Well the weekend will be coming to a close soon and I hate to say it but I am ready. I don't know why. I haven't done anything stressful this week. Even school wasn't stressful. I only missed three on my test so I was pretty happy about that. I guess I am just ready for a new week.
I just lightened my facebook friends load a little. That made me smile. I love it when I unfriend dickheads. -_- We slept in today. Right up until noon. Dammit that felt nice. I rarely get to do that. Of course, I didn't go to bed until 0245 hrs. either. Either way, it felt good.
I think I am going to talk about socks for a bit. I'm feeling rather frisky. Is it just me or are socks SO much more comfortable when they are brand spanking new?? I bet I have sixty PAIRS of socks in my drawer. I will wear them for a season. That's it. A season. Then I buy more. I don't know why I do this and it's not something I have ever done before but don't you think after a while, socks become "uncomfortable?"
Nothing makes me feel better when getting dressed than the feel of nice new socks. I wish I could just have one new pair every day and the Good Sock Fairy would take them away and leave me a brand new pair. *sigh*
The bad part is at the end of the season, what am I supposed to do with all these socks?? A person can only have so many dust rags. Hmmmmm. Someone is going to have a lot of socks at the end of summer, I know that. I just had three brand new packages given to me. *sigh*
At school this week, one of our instructors used the word "hoo-ha" or "who-ha" or however you wanna spell it. I love that word. I can't think, for the life of me, what she used that word for but I remember thinking it was an odd thing to say. HA! I don't know about you but when I think of "hoo-ha," I think of coochie. Yikes. I can't believe I'm talking about coochie now. I think I just made myself blush!!
Oh oh oh! Speaking of coochie!! Friday night Gee and I went back to the city (ya know, because I didn't get enough of it the whole week) for dinner with friends. I took him up by the military base and the academy and then we took a drive around the lake. I almost wrecked the car at one point as I looked over and there was a guy sitting down in the middle of all this tall grass and he was bent over BUT a gal was standing right in front of him! The grass was tall but it wasn't THAT tall!
She had her hands on his head and had the biggest grin on her face. Eeks! I couldn't tell if she had her pants on or not and I certainly wasn't hanging around to find out. Amazing what people will do when they think they're hidden. Sick puppies.
I am going to cut this short for today and will try to put some stuff together at work tonight. Until then, thanks for reading
-_-
2012/05/20
2012/05/17
Who knew school could be so educational?
And i'm back. What a week it's been. One more day of school and that's over. It's been really really fun though, I have to say. The first day, we walk in and the room is ICE cold. I am not even exaggerating. You could've hung meat in there! We stuffed towels in the vents because there was no changing the thermometers. I know crazy. After lunch, they moved us to the basement, in a room where we didn't have any desks and we were a bit crowded. But at least it wasn't freezing!! I hate taking notes on my knees. Wow, that sounds terrible, doesn't it. I didn't mean it like that. Get your mind out of the gutter already!
On day two, we took a field trip to see how State Patrol works and listen to them moan and groan about all the kinks in their roads. After that, we got to see Homeland Security and let me tell you this.....I fell in LOVE with that building. We got to go into the Governor's secret office. Okay well maybe not secret office but it's a private room that is reserved for the Governor to work and sleep in if there is some kind of trama/disaster. "What a building" is all I can say. In all the years I have been around law enforcement, I thought I had pretty much seen all the cool stuff to see but this week has opened my eyes.
We also got to visit a bigger county Sheriff's office and see what goes on in their dispatch compared to ours. We were there probably fifteen minutes and I would bet they had at least twenty 9-1-1 calls. And that was a slow time of day for them. Yucky and no thanks. Take me back to the State Patrol and let me live in peace. It was a really neat experience though. At least I know where NOT to apply for a job!
The second day, our field trip came to us. It was the Emergency helicopters, Mercy One, that serves our areas. The helicopter was beautiful. I have pictures, don't worry!
Just another view of the cockpit. Is it even called a cockpit? Hell I don't know. I was having way too much fun to listen to anything they said! I even offered to get hurt so they could give me a ride in it. No dice! In this next one, you can see how they could strap me on that "gurney" and then open the back hatch in mid-flight and push my ass out. How's that for a kick in the pants? Just give me a parachute and I'll be fine. As long as I'm strapped to the bed.....and IT lands on all four wheels!! Or as many wheels as a gurney has. Or not. I don't know if it has wheels or not. Moving on!
The woman with her back to me is the class instructor. Hell of a lady. And she's just short enough to walk under the heli.
And here are the blades. At first look, I thought they looked sharp. Until I touched them. I know, I know.....why would I touch them if they looked sharp??? Hello!!! It's MEEEE!! You should know better.
So that was our fun for that day. The classes we had to sit in on were even pretty damned good. I have gained a lot of new resources for my job and even in my personal life. I have actually learned some new shit and am excited to see it put to good use. I'm sure my co-workers will roll their eyes at me and say "that is useless," but I'm going to try it anyway! Don't get in my way bitches. I will run you over!!
So today was day three. Remember in my last blog where I said I hadn't laughed my way out the door yet? Well let me tell you! Today it happened!! And it wasn't even MY fault!! We didn't get to go anywhere today and our lunch break was shorter than it usually is so we brought lunch today and a group of us sat outside with our lunches and shot the shit. It was so beautiful and it was still so FREEZING inside that we wanted to enjoy all the sunshine and warmth we could get. I wore a jacket all day if that tells you anything about how cold it got inside that building. Matter of fact, now that I think about it, practically everyone was wearing a jacket this week!
So we got pretty restless not being able to roam and do things so our last speaker of the day was a HUGE Y-A-W-N. I can't even begin to tell you how much I didn't like this guy and whatever it was he was trying to teach us. I mean, when you are trying to teach grown adults new things that pertain to their jobs, you DON'T need twelve examples for every fucking thing on your PowerPoint!! You just don't. We get it. We can figure this shit out. Just give us the information and move the hell on already.
And this man, he liked to amuse himself. The majority of his jokes only he got. How embarrassing for him. And he used his father having a heart attack as an example in a scenario and smiled the whole time he said his heart just exploded. Wow dude, you're a douche. End of story. After he had spoken for an hour, he let us take a break so he could go outside and smoke. Not a bad deal. Wish he smoked more. But toward the end, when it was time for the last break (yes, he talked too long), he said, "We will take a break and I will go out and have a cigarette." No sooner than he gets that out of his mouth, he starts hacking up a lung.
My trusty friend Jane is right next to me and she mumbles (a little too loudly I think), "Yeah, it sounds like you really need another one." I told myself to NOT laugh. Then what'd I do? I looked at Jane. She gave me this sly, evil look and I knew a giggle was building up. She giggled and I had to hold my laugh in because I knew it was going to be bad if I let that thing out. The more I told myself not to laugh, the harder it became to keep it in. Tears were coming. My face had to have been beet red. Everyone was wondering (of course they were) what the hell was going on! Finally he blurts out, "yeah go to break" and I was GONE. I no sooner got to the hallway and I couldn't hold it in any longer.
Laughed all the way down the hall. A river of tears streaming down my face. Right past the officer's classroom. I didn't even look in this time because I knew it would just elevate. Into the bathroom I go and about four girls are following me. They heard just what I heard Jane say. One girl said "I heard her and I just told myself to think of something sad." Shit, that started me up all over again. How the hell do you think of sad shit when you are having so much fun with something? Dammit Jane, you are killing me!!
Jane is one of those people that has a good eye for people. She can sit and look at someone; watch them; and relate them to an animal or something. She is the one that pointed out Big K as being like an Ostrich. Perfect! She pointed out FNG as being a Brown Recluse. She couldn't be more right. My girl Vivian and I have been hounding Jane for OUR animals. She has taken her sweet ass time with this too, let me tell you. She finally did it though. Took some prodding.....and a little...okay maybe a big...push from me on mine but we got them.
Vivian got the honor of being a Domesticated Feline. Fits her to a T! Or F... But yeah, that's her. She's the ruler of the roost in a quiet, peaceful manner. She demands and expects nothing but the best from anybody around her. I don't want to know if she licks herself though. There are just SOME things you don't need to know about your friends.
Now we get to mine. I love mine. Makes me excited. Some of you may have seen my Facebook status recently about how I hoped a Cobra could take out a Brown Recluse. Well, we already know who the Brown Recluse is so now you know what I am. Yes, I am the Cobra. She says just like the Cobra, I perch up and let my enemies know that if they don't back off, I will strike. And am true to my word.
So it's been an eventful week. Like I said, one more day. A little more learning, a test and run for the door. As much fun as I'm having, I'm ready to be back to work. I miss my jail. -_- I have prisoners in there waiting on me and I have a pretty good feeling that my co-workers are going to enjoy having us back around as well.
Before I close, I would like to say that today marks the sixteenth anniversary of the day my dad died. Some years it's harder than others. Especially when the seventeenth falls on a Friday; since that's the day he died.
I miss you dad. I know you're up there in Heaven cheering on every one of us kids. I can feel you around me lately. Thanks for the push. Thanks for the self-confidence. Thanks for loving me. Until we meet again.
And until next time.....
On day two, we took a field trip to see how State Patrol works and listen to them moan and groan about all the kinks in their roads. After that, we got to see Homeland Security and let me tell you this.....I fell in LOVE with that building. We got to go into the Governor's secret office. Okay well maybe not secret office but it's a private room that is reserved for the Governor to work and sleep in if there is some kind of trama/disaster. "What a building" is all I can say. In all the years I have been around law enforcement, I thought I had pretty much seen all the cool stuff to see but this week has opened my eyes.
