The beginning of the End

Hey there!  Hi there!  Ho there!  You're as welcome as can be!  Anyone know what that is from?  Hmmmmmm?????  

Pretty good day today.  Survived yet another appointment at the doctor's office.  They took some blood, as usual and sent me on my way.  I didn't expect to hear back from them until the end of the week, at least, so was REALLY surprised when they called about 2 hours later.  First off, they checked me for over-active thyroid.  I told her I had been checked many times over the years and my thyroid is fine.  I JUST HAVE A FAT NECK, OK!!!  She didn't think that was funny nor did she think I had such a fat neck.  Secondly, they checked me for anemia.  Let's be serious people.  If I am anemic, it's because you suck blood out of me at a rate faster than my body can make!  And third, they checked my hemoglobin.  Not to be confused with hemoglobin A1C.  They checked THAT one the last time.  They said my hemoglobin is great.  Of course it is.  Duh.

Gee just told me to call him.  He's about 7 feet away from me.  No, he doesn't want me to call him like a dog.  He wants me to call him on his cell phone.  Ha!  Guess what he has for a ringtone for me.  Just guess.  "Carry on my wayward son.  There'll be peace when you are done.  Lay your weary head to rest.  Doncha cry no more."  Well fuck me Judy.  Could he pick another song that I can't stand a little more?  I doubt it.  That song reminds me of my cousin's ex-husband.  I think she had that ringer for him when they were married. And happy.  Although I don't know what about that song would make anyone happy.  Puke.

So I IMMEDIATELY got on www.zedge.com and found a great song/ringtone for me.  It's called "Marry Your Daughter."  Never heard it before in my life but it's awesome.  I guess this guy is asking some girls parent(s) if he can marry their Princess.  OF COURSE that song was written about me!  I wonder who sings it.  I bet it isn't Kenny Pukeny.  I'll puke.....I mean PUT....money on it.  I'm not going to go check it out though.  I'm too lazy tonight.

I got this package in the mail today.  I had no idea what it could be.  I had ordered something but that was YESTERDAY!  It couldn't be here yet!  Could it???  I immediately looked at the return address and there it was.....Bertha May had sent me something.  (That's really not her middle name haha)  I was almost afraid to open it.  It was hard and all I could think was another awful Kenny Pukeny CD.  This would have to be several of them though.  All taped together.  Like a dozen of them.  My worst nightmare.  I was already plotting a way to get my revenge on her.  Gonna go reptile hunting, I was!  I tried all the way from the mailbox to my dining room table to tear into what she sent me.  That damned envelope was sealed TIGHTLY!!!  Bastards at the PO.

Some of you know that a while back I got a new purse.  A beautiful purse.  A purse to last through the ages of time.  A purse that will shine for eternity.  A purse that Gee refuses to carry or even hold for me because it's SO BEAUTIFUL that he is afraid he will tarnish it.  And he probably would.  Any man would, I think.  No offense.  For those of you that haven't seen it, I will help you out.

Isn't she beautiful???  I love looking at her and especially love holding her.  If Matilda, Kate and Bertha ever decide to leave me, she is right in line for best friend!  I LOVE YOU BEAUTIFUL PURSE OF MINE!!  Yes, I said PURSE.  Just clarifying because I do have a couple of sick minds that read this once in a while.  -_-

So now I MUST introduce you to my purse's new BFF!  They were both so happy and both felt so complete when they met!  I can't even BEGIN to tell you how I felt!  Complete, satisfied, on cloud nine.  I think you're getting my drift.  

Am I a lucky girl OR WHAT???  This little baby holds everything my other billfold did AND THEN SOME!  I can't wait for you to meet her!

Okay yes, I'm a little NUTSO over my purse and billfold.  What's the harm in it?  

I must say that the following is how I would have described my friend Bertha yesterday:
          "okay...i'm pissed...i just typed a reallllly long response and it freaking jumped back to my home page   damnit! FB better not FUCK w/me today!!! i will blow this mo fo computer UP!" 
That's her usual Facebook mood.  Can't you see why I love her?  She should teach a class.  She could replace Ms. Manners!  
Today I will describe her in a little different way:
          "So...............I got this AWESOME package in the mail today!!  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this present!!  Do you have any idea who the intelligent person with such good taste is, that got this???  She must be related to me!!  Oh wait...it says it's from Bertha Enterprises!!!   OMG we ARE related!!  Thank you so much!!  I truly love it!!!  Am going to put my wee bit o cash in it now -_- BTW, was going to tell you that Matilda, Jeannie and myself are going to be in the city tomorrow.  Thinking about hot dogs for lunch?????.....................Hmmmmmmmmmmm"

Yes, I love her.  But not just for this.  Because she has a heart of gold.  Because she would do anything possible for those she loves.  Because she's a beautiful woman on the outside but most importantly because she's so beautiful on the inside.  Because she's passionate.  Because she's a great mom.  Because she puts up with SO MUCH grief from me.  Because she's my friend.  And a damned good friend at that.  Well.......and the obvious.  Because she got me the coolest pocketbook on this big ole ball of grass and water!!


Thank you Bertha.  Not just for the pocketbook.  But for being you.  I'm glad we found each other after all those years.  I can't imagine my life without you now.  Before anyone starts thinking that I have fallen madly in love with her, I am changing the subject.  I love you girl.  Just not like that.  I'm a weiner lover, remember.  


