Be careful what you ask for

Hello Hello Hello!  Welcome back to my little slice of Heaven -_-  I hope I'm ready for this one.  Although my heart is pounding and my adrenaline is pumping really really fast right right now, I just had to share this because.....well YOU KNOW this would only happen to me!  Sometimes my reactions get ahead of my thoughts and stupid stuff happens.  This could've very well been one of those times.


Anyway, here we go.  I was supposed to get together with my bestie, Kate today and we were supposed to make a game plan to "get healthier."  We were going to sit down and make dinner menus for both households for a week.  We were also going to go grocery shopping.  We were also going to make a walking schedule so we could meet each other as much as possible and walk.  Well..........Kate, if you're reading this, I think you copped out on me.  You said you didn't feel good.  Guess why you don't feel good sweetheart?  Because you are unhealthy.  As your bestie, I can tell you that honestly!  Hell I have an ailment every day.  Seriously, I do.  I try to avoid them as much as possible though.  I try to keep the upper hand on them.  Kate, you owe me big time.  I may cash in on an ice cream cone someday.  I said "may."  I didn't say I would.  Don't judge me dammit!  -_-


Excuse me, I got off track there for a second.  Would I be me if I didn't???  Anyway, so when I found out Kate didn't want me around, I texted the sis, Matilda and asked if she wanted to meet up for lunch.  Mind you, I called her at 0800 hrs. Bahahahahhaha I forgot to even ask her if she awake. 


ME:  What you doin for lunch?
HER:  Going to C-town
ME:  Well I'm free till 5 tonight
HER:  Ok where do u want to go
     Jeannie wants to go to Pizza Place lol (what's new?)
ME:  Lmao of course she does
     I don't care.  I just realized it's plenty early!
HER:  Lol Windsor's also (another restaurant)
ME:  Oh I wonder what's on their salad bar today.  I will call them later. (Yeah, I never did that) What time are you going?
HER:  Bout 11am
ME:  Ok
     That's when you are leaving or when you're gonna be there?
HER:  Leaving or can be there if u want us to
ME:  Just making sure
     
Anyway, we ate lunch.  At Pizza Place lol.  Cause Jeannie usually gets her way. -_-


After lunch, we hit the hundred dollar store.  I was too full to grocery shop.  She was too full to grocery shop.  So I told her I was just going to get the things I HAD to get.  As I'm down at the end, filling my containers with Culligan water, Matilda sees someone she knows.  This is nothing new.  I wish I knew half the people she knows.  Or maybe I don't.  It has to be a hassle to be that fricken popular.  She can have it.  I like that "bitch" label more.  So she's still talkin when I get done.  I told her I had to get some milk, cream cheese & frozen bread dough and she told me she would meet me in the "medicine area."  Yes, it's the Pharmacy.  She has a hard time speaking REAL English sometimes! -_-


I get the stuff I need (and only the stuff I need, what a shocker) and head toward the back of the hundred dollar store because I'm pretty sure I was quicker than she was.  But she isn't where I left her.  Marvelous, maybe she really did stop talking and head over there.  I stopped to see if they had any flip flops, to which the answer is a big fat fucking no.  I give up and head to the Pharmacy.  I went up & down the aisles twice, with two-five gallon jugs of water plus the other stuff I had; pushing a cart that weighed about 900 lbs and she's nowhere to be found!!  Really Matilda???  I find a bench because I am beat!  (I really got to get to exercising!)  


ME:  You lied.  You aren't in Pharmacy lol
HER:  Lol im coming (1 minute later)
ME:  Today? (3 minutes later)


Lo and behold, she came down the aisle about a minute and a half later.  What a socialite.  Bullshit.  Make me wait.  What I shoulda done was get on one of them there bicycles and took a ride around the store.  I love doing that even though the last time I did it, I almost took out an elderly lady.  That wasn't a pretty site.  I swore my love to that bike and my husband never got it for me.  Bullshit.


Again, I strayed.  Forgive me.  I know I have long blogs but dammit I like to talk!  Call me on the phone though and I won't give you anything half as long. Hahaha I'm a freak.  Anyway, we go and visit our almost ninety two year old Uncle that secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) wishes that he would be dead before his next birthday.  Too bad.  I love him and love seeing him.  He's awesome!  We leave because I have frozen bread dough in my trunk and all the way home I am afraid of opening my trunk to find a yeast monster lurking, just waiting to take over the world!!


I pull up to our home and our dog, who is normally jumping around when we pull up, is laying on the ground facing the front of the house.  I knew something was off.  I was right.  The screen was off the front bathroom window and laying on the ground, up next to the house.  The window is wide open.  The curtain has been knocked down and is in my bathtub, curtain rod and all with the curtain hanging out the window at the same time.   My first thought is this "OMG there could be a fucking bird in my house!"  I dig for my keys because today is like the first day in months I have actually locked my house.  We rarely do that because someone is always coming and going but today something told me to lock it.  


I get Gee on the phone and tell him what I see.  Told him to stay on the phone with me because I wanted AT THE LEAST, someone to HEAR that something may go down.  He was all anxious and telling me to check all the rooms, blah blah blah.  I walked in, shut the basement door (cuz if they are down there, good luck to 'em!) and proceeded to go upstairs.  All the guns were where we left them, the computers, kindle & jewelry were all in place.  


I would say that the wind took the screen off and I must've just come home at the right time because it should have blown away.  The wind was a bitch today!!  I was really looking forward to shooting someone.  That was my second thought.  Right after the bird thought.  I wouldn't shoot a bird in my house but I would've called the cops to come get it out.  But the thought that I may get to "spar" with someone on my own turf was HOT!!  I thought I was going to get the chance to beat the tar out of someone.  But NOOOOO!!!  Nobody broke into MY house!  Just the wind.  What a downer.  For reals.


On a good note, I only have to work for 3 1/2 hours tonight.  I will be doing the happy dance the whole time.  Next two days off so be looking for my "messies." 


As I close, I will say that if there are any grammatical errors, I am not fixing them today.  As I was re-reading to publish this, I heard a LOUD bang upstairs.  This time I wasn't so cocky.  I didn't take my eyes off the stairs and went outside to call Gee's best friend.  He's not home so I tell his wife what is going on.  I go to my car and get my knife (because the guns are upstairs) and head back inside.  Wow that scared the shit out of me.  I don't want to go upstairs but I can't NOT go, ya know?  Slow as I can, quiet as I can, I go upstairs with my knife handy but not in sight.  As I get to the top of the steps, the folding chair that was at the top of the stairs has fallen over and about a foot away from where it was.  One of the guns that is in it's case, is laying in the middle of the floor between the bed and the stairway.  It was hanging up when I was up there earlier.  Geezus H.  Looks like tonight our job is to move the guns around the household so I have one at all time.  Gee's firends wife showed up with her brother in law as I was upstairs.  He checked the house with me.  It took everything in me not to cry.  What a fricken baby!!  


Thanks Vivian, for having your phone handy and for having DIC waiting in the wings.  Geezus H, I need a drink.  I'm out.  If you don't hear from me by this time tomorrow, I have had a heart attack and died a long, agonizing death.  *sigh*