shhh, don't tell Marc and Angel)!!!

#12 - DON'T TRY TO HOLD ONTO EVERYTHING - Marc and Angel say it PERFECTLY when they say "When things aren’t adding up in your life, it’s time to start subtracting."  I believe this is so right on in many aspects of our lives.  Whether it is actual "things" that you need to let go of but relationships as well.  Lord knows I've went through my share of those.  From friendships to intimate relationships.  But I believe they all have a time and a reason. This goes for socks and underwear too!

#13 - DON'T NEGLECT YOUR PRESENT JOYS - So...appreciate what you have now and treat it like it's the last time.  I believe we ALL take way too much for granted in our short lives.  We take people for granted, their feelings, their time, our time.  You name it, we normally take it for granted because we are spoiled and a bit selfish.  It's human nature.  

#14 - DON'T JUST TAKE - I say this all the time and I try to give, give, give.  I am so blessed to have so much good in my life and there are so many that are so much more unfortunate than I.  That's why I take stuff to the mission a couple of times a year.  I am always looking for other ways to reach out and help someone else.  Trust me when I say I have tried to not do it so much but it's in my blood and I can't help myself.  It makes my heart happy.  You need to find your niche and make your heart happy too!

#15 - DON'T WAIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT - This is the BEST advice on the earth.  If you want something, work for it.  No true success had it easy.  It came from hard work and some time, patience, sweat and tears invested.  

#16 - DON'T ALWAYS TRY TO BE RIGHT - This was MAJOR HARD for this girl to learn.  I come from a big family of "I'm right" and it's hard to not be like that.  It has taken me a long time but I am easily the first to admit when I'm wrong, when I don't know, and when someone needs to explain something to me because I'm just not getting it!  Like I said, it has take me a LONG time to learn this.

#17 - DON'T JUDGE BEFORE YOU KNOW - We are human.  This is hard.  We have been taught to judge since we were little, whether our parents want to admit that or not.  It is learned behavior.  But do your best to stop it.  It's not nice and it's not right and you don't want other judging you! 

#18 - DON'T HOLD ON TO HATE - Wanna hear something funny?  I used to do this!  I used to hold onto my anger and hate for people and things and then one day something happened.  I forgot what I was mad about.  THAT WAS A BIG EYE OPENER!!! Try explaining to someone why you can't stand them when you can't remember why!!!  Yeah, that's no good.  And like I said on #11, it takes effort and well, I have enough crap to remember without having to remember why I was upset with someone on some certain day.  Nope, not going to do it.  I will not hate.

#19 - DON'T PLACE IRRATIONAL CONDITIONS ON YOUR LOVE - Simply put...if you want unconditional acceptance, you first have to give unconditional acceptance.  Beautiful!

#20 - DON'T NEGLECT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS - It has taken 20 of these things but I finally stumbled across one that I don't agree with.  You can go to their page to see what they have to say on this one but to sum it up in my words, I see the words "hang in, connected, fight, don't walk away, distracted, busy, tired, take for granted (hmmm sound familiar?) and I see red flags.  Probably because when I have "hung in there, tried to stay connected, fought for, didn't walk away, didn't get distracted," although busy and tired, I hope I never have or never will take my friends for granted, I have lost the best friends of my life.  People that I have been like family to for many, many years; because I got tired of being the only one that wanted to work for these friendships.  I have learned that it is much easier to not get too close to very many people.  Even the few close friendships that I have now, I am seriously starting to wonder about.  I have zero trust in people.  Even in you.  And that's okay with me.  I will survive.

Well, we made it. That last one was a son-of-a-gun for me.  I could go on all day on that subject.  But all it does it upset me.  But, I am the first to admit that I am not the friend that most think I am.  I like to be alone.  I like to work alone.  I like to talk to myself because nobody disagrees with me.  I like to lay on the couch and watch soap operas, the Kardashians, The Walking Dead...and I don't care if nobody ever called me again.  Heck, I even text myself sometimes just because I can...and because I am hilarious.  

So there's that.  If you haven't read Marc & Angel Hack Life's blog yet, you really should.  Their blog is probably much more entertaining but they didn't put pictures in like I did!  Until next time!!!