We also got to visit a bigger county Sheriff's office and see what goes on in their dispatch compared to ours. We were there probably fifteen minutes and I would bet they had at least twenty 9-1-1 calls. And that was a slow time of day for them. Yucky and no thanks. Take me back to the State Patrol and let me live in peace. It was a really neat experience though. At least I know where NOT to apply for a job!
The second day, our field trip came to us. It was the Emergency helicopters, Mercy One, that serves our areas. The helicopter was beautiful. I have pictures, don't worry!
Just another view of the cockpit. Is it even called a cockpit? Hell I don't know. I was having way too much fun to listen to anything they said! I even offered to get hurt so they could give me a ride in it. No dice! In this next one, you can see how they could strap me on that "gurney" and then open the back hatch in mid-flight and push my ass out. How's that for a kick in the pants? Just give me a parachute and I'll be fine. As long as I'm strapped to the bed.....and IT lands on all four wheels!! Or as many wheels as a gurney has. Or not. I don't know if it has wheels or not. Moving on! 
The woman with her back to me is the class instructor. Hell of a lady. And she's just short enough to walk under the heli. 
And here are the blades. At first look, I thought they looked sharp. Until I touched them. I know, I know.....why would I touch them if they looked sharp??? Hello!!! It's MEEEE!! You should know better.
So that was our fun for that day. The classes we had to sit in on were even pretty damned good. I have gained a lot of new resources for my job and even in my personal life. I have actually learned some new shit and am excited to see it put to good use. I'm sure my co-workers will roll their eyes at me and say "that is useless," but I'm going to try it anyway! Don't get in my way bitches. I will run you over!!
So today was day three. Remember in my last blog where I said I hadn't laughed my way out the door yet? Well let me tell you! Today it happened!! And it wasn't even MY fault!! We didn't get to go anywhere today and our lunch break was shorter than it usually is so we brought lunch today and a group of us sat outside with our lunches and shot the shit. It was so beautiful and it was still so FREEZING inside that we wanted to enjoy all the sunshine and warmth we could get. I wore a jacket all day if that tells you anything about how cold it got inside that building. Matter of fact, now that I think about it, practically everyone was wearing a jacket this week!
So we got pretty restless not being able to roam and do things so our last speaker of the day was a HUGE Y-A-W-N. I can't even begin to tell you how much I didn't like this guy and whatever it was he was trying to teach us. I mean, when you are trying to teach grown adults new things that pertain to their jobs, you DON'T need twelve examples for every fucking thing on your PowerPoint!! You just don't. We get it. We can figure this shit out. Just give us the information and move the hell on already.
And this man, he liked to amuse himself. The majority of his jokes only he got. How embarrassing for him. And he used his father having a heart attack as an example in a scenario and smiled the whole time he said his heart just exploded. Wow dude, you're a douche. End of story. After he had spoken for an hour, he let us take a break so he could go outside and smoke. Not a bad deal. Wish he smoked more. But toward the end, when it was time for the last break (yes, he talked too long), he said, "We will take a break and I will go out and have a cigarette." No sooner than he gets that out of his mouth, he starts hacking up a lung.
My trusty friend Jane is right next to me and she mumbles (a little too loudly I think), "Yeah, it sounds like you really need another one." I told myself to NOT laugh. Then what'd I do? I looked at Jane. She gave me this sly, evil look and I knew a giggle was building up. She giggled and I had to hold my laugh in because I knew it was going to be bad if I let that thing out. The more I told myself not to laugh, the harder it became to keep it in. Tears were coming. My face had to have been beet red. Everyone was wondering (of course they were) what the hell was going on! Finally he blurts out, "yeah go to break" and I was GONE. I no sooner got to the hallway and I couldn't hold it in any longer.
Laughed all the way down the hall. A river of tears streaming down my face. Right past the officer's classroom. I didn't even look in this time because I knew it would just elevate. Into the bathroom I go and about four girls are following me. They heard just what I heard Jane say. One girl said "I heard her and I just told myself to think of something sad." Shit, that started me up all over again. How the hell do you think of sad shit when you are having so much fun with something? Dammit Jane, you are killing me!!
Jane is one of those people that has a good eye for people. She can sit and look at someone; watch them; and relate them to an animal or something. She is the one that pointed out Big K as being like an Ostrich. Perfect! She pointed out FNG as being a Brown Recluse. She couldn't be more right. My girl Vivian and I have been hounding Jane for OUR animals. She has taken her sweet ass time with this too, let me tell you. She finally did it though. Took some prodding.....and a little...okay maybe a big...push from me on mine but we got them.
Vivian got the honor of being a Domesticated Feline. Fits her to a T! Or F... But yeah, that's her. She's the ruler of the roost in a quiet, peaceful manner. She demands and expects nothing but the best from anybody around her. I don't want to know if she licks herself though. There are just SOME things you don't need to know about your friends.
Now we get to mine. I love mine. Makes me excited. Some of you may have seen my Facebook status recently about how I hoped a Cobra could take out a Brown Recluse. Well, we already know who the Brown Recluse is so now you know what I am. Yes, I am the Cobra. She says just like the Cobra, I perch up and let my enemies know that if they don't back off, I will strike. And am true to my word.
So it's been an eventful week. Like I said, one more day. A little more learning, a test and run for the door. As much fun as I'm having, I'm ready to be back to work. I miss my jail. -_- I have prisoners in there waiting on me and I have a pretty good feeling that my co-workers are going to enjoy having us back around as well.
Before I close, I would like to say that today marks the sixteenth anniversary of the day my dad died. Some years it's harder than others. Especially when the seventeenth falls on a Friday; since that's the day he died.
I miss you dad. I know you're up there in Heaven cheering on every one of us kids. I can feel you around me lately. Thanks for the push. Thanks for the self-confidence. Thanks for loving me. Until we meet again.
And until next time.....
2012/05/15
Just odds and ends today
Today's blog is going to be another "wing it." That's something we never say at work because whenever we decide we are just going to "wing it," shit hits the fan. Every time. How bad could it get here, huh? I have spent the past two days at school and have had a blast so far. We even had a "field trip" today! We are SOOO lucky!! If we would've been told to bring a sack lunch, it would have made it so "juvenile." Oh well, can't have everything.
I have not had the opportunity to laugh myself out of the classroom yet. It has been too interesting. I may even walk away from this thing on Friday with NEW knowledge in my head. Scary, huh??? It's a good thing I haven't had to do that yet. The laughing thing. The instructor seems to really like me. I don't wanna go fucking that up. At least not yet. She still has a test to administer! And since the door is in the front of the room and I'm sitting in the back, it makes sense that I should be good this week. Hmph!
Yesterday, I had a whole "she-bang" of crap out on the table to help get me through the day, if needed. Gum, cough drops, gum, my journal, gum, water, gum, coffee, cough drops, mints.....and in my goodie bag (Mary Poppins bag as Jane calls it), I had a magazine, a book and my Kindle Fire. Yes, I was prepared. The guy sitting in front of me made a comment how I had just about everything I should need. Today though, I didn't take my bag. I took my pretty pretty purse instead. Had to take the handgun out so I could make room for all the fun goodies but I didn't need many of those today either. Either schools are getting easier or I'm maturing. Yeah...I'm all for the easier thing too. Maturing scares me. Anyway, the guy in front of me made a comment that my table was pretty empty today. I think he wanted some of my goodies. I'm contemplating taking the bag again tomorrow. I have new treats. -_-
I do that at work too. Sometimes I take my pretty pretty purse and sometimes I don't. When I do, it stays in my locker because I am bogged down with my Mary Poppins bag full of fun, my coffee cup, a lunch bag (pretty pretty pink that my co-worker always mistakes for my purse and tells me why purse is getting cold) with food and bottled water and usually some kind of charger stuck in there. Once I left my cell phone in there. Yeah, that was funny. The refrigerator was ringing.....And if you think that's bad, you should see my pockets. I will have my personal keys hanging on a loop, work keys hanging on a loop (it's no wonder my pants sag), my medicine in a pocket, money in case we end up on a transport, work USB because I'm afraid I'll lose it if I don't take it with me (paranoid!), and then when I get to work, handcuffs and a portable radio are added to my belt. Crap! What a clusterfuck!! Oh and Chapstick. I always keep chapstick in my pocket. You never know what you're gonna need!
So now I will rewind a little bit because Matilda has pointed out that I have, two weeks in a row, forgotten to mention the "famous" face we keep seeing at the races. Oh, did I say famous face? No no no, that's not what I meant. I meant famous HAIR! It took me a little while to actually get my phone in place to get a picture.
See.....I barely got it. Anyway, it doesn't show much of the hair. Let me see what else I got here.....
Okay, if you know this guy.....first and foremost, I don't want you to think I am making fun of him BUT his hair is just ridiculous. Everytime I look at him, I think of Justin Bieber. And if you like the Bieb.....well I can't promise I won't make fun of HIM. Bratty little haircut that he is. When this kid walks by me and Matilda at the races, we can't help but giggle a little. We'd bust a move to a Bieber song but we really don't know any child pop. I don't get it.
