Mother's Day 2012

Well.....today Princess Amelia was supposed to show up to tell the story of the Queen but has asked for an extension of time.  Of course.  I mean, who would deny her?   She has a story to tell.  And it's about the Queen.   A little more preparation is needed before revealing everything she needs to reveal.   Today's story though, is just going to be a little more different.


CLIPS FROM AMELIA'S JOURNAL


October 30, 2006 ~~~ Today is Monday.  Four days ago I found out that my best friend, my mom, may have cancer.  I am so angry about that.  Mom has lived her life for her kids.  She has a great heart and she is a great listener.  She was a wonderful wife.  She loves her grandkids with such passion that sometimes it's downright amazing.  Mom is always the one I call when I need something.  True, she lives three hundred miles away but she usually gives me just what I need.  


Recipes, a dose of patience or just a laugh.  I love talking on the phone with her.  If I go a day, or God forbid, two days without talking to her, I get "mom withdrawals."  Sometimes I wonder if the worthless one tells me to call her because he doesn't know what to say or so I don't interrupt his sports programs.  


For a while, after Ashley died, we all told each other "I love you."  We don't do that anymore.  I know mom loves me and I know she knows I love her.  Sometimes I just want to tell her but ya know..... we just aren't like that.


My mom doesn't deserve to have cancer.  She didn't deserve it the first time and she damn well doesn't deserve it now.  I would sure be more understanding if it were me.  I'd take it away from her if I could but she'd never have that.  And I would never want her to go through losing another child.  She says that is unnatural.  I guess she is right.  Don't tell her I said that though!  HA!


I'd like to write a letter to CANCER.  I'd tell it how unfair it is.  How cruel it is.  How it is a chicken shit because it never picks on anyone it's own size.  Then I'd tell it to leave town because all I want to do is make it hurt like it hurts my mom.  How it hurts me.  I hate you cancer.  With every fiber of me, I hate you.  You're selfish and you don't care who you hurt.  You came to my mom once and she beat you.  Because of how it had to be done, she may not have a choice but to accept you.  I will never accept you.  I will fight you until they find your cure.  I hate you.


Going back and reading this really amazes me.  The anger I had toward cancer.  How I wanted to fight it.  Funny thing is, I don't remember EVER wanting to fight it.  I don't donate money to cancer research.  I believe there's a cure out there.  But it would shut down most pharmaceutical companies if they cured it.  The world is a real piece of shit sometimes.  


Tuesday, October 31st ~~~ Happy Freaking Halloween.  My emotions are raw today.  Everything makes me angry or cry.  Marta called and I just about didn't answer the phone.  Some day I know THAT phone call will come.  I'm gonna be sick that day.  Who do I call for a sick day from life?  


Ya know, on my soap opera, Reba is dying of cancer.  When I watch now, I wonder if mom will go through anything like Reba is going through.  I don't want my mom to hurt.  Does she know how much I love her?  Ya know, we would always tease mom and tell her she couldn't get involved with another man after dad died.  I'm glad she didn't.  Glad she didn't want to.  But honestly, if she had, it would have been okay.  Don't tell her I said that though -_-


Funny how a different day makes you think different things.  Yesterday my unconditional love wasn't questionable.  Today I deeply question it and myself.  I should get ready for work now.  Keeps my mind busy.  Keeps the pain at a minimum.  CANCER SUCKS.


The soap opera is no longer on but Reba ended up kicking cancer's ass.  Are you surprised?  Hell, she even went on to have a healthy baby while taking chemo treatments.  So unreal.  At the end of this entry, I listed shows that mom loved to watch.  Gilmore Girls, 7th Heaven, Deal or No Deal, a couple of soap operas and Brothers and Sisters.  Those were in common with me.  She also watched The Bachelor, and Dancing with the Stars.  I never understood why.  She never liked Grey's Anatomy and I couldn't understand that either because I loved it.  


Friday, November 3rd (0245!!) ~~~ Isn't it funny how a family has so many stories to share but when it comes down to it, you want to put those stories on paper and you can't think of a single one.  Mom and I have had so many laughs.  And some of the dumbest things or scary things can make mom and I almost bust a gut..... Now the stories are starting to come  -_-  None of my stories are in any kind of order but I'll write as I think.  


Mom and I had been to M-town and as we passed by a small town, we got behind a truck that was OVERLOADED with tires.  The more we followed, the more sure mom was that those tires were going to fly out.  She gripped her door until her knuckles were white.  I was sure there would be an imprint in the door.  She also kept riding her imaginary brake.  Well, the truck sped up and wouldn't you know it, those tires went FLYING!!  I veered, honked, and screamed profanities.  I looked over at mom and she was gone.  


