My dear friend Mizzie

Do you happen to have a friend in your life that has always been in your life?  Like....you can't even remember a time when they weren't there in your life?  I am trying to get something out here and my fingers and brain just can't seem to get together today.  Let me start over.


I have a friend.  Two of them.  Okay well maybe I have a lot more than two BUT there is one in particular...okay, two in particular........sheesh.....this isn't working very well today!  I have TWO friends in particular that I have just "known" all my life.  I don't remember NOT ever knowing them.  Does that make sense?  Are we jiving now?  You in my groove?  Yeah yeah.....I"ll stop that crap right now.    These two particular friends just happen to be sisters.  Not my sisters.  Well at least not my sisters by blood.  But they are sisters to each other.  And not just sisters.....they are TWINS.  You know what they say about twins, huh?  Yeah.....me too!


For the sake of this blog, the twins are named Mizzie and Lizzie.  And when together, they are referred to as the "Izzie's."  Pretty clever, aren't I?  Well, hold the ovation.  I didn't make that up.  I don't know WHO did but it wasn't me!  So anyway, Mizzie and Lizzie have just always been my friends.  Friends that I love so much I call them my sisters.  


I remember beer parties with these girls.  I remember Tetris competitions with these girls.  I remember their children's births.  I remember garage saleing with these girls.  They are just a teensy weensy bit older than me and I'm sure my sister Matilda probably got into a lot of trouble with them but I didn't.  Hell as far as I know, Marta got in trouble with them too!  Wild girls, let me tell ya!  Some of the wildest.


Funnest too.  You can't be with these girls and be in a bad mood.  You can be sitting there crying with them and they WILL find something for you to smile about.  They are like walking rays of sunshine.  Have I mentioned that I love these girls to my inner core??


Well twenty years ago, Mizzie was diagnosed with Metastatic Malignant Melanoma cancer. Now there's a mouthful.  I will be the first to tell you that cancer is something that is very hard for me to talk about.  Anybody that knows me and knows me well...they know that I have a very bad attitude about cancer.  Stubborn, if you will.  Mizzie was (and still is) very outgoing.  She loved being outdoors and was very active in her daughter's life.  Always on the go.  


She wasn't even thirty years old and started having problems with a mole.  Now...how many of us have gotten sunburnt year after year after year?  I know I have.  Hell, I lived in my swimsuit until I was forced to wear actual clothes to school.  I remember once when I was younger, I got a bad sunburn but that didn't keep me in.  And it got worse.  And worse.  I literally had mountains of blisters on my shoulders so bad that I couldn't wear anything but a tube top because the blisters were piled so high.  So yeah...we all know about sunburns and what they can do to your skin.


The only thing is...back THEN, we didn't know we should be taking the precautions that we know now.  Back THEN, we were young, wild and free.  Nothing could stop us.  We were all invincible.  Or so we thought.  I remember when Mizzie got cancer.  It was so surreal to me.  "How could that be possible?  Don't you have to be old to get cancer??  She's way too young.  I think her doctor's are wrong.  They probably just want her money."  That's pretty much what I thought about cancer.  


Mizzie is a fighter though.  And I can't be any clearer when I say that she's a genuine fighter.  When they found out that it was this Melanoma cancer, they took several more moles off her body.  Luckily those came back clear.  So Mizzie had surgery on her arm.  I will never forget the first time I saw her arm after all the bandages were taken off.  They had taken a H-U-G-E chunk out of her arm.  I had never seen anything like it.  If I could have given her something to fill it back in, I would have.  I hate it when my friends hurt.  I am sure she still has some sort of scar although I haven't seen it in years.  


For years after this, she was always being checked for cancer.  I tell you what.....from all the times I remember her going to get checked out, they should have been able to tell the exact moment each white blood cell moved.  Or each time a red blood cell popped.  Whatever they do in there.  My point is that they checked her a lot!  I don't think anything was preventative at this point but I could be wrong.  Pretty sure though. So a while down the road she got another mole.  And I believe this one was on her foot.  She had it removed and it was Basil Cell cancer.  Now, I'm no doctor and I'm no scientist but from what I've heard...if you're going to have cancer, this is the one to have.  Don't quote me on that though.  


And don't think, for a minute, that I'm making light of this.  Because I'm not.  I never would.  This is serious stuff.  After this one was removed from her foot, they didn't do preventative either.  I'm sure on this one.  I don't know how or why I'm sure but I'm sure. I did recently re-read her article that was in the paper a couple of years ago but it's not in front of me right now so I'm going on luck and memory.  Good luck to YOU, the reader.     -_-


So several years down the road she gets to have a PET scan.  I have never seen one of these done but from what I gather, they starve you for a while...feed you some sugar and then do this test.  I think that's the "jist" of it.  Something about the sugar goes right to the cancer.  I have always wondered if this is true, then why don't they just "starve" cancer patients of sugar?  See, I told you I wasn't a doctor or scientist.  Now you can believe me.  So they did this PET scan.  And the Melanoma was back.  Okay, now I need to go find my paper because I want to tell her story right.


Yes, the Melanoma was back.  In her right armpit.  And that was a scary thing because there were a lot of lymph nodes in that area and the cancer could easily spread to other areas of her body.  Good grief!!  Hasn't this woman endured enough already?  This is in-freaking-sane!!  Pray...pray...pray!  I wondered how she could endure this....stuff.  This insanity.  This bullshit!  It makes me furious when I think about it.  