Days 8, 9, & 10 - finally over?

I have read and re-read this blog a couple of times and I can't figure out if it's a happy blog or a sad blog; or maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.

Well, vacation has been over for a couple of weeks now so I figured I may as well "end" the story.  In all honesty, I thought I would be in a better place; both physically and emotionally.  As we all know, life doesn't always give us exactly what we think we need when we think we need it.  The answers aren't always right in front of us and we have to wait to see which door is closing and which door is opening.  

I am finding out that my "safe place" and those that I trust, have all but disappeared.  I am on a journey to find a new "safe place" and I think that whole trust thing can just be thrown out the window.  I honestly believe that this person...me...can trust me and only me.  My priorities and my problems have to remain with me and can no longer be shared with any one person.  As you can see, I have done a lot of soul-searching on my time off and have really tried to evaluate what is in my heart.  I'm getting there.  As sad as what I have typed so far sounds, it is refreshing at the same time.  I am moving on to the person that I need to be.  And I won't be taking a whole lot of others on that journey with me.  

Let's be honest, we are the only ones that know what we need...even when we don't know.  

I am compiling the last three days of vacation in one blog for one reason.  The last three days were full of laughter, compiled with thrills and drama, and I even stuffed in some edge-of-your-seat action and adventure!!  Lies!  All lies!  Nothing like that happened...except the laughter.  There was plenty of that so let's get to it!

Day Eight started out with me going to the doctor.  Woohoo!!!  Isn't that what we all look forward to on our vacation time?  I think my vacation should have been labeled "catching up" because it's all I seemed to do.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing at all!  Anyway, for many weeks, I have had an issue with my right middle finger.  As funny as that sounds, I couldn't straighten it without literally crying my eyes out.  It started out as a need to pop the finger and I couldn't get it popped.  The pain got worse and since I have this wonderful ulcer that I am trying to get healed, I can not take my beloved Aleve.  Boo!  Tylenol didn't fully did the trick of making the pain go away.  I had tried everything over the weeks; ice, heat, ice-then-heat, popping (or trying to), and then finally we (the husband and I) just splinted it for a few days here and there to see how that would work.  

Quintin swears he told me for two weeks that I needed to go to the doctor but I don't recall hearing those words come out of his mouth.  Whatever.  Irrelevant now because well, I finally ended up going.  So, I splinted it for a couple of days and then the pain seemed to go away.  So the splint came off.  Every time I worked out or did exercise, this stupid pain came back in the same place!  So, I would just live my life with my middle finger kept tucked down.  I don't know what was more difficult; typing with a splint on or typing with no middle finger.  It was definitely a challenge I wasn't liking.  

Blah, blah, blah, so anyway, I was convinced by a friend that I had something called "trigger finger."  And to treat this, they would simply cut a slit in the palm of my hand, cut out this little ball of scar tissue and then magically, my finger would straighten out and life would be grand!  Well, after looking at the hand...and me threatening the doctor that if he straightened my finger I would throat kick him...doing some x-rays...he set me up with a hand specialist/surgeon for the following Monday.  "Just take some Tylenol when it hurts."  There isn't enough Tylenol on earth, doc!  I went home and put a splint back on the finger and decided it was going to stay on until the appointment with the specialist.

The rest of this day spent taking it easy; laying on the couch trying to come up with something good and healthy to take to our family reunion the next day, playing catch up with the laundry, and keeping my kitchen clean.  Apparently my dear husband hasn't figured out that when I'm not home, he is literally the only other one in the house so nobody just appears and cleans up after him.  I'm not sure if I need to video the empty house to prove to him that "I AM THAT MAGIC EIGHT BALL" that sees all!  I see that you can't pick up your socks.  I see that you don't know how to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher (or God forbid wash them yourself).  I see that you know how to start a load of laundry but you haven't figured out that they need to make their way into the dryer in a timely manner.  I also see all that hair that precious Eva leaves, laying around on floor.  Use a vacuum, dude, seriously! 

Yeah...that's how day eight went.  That's probably the edge-of-your-seat stuff that I may have been sarcastically talking about up above.  -_-  I ended my day with a trip to the grocery story...and many of you know how much I HATE that chore.  I would rather brush my eyeballs.