His hair is like a train wreck. I can't take my eyes off of it. If you know this kid, please put him out of my misery and thanks in advance. And speaking of songs, Matilda and I are pretty sure we could sing the National Anthem at the races if they'd let us. Even those high notes that recording has in it. Okay well.....maybe not the high notes. I mean, if WE sang it, we wouldn't NEED that recording. We both know the words. The notes. The rhythm. Yes, we could sing it. Then WE would be famous and EVERYONE would want our autographs and the paparazzi would follow us everywhere. We'd never get a moment's peace! *sigh* Maybe we better not sing it, Matilda. Maybe we better just be our own best kept secret!!
So have I mentioned my homemade burritos yet? Gee LOVES them. I think he's ready for me to make some more but geez! The other day at work, we were watching the Food Network and this teaser kept coming on and they deep fried some tortillas that had cheesecake wrapped up in them. Of course Gee loves cheesecake but I do not. And I can't have it. So when I was doing the worst chore in the world at Hy-Vee, I made up my own concoction. I got some wheat tortillas and put inside a mixture of cream cheese, shredded cheese, spinach (after I cooked it), spices, and spicy Italian sausage. Rolled them up and put them in the deep fat fryer. Now this is something we don't normally do but after seeing those cheesecake things, I really wanted something good and greasy.
They were A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Gee ate four that night and had two the next night. Usually he won't eat leftovers but he went crazy for them. And he says he doesn't like spinach and these things were FULL of spinach and he couldn't get enough. I was very pleased with them. Maybe in a couple of months, we'll have them again. The Food Network drives me insane with food sometimes so I was glad to finally come up with a concoction that stemmed from there but wasn't THEIRS.
Okay, here's something a little entertaining. I got this in my email a while back. I am always expecting these things to jump out and bite me or something so when they don't it surprises me. You gotta watch this. Now I will warn you. It's a huge python. My god is it huge. It's a whole thirty five seconds long. Just watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QJBdyaGYv0.
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? Okay, this one makes me nervous EVERYTIME I watch it. It's a frog. Yes Bertha, I know you're afraid of frogs but you HAVE to see this one. Really gets me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wosEsvYxlO8&feature=related . Had you on the edge of your seat, didn't it? Yeah, I know.....animals get to me. All of them. Even the ones I don't care about.
In other news, I was on Yahoo! the other day and they have this tab called "trending now." So I click on it and what do I see? I see that Groupon is still stalking me. I used to get texts from them but anytime I was in the city, that's when they sent me the "$10 off a $600 purchase at PetSmart." But when I wasn't going to be in the city, that's when I would get "$25 off a $50 purchase at JCPenney" or something useful! Come on people, get with the program! So I "opted out" of that crap.
Something else on the Yahoo!'s "trending" page was Asthma Inhalers. Yes, you read that right. I guess asthma is IN??? I mean, who cares if you can breathe or not. As long as you have asthma, you are IT these days. Wow. That's about as brilliant as the woman suing Nutella because she found out it's NOT a healthy alternative for her child. Are you fucking kidding me?? There's a reason they have labels you dipshit!! I was reading through the comments people left on the page and one of my favorites was this, "Nuts. Pun intended. We live in an idiotcracy." That comment was made by Slammin' Sam. Good one slammin' Sam. Good one.
Well, I figure I've bored you to tears by now. I will put YOU out of your misery now and stop the blog. Until next time. Princess Amelia is having a hard time finding the book she is needing to complete the Queen's blog but she is still working at it. Until next time my friends. Be nice and be cool.
I have not had the opportunity to laugh myself out of the classroom yet. It has been too interesting. I may even walk away from this thing on Friday with NEW knowledge in my head. Scary, huh??? It's a good thing I haven't had to do that yet. The laughing thing. The instructor seems to really like me. I don't wanna go fucking that up. At least not yet. She still has a test to administer! And since the door is in the front of the room and I'm sitting in the back, it makes sense that I should be good this week. Hmph!
Yesterday, I had a whole "she-bang" of crap out on the table to help get me through the day, if needed. Gum, cough drops, gum, my journal, gum, water, gum, coffee, cough drops, mints.....and in my goodie bag (Mary Poppins bag as Jane calls it), I had a magazine, a book and my Kindle Fire. Yes, I was prepared. The guy sitting in front of me made a comment how I had just about everything I should need. Today though, I didn't take my bag. I took my pretty pretty purse instead. Had to take the handgun out so I could make room for all the fun goodies but I didn't need many of those today either. Either schools are getting easier or I'm maturing. Yeah...I'm all for the easier thing too. Maturing scares me. Anyway, the guy in front of me made a comment that my table was pretty empty today. I think he wanted some of my goodies. I'm contemplating taking the bag again tomorrow. I have new treats. -_-
I do that at work too. Sometimes I take my pretty pretty purse and sometimes I don't. When I do, it stays in my locker because I am bogged down with my Mary Poppins bag full of fun, my coffee cup, a lunch bag (pretty pretty pink that my co-worker always mistakes for my purse and tells me why purse is getting cold) with food and bottled water and usually some kind of charger stuck in there. Once I left my cell phone in there. Yeah, that was funny. The refrigerator was ringing.....And if you think that's bad, you should see my pockets. I will have my personal keys hanging on a loop, work keys hanging on a loop (it's no wonder my pants sag), my medicine in a pocket, money in case we end up on a transport, work USB because I'm afraid I'll lose it if I don't take it with me (paranoid!), and then when I get to work, handcuffs and a portable radio are added to my belt. Crap! What a clusterfuck!! Oh and Chapstick. I always keep chapstick in my pocket. You never know what you're gonna need!
See.....I barely got it. Anyway, it doesn't show much of the hair. Let me see what else I got here.....
So have I mentioned my homemade burritos yet? Gee LOVES them. I think he's ready for me to make some more but geez! The other day at work, we were watching the Food Network and this teaser kept coming on and they deep fried some tortillas that had cheesecake wrapped up in them. Of course Gee loves cheesecake but I do not. And I can't have it. So when I was doing the worst chore in the world at Hy-Vee, I made up my own concoction. I got some wheat tortillas and put inside a mixture of cream cheese, shredded cheese, spinach (after I cooked it), spices, and spicy Italian sausage. Rolled them up and put them in the deep fat fryer. Now this is something we don't normally do but after seeing those cheesecake things, I really wanted something good and greasy.
They were A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Gee ate four that night and had two the next night. Usually he won't eat leftovers but he went crazy for them. And he says he doesn't like spinach and these things were FULL of spinach and he couldn't get enough. I was very pleased with them. Maybe in a couple of months, we'll have them again. The Food Network drives me insane with food sometimes so I was glad to finally come up with a concoction that stemmed from there but wasn't THEIRS.
Okay, here's something a little entertaining. I got this in my email a while back. I am always expecting these things to jump out and bite me or something so when they don't it surprises me. You gotta watch this. Now I will warn you. It's a huge python. My god is it huge. It's a whole thirty five seconds long. Just watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QJBdyaGYv0.
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? Okay, this one makes me nervous EVERYTIME I watch it. It's a frog. Yes Bertha, I know you're afraid of frogs but you HAVE to see this one. Really gets me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wosEsvYxlO8&feature=related . Had you on the edge of your seat, didn't it? Yeah, I know.....animals get to me. All of them. Even the ones I don't care about.
In other news, I was on Yahoo! the other day and they have this tab called "trending now." So I click on it and what do I see? I see that Groupon is still stalking me. I used to get texts from them but anytime I was in the city, that's when they sent me the "$10 off a $600 purchase at PetSmart." But when I wasn't going to be in the city, that's when I would get "$25 off a $50 purchase at JCPenney" or something useful! Come on people, get with the program! So I "opted out" of that crap.
Something else on the Yahoo!'s "trending" page was Asthma Inhalers. Yes, you read that right. I guess asthma is IN??? I mean, who cares if you can breathe or not. As long as you have asthma, you are IT these days. Wow. That's about as brilliant as the woman suing Nutella because she found out it's NOT a healthy alternative for her child. Are you fucking kidding me?? There's a reason they have labels you dipshit!! I was reading through the comments people left on the page and one of my favorites was this, "Nuts. Pun intended. We live in an idiotcracy." That comment was made by Slammin' Sam. Good one slammin' Sam. Good one.
Well, I figure I've bored you to tears by now. I will put YOU out of your misery now and stop the blog. Until next time. Princess Amelia is having a hard time finding the book she is needing to complete the Queen's blog but she is still working at it. Until next time my friends. Be nice and be cool.
2012/05/13
Mother's Day 2012
Well.....today Princess Amelia was supposed to show up to tell the story of the Queen but has asked for an extension of time. Of course. I mean, who would deny her? She has a story to tell. And it's about the Queen. A little more preparation is needed before revealing everything she needs to reveal. Today's story though, is just going to be a little more different.
CLIPS FROM AMELIA'S JOURNAL
October 30, 2006 ~~~ Today is Monday. Four days ago I found out that my best friend, my mom, may have cancer. I am so angry about that. Mom has lived her life for her kids. She has a great heart and she is a great listener. She was a wonderful wife. She loves her grandkids with such passion that sometimes it's downright amazing. Mom is always the one I call when I need something. True, she lives three hundred miles away but she usually gives me just what I need.
Recipes, a dose of patience or just a laugh. I love talking on the phone with her. If I go a day, or God forbid, two days without talking to her, I get "mom withdrawals." Sometimes I wonder if the worthless one tells me to call her because he doesn't know what to say or so I don't interrupt his sports programs.
