Happy Easter to you.........My Faithful Flock of Sheep

Hello and welcome back to my little slice of sarcastic pie.  Would you like extra cheese on your slice??


Today is Easter.  Okay well yesterday was actually Easter since it's well past midnight but I'll just say it was today for the sake of my wonderful story (and sanity).  We went back to the hometown to get together with my brothers and sisters (Matilda couldn't be there due to lack of good staffing) at the City Park.  Nobody was there on time.  Nobody wanted to hide Easter eggs for the little ones and nobody was organized.  In the words of the Stanley Steamer man, "It. Was. Awesome!"


Okay so maybe I exaggerated a little bit there.  Fuck it, I lied.  It wasn't awesome and I'll tell you why.  This was my first family dinner as a serious-minded diabetic.  I was careful what I ate and was very good.  And. It. Sucked.  I wanted a dessert but not badly enough to just have one but what I DID want was some of that YUMMO homemade macaroni and cheese.  And then there were the cheesy potatoes!  Dammit man, really???


Like I said though, I was good.  I had a hamball that didn't taste right to me.  I had a small piece of minute steak that didn't taste right to me.  I had a small bit of sloppy joes that were "okay."  And then I had seven layer salad and a deviled egg.  Woopee!!  Although I don't wish for anyone else to be diabetic, I do wish they could cook a little more diabetic friendly.  I don't know how many more of these dinners I can force myself to sit through!


Then Marta, Trouble, Gee and I set out to hide the eggs; and candy; and presents.  Geezus we spoil our kids!!  It was fun to go around with them and watch them look for their treasures.  We had a little tiff between two of the boys because one dropped an egg and the other picked it up.  He didn't actually drop it; it rolled out.  Because his basket was over-flowing.  Enough said!!


I have to say that after this, I was EXHAUSTED!  I am more ashamed than anything to admit that.  I should be able to AT LEAST do an egg hunt and dinner!!  I wish I felt better.


Anyway, one of the things I took for the kids to eat was a Peeps casserole.  It was so cute!!  Graham cracker crust with chocolate melted on top of that and the Peeps all lined up on top.  Three different colors.  It was so fucking cute that nobody would eat it.  Okay, I shouldn't say nobody.  Trouble and Jeannie each had one but nobody else would eat it because it was too cute.  Bullshit.  I play the F-you card here!

So I brought it home, took it to work and left it.  Gee came to see me at work and tried one and REALLY like them.  I was shocked because he doesn't like a lot of sweets and Peeps aren't his "thing."  Anyway, he liked them and my dumb family missed out.  Here's my middle finger.  HOW CUTE IS THAT???  


Earlier in the night, a couple of friends from the hospital that we work with stopped by.  Vera and Harley.  Had a BLAST talking with them.  We never get to visit very long but tonight was slow for all of us and we took advantage of it.  Vera was checking out my Peeps casserole and I told her this one was good for you and she should have some.  I told her not only was it good for your cholesterol but it's GREAT for diabetes!  


She.  Believed.  Me.  True story.  Hahahaha oh Vera, you make me laugh!!  She is a HOOT to be around, that Vera!  She tells the best stories.  And when they're true, they are almost unbelievable.  She told me about a girl that confessed to having sex with four different men in twenty four hours but didn't want to be judged over that.  Are you fucking kidding me?  I'm sorry honey but I judge.  I am human.  And the fact that YOUR vagina is sucking in four different penis', leads me to believe that YOU, my dear, are one big fucking whore bag.  


Holy Smokin Johosephats!!  (Now there's a word I've never spelled out before!!)  Four men in twenty four hours?  I can't believe it.  What a slut.  Somebody stop me before they ban my blog.  They will say I'm just like Rush Limbaugh.  Oh hell, maybe I am just like Rush!  That gal is a slut.  I don't care who you are.  I will pray for her and if THAT doesn't work, I will put her on my list of people to protest for when I join the OCCUPYANS.  Oh wait, I can't protest for her.  She's from IOWA.  I think it's common practice to protest for those that are out of state.  Sorry bitch.


We also talked about people that over-pierce themselves.  I'm not sure which conversation led to the other conversation.  All I know is that it was just ROLLING!!  Now, I have my ears pierced and NEVER wear earrings.  There was a smart investment, huh!!  I also have my belly button pierced.  Currently there is a green playboy bunny ring there.  I think that fucker thought he was supposed to deliver some Easter eggs or something because he has hopped all over my tummy and bruised it something ugly. :(  B00!!