Day Nine rolls around and I gather my layer salad and head to Corning to pick up my two partners in crime, Kathy and Jackie.  We headed to Bedford and hung out with Cindy, Dan, Jeremy, Erin & the kids for a while before heading out to the family reunion.  I'm not going to lie about this for one second (because if I did, there would be too many people out there calling me out) but I was very anxious about this reunion because I hadn't been in so many years simply because I thought I didn't like these people and I was convinced they didn't like me either!  Yep, a family reunion.  Any other time I would have just said "Not going!" and been done with it but this year, I felt very strongly about being there.  I felt that I HAD to go and I didn't know why.  And it was a terrifying feeling.  

So here's how that went.  Showed up at the family reunion and had the best time EVER!  Ummm, I want a do-over for the past reunions I was so stupid to avoid.  I had a freaking blast!  Cousins, siblings, laughter, hugs, love, and enough food to go around a few times.  I honestly could have stayed another several hours!  I wish there was a way that EVERYONE could be there on the same day.  Maybe a camp out next time!!!  Perfect host/hostess, perfect place for the get-together.  I can't thank them enough for the good time I had. 

This night was spent hanging clothes and getting a game plan for the next day.  It was the last day of vacation/catching up and there was one place I needed to be that I hadn't been in quite some time.  Do you have a junk drawer?  Most people have a junk drawer, right?  Well I don't keep a junk drawer in my house!  Well, I didn't used to.  I had a junk room!  And it drove me crazy!  I may re-think that idea of a junk drawer though.  (I have actually already started on it) 

So Day 10 was all about the junk room.  I had a bunch of totes in there and they were just everywhere.  I had been through them, picking and choosing what I could give to the mission a week before and deciding what really needed to be thrown away and what I needed to keep.  I'm slowly trying to minimize the "crap" in our home.  And I have to do it slowly because if my husband notices that stuff is starting to go away too fast, he will find some other junk to replace it with.  And let's be honest here folks...he is getting ready to start a job at the county landfill...it is literally trash...so that's a whole new book of headaches for me to learn to deal with!  I may have to incorporate a new policy at our house "Must be approved by the boss!"  And we all know who the boss is.  As my husband so eloquently says "I wear the pants in the family...she just tells me which ones to wear!"  When that room was finished, we did some re-arranging in our bedroom.  Nothing major because...well, you know!  But we got a lot of things accomplished that day and nobody got hurt, maimed, or killed.  

Life is good.  Not great.  Nowhere near perfect.  But it is good and I can take good for now.  Until I see which doors are closing and which doors are opening.

**Fast forward to Monday - I woke up and had no pain whatsoever, in my finger.  No breaks, no fractures, nothing he could do for me.  I could have told him that. He did however, tell me that I fixed whatever was wrong with my finger by splinting it so if the problem arises again, I know what to do. Geez, stop being a baby, Shellie!**

Days 6 & 7...sometimes you just need to get away!

Onward to KC!!! I have REALLY been looking forward to this trip for more than one reason!  Sister Cindy and I used the drive down to vent about many things going on in our worlds, and I took advantage of asking for some advice from the ex-diva dispatcher.  I mean, she lasted 30 years in the business so who else would I ask???  By the time I had explained everything I felt in my heart and sorted out most of the stuff clanging around in my head, we had arrived in Weston, MO.  My very last question to my sister before we entered the first little quaint store was "I wish dad was here to ask.  What do you think he would tell me?  How do you think he would instruct me to get through this?"  

And then, just like that, our conversation came to a halt and our world was consumed with very expensive cow-hide rugs, rustic home decor, and hand-made scarves and clothing.  The first thing I saw when we walked in was a refrigerator and written in chalk on the front of it, was a sign that read something along the lines of  "This is a real refrigerator.  It has water for you to drink ($1.00)....." along with many other things.  I should have taken a picture because I can't remember exactly what it said but seriously, if you walk into a store and there is a big ole refrigerator in the middle of the place, why would you not think it's a real refrigerator???  Only in Missouri.