For a while, after Ashley died, we all told each other "I love you." We don't do that anymore. I know mom loves me and I know she knows I love her. Sometimes I just want to tell her but ya know..... we just aren't like that.
My mom doesn't deserve to have cancer. She didn't deserve it the first time and she damn well doesn't deserve it now. I would sure be more understanding if it were me. I'd take it away from her if I could but she'd never have that. And I would never want her to go through losing another child. She says that is unnatural. I guess she is right. Don't tell her I said that though! HA!
I'd like to write a letter to CANCER. I'd tell it how unfair it is. How cruel it is. How it is a chicken shit because it never picks on anyone it's own size. Then I'd tell it to leave town because all I want to do is make it hurt like it hurts my mom. How it hurts me. I hate you cancer. With every fiber of me, I hate you. You're selfish and you don't care who you hurt. You came to my mom once and she beat you. Because of how it had to be done, she may not have a choice but to accept you. I will never accept you. I will fight you until they find your cure. I hate you.
Going back and reading this really amazes me. The anger I had toward cancer. How I wanted to fight it. Funny thing is, I don't remember EVER wanting to fight it. I don't donate money to cancer research. I believe there's a cure out there. But it would shut down most pharmaceutical companies if they cured it. The world is a real piece of shit sometimes.
Tuesday, October 31st ~~~ Happy Freaking Halloween. My emotions are raw today. Everything makes me angry or cry. Marta called and I just about didn't answer the phone. Some day I know THAT phone call will come. I'm gonna be sick that day. Who do I call for a sick day from life?
Ya know, on my soap opera, Reba is dying of cancer. When I watch now, I wonder if mom will go through anything like Reba is going through. I don't want my mom to hurt. Does she know how much I love her? Ya know, we would always tease mom and tell her she couldn't get involved with another man after dad died. I'm glad she didn't. Glad she didn't want to. But honestly, if she had, it would have been okay. Don't tell her I said that though -_-
Funny how a different day makes you think different things. Yesterday my unconditional love wasn't questionable. Today I deeply question it and myself. I should get ready for work now. Keeps my mind busy. Keeps the pain at a minimum. CANCER SUCKS.
The soap opera is no longer on but Reba ended up kicking cancer's ass. Are you surprised? Hell, she even went on to have a healthy baby while taking chemo treatments. So unreal. At the end of this entry, I listed shows that mom loved to watch. Gilmore Girls, 7th Heaven, Deal or No Deal, a couple of soap operas and Brothers and Sisters. Those were in common with me. She also watched The Bachelor, and Dancing with the Stars. I never understood why. She never liked Grey's Anatomy and I couldn't understand that either because I loved it.
Friday, November 3rd (0245!!) ~~~ Isn't it funny how a family has so many stories to share but when it comes down to it, you want to put those stories on paper and you can't think of a single one. Mom and I have had so many laughs. And some of the dumbest things or scary things can make mom and I almost bust a gut..... Now the stories are starting to come -_- None of my stories are in any kind of order but I'll write as I think.
Mom and I had been to M-town and as we passed by a small town, we got behind a truck that was OVERLOADED with tires. The more we followed, the more sure mom was that those tires were going to fly out. She gripped her door until her knuckles were white. I was sure there would be an imprint in the door. She also kept riding her imaginary brake. Well, the truck sped up and wouldn't you know it, those tires went FLYING!! I veered, honked, and screamed profanities. I looked over at mom and she was gone.
I had to stop the car so I could pull her up from under the seat! Hahaha.....just kidding. I do wonder though, how she didn't put her foot all the way through my floorboard trying to push her imaginary brake; trying to stop that car. I am pretty sure some choice words came out of mom's mouth as well as my own.
Speaking of riding, mom went to M-town with the in-house drunk (that's the first husband) and myself. It was dark. Someone, don't remember who, had been married in the hometown and their reception was in M-town so the road was very busy. We were the third car in a line of probably six or more. The first car started to turn off the highway and "quick-as-that," decided not to turn and veered back in front of everyone. The second car veered to the right, taking the turn FAST, almost hitting a car at the stop sign. The in-house drunk couldn't take a right because he would have hit the car that HAD to turn so he jumped to the other lane in those split seconds hoping there wasn't a car coming at us. Everyone is trying to slow down or stop; tires were squealing and in-house drunk was dropping every Spanish cuss word he knew and maybe even made up some of his own. This all happened in a span of about three seconds. Good driving for an asshole husband.
Well..... it got very very quiet in our car as we finished the drive. I was sitting in the back seat behind mom and I could see her shoulders kinda shrugging. I thought she was trying not to laugh and I just BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!! Turns out she was CRYING!! She sobs "We were almost in a terrible accident. We could have died! What are you laughing at??" That made me laugh harder and I said "I'm laughing because we almost died! It's a natural reaction!" I don't need to mention (but I will) that mom did NOT think that was too natural of a reaction. That one makes me laugh every time -_-
The things we think will kill us tend to make us laugh as we look back on it. Just like the night the phone rang VERY late. Or very early. I don't know which. We lived about six miles north of the hometown and when I answered, Ashley was frantic and almost in tears. She said to get to grandma's because she needed me. She said "grandma said she might die." To town we went. Hal was at the front door. Perry (who was supposed to be leaving for Vegas very early in the morning) was in the bedroom talking to mom and I can hear her moaning in pain. I was terrified. Marta (who was leaving for jail school the next morning) shows up and then Herc too. Mom was sick!
She would throw up every time she moved. Perry pulled his vehicle to the front door and said he was taking her to the ER. Mom yells at him, "I can't move Perry! How am I going to make it to the car??" That was the first time (and probably only time) that I ever heard her yell at Perry. Probably the first time HE had heard it too! That's when I figured she must be out of her head and maybe she really WAS dying!! If memory serves me, it was March 18th and don't know what year but maybe 1997. Hal came to the bedroom door and asked mom if this had anything to do with the fact that it was dad's birthday the next day and W-O-W.....if looks could kill, poor Hal would've been the deadliest of the dead!
She said "No Hal. I'm sick! Can't I be sick??" I don't know if he ever came close to that bedroom door the rest of the week!! Anyway, that's when I knew mom was back in her right mind. And goody goody, it was only inner ear infection. Her doctor, over the phone, prescribed a suppository . But wait.....mom has a COLOSTOMY. How could she do that? Well, I'll tell you how. Fasten your seatbelts kids, it's gonna be a BUMPY ride!
Good ole Marta hands me the latex gloves and tells me I have to do it. Dear Lord, isn't that everyone's wish? Again, I was scared. We took off the colostomy bag and I had to take this little pill and insert it in there...in her...bowel??? Ha, I mean colon. Simple huh? I did it. I was proud. Of course I was laughing and gagging and so was Marta and what do you think mom was doing? Laughing AND crying!! Guess what??
The suppository popped out!!! Stop laughing!! I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. Marta made me do it again but "push it in farther." Big sisters can sure be rotten sometimes. Mom stayed in bed for several days and we all camped out at her house. I remember Ash telling me she went up to the store and they all thought mom had died. And they were serious. They were giving condolences. That was so funny!!
I remember all of that like it was yesterday. Even the bad times could usually be turned into good times. One thing for sure, mom taught us that when things get tough, you have to pull together as one big family and get through it.
I miss her so much. Happy Mother's Day Mom. I know there was a banquet in Heaven just for you today. Someday we will be together again and everything will be perfect. Until we meet again my friend. My very best friend in the whole entire world. Sending oceans of hugs and mountains of kisses. I love you.
CLIPS FROM AMELIA'S JOURNAL
October 30, 2006 ~~~ Today is Monday. Four days ago I found out that my best friend, my mom, may have cancer. I am so angry about that. Mom has lived her life for her kids. She has a great heart and she is a great listener. She was a wonderful wife. She loves her grandkids with such passion that sometimes it's downright amazing. Mom is always the one I call when I need something. True, she lives three hundred miles away but she usually gives me just what I need.
Recipes, a dose of patience or just a laugh. I love talking on the phone with her. If I go a day, or God forbid, two days without talking to her, I get "mom withdrawals." Sometimes I wonder if the worthless one tells me to call her because he doesn't know what to say or so I don't interrupt his sports programs.
For a while, after Ashley died, we all told each other "I love you." We don't do that anymore. I know mom loves me and I know she knows I love her. Sometimes I just want to tell her but ya know..... we just aren't like that.
My mom doesn't deserve to have cancer. She didn't deserve it the first time and she damn well doesn't deserve it now. I would sure be more understanding if it were me. I'd take it away from her if I could but she'd never have that. And I would never want her to go through losing another child. She says that is unnatural. I guess she is right. Don't tell her I said that though! HA!
I'd like to write a letter to CANCER. I'd tell it how unfair it is. How cruel it is. How it is a chicken shit because it never picks on anyone it's own size. Then I'd tell it to leave town because all I want to do is make it hurt like it hurts my mom. How it hurts me. I hate you cancer. With every fiber of me, I hate you. You're selfish and you don't care who you hurt. You came to my mom once and she beat you. Because of how it had to be done, she may not have a choice but to accept you. I will never accept you. I will fight you until they find your cure. I hate you.
Going back and reading this really amazes me. The anger I had toward cancer. How I wanted to fight it. Funny thing is, I don't remember EVER wanting to fight it. I don't donate money to cancer research. I believe there's a cure out there. But it would shut down most pharmaceutical companies if they cured it. The world is a real piece of shit sometimes.
