Broccoli to babies

My belly is full and I'm burping broccoli.  Sounds great huh?  Just wait till I hit the bathroom.  That may not be so great.  Just what you wanted to hear, huh?  Tonight at work we all brought food in to share.  This is a first for me.  In this new building.  Something we were told was NOT going to happen.  NO food allowed in the booking room.  Good thing it's allowed in the other rooms because that's where we ate it.  -_-

So I had dinner with three men tonight.  I'm a lucky woman.  One of my fellow dispatchers, a city cop and Loverboy.  Barbecued chicken wings, veggies, pasta salad and cookies.  Yummo!  As Penny, (who we used to refer to as Bertha), says.....AMAZEBALLS!  Afterward I was sitting around playing on my Kindle Fire when I hear a baby crying.  Shit!  I forgot I downloaded a virtual baby.  Now I have to feed that thing or the incessant crying doesn't stop.  Who knew babies could be so annoying..............and needy. 

That's is exactly why I'm uterusless.  And proud of it.  No crying babies for me.  No dirty diapers.  No need to worry about what size clothes they should be in.  Yep, that is............until now.  I wonder if this baby will ever grow up.  Or will it just stay a damn baby all it's life?  Nuh uh!!  No way!!  No how!!  Grow up and get out kid.  I don't have time for you.  This is going to be a long night............week..............month..........year. 

How long do you think I'm going to have this stoopid little baby?  I will be surprised if I have it in a month.  Remember to check in with me on that.  The damn thing could starve.  You never know.  Anyway, I apparently adopted this kid.  It's a girl.  And she can stand up.  At least that's what she's doing in the picture.  She has three hairs on her big ole head and a pink blouse.  No pants though.  I mean, other than a diaper.  I have to gain points in order to get her clothes.  I can feed her every hour.  Ha, she'll be lucky if my Kindle Fire is even ON for an hour at a time. 

It gives me things to choose from like bananas, apples, eggs, pudding, cupcake, candy bar (I'm not kidding), corn on the cob, an unpeeled carrot that looks like it just came out of the ground, an orange with the peeling still on it, a bottle with what looks like white milk and another with what looks like tea or apple juice.....yes it's apple juice.  Shit and my kid has it.  I even know that shit will rot their teeth out.  Of course I can't see if she has any teeth because she kinda has her lips "pursed" up.  They also have something called "Bio."  It looks like yogurt.  Babies aren't supposed to have yogurt are they???  There's a couple of other things that I have no idea what they are.  Maybe jello, I don't know.  And then there is a couple different "pouches" of juice.

Now, maybe this is why it's a damned good thing I never had kids.  My kid......as a baby, wouldn't be eating an apple.  Or an unpeeled orange.  Hell, my baby wouldn't even be standing up!  After all, this is a BABY ADOPTER!!  So, not only do I have to wait until I have like three hundred points or something just to put pants on the little tyke, I have to KEEP getting points so that I can buy it a crib, a stroller, a baby swing, toys, and even to give it heat! 

Yesterday my baby got a bath and today it got it's pants changed.  Mother of the year right here folks.  Get in line.  I can give lessons.  I wonder what else there is.  Let me take a quick look.  What do you know.  My baby now has a crib.  I can put that little shit to bed.  She doesn't have any blankets but at least she has a crib.  Looks like that's more than I have in this little virtual home of ours.  Never say I didn't put my baby first.  Brat isn't getting a candy bar though.  Soon as I do, she'll have diabetes and need insulin or something annoying like that. 

I just tried to give my baby a kiss and some funky disco music came on.  Like DARK music.  Freaked me out.  It told me I can't give my baby any care because I just changed her pants.  I have to wait four minutes between "cares."  Geezus, is this supposed to be teaching somebody something?  And if this whole thing isn't irritating enough......my stoopid notification at the top won't go away.  Stop telling me my baby needs shit if you're not going to let me go give it to her.  Dickheads.

As I go back and look, I went from eating with my co-workers to talking about babies.  Maybe because sometimes they act like babies.  Well that could be a stretch.  Although they ARE men!!  Anyhow, the bathroom thing.  I know, I know...you probably don't want to hear about it.  But I'm going to tell it anyway.  There has not been ONE time that we have had a dinner at work (more than two of us) that my stomach just can not handle it.  I know these people are strange but dammit, stop making me run to the bathroom already. 

What IS IT about eating and harmonizing with a crowd of people that makes my stomach roll?  Maybe these people scare me and my brain just hasn't figured it out.  I don't know.  At least I have closure on that topic.

A thunderstorm warning in our area right now.  I love this.  I wish I had a window to the outside.  But I don't.  So I will go in and see what's happening on the monitors.  Be back later.