Backing up a short bit, we stopped at the Pirtle Winery for a friend, where we got a free frozen wine slushie and then my favorite part:  "DON'T LET THESE BOTTLES OF WINE SIT WHERE THE SUN SHINES ON THEM BECAUSE THE CORKS WILL POP RIGHT OUT AND YOU WILL HAVE WINE EVERYWHERE."  Just peachy!  Now I have to take these babies everywhere I go!  Next time, get that stuff on the way back!!!  Alas, no corks were popped and no wine was wasted in the making of this story!  But, with all the wine and liquor I purchased in that little town, I'm sure if the people in our hotel saw all the alcohol I carried in with me...for it's own protection even though it was not all corked...they would have thought either: 1 - she is planning on doing some hard partying tonight; get security on standby or 2 - she has a severe problem; get security on standby. For the record, I got some Christmas presents.  We all know I don't drink................................much!

Back to the quaint little shop.  Sis is still in the front and I have made my way to the back, looking at decorative signs and here she comes with a card in her hand.  "This is what dad would tell you" she says with a smile on her face.

That made me feel good for a while.  And I thought it was actually going to work.  I thought that was really what I needed.  It felt good while it lasted.  I used our whole two days deep in thought about what my future holds for me, for my husband; how our lives were either going to stay right where it was at or how it could be changed for the better.  I'm thankful the ulcer was not flared up because I think this would have put me over the edge.

When we arrived in KC, we stopped at the Drury Inn to get a room and the gal rattles off a price that made both our chins drop.  No way are we paying that.  We kindly told the gal we would find another place. I mean, all we really wanted was a hot tub and an exercise room.  How hard is that?  While we were driving from place to place, I was scouring the internet for a room that wasn't going to cost us half the mortgage.  No dice.  Apparently, when the hotels start to fill up, they jack up the prices.  And if that's not enough, even if you get a room with 2 beds and tell them you have 2 people staying, they charge you extra.  Talk about screwing over your own customers!!! If I am going to stay there alone, why would I need an extra bed???  Let me guarantee you this...if I ever stay at a hotel alone, I am asking for a 2 bed-room and I'm going to sleep in both beds the same night.  Going to take the sheets off the beds and pillows and pile them up on the floor.  They have no choice but to take care of two beds, right?  End rant.

A little over TWO hours later, we head back to the original hotel, the Drury Inn where we have to eat crow.   "Still got that room available???"  Too funny.  We asked everybody what was going on in KC on a Wednesday that had everyone so full up and all anybody could come up with is that "maybe" there were a lot of people from Texas or Florida that were displaced for the time being.  Maybe?  Wouldn't you know that?  

We go back to the truck to move it closer to our room...which we ended up parking at the complete opposite end...and a guy approaches us and says "I'm not looking for a ride.  My car is broke down and my boss is coming but I just need a drink. If I could just have a dollar..."  There was a Wendy's across the parking lot and the first thing that went through my mind was "I would never fall for this any other day" but this wasn't any other day!  Cindy looks at me, trying not to laugh and says "I just have a dollar here."  I open my little Weed money pouch and there's a $5 sitting right on top.  Here, get something to eat, too!  He appeared to be very thankful and headed toward Wendy's, where he went and stood by this old, seen better days car.  We didn't stick around long enough to see if he was just going to rob it or if it was really his but either way he was our of our hair and maybe he got a sandwich...maybe he went and got a 40 oz.....maybe he got a cheap bottle of liquor.  Not my fight but I did hang tight to all that liquor I was carrying from the truck to the room!!! 

The first things we did when we got to our room was turn on the air, the tv, and lay down!  By this time, I was emotionally exhausted and we took this time to catch up with the news and world reports, as well as be our silly selves.  Kathy and Becky, if you're reading this, you missed out on a great time and you shouldn't have!  Oh!  Did I tell you that AFTER the room was paid for, they told us the pool AND hot tub were out of order???!!!  Wow, thanks for all the action Drury Inn!  Screwed us on price and gave us even less than we expected. 

We went to the lounge and had a nice chicken salad for dinner and a free drink.  THAT.HIT.THE.SPOT. Then we went to visit her kids and grand kids.  This is and always will be one of my favorite parts of KC.  The little ones are still at the age where they are okay with Aunt Shellie hugging and kissing on them so I take advantage while I can!  Now, if I could just find a way to bottle up their energy and take it home with me.............