Tuesday, October 31st ~~~ Happy Freaking Halloween. My emotions are raw today. Everything makes me angry or cry. Marta called and I just about didn't answer the phone. Some day I know THAT phone call will come. I'm gonna be sick that day. Who do I call for a sick day from life?
Ya know, on my soap opera, Reba is dying of cancer. When I watch now, I wonder if mom will go through anything like Reba is going through. I don't want my mom to hurt. Does she know how much I love her? Ya know, we would always tease mom and tell her she couldn't get involved with another man after dad died. I'm glad she didn't. Glad she didn't want to. But honestly, if she had, it would have been okay. Don't tell her I said that though -_-
Funny how a different day makes you think different things. Yesterday my unconditional love wasn't questionable. Today I deeply question it and myself. I should get ready for work now. Keeps my mind busy. Keeps the pain at a minimum. CANCER SUCKS.
The soap opera is no longer on but Reba ended up kicking cancer's ass. Are you surprised? Hell, she even went on to have a healthy baby while taking chemo treatments. So unreal. At the end of this entry, I listed shows that mom loved to watch. Gilmore Girls, 7th Heaven, Deal or No Deal, a couple of soap operas and Brothers and Sisters. Those were in common with me. She also watched The Bachelor, and Dancing with the Stars. I never understood why. She never liked Grey's Anatomy and I couldn't understand that either because I loved it.
Friday, November 3rd (0245!!) ~~~ Isn't it funny how a family has so many stories to share but when it comes down to it, you want to put those stories on paper and you can't think of a single one. Mom and I have had so many laughs. And some of the dumbest things or scary things can make mom and I almost bust a gut..... Now the stories are starting to come -_- None of my stories are in any kind of order but I'll write as I think.
Mom and I had been to M-town and as we passed by a small town, we got behind a truck that was OVERLOADED with tires. The more we followed, the more sure mom was that those tires were going to fly out. She gripped her door until her knuckles were white. I was sure there would be an imprint in the door. She also kept riding her imaginary brake. Well, the truck sped up and wouldn't you know it, those tires went FLYING!! I veered, honked, and screamed profanities. I looked over at mom and she was gone.
I had to stop the car so I could pull her up from under the seat! Hahaha.....just kidding. I do wonder though, how she didn't put her foot all the way through my floorboard trying to push her imaginary brake; trying to stop that car. I am pretty sure some choice words came out of mom's mouth as well as my own.
Speaking of riding, mom went to M-town with the in-house drunk (that's the first husband) and myself. It was dark. Someone, don't remember who, had been married in the hometown and their reception was in M-town so the road was very busy. We were the third car in a line of probably six or more. The first car started to turn off the highway and "quick-as-that," decided not to turn and veered back in front of everyone. The second car veered to the right, taking the turn FAST, almost hitting a car at the stop sign. The in-house drunk couldn't take a right because he would have hit the car that HAD to turn so he jumped to the other lane in those split seconds hoping there wasn't a car coming at us. Everyone is trying to slow down or stop; tires were squealing and in-house drunk was dropping every Spanish cuss word he knew and maybe even made up some of his own. This all happened in a span of about three seconds. Good driving for an asshole husband.
Well..... it got very very quiet in our car as we finished the drive. I was sitting in the back seat behind mom and I could see her shoulders kinda shrugging. I thought she was trying not to laugh and I just BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!! Turns out she was CRYING!! She sobs "We were almost in a terrible accident. We could have died! What are you laughing at??" That made me laugh harder and I said "I'm laughing because we almost died! It's a natural reaction!" I don't need to mention (but I will) that mom did NOT think that was too natural of a reaction. That one makes me laugh every time -_-
The things we think will kill us tend to make us laugh as we look back on it. Just like the night the phone rang VERY late. Or very early. I don't know which. We lived about six miles north of the hometown and when I answered, Ashley was frantic and almost in tears. She said to get to grandma's because she needed me. She said "grandma said she might die." To town we went. Hal was at the front door. Perry (who was supposed to be leaving for Vegas very early in the morning) was in the bedroom talking to mom and I can hear her moaning in pain. I was terrified. Marta (who was leaving for jail school the next morning) shows up and then Herc too. Mom was sick!
She would throw up every time she moved. Perry pulled his vehicle to the front door and said he was taking her to the ER. Mom yells at him, "I can't move Perry! How am I going to make it to the car??" That was the first time (and probably only time) that I ever heard her yell at Perry. Probably the first time HE had heard it too! That's when I figured she must be out of her head and maybe she really WAS dying!! If memory serves me, it was March 18th and don't know what year but maybe 1997. Hal came to the bedroom door and asked mom if this had anything to do with the fact that it was dad's birthday the next day and W-O-W.....if looks could kill, poor Hal would've been the deadliest of the dead!
She said "No Hal. I'm sick! Can't I be sick??" I don't know if he ever came close to that bedroom door the rest of the week!! Anyway, that's when I knew mom was back in her right mind. And goody goody, it was only inner ear infection. Her doctor, over the phone, prescribed a suppository . But wait.....mom has a COLOSTOMY. How could she do that? Well, I'll tell you how. Fasten your seatbelts kids, it's gonna be a BUMPY ride!
Good ole Marta hands me the latex gloves and tells me I have to do it. Dear Lord, isn't that everyone's wish? Again, I was scared. We took off the colostomy bag and I had to take this little pill and insert it in there...in her...bowel??? Ha, I mean colon. Simple huh? I did it. I was proud. Of course I was laughing and gagging and so was Marta and what do you think mom was doing? Laughing AND crying!! Guess what??
The suppository popped out!!! Stop laughing!! I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. Marta made me do it again but "push it in farther." Big sisters can sure be rotten sometimes. Mom stayed in bed for several days and we all camped out at her house. I remember Ash telling me she went up to the store and they all thought mom had died. And they were serious. They were giving condolences. That was so funny!!
I remember all of that like it was yesterday. Even the bad times could usually be turned into good times. One thing for sure, mom taught us that when things get tough, you have to pull together as one big family and get through it.
I miss her so much. Happy Mother's Day Mom. I know there was a banquet in Heaven just for you today. Someday we will be together again and everything will be perfect. Until we meet again my friend. My very best friend in the whole entire world. Sending oceans of hugs and mountains of kisses. I love you.
2012/05/11
Another day in the life............
Unless someone wants to come help me mow my yard, I am going to sit here and type. And we all know that when I don't have a planned direction, the blogs get messy. And sometimes mean. Usually just downright confusing. Still don't wanna come help me mow? Hmph! Well away we go then.
Some of you already know by my Facebook that I got stopped last night. By none other than FNG. THE Deputy that I seem to have problems with. As I was driving through town about 2330 hours last night, coming home from the hundred dollar store, he was sitting in the grocery story parking lot talking to the city cop. I pretty much had it in my head what was going to happen so I laid on the horn when I went by. Didn't want them to think I didn't see them. Out of town I went. From the time I honked, to the time they caught up with me (yes they. FNG and the city cop), I had only went about three and a half blocks. So that tells me that he was going a LITTLE faster than I was but he didn't turn his lights on yet.
About half a mile later, here come the lights. Pretty convenient that it was about at the city police's jurisdiction. I SLOWED down while on the highway until I was at a crawl. I wanted to be safe ya know, in case there was another car coming from the next town. Then I pulled over. My seat belt was on. It always is when I'm in the front seat with anyone. He takes his sweet ass time and finally gets to the car and says "License and registration ma'am." My reply? "I don't have it. I stole this car." He laughs and says, "Well then I should just take you on to jail now."
So it seems they stopped me because they were bored. Real nice assholes. Looks like I will be making a surprise for these guys soon. That will be fun.
Today, I spent my morning cleaning for the dirty old man. No, not Gee (as I've told many already). The OTHER dirty old man. You know, the one I do laundry for. I got all his cupboards cleaned out, the fridge cleaned out, bathroom all cleaned, sheets changed, drawers re-arranged and the laundry done. That is a nice feeling. I still don't believe he's bathing although he did tell me that one day he sharted in his overalls and it was a mess. I didn't have the heart to tell him that isn't a little accident, that's shitting his pants. But he got in the shower and took his clothes off in there and washed the majority of it down the tub. Good move slick. That's why I use Clorox Clean-Up all the time! I love it.
I met my Aunt Grace and cousin Beulah for lunch. That was nice. Quiet but nice. Maybe I just talked too much. Maybe I didn't give them a chance. Oh well. It was nice anyway. After lunch, I went to the nursing home and visited a couple of very special ladies in my life. They were previous clients of mine when I was a home health aide. I hate it that they had to go to the nursing home but they are so much better off now. Makes me sad.
So that's about all my day has consisted of. And my yard hasn't gotten mowed yet. Now I don't wanna do it. Maybe Gee will help me when he gets home. I just don't wanna get all grassy and then have to come back in and cook. Hmmmmm I smell a deal in the making here tonight. -_-
I think I will go see if my favorite couple is on tv. I love them. And I wish people would stop with the whole "baby" talk already. Let shit happen on God's terms people. Why does someone have to have a baby just because they are married? If it was meant to be, it will happen. She is absolutely my favorite person on tv and I don't have a lot of favorites. Mainly I could care less about actors and actresses and what they do with their lives. She is sooooo REAL to me though. Her one sister absolutely makes me want to puke. She's so fake. Never liked her from the beginning. Her other sister drives me crazy. She acts so stupid and naive. She's not but she acts like it. I wanna slap her.
