I want a Loverboy like that...or do I

It's the weekend and boy am I glad to see it arrive!!  Just another day closer to Monday!!  Does anyone else hear the angels singing on high??

Worked with my girl Vivian today and.............We. Had. A. Blast.  I kid you not.  The Stanley Steemer man would be proud of us.  Ya know, for someone who isn't an avid television watcher, I sure know a lot about commercials.....................

Seems no matter what we talked about, it somehow, in some form, came back to her husband.  <3  I heart her husband.  Truly.  My husband even knows this.  I talk about her husband to my husband all the time.  Wait....................does anyone else think this is kinda sick and twisted???  No?  Oh good, it's just me!  I love it when I'm sick and twisted like that!!

See, Vivian's husband is who I like to refer to as Loverboy.  I think in a previous blog, I called him Deputy Dawg.  That's not MY name for him.  That's Viv's name for him.  Loverboy suits him just fine too.  You've heard of these knights in shining armor that come riding in to save the damsel in distress and they're always tall, dark and handsome.  Well two outta three aint bad honey.  He's tall and oh so handsome!  And the H-U-G-E bonus is that I get to work with him.  Not nearly as close as we used to since moving to our new facility but I get to work with him all the same.  He's dreamy..................................

Ahem!  Oops sorry about that!  My thoughts sometime drift away on a magic carpet ride.  To places only the obscene should go.  But hey, this is a semi family friendly blog so we won't go there.  Besides he AND the wife read this damned blog so I have to have a stopping point on stuff like that.  Look at that!  He just blushed!!

Loverboy is a Deputy.  He's one of those Deputies that I talked about in my last blog.  One of those DAMN GOOD Deputies!!  He never judges anyone and treats everyone with respect.  Almost to the point where you sometimes wanna slap him upside the head and say "Hey, don't let that asshole talk to you like THAT!  You are too nice to him!"  But I would never slap Loverboy upside the head.  He's like seven foot sixty or something.  

The man is as tall as a house with the voice of a teddy bear.  *sigh*  I think he is seriously the last great man on this giant ball of grass and water.  He doesn't talk bad about people.  Well, unless he's provoked.  And by provoked, I mean, forced.  Haha.  Yeah....................we force him to talk bad about people.  I mean, come on, we can't be the only bad asses in the office!  I love it when Loverboy says "And sometimes you're just an asshole."  It's like hearing Teddy Ruxpin speak gangsta!

He did once insinuate (how the fuck is THAT spelled???) that I talk too much.  Hmmmm what WAS that comment?  Something about someone else never getting to speak because I won't ever stop!!  What the fuck Loverboy?  WHAT. THE. FUCK???  I'm your biggest fan and you say THAT??  Hmmmphh.  (Don't worry.  I broke up with him after that)  HA!  That'll teach ya!

And even through all of that, I can still say that this man is tops in my book.  I could have ninety seven bazillion dollars and be able to AFFORD a man to treat me like he does his wife, and would still be disappointed.  Dammit!  You probably think I'm exaggerating but listen to this:  When he is driving around on patrol at night, he is thinking of nice things to compliment his wife with.  For example, they are standing in line at Starbucks and he looks into her eyes and says,

WARNING:  VOMIT BAG MAY BE NECESSARY!  YOU WERE WARNED!!

No, THAT'S not what he said!  THIS is what he said:

 "Sometimes when I look at you, I can hardly breathe."  

Yes.  He really said that.  Laurence Olivier?  I think that's who he is supposed to be.  But here's the kicker.  Ole Vivian, she thought he was having a heart attack.  Excuse me?  The man just poured his heart out to you and you check him for signs of coronary infarction?  Excuse me.........acute miocardial infarction.  Gotta remember the sort of people we are discussing here.  They wipe (at least the adults in the house) with fifties and read the New York Times while on the toilet.  I've not done research on that last part, so don't quote me.

If my husband ever said that to me in public, I would probably just rape him and get it over with.  Seriously.  There would be a youtube video around the world.  Of course it would be labeled something like "Two walruses mate at Starbucks" or something of that nature.  Yuck.  Let's get out of this box.  It stinks in here.

And you know how you sit around with you co-workers and maybe joke around about your spouse, or your partner or whoever that is you wake up with?  Well we are only human where I work.  We do it too.  We aren't vulgar about it.  Well...............not too vulgar anyway.  And we aren't mean about it.  Well..............they aren't.  But I tell you what!  This man has never said one negative thing about his wife that I have heard.  Not even something so slight as her toenail polished being chipped.  

I want a love like that.  I want someone to look at me and see only good things.  Even when I'm telling him he drives like a fucking lunatic.  I don't think that kind of love exists, if you wanna know the truth.  If it does, it doesn't happen in my world.  Probably just as well.  I wouldn't know how to deal with that on a daily basis anyway.  I can just see it now.  "Say something mean or I'm going to throw this iron at your head!"  "Oh that's ok honey.  It will only hurt until the pain goes away.  Fire when ready."  No.....I can't handle that.

Loverboy is known for his dumpster diving and recyling ways.  Here is yet one more reason to love this man.  He will fix something until it can not be fixed anymore.  He gets his money's worth from everything he dives for.  I love that.  How can you NOT love that, right??  I haven't ever seen his garage at home but I have heard horror stories.  Viv has even went as far as to bribe a couple of us at work to distract him while she pitches stuff to the curb.  Of course I'll have none of that!  Reuse people!  This shit is not free, after all!  Well at least most of it isn't!  I gotcher back man!  Seriously, you never know when you're gonna need something and he probably has it in his garage!

This man is also very very intelligent.  One of the smartest I know.  If you wanna know ANYTHING, just ask him.  He will have an answer for you.  It may not be the exact answer you are looking for but by god, it will have something to do with it!  And it won't be a short answer.  If that's what you're looking for, you better ask someone else because this man will give you the how, why and whatfor to your question and when he's done with that, he'll tack on the history and origin.  He's just smart like that.  True story.  

So this blog, my dear sweet Deputy, is dedicated to you.  Thanks for making my life so much more fun.  Even if you are a nerd.  That just may be the best part of you.  Keep smiling and thanks for reading!