The Big Kahuna

In my last blog, I said I was going to dip a little bit into my past and also talk about my present.  I said I wanted to do some "special" blogs that portray, a little bit, into my life with Sheriffs and Deputies.  Today's blog and the next three blogs will be dedicated to those that I work closest with.  When I originally had this idea, I thought I would start at the top and work my way down but that whole "Loverboy" one got in the way.  I got caught up in the madness and couldn't stop myself.  So there's one Deputy out of the way, huh?  So instead of following chain of command on my blogs, I will follow chain of cell phone numbers.  HA!  *pointing to my head* Sometimes I'm a thinker!!

Today I will begin with my Sheriff.  He has been portrayed in a previous blog as The Big Kahuna.  Today we will go with Big K.  How's that for short and sweet, huh?  I used to work in a convenience store in the town I live in and Big K would come in almost every weekday morning for coffee.  He rarely said anything more than "Hi" or "Good morning."  So when I started the job at the jail, I was SHOCKED when he was sitting at the table one morning just talking his little heart out.  And I was BLOWN AWAY the first time I ever heard him say "I know, I'm just a dick!"  Holy shit!  Not only does this man TALK,  but he TALKS MY LANGUAGE!!!  I just knew we were going to get along great.

It seemed like it took forever though, for him to actually sit and have a conversation with me.  I tried.  Lord, did I try.  I tried so hard that I just gave up.  I was convinced that this man hated me.  I didn't know WHY he hated me but it seemed he did.  I was crushed for quite a while.  I didn't know what to do to make this man, in the least, LIKE me!  I mean, I had pretty much gotten everyone else around me loosened up enough to sit and talk and joke and just plain bullshit.  Not this guy though.  He wasn't having it.  And he was so serious all the time.  I gave up completely.  With some people, there's just no use, you know.  Oh well, one out of a whole group of 'em, I can take that.  I didn't like it but I could take it.  The way I saw it, it was his loss, not mine because dammit, I'M FUN AS HELL TO BE AROUND! 

So as I was around him more and more, Big K started being a person to me.  Someone who had feelings, opinions.  Go figure!  It seems he's a highly intelligent man in my personal opinion.  I know today that I could trust that man with anything.  Any issue.  Of course, today he would listen to what I had to say and tell me what a whiny fucking baby I was and then reassure me he would do something to help out.  I like that in a person. The ability to bullshit while comforting you.  Now, you might say that he SHOULD be trustworthy.  I mean, he IS a Sheriff and all.  And you're right, he should be.  But that doesn't mean that I can go to just any Sheriff in any county in any state and tell him what's going on with me and he'll be willing to help me.  Does that make sense?  We all know that not all Sheriffs are good Sheriffs.  I mean, haven't you seen Facebook lately?  Popular opinion is that because one policeman is bad, they are ALL bad.   I'm sorry but if you are knocking law enforcement, you are knocking me and we all know I don't like to be knocked down.  Fucking assholes.

Many years ago, when I had just gotten my drivers license, my dad and I used to take this little old lady to KC to the airport a few times a year.  She was always going to visit some family and she was too old to drive.  So, my dad and I would always take her down and pick her up when she came back.  One morning we got there a couple of hours early.  I don't know why but I suspect we were there to "people watch."  My dad and I could sit anywhere.....for hours.....and watch the behaviors of people; watch the way they walk.  We always made up our own stories for them too.  Of course they always had a very funny ending to them because my dad loved to laugh and he wanted me to love to laugh just like him.  (Job well done, dad.  Job well done) 

Hey, look at that.  I got off the beaten path again.  Who the fuck is surprised right now??  Back to where I was going with this airport story.  We were sitting there and some lady approached us.  She told my dad that she thought he looked like a very honest and respectable man and she really needed to take care of some business and asked if we would keep an eye on her "stuff."  Her "stuff" consisted of a briefcase.  That was it.  Big fucking deal.  So off she goes.  Then it hits me!  "Dad what if there's a bomb in that briefcase?"  "I guess we'll blow up then" he says and starts laughing.  I am pretty sure there was a look of horror on my face.  It seemed like forever before that lady came back.  She thanked us a couple of times for watching her "stuff" and my dad opens up his wallet to reveal his badge. 

The look of relief on that lady's face said mountains to me that day.  You could just see that she had been worried about her "stuff."  Like maybe we went through it or something.  Or stole something.  When she left, I told my dad that I hoped people thought I was as honest and respectable someday as he is.  Of course he wanted that same thing.  He told me to be honest with everyone, be a good person and do what's right in my heart and I could only be the best person I could be. 

This is the kind of person I see when I look at Big K.  I see an honest, respectable and down-right good man.  Oh, and sneaky.  He could play a prank on you and  you'd never know what hit you.  Or who hit you with it.  And a smart ass.  Yes, that smartass is a huge thing that maybe I overlooked.  I have never met a man in my life (until Big K) that will come right at you with a huge insult, have this blank look on his face so you don't have any reason to think he's not serious and then top it off with a "smirk" and a "I can't believe you fell for that.  What a dumb ass."  Yes, he is a hard one to read sometimes.  I can't figure out if his sense of humor is "dry" or if he just has THAT good of an eye on people.  You know, like he knows what we're gonna say right as WE know what we're gonna say.  No, not like God.  Geezus H, let's not give him THAT much of an ego boost!!

I asked some people recently if they could describe him in one word, what would that word be.  Here's what I got:  "Can you make "lameduck" one word?"  Honey I just did.  When I pressed further on about that comment, all I got was that he is like "a lazy older brother that would do anything for you but annoys you so much that you wanna kick him in the shins every day but you can't."  Wow.  That's all I can say for that one.  I hear he's a great shooter.  I wish he'd give me some lessons.  They say he can shoot right on target each and every time.  Yeah, I'm jealous.  I have to work at that and then when I do hit right on target, I have to do the Happy Dance.

Someone told me that they see Big K as an ostrich; albeit a calm ostrich.  (OK, now you REALLY have my attention)  His demeanor and response are like an ostrich.  If he doesn't wanna deal with something, he sticks his head in the sand and waits until it passes.  And then I get a comment like "He will, out of the blue, get all excited over something that you had no idea was even an issue and he's all over the place.  Like bouncing off the walls excited." 

He tells great fish stories I'm told.  His stories of stopping someone for a traffic violation could end up being a story of accidentally finding one of "America's Most Wanted."  Now, I haven't been in the room when any of these fish stories are told.  I just hear them second hand.  And third hand.  And fourth hand.  You get the picture.  I do want to add though that the people I have talked to and asked questions to and got stories from, they all admire him.  They all smile when they talk about him and that, my friends, is a huge compliment.  To anyone.  I hope people smile when they talk about me.  Well there's a handful of people that I wish would forget my name but I think you know what I mean.

Big K has a good heart.  He's a good people person.  He just tries to make everyone happy and in the end, that makes most everybody unhappy.  But that's the price you pay to be the Big K.  You do what you have to do and get through the days.  You will never please everyone.  So Big K, here's to you.  I don't give a shit if you don't make everybody happy.  Just make ME happy and I will be PLEASED!!  Hehe

So I will close now and for the record, someone should tell Big K he should send me a Facebook friend invite because I am a FUN friend!!  He thinks I should send HIM a request.  I don't think so my friend, I don't think so.  I have to come to you every work day (well to the jail anyway).  That should be enough.  HA!  I will sum up in one word what I think of Big K:  Admiration.  There's not a whole lot of people out there than can do this job and do it well.  Kudos to you Big K!