More people need to be like Miss Khloe though. She is outstanding. She is real. And her dreamy husband loves her so much! She is a lucky girl that Khloe!! They are going to put their show on hold so he can work on his basketball career. People are throwing a fit about this. I think it's awesome that they are willing to do that. After all, life isn't JUST about what the woman wants. Well..........in MY marriage it is but not in most. I wish them the best. They rock!
In other entertainment news, there's some people that obviously are pretty popular and neither Gee nor myself know who the hell they are or why they are so popular. Have you ever heard of Ice and CoCo? Because apparently he loves her enough to name their show that. And there's a character named Snookie. She had a birthday recently if I recall correctly. Hell, I have to be honest. I don't even know if a Snookie is a woman, a man or a pet! And who cares!!
This is my blog. Don't like it? Tell the world. Then everyone will want to read it! Until next time my friends. Have a great night!
Some of you already know by my Facebook that I got stopped last night. By none other than FNG. THE Deputy that I seem to have problems with. As I was driving through town about 2330 hours last night, coming home from the hundred dollar store, he was sitting in the grocery story parking lot talking to the city cop. I pretty much had it in my head what was going to happen so I laid on the horn when I went by. Didn't want them to think I didn't see them. Out of town I went. From the time I honked, to the time they caught up with me (yes they. FNG and the city cop), I had only went about three and a half blocks. So that tells me that he was going a LITTLE faster than I was but he didn't turn his lights on yet.
About half a mile later, here come the lights. Pretty convenient that it was about at the city police's jurisdiction. I SLOWED down while on the highway until I was at a crawl. I wanted to be safe ya know, in case there was another car coming from the next town. Then I pulled over. My seat belt was on. It always is when I'm in the front seat with anyone. He takes his sweet ass time and finally gets to the car and says "License and registration ma'am." My reply? "I don't have it. I stole this car." He laughs and says, "Well then I should just take you on to jail now."
So it seems they stopped me because they were bored. Real nice assholes. Looks like I will be making a surprise for these guys soon. That will be fun.
Today, I spent my morning cleaning for the dirty old man. No, not Gee (as I've told many already). The OTHER dirty old man. You know, the one I do laundry for. I got all his cupboards cleaned out, the fridge cleaned out, bathroom all cleaned, sheets changed, drawers re-arranged and the laundry done. That is a nice feeling. I still don't believe he's bathing although he did tell me that one day he sharted in his overalls and it was a mess. I didn't have the heart to tell him that isn't a little accident, that's shitting his pants. But he got in the shower and took his clothes off in there and washed the majority of it down the tub. Good move slick. That's why I use Clorox Clean-Up all the time! I love it.
I met my Aunt Grace and cousin Beulah for lunch. That was nice. Quiet but nice. Maybe I just talked too much. Maybe I didn't give them a chance. Oh well. It was nice anyway. After lunch, I went to the nursing home and visited a couple of very special ladies in my life. They were previous clients of mine when I was a home health aide. I hate it that they had to go to the nursing home but they are so much better off now. Makes me sad.
So that's about all my day has consisted of. And my yard hasn't gotten mowed yet. Now I don't wanna do it. Maybe Gee will help me when he gets home. I just don't wanna get all grassy and then have to come back in and cook. Hmmmmm I smell a deal in the making here tonight. -_-
I think I will go see if my favorite couple is on tv. I love them. And I wish people would stop with the whole "baby" talk already. Let shit happen on God's terms people. Why does someone have to have a baby just because they are married? If it was meant to be, it will happen. She is absolutely my favorite person on tv and I don't have a lot of favorites. Mainly I could care less about actors and actresses and what they do with their lives. She is sooooo REAL to me though. Her one sister absolutely makes me want to puke. She's so fake. Never liked her from the beginning. Her other sister drives me crazy. She acts so stupid and naive. She's not but she acts like it. I wanna slap her.
More people need to be like Miss Khloe though. She is outstanding. She is real. And her dreamy husband loves her so much! She is a lucky girl that Khloe!! They are going to put their show on hold so he can work on his basketball career. People are throwing a fit about this. I think it's awesome that they are willing to do that. After all, life isn't JUST about what the woman wants. Well..........in MY marriage it is but not in most. I wish them the best. They rock!
In other entertainment news, there's some people that obviously are pretty popular and neither Gee nor myself know who the hell they are or why they are so popular. Have you ever heard of Ice and CoCo? Because apparently he loves her enough to name their show that. And there's a character named Snookie. She had a birthday recently if I recall correctly. Hell, I have to be honest. I don't even know if a Snookie is a woman, a man or a pet! And who cares!!
This is my blog. Don't like it? Tell the world. Then everyone will want to read it! Until next time my friends. Have a great night!
2012/05/10
The King
Well, I just got back from my hometown and I had a blast. I spent last night painting, re-painting and placing signs around the county for my nephew that is running for Sheriff. There's a certain adrenaline that runs through my blood when we do stuff like this. And it helps me feel like dad is with me when we do things like this; especially as a family. I have been having many thoughts about dad these days. **
Matilda, you may wanna just go ahead and get a box of Kleenex handy because you probably won't make it through this without them. I mean, if you can't get through "Amelia's castle stories," then I can't fathom how you'll do this.**
The most wonderful man that she has ever known.
The King was a big man. Big in the tall sense. Big in the big sense. And I don't think he was afraid of anything. Or anyone. That's why today, Amelia has a hard time backing down to people. Because she wants to keep "that part" of her daddy in her. Sometimes it may not be the best of traits but it's a trait anyway. Some of you that read this, knew the King. And if you knew him very well, you knew that he had a big, loud, boisterous laugh. He could be heard from afar when he laughed a belly laugh. All of his Princess's got that laugh. There's no mistaking it.
Amelia's favorite thing about her dad though, was his presence. It didn't matter what kind of situation had arisen. If the King was around, she knew it would be okay. And if it wasn't okay, he would hold her hand through it and do whatever needed to be done so that she could get through it. He had a brain tumor many years ago and when he came home from the hospital, he had to wear this silly little hat. It was even sillier than the regular ole King hat he normally had to wear!! Amelia hated that hat and she still doesn't understand today why he had to wear it. Unless it was just to keep the wound from getting dirty and infected. No matter, when he came home, she was a tad bit scared of him. And she was at least twelve or thirteen years old at the time. I think she was afraid he would break and she would get blamed for it. She was a teenager, of course she thought she would get the blame!!
A bed was set up in the back of the castle living room and the King laid on it while he was recovering. One day he asked Amelia to sit on the bed beside him and watch tv. The King knew that Amelia was scared. He also knew that he could put her at ease. She knew it was going to be okay because well............he was her daddy and he was the King. Nothing was ever going to happen to him. He was going to live to be two hundred years old and ALL his Prince's and Princess's and the Queen would die on the same day. That's how Amelia wanted it. That's how she planned it. In her head. God didn't so much like her plan though. He foiled her. But that's okay. Amelia tells of the day sitting on that bed, beside him and just feeling"comfortable with him again." Like the brain tumor never even happened. If he had been able to take that silly hat off, maybe it wouldn't have hurt her heart so much.
As a very small girl, the King smoked. A pipe. This was back when the Princess was probably only three or four. Amelia's memories are starting to flood back. She climbed up on his lap and took that pipe out of his mouth and put it right in her own mouth. There is a picture of that somewhere. Amelia wanted to do everything that her daddy did. If he was going to smoke, then dammit, so was she. Maybe that's why he quit shortly after that. Maybe he thought he was going to pass that on. He did. Took a while. I mean, she didn't start right then at three but eventually she did the smoking thing.
Amelia idolized her daddy. When she was in first grade and they handed out those coloring book pamphlet thingys about fire and strangers and drugs and things like that, her dad's picture was right on the inside of every one of those books. Even SHE wanted his autograph back then! Amelia grew up thinking she was more a celebrity than royalty because she lived in a castle with a jail on the back of it; She had a whole courtyard that she didn't have to share with anyone (other than the siblings); She had a whole courthouse to play in when she wanted to; She had armed guards (Deputies) that drove her to school just about every morning; What more could a girl ask for, right?
As Amelia got older though, and wanted to do the things that bigger kids do, like run the streets, and drink beer, you know..........the FUN stuff......................she changed her way of thinking a little bit. She didn't like being that celebrity any longer. She didn't want to be royalty. She wanted to be a normal person like everyone else in her village. Everything the Princess did, always got back to the King and Queen. Sometimes even faster than she could get back to the King and Queen. The King was in charge of the punishment too. You know why? Because his hand was heavier. Amelia got a lot of spankings growing up but when she got too big to be spanked, she got grounded; or had to go stay with her Grandparents on the weekends. No, Amelia didn't always like living in that castle all the time.
But as we all know, the Princess has many many many more GOOD memories of growing up in that castle and of the King, than bad memories. There was no King like HER King.
Another thing that most people probably remember about the King is the way he drove. F-A-S-T. Amelia LOVED riding with him. Once, the King told Amelia to count the little yellow dashes on the road between the lanes as they were driving home from the Grandparents' house and Amelia told the King that she only counted three lines by the time they got back to their town. The King couldn't believe that she had only counted three because it had been a six mile (two minute) ride. It's true though. When someone drives ninety miles per hour, all those dashes turn into one long line. The King always thought that was a funny story.