Anyway, about the piercings!!  You see all kinds of piercings on people.  The eyebrow, the lip, those nose.  Those are almost common.  Almost by my standards anyway.  That doesn't mean I like them, don't get confused.  Here's the part I don't understand.  Why do people pierce their ear and their nose and then run a chain from one to the other?  What is cute or cool about that?  Or moreso, what is functional about that?  


There is a gal in my town that has piercings in her chest.  WHAT THE FUCK?  WHY?  HUH???  The first time I saw her, I was a cashier and she came in all dolled up with this tank top on.  I said "Oh I like your sparklies."  She replied with a huge smile on her face, "They're piercings."  NO FUCKING WAY.  I can't even look at them anymore.  I'm glad I don't work there.  Spoon needed in aisle one to GAG ME!


The ones that wear the chains from one to the other though?  They make me want to approach them and just pull as hard as I can on the chains.  That is seriously my first response when I see that.  IS THAT WHAT THEY WANT?  Because I have a feeling it's going to hurt them a lot more than it's going to hurt me!!  Jus sayin!!


You might ask "What's the functionality of the belly button ring?"  Well to me, the functionality is that it gives me something to do.  I'm an ex-smoker so there are a lot of times I need something to do with my hands.  I play with my piercing.  Aren't you glad it's only as low as my belly button???  THAT could be embarrassing!  Yeah...............and then there are "THOSE" people that pierce their......................... ohhhh yeah, there!  I don't even think I wanna know!  Keep it to yerself dammit!!


The last subject that I'm going to mess about is something that I have loved all my life.  Okay, not loved......................L-O-V-E-D!!  Did you guess that it's a food?  If you read my previous blogs, you would know that my true love is food and my willingness to marry it.  Yes, I want to talk about peanut butter.  Sounding kinda crazy, huh?  I used to eat peanut butter like it was going out of style.  Peanut butter and banana.....  Peanut butter and bacon.....  Peanut butter and pickle.....  Peanut butter on a spoon.  Peanut butter on the moon.  Peanut butter in the house.  Peanut butter with a mouse.  Okay okay, I'm no Dr. Seuss.  

Peanut butter shakes.  Peanut butter on pancakes....................okay okay, I'm stopping!!  Stop smacking me.  I used to have a terrible time taking pills.  I just couldn't make myself belive that I could swallow anything bigger than an aspirin.  Ever.  In my entire life.  But when my diabetes was worse, I HAD to take medicine.  Evenutally I just quit taking it; all my medicine.  Because I had a hard time getting it down.  Then Gee had this brilliant idea.  He would crush up my pills into powder form and put them in strategic areas of a peanut butter sandwich (because I loved it, in case you didn't know already), and then I could just take my pills that way.


What a nice idea, huh?  Well let me tell you something.  Horsepills crush into a HUGE pile of powder.  HUGE.  And he really couldn't get them crushed up real fine so when I took a bite of the sandwich and chewed, I could feel those pills.  Then I could taste them.  Oh Christmas Tree it was coming back up!!  I would gag and force my head back so I couldn't throw them up.  FORCED MYSELF to just swallow a HUGE mouthful of peanut butter and fuck-nasty medicine!  


I did that a total of two times.  Then it was over.  I would rather go without pills than be miserable and sick JUST to get them DOWN.  Besides, it's no fun to force down a clump of wet bread with a bunch of peanut butter in it that has already been down and up once!!  FREAKING FELIZ NAVIDAD DAMMIT!!


I hate peanut butter.  I am so sad about this.  I can't even smell the stuff now.  I have tried to eat it and it makes me want to hurl.  And I think it's just going to get worse.  I've lost my peanut butter.  Now meat is tasting funny.  What's next?  Will I get tired of the taste of coffee???  Water???  Oh the horror!!!  Somebody stop me!!  Please..................before I hurt something.  


Okay okay, you talked me into it.  I'm going to close and go to bed.  BUT BE WARNED.......................I WILL be back.  And I could be funny next time.  Or I could be bitchy.  It's always a coin toss with me.  I hope your tomorrow is sunny, warm and full of absolute awe and wonder.  Good night.