I had to stop the car so I could pull her up from under the seat!  Hahaha.....just kidding.  I do wonder though, how she didn't put her foot all the way through my floorboard trying to push her imaginary brake; trying to stop that car.  I am pretty sure some choice words came out of mom's mouth as well as my own.  


Speaking of riding, mom went to M-town with the in-house drunk (that's the first husband) and  myself.  It was dark.  Someone, don't remember who, had been married in the hometown and their reception was in M-town so the road was very busy.  We were the third car in a line of probably six or more.  The first car started to turn off the highway and "quick-as-that," decided not to turn and veered back in front of everyone.  The second car veered to the right, taking the turn FAST, almost hitting a car at the stop sign.  The in-house drunk couldn't take a right because he would have hit the car that HAD to turn so he jumped to the other lane in those split seconds hoping there wasn't a car coming at us.  Everyone is trying to slow down or stop; tires were squealing and in-house drunk was dropping every Spanish cuss word he knew and maybe even made up some of his own. This all happened in a span of about three seconds.  Good driving for an asshole husband.


Well..... it got very very quiet in our car as we finished the drive.  I was sitting in the back seat behind mom and I could see her shoulders kinda shrugging.  I thought she was trying not to laugh and I just BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!!  Turns out she was CRYING!!  She sobs "We were almost in a terrible accident.  We could have died!  What are you laughing at??"  That made me laugh harder and I said "I'm laughing because we almost died!  It's a natural reaction!"  I don't need to mention (but I will) that mom did NOT think that was too natural of a reaction.  That one makes me laugh every time -_-


The things we think will kill us tend to make us laugh as we look back on it.  Just like the night the phone rang VERY late.  Or very early.  I don't know which.  We lived about six miles north of the hometown and when I answered, Ashley was frantic and almost in tears.  She said to get to grandma's because she needed me.  She said "grandma said she might die."  To town we went.  Hal was at the front door.  Perry (who was supposed to be leaving for Vegas very early in the morning) was in the bedroom talking to mom and I can hear her moaning in pain.  I was terrified.  Marta (who was leaving for jail school the next morning) shows up and then Herc too.  Mom was sick!  


She would throw up every time she moved.  Perry pulled his vehicle to the front door and said he was taking her to the ER.  Mom yells at him, "I can't move Perry!  How am I going to make it to the car??"  That was the first time (and probably only time) that I ever heard her yell at Perry.  Probably the first time HE had heard it too!  That's when I figured she must be out of her head and maybe she really WAS dying!!  If memory serves me, it was March 18th and don't know what year but maybe 1997.  Hal came to the bedroom door and asked mom if this had anything to do with the fact that it was dad's birthday the next day and W-O-W.....if looks could kill, poor Hal would've been the deadliest of the dead!  


She said "No Hal.  I'm sick!  Can't I be sick??"  I don't know if he ever came close to that bedroom door the rest of the week!!  Anyway, that's when I knew mom was back in her right mind.  And goody goody, it was only inner ear infection.  Her doctor, over the phone, prescribed a suppository .  But wait.....mom has a COLOSTOMY.  How could she do that?  Well, I'll tell you how.  Fasten your seatbelts kids, it's gonna be a BUMPY ride!  


Good ole Marta hands me the latex gloves and tells me I have to do it.  Dear Lord, isn't that everyone's wish?  Again, I was scared.  We took off the colostomy bag and I had to take this little pill and insert it in there...in her...bowel???  Ha, I mean colon.  Simple huh?  I did it.  I was proud.  Of course I was laughing and gagging and so was Marta and what do you think mom was doing?  Laughing AND crying!!  Guess what??


The suppository popped out!!!  Stop laughing!!  I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D.  Marta made me do it again but "push it in farther."  Big sisters can sure be rotten sometimes.  Mom stayed in bed for several days and we all camped out at her house.  I remember Ash telling me she went up to the store and they all thought mom had died.  And they were serious.  They were giving condolences.  That was so funny!!


I remember all of that like it was yesterday.  Even the bad times could usually be turned into good times.  One thing for sure, mom taught us that when things get tough, you have to pull together as one big family and get through it.  


I miss her so much.  Happy Mother's Day Mom.  I know there was a banquet in Heaven just for you today.  Someday we will be together again and everything will be perfect.  Until we meet again my friend.  My very best friend in the whole entire world.  Sending oceans of hugs and mountains of kisses.  I love you.