Once, when Marta was working in the Sheriff's Office and her son, Jimmy was very little, they called the castle and asked Amelia to bring Jimmy to the office to meet some friends of theirs. In the courthouse they went, down a few steps and Amelia opened the heavy metal door to let Jimmy in when these people just started making a fuss over poor Jimmy. It scared him and he didn't want to go near them. So he stood right by the door and Amelia shut the door. The big metal one. And Jimmy started screaming. His fingers were IN the door!! Amelia opened the door while Marta grabbed Jimmy to look at his fingers and then Amelia took off. She knew she was going to get a spanking and it was going to be a booger of a spanking because Jimmy was the King's FIRST grandson. Nobody hurt his grand kids.
He was protective of his kids but dammit, just look at his grand kids funny and he was all over you. So Amelia took off running for the castle. There were bad people locked up and she couldn't get in WITH them, so she ran for the upstairs. She hid. For a couple of hours. Nobody could find her. She only came out because the King knew she was in her room (and I think he knew exactly where she was at by this time) and he wasn't leaving. She was crouched in a ball between her bed and the wall. When the King told her she had to come out now, she did. Crying. She didn't do it on purpose and she knew she was in for it bad this time. The King sat her on her bed, wiped her tears and told her that he knew it was an accident but the Queen had to drive Marta and Jimmy to the hospital to get his fingers looked at and that Amelia was going to have to go with him right now.
Amelia followed the King. She didn't make eye contact with him though because she knew she would start crying all over again. The King got the bad guy out of the jail and the three of them walked to the King's car. The bad guy sat in the front and Amelia sat in the back. She had no idea where they were going. All she knew was that nobody was home. The drive was about twenty five miles or so. Fifteen minutes (tops) for the King to drive. Halfway there, the bad guy reached around the back of the seat and grabbed Amelia's leg and squeezed it. The King told that bad guy that if he touched the Princess again, he wouldn't make it to their destination breathing. THAT'S how things got done back in the day. Wish we could make those same statements now!!
That bad guy never touched Amelia again. When they reached their destination, Amelia got out of the car to see many big buildings. It was dark and they looked very very scary. They went in one of the buildings and the King never let go of Amelia's hand. Another person joined them and they all got into a big, old, iron elevator. The King looked at the bad guy and said, "This is what happens when you do bad things. You get to stay in places like this." Amelia, already feeling full of remorse and worry for Jimmy, thought the King was talking to her. She started crying and pulling away from the King. She told him that it was an accident and she didn't MEAN to hurt Jimmy. She loved Jimmy. "Please please PLEASE don't leave me here!! I will be good! I promise!!" Tears streaming down Amelia's face as she begged and pleaded with the King.
The King bent down to Amelia's level and hugged her. He assured her that he would never leave her in a place like this. He told her that Jimmy was going to be okay. That he probably just needed stitches but the reason Amelia was there was because the King didn't want her to stay home alone and worry. He told her that the bad man would be staying there.
Amelia has carried that memory around with her for so long. Maybe it's the reason she kept her nose as clean as she did. All she can say is that she is SO GLAD that the King took her home that night. And as for Jimmy, he had to have A LOT of stitches. In several fingers. To this day, he has scarred fingers. Amelia has that memory to carry around with her too. It's not one of her favorites.
Another story that Amelia holds near and dear to her heart is the one about "the boy." This boy was a family friend and spent many many hours at the castle playing with Amelia. Usually Amelia ended up playing cars with him and that was the end of it because like Herc, he would NEVER play Barbie's with her! One particular day, when Amelia and the boy were about nine years old, they decided to play "house." It was decided that they needed babies so they needed to do what this boy saw his mom and dad doing. Amelia and the boy go to the basement of the castle and go behind the big furnace (which just happened to be under the stairs) and take their clothes off. Amelia laid down on the floor and the boy got on top of her. The boy kissed her and they just laid there.
The next thing they knew, the Queen started coming down the stairs. She was going to do laundry in the next room. The boy jumped up and Amelia jumped up too. Amelia tried to whisper "Get your clothes on!" but it mustv'e been louder than a whisper because the Queen came right around the corner from the laundry room, around behind the furnace and caught the two of them! The boy had his jeans on but poor Amelia, she was stark naked!! She held her little jumpsuit up to her body so her mom couldn't see that she was naked behind it and the Queen told the boy he better get home now and that she would be calling his mom. As the Queen followed him out of the room and out the basement door, Amelia jumped in her jumpsuit and took off running. She didn't even zip it up. She just got the hell out of there!! Up the stairs she went.
She remembers seeing one of her brothers in the livingroom as she rounded the corner to the hallway but she didn't stop to talk. She had to hide and NOW!! The Queen was known to use a belt when she had to! Upstairs to her bedroom she went. Back to her spot between the wall and the bed. And she stayed there. The Queen came up to her room but couldn't find her. "AMELIA BEDILIA WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?? YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!!" To this day, those words make Amelia break out in a cold sweat. Amelia KNEW that the King knew her hiding place and it was only a matter of time.
She fell asleep. Next thing she knew, the King was coming into her dark room and sitting on the bed. "Come out Amelia. I want to ask you something." Well.....he didn't sound like he was about to plummet her off the face of the earth so maybe the Queen didn't tell him! Amelia came out and sat on the bed next to the King. "Did you do something today that you know is very naughty?" Amelia shook her head yes and started to get tears in her eyes. "Tell me what you did." Oh shit. Do I have to say this outloud? Are you fucking serious??? "I took my clothes off and had a boy lay on top of me." Dear God, I love you. Please make the journey from this body to my everlasting body, painless and forgettable. Amen. "Do you know WHY that boy was laying on top of you?" Duh daddy!! "Uh huh! Because his daddy laid on his mommy and then they had a baby And we were playing house." How did the King not laugh at this? Man he was good!! "Okay, I think I understand. Well, you have to promise me you won't do that again, okay?" Amelia nods her head and is still fearful because she knows this can't even be close to the end of it. "I promise daddy."
Amelia got a big bowl of ice cream for dinner that night. THAT part she has never forgotten. AND, she didn't get naked and let a boy lay on top of her for a long long time after that because Amelia had promised the Queen (when she was twelve) that she didn't EVER want to be a mommy. Kids were too much trouble! AMEN!!! And looking back on that, Amelia wonders if this boys mommy and daddy always tried to make babies behind THEIR furnace?!? Maybe that's why they got divorced!! Maybe he hurt her back!!
A week from today will mark the sixteenth anniversary of the King's death. It's a day that is still hard on Amelia. The day he died was the hottest of that summer. The King was out mowing and Amelia had been helping him but she went home early to get things ready for Ashley's thirteenth birthday party. The King had a massive heart attack. Nothing could have saved it. It was so big; so bad; so fast. The doctors told the family that he was dead before he ever hit the ground. The King always knew he would die of a heart attack. He didn't have heart trouble but he knew his heart was going to kill him that way. That was the first black day in Amelia's memory. Her world came crushing down around her and she couldn't breathe.
Watching the paramedics try to breathe life into his body, knowing that he was already gone. Following the ambulance for half an hour. Amelia stayed in the drivers seat of her car. The procession of cars behind the ambulance stopped only when they did. That was when they transferred him from one ambulance to the other and went on to the hospital. Several told Amelia not to drive. To let someone drive for her. But she wouldn't have it. She prayed and willed herself the whole way to the hospital. How could this happen? How could he leave Amelia? The Queen? The rest of the Prince's and Princess's? How were they to go on with life?
The King was the handsomest, the bravest, the smartest, the best.....MAN on the whole face of this big ole ball of grass and water. No matter how many spankings, how many talks, how many groundings or how many NO's, he was the best. Amelia T. Bedelia IS who she is today partly because of this man. This King. She owes half of her life to him. She will never feel anything but respect and love for this man. No matter what.
I hope you enjoyed Amelia's story about the King. Slowly, she will tell her whole story. Be looking for the story of the Queen. Whom Amelia owes the other half of her life to. Thanks for reading.
2012/05/08
An early start to a LONG day
Today I was called into work early. About five and a half hours early. Yep, that means we're goin for a ride. And today I got to ride with The Big K. As I was getting myself around to go, I had visions of how long and boring this trip could be. I mean, it's not like we have SO MUCH in common that we can talk the whole way. And by whole way, I mean three hours one way. That also means we had to come home. Almost four hours that way. And it wasn't because we got lost either. We had "things" to do that took time out of our driving.
If I told you what it was, I'd have to shoot you and if I shot you, who would read my blogs? See, I'm only looking out for myself after all. -_- At one point, on the police radio, we heard an ambulance call go out and the patient was "lethargic but still breathing." Big K thought they were maybe going to get DIC because that described him to a T! Lethargic but still breathing. Hahaha yes, that's him!
Anyway, I don't know if I have EVER seen so many Chevy Impala's on a single day as I have seen today. I think the reason they stand out so much to me is because I want one SO BAD! I think they are beautiful and they drive and ride NICE! One of these days, I will have one though. Just made me jealous to see that many of them today.
We stopped about seven miles before our destination to the place and filled the tank with gas and I got a cup of coffee and he got himself a box of Whoppers. As we were going up the road, he is eating his Whoppers and we are making small talk, which, on the way up we didn't seem to have any trouble filling the time with things to talk about. Seems we do know some of the same people and pretty much think they same way of them. But back to the story at hand. As we approach a stoplight, he sets his box of Whoppers on the dash and we talk about which entrance we are supposed to go in, yada yada yada and then the light turns green. The car ahead of us goes and then we go.