The mass was removed immediately and that meant some lymph nodes were removed as well.  They removed all detectable forms of cancer.  Hallelujah...praise God...Glory Be to the Highest!  God isn't just good.  God is great.  He is awesome.  Thank you for leaving my friend...my sister...on this earth.  She has so much greatness to spread on to others.  I can't even BEGIN to tell you how this woman...and her sister Lizzie...don't forget Lizzie...encourage and support each and every person they meet.  No matter what their battle is.  God put these two women on this earth for greatness and greatness is what they spread.  If you didn't already know it, I love these women!


Okay okay back to the story.  Mizzie had to do six weeks of radiation therapy, three days a week and every treatment was a little stronger than the previous.  She had a port put into her chest to start chemo.  Now there's an ugly word.  She had chemo treatments five days a week for a year.  FIVE DAYS A WEEK FOR A YEAR.  That's absurd!!  But she did it.  She is so strong!!  And right beside her the whole way has been her dear friend and sister Lizzie.  I just can't say enough good things about this duo!  I truly can not!!


Mizzie's lung got burnt from the radiation.  Now how cruel is that??  Starting with getting burnt from the outside and now she's burnt on the inside.  This is no joke people.  The things this woman has endured is incredible any way you look at it.  Sometimes I have to tell myself stuff over and over because it just sounds SO unbelievable.  The burnt lung was a "side effect."  Dammit.  


A couple of years down the road, Mizzie found out that she had Melanoma cancer inside her colon.  I tell you what.  I will never ever forget hearing this news.  Melanoma cancer inside your colon.  Sounds impossible to me!!  "Is this for real?  Can this really be true??"  I asked God a lot of questions after this.  I mean, I was at the point where I really wasn't sure this could be right.  I couldn't just say "I don't believe that," but I couldn't make my mind accept it.  Nor my heart.  This one ripped me right through my heart.  


Of course as this was going on, mom had just had her third "bout" with cancer and she was losing her battle.  I couldn't handle losing MIzzie.  I just couldn't.  I prayed a lot.  She was in my mind everyday.  Even while dealing with mom and her problems...Mizzie was always right there with me.  So much that it scared me.  It scared me to talk to her about it.  It scared me to think about it.  It scared me because I was afraid if I talked about it, it would only get worse.  This world needs MIzzie.  And if that wasn't burden enough...I have always had this fear that if anything ever happens to either Izzie...how is the other going to manage?  What can I do to help this cause?  


So back to my story.  They say they caught it early enough that the chemo should kill it...or at least shrink it.  When they did the PET scan about five months later, it showed no change.  Do you see why I hate cancer?  Does it make any sense to anyone why I feel so powerless against this shit?  I am so SICK of the people I LOVE being hurt by this disease!


Surgery again.  Chemo again.  As if she ever got to stop.  I would think to this day, if she were to bleed out...she wouldn't even have blood.  She would be all chemo.  That's a chance I'm not willing to take though.  So a year later, she's in remission.  Thank you God.  Thank you for looking over her and holding her hand this whole time.  Chemo was reduced to twice a week and then eventually to once a week.  


We are now closer to present time.  Two years ago, she finds out Melanoma has spread to her right lung.  "Geezus H Christ!!  This is insane.  I am so mad right now.  Stop this God!  Stop this now.  Why does she have to go through this?  What is this supposed to be proving??"  I literally got to the point where I would cry at the mere thought of having to talk about Mizzie and her cancer.  I had a hard time talking to her without breaking down.  So I just pulled away.  It was the only way I could handle it.  Today.....I regret every minute that I did that.  That was not right of me.  I'm a better friend than that. 


Once again, surgery for Mizzie.  Success!  Praise God once again.  Now...it wasn't too long after this that I found out I had a mass.  On my ovary.  I was terrified.  I called my sisters of course but who do you think was the next person I called?  Yes....Mizzie.  Hell, for all I knew at that point, I could've just had a blood blister that looked like a mass.  How do we really know?  I mean...look at ALL that treatment...all that preventative medicine that Mizzie took and it just kept coming back?  I wanted my mom. Badly.  But I had Mizzie.  She talked me through it and she was actually very close by when I had my ultrasound done.  And she was right beside me when I got the news that it was indeed...a cyst that would recirculate back into my body.  The real kicker for me was this.....How could someone that has such LOVE for life and LOVE for people, go through all this pain and torture?  And then there's me.  I have taken people for granted.  I have taken most things for granted.  And here I am.  Cancer free.  It's not fair.  


I never want to look to my side and not see Mizzie and Lizzie there.  The power of love that they have...it's simply astounding.  Do you girls know that I love you??  Have I ever told you that??  -_-  So now, it's present day.  And guess what.  You guessed it.  Melanoma has reared it's ugly head once again.  This time on Mizzie's knee.  She sees her surgeon this coming Monday to see when they are going to do the surgery.  On the bright side, she had a PET scan done and the results came back negative for any other cancer in her body!  


And I am thrilled for her at the same time I am furious at cancer.  For the past two years, I have been giving serious thought to what I can do to help.  I am "mulling" some things over in my mind right now.  I have always been that one person that has always stood back and said "No, I don't want to donate to cancer research,"  or "No, I don't want to join your relay. I can't make a difference."  But that has to change.  It's time for me to step up and be the friend Mizzie, and anybody else, needs me to be.  


Tomorrow is her relay for life.  I can't be there.  I didn't grow my balls in time.  But I will be there next year.  But until then...be on the look-out because I am ready to punch cancer in IT'S balls.  I'm ready to swing it around and help in this fight.  Mizzie...I love you.  I love everything about you.  You are strength and you are passion.  Lizzie...I love you as well.  I love your supporting nature.  You are a rock and I want to be a rock just like you.  Whatever you need, you know I'm here ladies.