My Favorite Monday

Hey!  Happy end of weekend!  Most people wish their weekends would last longer while I am one of the few that appreciate a good couple of days off and then am ready to get back to work.  Monday has ALWAYS been my favorite day of the week.  Always.  I feel like it's a new chance to do better than the previous week and just start anew.  I know, it's just not right.  Trust me, I get told that ALL the time.  Still..........I love Mondays, okay!


Another reason I am glad to get this weekend over with is because I have been THEE biggest bitch on the planet.  Anything and everything bothered me and I took it out on the closest person to me.  My dear husband.  I complained, nagged, pushed, prodded, yelled and just plain annoyed the hell out of him.  I think we are both exhausted from being together and just ready to move on with the week.  


I have already explained to you how he can't drive worth a shit so it will come as no surprise to you that we got into it with him behind the wheel.  It didn't help that we were in C-town.  That shit hole always makes us argue.  At least it does me.  Someone needs to reprint a book on driving that includes "jumping lanes is a bullshit and stupid thing to do and if you have a female passenger with you, you should NOT DO IT or else suffer the bloody consequences!"  And believe you me honey, the consequences were almost bloody!


At one point I told him to "let me the fuck out," through gritted teeth.  He finally sighed and pulled into a gas station.  My dear bestie Kate was too busy in her kitchen to feel sorry for me and come pick me up.  My sister Matilda was at the stupid circus.  REALLY???  A fucking circus!!  Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.  Sooooo...............since I couldn't find a fucking ride, I told him to drive and shut the fuck up.  Until we hit the edge of town and I unloaded on him.  About everything that has ever happened.  Since the beginning of time.  Like how it was HIS FAULT that bitch Eve ate the apple.  I'm sure he planted the seed to the apple tree!  Fucking men are conniving!


Poor man.  I can say that now.  I"m over my bitch spell.  I have to give him credit though.  He yelled at me too.  He NEVER does that!   I must've really gotten under his skin this time!  He said something that really really REALLY surprised the hell out of me.  He told me that I think I am ALWAYS right!  Are you fucking serious???  ME?  I like to joke but Geezus H dude!  If I had a nickel for every time I have told him "I was wrong.  You are right Gee, but don't get used to it!"  Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time I had to say that, I would have about forty five dollars!!  That's a shit ton of money in nickels dammit!


It's not my fault he's always wrong.


I like to be right.  Who am I kidding.  I fucking love to be right!  But dammit it just doesn't work out to be each and every time.  I think he accidentally admitted I'm a fucking genius.  Thanks Gee.  I love you too sweetie.  Poor man.


So anyway, at one point he asked me if I wanted to get out.  He was TIRED of listening to me scream.  Well fuck that!  Not unless it's MY idea bitch.  I said "who is going to help you get me out of this vehicle?"   He told me I had to stop my mouth then.  I did.  Closed it right up and steam came right out my nostrils and ears.  Then my hair stood on end and I just started screaming!!  Oh now that I think about it, I wonder what the cars meeting us thought!  At one point my purse and phone got thrown to the floor!  Now that's just some funny shit right there!  


"911 what's your emergency?"  "I need an ambulance out here on the highway and tell them to bring a whole lotta towels."  "Excuse me sir?"  "I just saw a lady evaporate on the side of the road."  "Did you say evaporate sir?"  "Yes ma'am I did.  She was so fucking pissed she just evaporated right here on the side of the road!"  I can just hear it now.  And imagine the headline in the newspaper.  "Amelia Bedelia evaporates on the north side of C-town."  And there wouldn't be a funeral service.  Gee would probably just put me in a bucket and pour me down the toilet.  "Have a nice swim biotch."  Poor man.  He won't know what to do when I'm dead and nobody will tell him to wipe his own ass.


So it was decided before we got out of the vehicle that if he was going to drive, I would not ride with him.  Ever.  And so it has been.  Right up until this evening.  We spent the day working with wax.  Yes wax, you read that right.  We bought this wax that is for your legs apparently because we tried it on my chin and upper lip and it just didn't do a very good job.  Gee put it on my leg and I was sure he had not only ripped ALL the skin off my leg but brought some of my muscle up with it.  GEEZUS H CHRISTMAS TREE FROM HAIRIZONA THAT HURT!!!  


So, right now I have one leg that is half waxed.  Just one leg.  That isn't happening again.  I couldn't give a rat's ass if my hair will grow unevenly from now on or even forever!  It will NEVER happen again! If you want that wax, you can have it.  I am never using it again.  Oh yeah and I may as well add that if you take the container of wax, you also get the papers that go with it as well as the stick, instructions and two beaner dogs.  Ha, thought I would just slip that one in as a bonus.  


Whoa....I got off track there!  So we decided we would take a little drive and let the dogs all go with us because they LOVE love LOVE to ride!  Before we took off and as I was putting on my seatbelt, I told Gee "I will promise not to yell about your crazy driving if you promise to just be safe."  He agreed and off we went.  We had a blast!  We even picked up some field rocks from the ditches.  I love field rocks!  They will look awesome when we finally get the back yard to look the way it's supposed to look!


So we didn't kill each other even though I'm sure at some point, we were both thinking about it.  Life is good.  At least better.  I can't wait for tomorrow.  It's M-O-N-D-A-Y (in my favorite soprano sing-song voice) and I am thrilled about it.  


On another note, my blood sugars are still high but not as high.  The shots are going well.  I actually feel better knowing I have that to help me.  My eating..........well it's a little better.  I have a lot of salads but to me, that's not realistic.  Sometimes I get so hungry I could eat my own husband's heart out.  Ha!  Don't tell HIM I said that!!


Have a beautiful Monday my friends!