Now, we are in a Chevy Silverado Truck folks and I don't know how many of you know what those dashes look like in them but on the sides of the dash, they have a little place where you could slide something in there and it could easily set on top of the dash. But in this truck, nothing is in there. It's just open. It's like the dash cuts off early on the ends or something. The force of the truck going forward makes the box of Whoppers slide toward the windshield and when the truck actually gets to the speed it's supposed to be going, the Whoppers came sliding out at him. Right down this little area where it has nothing from stopping it. All I can see is Whoppers falling off his dash like little soldiers jumping out of an airplane.
I got to laughing because #1) he wanted to stop in the middle of the intersection and save all his little Whoppers; #2) the site of all these little brown men jumping to their deaths; #3) I was so damn tired from being cooped up in this truck for almost three hours by now, I needed something to release the tension and THIS was it! Tears are running down my cheeks and he's laughing and cussing. I can not stop and all he can do is shake his head. Shit I wish I had a video camera for that!
He assures me that there are only "a few, maybe even four, that hit the floor." When we got to our destination, I saw him pick at least seven off the floor and about five out of the pocket in his door. The laughter was just about non-stop at this point. Who'd a thunk this trip was going to be so much fun?? I told him that Whopper trick was well worth the drive. I won't even tell you what he did with the Whoppers he picked up off the floor. All I can say is I'm glad he had just cleaned the truck.
As we neared this small city, I told him I felt like we had been driving forever and he made the comment that we better have passports because he was SURE we were driving into Canada! Dammit! As we pull into town though, there's a sign that reads "Cancun!" Holy shit Batman!!! We have been going the wrong way the whole damned time! I thought we were going north!! Oh damn, it's good to be home.
Coming back south, we had to take a detour because there was an accident on the interstate. Apparently a tire caught on fire and it was filled with pudding cups. I don't make the news folks, I just report it. If you don't believe me, ask KCCI. They are the ones that reported it. So yeah, can't wait to tell the Sheriff about THAT.
That was pretty much the highlight of my day. So I got to leave work early tonight which is a huge plus because I have the next three days off. Sounds like a great deal considering I just had two days off over the weekend but all my fun will come to an end on Monday when I have to go back to school for work. Yucko! Oh well, take the good with the bad. I hope this school is as much fun as the last one was. A whole week of "Dude!," "Woohoo" and just plain BORING from the instructors. I don't even remember what I learned other than twice I laughed myself completely out of the room because if I had stayed in, I wouldv'e disrupted the whole class.
Lord knows I don't like stuff like that to happen. We had a fingerprint class in the last one that I was pretty stoked for because at the time, I really needed some tips and tricks on fingerprinting people better. Well, they didn't even teach us anything like that. Fingerprint class was to teach us how the PROFESSIONALS look at fingerprints and determine which prints are in certain cases and which are not. Like I give a crap about that......... But the instructor was so passionate about it. You could just tell that he wasn't married and didn't have any kids. He loved what he did way too much. And we did find out for sure that he wasn't married. Ever. Every time he started on a new subject, he started with "DUDE!" Shit, after about fifteen minutes of mimicking him, I got the giggles and got the gal next to me giggling. We got to where we would look at each other and say "DUDE!" right along with him. Then everybody would turn at look at us. Hence me laughing so badly that I had to leave the room.
I prayed all the way down the hall that day for the next classroom (that was holding a room full of policemen and women) to NOT be in session because the bathroom was on the other side of it and I HAD to let it all out. Thankfully, the class wasn't there and as soon as I hit the inside of the women's bathroom, I laughed. And I laughed. And I laughed. Until my sides hurt. Until my eyes were dried out. And when I was all done, I started for the door, thought about the instructor and started laughing again!! I'm sure I laughed for a solid fifteen minutes all by myself. Geezus, can you imagine what someone would have thought had they walked in on me? My face all red, tears streaming down my cheeks; yeah it was such a sight. By the time I got back to the classroom, it was over.
Thank you God for guiding me through that one. I bet you just can't wait to hear all about my next week of school. Don't worry, you will.
I think that's the brunt of the damage I can do for today. I will let you know if I overlooked anything major but in the meantime, be good and be lazy. Yes, you read that right. Be lazy. Until next time.
If I told you what it was, I'd have to shoot you and if I shot you, who would read my blogs? See, I'm only looking out for myself after all. -_- At one point, on the police radio, we heard an ambulance call go out and the patient was "lethargic but still breathing." Big K thought they were maybe going to get DIC because that described him to a T! Lethargic but still breathing. Hahaha yes, that's him!
Anyway, I don't know if I have EVER seen so many Chevy Impala's on a single day as I have seen today. I think the reason they stand out so much to me is because I want one SO BAD! I think they are beautiful and they drive and ride NICE! One of these days, I will have one though. Just made me jealous to see that many of them today.
We stopped about seven miles before our destination to the place and filled the tank with gas and I got a cup of coffee and he got himself a box of Whoppers. As we were going up the road, he is eating his Whoppers and we are making small talk, which, on the way up we didn't seem to have any trouble filling the time with things to talk about. Seems we do know some of the same people and pretty much think they same way of them. But back to the story at hand. As we approach a stoplight, he sets his box of Whoppers on the dash and we talk about which entrance we are supposed to go in, yada yada yada and then the light turns green. The car ahead of us goes and then we go.
Now, we are in a Chevy Silverado Truck folks and I don't know how many of you know what those dashes look like in them but on the sides of the dash, they have a little place where you could slide something in there and it could easily set on top of the dash. But in this truck, nothing is in there. It's just open. It's like the dash cuts off early on the ends or something. The force of the truck going forward makes the box of Whoppers slide toward the windshield and when the truck actually gets to the speed it's supposed to be going, the Whoppers came sliding out at him. Right down this little area where it has nothing from stopping it. All I can see is Whoppers falling off his dash like little soldiers jumping out of an airplane.
I got to laughing because #1) he wanted to stop in the middle of the intersection and save all his little Whoppers; #2) the site of all these little brown men jumping to their deaths; #3) I was so damn tired from being cooped up in this truck for almost three hours by now, I needed something to release the tension and THIS was it! Tears are running down my cheeks and he's laughing and cussing. I can not stop and all he can do is shake his head. Shit I wish I had a video camera for that!
He assures me that there are only "a few, maybe even four, that hit the floor." When we got to our destination, I saw him pick at least seven off the floor and about five out of the pocket in his door. The laughter was just about non-stop at this point. Who'd a thunk this trip was going to be so much fun?? I told him that Whopper trick was well worth the drive. I won't even tell you what he did with the Whoppers he picked up off the floor. All I can say is I'm glad he had just cleaned the truck.
As we neared this small city, I told him I felt like we had been driving forever and he made the comment that we better have passports because he was SURE we were driving into Canada! Dammit! As we pull into town though, there's a sign that reads "Cancun!" Holy shit Batman!!! We have been going the wrong way the whole damned time! I thought we were going north!! Oh damn, it's good to be home.
Coming back south, we had to take a detour because there was an accident on the interstate. Apparently a tire caught on fire and it was filled with pudding cups. I don't make the news folks, I just report it. If you don't believe me, ask KCCI. They are the ones that reported it. So yeah, can't wait to tell the Sheriff about THAT.
That was pretty much the highlight of my day. So I got to leave work early tonight which is a huge plus because I have the next three days off. Sounds like a great deal considering I just had two days off over the weekend but all my fun will come to an end on Monday when I have to go back to school for work. Yucko! Oh well, take the good with the bad. I hope this school is as much fun as the last one was. A whole week of "Dude!," "Woohoo" and just plain BORING from the instructors. I don't even remember what I learned other than twice I laughed myself completely out of the room because if I had stayed in, I wouldv'e disrupted the whole class.
Lord knows I don't like stuff like that to happen. We had a fingerprint class in the last one that I was pretty stoked for because at the time, I really needed some tips and tricks on fingerprinting people better. Well, they didn't even teach us anything like that. Fingerprint class was to teach us how the PROFESSIONALS look at fingerprints and determine which prints are in certain cases and which are not. Like I give a crap about that......... But the instructor was so passionate about it. You could just tell that he wasn't married and didn't have any kids. He loved what he did way too much. And we did find out for sure that he wasn't married. Ever. Every time he started on a new subject, he started with "DUDE!" Shit, after about fifteen minutes of mimicking him, I got the giggles and got the gal next to me giggling. We got to where we would look at each other and say "DUDE!" right along with him. Then everybody would turn at look at us. Hence me laughing so badly that I had to leave the room.
I prayed all the way down the hall that day for the next classroom (that was holding a room full of policemen and women) to NOT be in session because the bathroom was on the other side of it and I HAD to let it all out. Thankfully, the class wasn't there and as soon as I hit the inside of the women's bathroom, I laughed. And I laughed. And I laughed. Until my sides hurt. Until my eyes were dried out. And when I was all done, I started for the door, thought about the instructor and started laughing again!! I'm sure I laughed for a solid fifteen minutes all by myself. Geezus, can you imagine what someone would have thought had they walked in on me? My face all red, tears streaming down my cheeks; yeah it was such a sight. By the time I got back to the classroom, it was over.
Thank you God for guiding me through that one. I bet you just can't wait to hear all about my next week of school. Don't worry, you will.
I think that's the brunt of the damage I can do for today. I will let you know if I overlooked anything major but in the meantime, be good and be lazy. Yes, you read that right. Be lazy. Until next time.
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