Princess Amelia saying goodbye to the Queen

Princess Amelia here.  Long time, no see.  I'm glad to see you're still here though.  My sister, Princess Matilda, has been on me about talking about the Queen a little bit more.  About her last days with us. 

The Queen lived in her own cottage and her Prince's and Princess's were really good about looking in on her and getting her to the places she needed to go...places she wanted to go; getting her the things she needed...things she wanted; getting her to see the people that she needed to see...and to the people she wanted to see.  No matter her wish, she got it.

If she wanted fried chicken for breakfast, pancakes for lunch or ice cream for dinner, that's what she got.  None of us was going to be the one to tell her no and have to live with it for the rest of our lives.

One night, the Queen woke up in the middle of the night.  Her bladder was yelling at her.  It needed to be relieved.  So up she went, off her bed...and down she went, off her feet.  She was hurt badly.  She had a phone close by but her pride would not let her use it to call for help.  She laid on the floor for several hours before getting the nerve to make herself get up.  She was in a lot of pain. 

But she got up.  And got herself to the bathroom.  And got herself back to bed.  And the next morning, she got herself up out of bed and got dressed and proceeded with her day.  And she did this for probably two days.  I can't remember exactly.  She admitted that she hurt but she wouldn't admit it to us (her kids) that she was fell out of bed. 

Finally, she admitted it to her brother.  Good ole uncle Mel.  And he let Marta know right away.  Don't think the Queen didn't get some gruff from us about this!  Oh, she did.  That whole morning that we found out. 

Marta and I decided that I would take her to the hospital and have X-rays done.  And I did.  And that was quite an experience.  It's not easy to x-ray someone who can't move without shrieking in pain.  But they got it done.  They were a great bunch of technicians and the Queen...well she was a rockstar in my eyes. 

As soon as we got from the x-ray room back to the doctor's office, my mom's doctor said "She needs to be admitted right away.  Her pelvic bone is broken and that tumor is right at that break."  So she was admitted.  While we got the Queen comfortable, Matilda showed up and then it wasn't long that Marta showed up. 

I have a feeling there isn't a hospital around that likes our family when we're together.  We laugh WAY too much.  About things that "normal" families don't laugh about.  Like our momma falling and breaking her pelvic bone and not telling her own children and putting herself through more pain and misery than she ever needed to be in.  That's what we do.  We accentuate the negative and make it the funniest thing you've ever heard!

So after a day in the hospital, the doctor comes in and says the inevitable.  "She has to go to a nursing home."  I will never forget the sound of those words coming out of her mouth and into my ears.  It was almost like they took forever to get from point A to point B.  And when it finally sunk in, I was furious! 

"That can't happen.  We have done nothing but promise her that she will never go to a nursing home.  She is scared to go there.  That can't happen!"  I know I got a little loud in that tiny little room.  The doctor just looked at me with eyes that said, "You can't win this."  But I couldn't accept that.  "There are six of us kids.  Between all of us, WE can take care of her at home.  WE can take shifts.  WE can help her bathe.  WE can change her clothes.   WE CAN DO IT." 

We didn't even get the chance.  There was no way the doctor was going to allow her to go back home.  That was a low low day for me.  I felt like I had betrayed my own mother even though she was saying that she knew it was time and she was okay with going there.  I will never believe she was truly okay with that.  But I went and made the arrangements anyway. 

The next day, I was at work (at the nursing home) when the ambulance pulled up.  The brothers and sisters pulled up behind and they brought mom out of the ambulance and I went outside.  Even though I was standing right next to her, it felt like she was a million miles away.  She was so hopped up on meds so that the ride didn't hurt her, that anyone else would have thought she was being admitted into the gates at Disney World. 

She wanted hugs from all of us before she was wheeled in.  And for the next several weeks, I feel like I never left that nursing home.  I was there for all my breaks.  I was there before work.  I was there after work.  Most of the time, I stayed the night with her.  She had a loveseat in her room and I slept on it.  She always had company.  I loved that part.  Everyone was so good about coming to see her.

On the morning of ten, nine, eight.....that's the date... she was so bright eyed and wanting to get up and sit in her chair and then down in bed again because she hurt and then up again because she felt better.  She wore US out.  All of us kids were there, Uncle Mel and Aunt Mer were there, Nellie was there.  We were all gathered around her bed, talking to her.  I didn't want to leave her for any reason.  I kept telling her how much I loved her and that I wanted her to live forever but if she felt that she couldn't hold on that long, that was okay too.

She held onto my hand for a long time.  Even though I know it wore her out.  Marta had to leave to take her grandson to the doctor.  Matilda went home to get her clothes because she was spending the night with mom.  Hal and Herc went back to school because they had classes they had to take care of and Perry had to go to the office (he was Sheriff at the time) to take care of some business.  That left me as the only kid left.  I wasn't budging. 

I get a phone call from Marta.  She says that there is a paper at the funeral home that needs to be signed and I need to go up and sign it real quick.  I left Uncle Mel and Aunt Mer with mom and Nellie drove me up to the funeral home real quick.  When we got there, there were no cars.  We thought this was strange.  To this day I wonder if Marta and Nellie didn't have it planned to just get me out of there.  Someone came to help us and called the funeral director and he said it wasn't important and we would do it later. 

We go back to the nursing home and as we near the end of the hallway, Uncle Mel comes out and looks at me and shakes his head as he starts to cry.  We hugged and I went to mom.  My Queen lay there at peace finally.  I feel her hand in mine today as if it just happened.  And then I didn't want to leave her side again.  But I did.  Because I had to. 

I guess after we all left, mom kept saying something to Uncle Mel.  They couldn't tell what it was she was trying to say so Aunt Mer went to get a nurse.  When it was just mom and Uncle Mel, mom said, "I love you."  And that was it.  She took her last breath.  And it wasn't long after this, that everyone was back from where they had to be.  All of us.  Like that was how it was supposed to happen.  And I guess it was.

Sometimes I feel cheated that I couldn't be there to tell her how much I loved her but then I remember how many times that day I had already told her.  I know she knows how much I love her.  I know she knows how often I shed tears over her absence here on earth.  And I know she knows that she will never, for one day, be absent from my heart. 

My mom, My Queen
Forever to be
In my heart
Being heard and being seen;

My mom, My friend
Forever to be
In my heart
From beginning to end;

My mom, I thank you
And forever will
Because you made my heart
To be just like you

I love you and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the love...the compassion...the patience...you had for me and have passed on to me.  I hope to be just like you when I grow up.  Someday.