I'm back! I survived! It's a miracle! Hehehe how the hell you all doin tonight? Raining cats and dogs all day today so that kinda set the mood for my whole day and it seems like it has been L-O-N-G!!
I got a call yesterday from the doctor's office. They got my test results back and she wanted to "see" me. I asked the nurse what it was about; why couldn't it be done over the phone and she said "She just said she wants you to come in tomorrow." That's a great feeling ya know. It ranks right up there with the doctor actually calling you herself. It makes your heart drop down into the pit of your stomach and suddenly your big intestine has grown teeth and it's gnawing away at your heart, snagging and pulling and ripping it to shreds, your heart crying, begging, screaming for someone to save it.........
I'm pretty sure you know where I was going with that! So they scheduled me an appointment for 9:10am today. In my hometown. Which is (high pitched sing-song voice here) A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!! It's just under an hour's drive and they have another clinic 25 minutes closer BUT I love going back to visit! I get to see people I rarely get to see and usually a baby or two! -_-
Today I got to see my name-sake Uncle Mel (he's Mel; I'm Amelia; cute, huh?), his wife Mer (short for Esmerelda) and one of their daughters Linny. I love visiting them! And I haven't seen THEM in months!! Uncle Mel looks pretty rough and today, for the first time in my life, he told me he doesn't feel good. Pretty rough thing for me to hear considering this man always just keeps going and going and going and going. He's like the Energizer Bunny. It's hard to see this. I love him so much! He was the first guy that I wanted to marry.
When I was young, I spent a LOT of time with him. I hated Mer when they started dating. She took my man. Bitch. He was also the first man to get me drunk. I was five. No joke! I spent the day at his apartment. I wonder what my mom was doing all that time??? I am the baby of the family and she didn't work outside the home.................well dammit now I want to know!! Anyway, she came to get me one afternoon and I threw a fit because Uncle Mel had a watermelon in his fridge and I wanted some. He wouldn't let me. My mom told him to just give me the damn watermelon slice so we could go home. So he did. One piece led to two to three. What Uncle Mel forgot to mention to my mom was that the watermelon was spiked. With Vodka and who knows what else. He forgot to mention it because my mom was married to the county Sheriff and he wasn't supposed to be drinking or even HAVE alcohol around me!! ROFL I love that story! Moving on...............
When I got to the office, the doc hadn't made it in yet. She was making her rounds at the nursing home. Great thing that was and you know why? Well, I will tell ya why!!! (I bet you're glad to have me around to fill you in on this great shit, huh?) I got a chance to have a little discussion with the staff about how aggravated I am with this doctor because I feel like all she wants to do is push her shakes and fat people's meals on me. I was immediately told who I need to call because they have had several people complain about it and they don't like it either. One staff member said "Just because she is on this super diet all of a sudden, she thinks everybody needs to be on it."
One check off my list--I know who to call about that situation so tomorrow I will do that. Now.....I had a pretty good idea they wanted to talk to me today about my blood tests and I had already told her that it was going to be bad. Hell, I feel awful!! BUT, I don't like it when my doctors yell at me and yes, they have yelled at me. Sooooo, I took advantage of the doc being late (she was probably on the phone with someone that had a meal replacement shake and was helping them regurgitate it back up for their lunch) and said to the nurse, "Why don't YOU just have this little talk with me since I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get my ass chewed. Let's just save her the trouble and get it over with." She laughed (because she thinks I should have my own sitcom) and said "Do you really know your results?" I told her that I KNOW I feel like shit and that I haven't taken care of myself since I have been out of diapers (that narrows it down to the last 3 years) so the blood tests had to be bad because well...........the only other test I had done was the titty-shuffle-squeeze and the girls have already informed me that they are good to go. (I don't know where they think they are going (-_-) *Side note my friends!! Did you see that cute little fucken face I made???<-----back there??? That was PURELY by genius and accident! Dammit I shock myself!!
I"m so excited I almost pissed myself. See, I am regressing and am in need of diapers. Shit! Oh great, does anybody else see where this is going? I can't stop! I'm on some kind of roll. TOILET PAPER ROLL!! OMG OMG OMG Somebody SLAP me!!
Back to my very interesting story. She took me back and weighed me which was a whole big stupid thing to do. Who cares what I weigh! (Who cares that I left them a urine sample in the bathroom with no name on it?) Bahahahahaha I am the shits dude! We go in and get the preliminary dance out of the way. Blood pressure is pretty much perfect. I have a pulse. BUT I'm still trying to find something to keep ALL the attention off of my blood results. Ding ding ding, my feet just start SCREAMING at me. "I got a shot Friday in my feet and it didn't work." Another thing to add to my list of ailments--check. Hey it was the truth and it needs addressed.
So doc gets there and first thing she does is show me the paper that says my mammogram is negative. I smile and pet my girls. This is, of course good news. Ladies go get your titties shuffled. You won't regret it. She asks about my feet and checks them out. She suggests a pain patch that I can buy at Wal-Mart and I will tell you, they work fast. I got them this afternoon and it's 2100 hrs and my feet don't hurt at all. If this doesn't help it though, I have to see a foot doctor. Oh and I have to give the tennis shoes a rest for a while. At least when at work. She did mention the shakes (she actually asked me if she had told me about them yet) and I changed the subject quickly!
Next up, she says "We need to discuss your diabetes." In case you readers don't know it, I'm a diabetic. Not JUST a diabetic but a BAD diabetic. I suck ass at taking care of myself and am on a roller coaster when it comes to my A1C levels. I'm all over the charts. From 6.1 to 11.1 to 8.9 to now 10.3. They don't like you to be over 7 at all. Hahaha oops! I know I shouldn't laugh. There are serious complications of diabetes. Like I said, I don't take care of myself. I never have. Why would I start for this? We decided that insulin is the next step. The really weird thing is I have always imagined having to stick myself with a needle for this very reason. Even before I was ever diabetic. I used to watch my mom give my grandma her shots and always wondered if I could do it to myself. Well guess what!! I just reared up my shirt in the Taco Johns parking lot today and gave myself a shot in the stomach!! It was very cool and I didn't feel one thing!! I take a pill also but if I'm not willing to watch what I eat, one little pill can only do so much.
I got to sit and visit with a diabetes educator for a while today. She asked me what form of exercise I do. I said "Look at me! If I exercised at all, I wouldn't be here!" (I"m pretty sure she wants me to have my own sitcom as well.) So I have info and I have tools and I have some groceries. We will see how it goes. The D.E. thought maybe it would be a good idea, at the end of my blogs, to add what I have eaten that day and what my blood sugar levels are. That way, knowing others out there in the big bad world are reading it, I won't want to have a Snickers candy bar because I will have to admit it. Trust me, if I have a Snickers, you will know about it because I LOVE THEM.
So what do you think? Would you tell me if you think I'm slipping? I need all the support I can get and if I can't get it from my closest family & friends or from perfect strangers out in cyberspace, who CAN I get it from???
Your input is GREATLY appreciated on this. It takes a village to raise an idiot so please help me grow up! -_-
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