Yes, I know I spelled weiner wrong.  I do it intentionally now.  I think it SHOULD be spelled that way because it looks right and it's comfortable.  If you don't like it, take it up with my agent.  Her number is 1-800-EAT-WOOD.


I saw someone's post on Facebook the other day that struck me as weird.  This person was asking for money.  Maybe that's not weird.  Maybe I'm weird.  I don't know but I think it's weird.  Weird behavior.  Very weird.  I have seen people ask for money on Facebook for things such as funerals, wedding supplies, birthday presents for their kids and to get their car fixed.  


That is something I could never do.  For any reason.  Maybe as a joke yeah but never seriously.  I don't even know how I feel about it.  Before long, we will be seeing posts stating that we don't even need to attend someone's graduation or wedding.  They will just tell us how much cash to send them.  When that day comes, I'm outta there.  Fuck that!  While we're on the subject, could someone give me about $1,500.00 for my electric bill?  (Mind you, I didn't say that I wanted a loan)  I asked if you would give it to me.  And yes, I will pay my electric bill with it.  Many many many times.  


I had a talk with Matilda today and have come to the conclusion that I am going to open my blogs up to the public.  I am going to post the site on Facebook.  I can't believe I'm going to do it but I am.  BUT FIRST..... I am going to EDIT a couple of things.  Matilda wants me to make sure I have everything backed up originally in case...................wait for it..........................I ever..........write.  a.  book.  HAHAHAHAHAHA Thank you dear sweet sister of mine!  I needed that humor chucked at me!  I love you!  


Tomorrow when I get back from spending my day with Matilda, Jeannie & Bertha, I am going into "editor" mode aka "chicken shit" mode.  I am going to make my little corrections and then open this baby up for the most criticism I will ever get.  I am probably going to make some people mad and probably going to offend a lot with my language.  Oh well.  I gotta be me and well.................I'm a fucking potty mouth.  If you don't believe me, just ask me.  I'll tell ya.


I got to visit with my awesome Uncle Mel today and Aunt Mer.  Even got to spend some one-on-one time with cousin Linny.  Her daughter Franny was there.  She's so beautiful.  I love it that she will actually talk to me now.  Franny, not Linny.  Linny has always talked to me.  That's one of the things I love about her.  She talks so much!  Franny will talk to me but she won't look at me.  I will take what I can get.  Sometimes I don't even like to look at me!  I am trying to get Linny talked into going on our girls weekend away next weekend.  I really really really wish she would join us.  She needs some time away. Lulu you need to work on that.  (I don't think Lulu even reads these blogs) 


Sister Marta took me out for lunch.  Had an AWESOME grilled chicken salad for lunch.  Couldn't even finish it all.  Saw two of my brothers.  Hal and Perry.  They are so handsome.  Well, all of them are handsome. I have always thought Hal looked like our dad but today it really sunk in that he LOOKS like our dad.  I guess they all do.  At different stages of dad's life.  Scares me that my siblings are aging.  I can't even bear the thought of living a day without any of them.  I hate it that we are the oldest generation in our family.  I want mom and dad back.  I want a re-vote.  This sucks!


Anyway, we had a good meal together; me, Marta and Hal and had great conversation.  I love that.  I hope we have A LOT more!


We had dinner tonight at Grandma's and Grandpa's house.  Wow it was awesome.  She fixed pork loin, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, pineapple fluff (with sugar free jello & sugar free cool whip just for me) and a veggie plate.  Angel food cake w/ strawberries & Splenda for my desert and frozen yogurt and rhubarb crisp for theirs.  That one about killed me.  That rhubarb crisp.  I just might give my left arm for that.    *sigh*  Oh well!  We played some cards after dinner.  A game called Frustration; until Jeannie was just too tired and wanted to go.  Fun time.  I love Grandma and Grandpa very much.  Gee is very lucky to share their blood.  And I am very blessed to have them in my life.  


We weren't home two minutes and Jeannie was in the bathroom changing into her pajamas.  I think she ate herself tired.  She was sure ready for bed.  Usually my girl wants me to go to sleep when she does but tonight she didn't give a rat's ass.  She was going with or without me.  I told her to sleep on Gee's side but I would just about bet she will be on my side.  She's so silly like that.  She always tries to get on my side when she stays here.  And I will let her.  Because she's a gem and I want her to be where she wants to be.  Gee, of course, is sacked out on the couch.  I could sit here all night with the lights on and the TV going and he wouldn't know any different.  If I could put a sound bite on here, I would.  


I COULD post a video of him sleeping BUT, well.........................I don't even wanna see that and I live with him!  Hell, I married him!!!  Hahahaha love you Gee!  Makes my neck hurt looking at him laying like that though.  OUCHO!!  Ahhhhh must remember to put a post-it note on the bathroom sink reminding him to NOT wear his good jeans to work!  God knows how fuzzy his mind is in the mornings!


I suppose I should sign off.  I have a lot of crap to do tomorrow.  Shopping and lunch with the girls.  Picking rhubarb when I get home (not for me, for my boss's next pie that I WON'T screw up) and then editing my messy.  Wish me luck.  It probably doesn't sound like much to you but it's HUGE for me.  Anybody got any adult diapers I can have?  -_-


Just remember, "Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."  I don't really know WHY I added that, it just came.  It needed a home.  Good night my dear sweet friends.