Back to the motel and I change my clothes to head to the exercise room while Cindy gets under her fluffy blanket and tells me I am on my own.  I figure I have a 5k that I want to run...let's not get carried away here...jog, in October, so I better see if I can even do that!  I may have done a little speed walking here and there but for the most part, I can do a 5k on a treadmill with minimal cursing and crying, in pretty good time.  The part that scares me is the part where I have to carry a pumpkin the whole time.  Their choosing from 1-10 lbs.! I have a deputy that thinks I can't do it because I have angel hair pasta for arm muscles, so we know what that means!  I WILL DO THIS!!  Now, to prepare myself to run on the streets!  We all know running on a treadmill is nothing like running terrain... 

My funeral arrangements have been made and notarized, just in case.  And I don't care how upset (or relieved) you are Mr. Deputy, you are going to stand up and speak. Bahahahaha!!  Friend and co-worker Polly is going to do this "run" with me and I asked her what she is going to do if I just fall over and die in the middle of the race and she said "Well, I am going to laugh when you first fall down!"  Touche Polly!  Spoken like a true friend!!!  And this is why I'm going to do the race with her.  She knows exactly what to do..... 

When I got back to the room, I told sis that if she hears something at 04:00, don't worry it is just me going back to the exercise room because I automatically wake up then.  Well, I work up alright....at 09:30!!!  Perfect, comfortable sleep for hours and hours!!!  At least 8 hours!!!  I am not sure when the last time was that I had that much sleep without interruption.  It was amazing.  If the pool and hot tub were working, I would have just moved in.  Problems all solved!!!

By the time we got our showers taken and packed up, breakfast bar (ha, I wish it was a bar) was closed.  Nebraska Furniture Mart, here we come.  Met up with niece Lindsay and had a lot of fun looking at different things.  Lunch at Panera bread, where Cindy and I had never eaten.  It was good while it lasted and without going into too much detail, it didn't last very long!  The salads made it to St. Joe though!!!  Between KC, St. Joe and Maryville, we did a little shopping and had a lot of fun just hanging out together. We definitely don't get to do this enough and just once, would love to get all of us sisters together for a night...a weekend...a week (I figure if I'm asking, I may as well ask for a miracle too)!  We all would benefit from it immensely but what do I know???  I wish they would see how much we need this and to keep putting it off is going to make sure we never make time for it.  

I drove around Bedford a little bit before heading home and I hate to say it but I get very sad being in town.  It will never be the same place without my mom there and my heart gets so heavy with yearning to see her one more time or to hear her laugh just once more.  I want to walk right into her apartment and see her sitting in her rocking chair, plucking her chin, watching the Nebraska Cornchuckers, talking on the phone and all at the same time, making another list of things she needs from the grocery store.  I thought that heavy, sad feeling would eventually go away but it never has.  I went straight to Gravity to the cemetery and the instant I saw my dad's name on the stone, I cried like I hadn't cried in years.  Again, I needed his words; his wisdom; his shoulder; and I really, really needed his arms wrapped around me.  I needed his direction and there was no way to get it and that hurt like nothing else.  

When dad first died, the cemetery was the only place of solace for me but when mom died, I was never able to find it again.  I think that once mom was with him, it wasn't "my place" anymore.  It's funny how different situations in life makes your need for one parent so much greater than the other on different days.  Don't get me wrong, I miss my mom so much; way too much; but on this day, at this time in my life, my dad was who I needed to get me through.  

When I arrived at home, we had a visitor.  Quintin was personally offered a job with the county and I was so happy for him...proud of him.  He has made such great strides in his life and this is right along the lines of where he wants to be in his life.  Which made my life decisions even harder now.  The good wife knows you make compromises and you find a way to make it work.  Sometimes, a person has to "hang on" while at the same time "let go."  I'm trying to find this balance and make it work in our lives and be happy all at the same time.  

I don't want to adult today.  

In the words of Pink, "Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame.  Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned.  And just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die.  You gotta get up and try, try, try."

That is exactly what I plan to do.  TRY.